Total Drama The Island Reborn
by TheImpossiblyAwesomeWriter
Summary: When Chris brings back 13 campers to the island for the most hilarious and drama-filled season ever, awesomeness will abound! All your favorite characters are back and better than ever. Friendships, romances, alliances, betrayals, conflicts, and, uh, squirrels? It's all here on the fan-fiction you won't want to miss, Total, Drama, The Island Reborn! Episode 17 is now up!
1. Episode 1: The Legend of Bozo

**Episode 1: The Legend of Bozo**

**Hi, this is TheImpossiblyAwesomeWriter here. This is my first fan-fiction ever. I love Total Drama, and I hope you guys enjoy! Just a couple of notes/warnings:**

**1. I do not own Total Drama, nor do I claim ownership of it or make any profit from this fan-fiction.**

**2. Although there are only thirteen contestants competing in this story, all Total Drama characters will be featured, every one of them in multiple episodes.**

**3. This story is rated K+ for cartoon violence, mild crude humor, and ****_very _****mild language (i.e. crap).**

**4. I am promising right now that I will try my hardest to see this story through to the end. It will have 26 chapters, just like a season of Total Drama has 26 episodes.**

**5. ENJOY!**

(Camera shows the Dock of Shame)

Chris: [from off-screen] The island. A tropical paradise. Its lush exotic beauty is exceeded by none. Waves crash gently on the shore as a warm ocean breeze…. what the heck? Chef! This is some dumb Hawaii travel brochure! Get me my script!

Chef: [off-screen] What script?

Chris: Ya know! That opening monologue!

Chef: Oh, that script. I sorta turned it into mystery meat….

Chris: What? Chef! Hmph. At least I didn't eat it.

Chef: Well, I also sorta hid it in your veil parmesan de flamingo.

Chris: _Why would you do that_?!

Chef: Wanted you ta eat your own words for once. Haha.

Chris: Cut! _Cut_! We're starting over! And no dumb intern better put this in the actual show while I'm not looking!

(The screen goes black, and then fades back in again to show the dock again)

Chris: Welcome back to Wawanakwa! This time, Total Drama is gonna be more hilarious, epic, and insanely dangerous than ever before! Every challenge is gonna have a major twist to it, and, boy oh boy, those teens won't know what hit them.

(Chris laughs evilly)

Chris: I hate to focus the camera away from my gorgeous self, but reality show hosting isn't all it's cracked up to be. Like, last week I had to stay at a 4.9 star hotel! Now that's what I call roughin' it. As I was saying, it's time to meet the cast!

(Chris stands there a moment, then another moment, and he frowns)

Chris: This is a half-hour show! I don't have all day here!

(Overhead, Chef is piloting Chris' helicopter. The door opens, and ten teens and a coconut fall out, into Lake Wawanakwa. The teens are Ezekiel, Noah, Izzy, Heather, Owen, Staci, Dawn, Mike, Zoey, and Lightning. The coconut is revealed to be none other than Mr. Coconut himself)

Zoey: Ow!

Ezekiel: Help! Help! I can't swim, eh! I can't swim!

Heather: Move it or lose it, Zeke.

Chris: Haha. Hurry up, all of you! It's called swimming, not floating.

Staci: Yah, my great-great-uncle Smurfel invented water. Before him, people had a hard time drowning.

(Eventually, everyone pulls themselves up onto the dock, except Zeke, Owen, and Mr. Coconut. Owen throws Mr. Coconut, and it hits Izzy in the head)

Izzy: WHAT?! NO COCONUTS SHALL DARE DEFY ME! I EAT COCONUTS FOR BREAKFAST!

Owen: Izzy, no! Don't eat Mr. Coconut. He's too young to die!

Izzy: Aw, c'mon. Coconuts are my favorite vegetables, and I believe in eating healthy.

Owen: EATING HEALTHY?! IZZY, ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND?!

Izzy: Hehe. Don't worry Owen, I was just joking!

Chris: Yeah. [over walkie-talkie] Chef, where's the fishing net?

Chef: [over walkie-talkie] On its way.

(A fishing net drops from the helicopter and catches Zeke and Owen in it. The helicopter tries to pull them up, but it can't take Owen's weight. As the aircraft crashes, Chef jumps out and runs away screaming while Owen and Zeke land with a thump on the dock)

_Static_

Staci: Yay, my first confessional! You know, my great-great-great-aunt Smelly invented Reality TV confessionals. Before that, everyone had to- - -

_Static_

Owen: Man, I am so pumped to be back here! I tried to come back last season, but Chris just exploded me.

_Static_

_End of Confessionals_

Chris: Okay everyone, let's welcome Staci!

Staci: Yah, my great-aunt Boris- - -

Chris: Shut up. Meet Mike, who is wonderfully cured of Multiple Personality Disorder! [whispering to the camera] Yeah. That's what everyone thinks! Haha.

_Static_

Mike: It's great to be starting off a season completely cured of MPD! No worries, problems, or anything. Yep, it's all hunky-dory and hakuna matata here. Heehee. Definitely.

_Static_

_End of Confessionals_

Chris: Zoey! Izzy! And Owen!

(Zoey waves, while Izzy bares her teeth and growls)

Owen: [waving to the camera] Hi! I'm breaking the third wall!

Noah: Much like my sanity is breaking.

Chris: Meet Noah, the world's cheeriest barrel of laughs!

Noah: Gee Chris. Nice analogy.

Chris: [to Noah] I know. I compliment myself on my grammaticaler correctness. And splleing too. [facing back towards the camera] Now, as we all know, every reality show has to have a couple contestants with no actual brains! On Total Drama, we have Mr. Coconut, and Lightning!

Lightning: Sha-Lightning! Lightning's obviously gonna win this season. Two in a row! Sha-bam! It's a no-brainer.

Chris: No-brainer. Yep. Anyways, let's not forget our formerly feral friend! Zeke the Freak!

Ezekiel: Can I get a new nickname, eh? I don't like that one.

Chris: No. Also introducing- - -

Ezekiel: Can I have some chockate milk, eh?

Chris: Um, Okay. That's the most random thing I've heard in a while.

Ezekiel: Really? 'Cause I heard 'bout this disease called naivety, and I think I mighta caught it, eh.

Chris: _Introducing Dawn_!

(Dawn waves)

Dawn: It's wonderful to be back here, Chris. I hope evilness will not plague you this season as much as it did last year.

(Chris grins obliviously)

Chris: And finally, last and also most likely least, Heather.

Heather: [to Chris] Get a life.

Chris: I already have one. It's annoying you. It pays good money too.

Ezekiel: That rhymed, eh. You said you, then you said too, so it was sorta funny.

Noah: Thank you for that bit of intelligent conversation, Zeke.

Ezekiel: Yoo're welcome, eh.

Chris: Ahem. This season, we also have two newcomers! Heads up!

(A kid falls out of the sky and lands on the dock. Everyone looks up as if wondering where he came from. He stands up. He has a heap of black hair and green eyes. Although he wears jeans and sneakers, instead of a shirt the kid has a black suit with a fancy white shirt and a tie)

Chris: Mysterious entrances. Good for ratings. Everybody give a huge round of applause for Blake!

(No one claps)

Blake: Ugh. Where am I? My parents don't really like me falling out of the sky. It could get dirt on my suit, and I'm not allowed to get my suit dirty. What is this place?

Chris: It's Total Drama! Ya know! The reality show you free-willingly signed up for!

Blake: I never signed up for- - -

Chris: Shush!

Blake: But I didn't- - -

Chris: Zip it, kid!

Blake: I'm not even allowed to- - -

(Chris shoves Blake into the lake)

Blake: SOMEONE HELP ME! I'M NOT ALLOWED TO SWIM!

Chris: Whoops. Accident. Hehe. Time to meet our final contestant this season, Annette!

(A girl with frizzy blonde hair and blue glasses suddenly appears in the middle of the dock)

Chris: Special effects. Also good for ratings.

Annette: [singing in a terrible, off-key voice] _It is I! Oh I love pizza pie! I could sing all day! Hip hip hooray! This show is awesome! I love my neighborhood opossum! _[talking] Seriously! There's this possum that lives behind my neighbor's shed!

Ezekiel: My ears hurt, eh.

Staci: Yah, my great-great-grandpa invented earaches. Before that, people had to deal with no pain in their ears.

Noah: [extra sarcastically] Oh the horror! So glad I didn't live back then.

Izzy: Well I did! There was this person called Georgey Washington. Man, that guy could cross a river!

_Static_

Izzy: Ah George. You were so dreamy….

_Static_

Noah: This season, I'm going all the way. Sure, Total Drama has had some tough competitors, Courtney and Alejandro to name a few. But no one, and I repeat no one, has seen what brains can do to this competition. The million is mine as easily as pie inside of cake inside of the world's simplest calculus equation.

_Static_

Blake: So this is a confessional, is it? I'm pretty sure I'm not allowed to confess, so I'll just say my feelings. Last thing I remember, I was locked in a closet by this feral teen, then fell out in front of this Chris guy, who thought I was so funny I needed to be on this show. I don't really get it. Is it a spy movie or something? I don't see any secret agents. Are they hiding? I'm not allowed to hide. Hiding is dangerous. I could possibly injure myself by forgetting where I am. I don't know how that could injure me, but I don't like being forgetful. It makes you feel like you might have forgotten something. But I don't forget stuff that much. Well, there was that time I forgot how to tie my shoelace. So I didn't tie it. But then I fell down seven flights of stairs. It was moderately painful. So I decided, from then on, things would only be slightly painful. But then, I fell out of the sky today so that ruined that resolution. But at least- - -

(We're sorry; the rest of Blake's message could not be played. He ran the confessional cam out of batteries)

_Static_

_End of Confessionals_

Heather: Okay, Chris. Let's just get this over with. What are the teams?

Chris: There are none.

(There's a collective gasp of shock, except from Zeke who cheers. Everyone gives him a weird look)

Ezekiel: What? Every time we get those team thingamabobs, I always get the boot furst, eh!

Chris: Hold your horses, Zeke. There are no teams….for now. Your first challenge is a free-for-all! And it starts in two hours at the Dock of Shame, right here, on TOTAL, DRAMA, THE ISLAND REBORN!

(Theme song plays. It shows the camera sweeping past the dock, where Chris waves at it. Chef smiles at it, then gulps as it comes nearer to him, and smacks him in the face. After he disappears the camera zooms up the cliff, where it shows a squirrel punching Zeke in the face. As the camera "falls" off the cliff so does Zeke. Hitting the water, bubbles cover the screen. When they clear, Izzy is swimming away from a shark, only to turn around and bite the shark back. Above the water, Noah is sitting in a boat, reading his trademark book, when Zeke lands on him. Right after the moment of impact, the camera zooms to the forest, where Mike is petting a raccoon. The raccoon bites his finger, causing him to wince in pain, inhale deeply, then scream at the raccoon. The camera zooms to the waterfall, where Annette is singing on top of a log that goes over the waterfall. At the bottom, Dawn is sitting cross-legged on a beam of wood going across a small lake, looking very peaceful. Suddenly, Annette flies past her and her mouth falls open. The camera moves to the outhouse confessional, where a bear is knocking on the door. Blake sticks his head out, screams, and then ducks back in. Chef's kitchen is then seen, with a small television in the background upon which Courtney and Cody can be seen. Lightning is dumping protein powder into his mouth, and then fist-pumps, while Heather is tied to a chair, being force-fed Chef Hatchet's special soup by Chef himself. The camera moves outside to the campfire pit, where Owen is holding Mr. Coconut and rocking back and forth giggling. Staci is seen on the dock, blabbing on while reading from a gigantic stack of papers. The camera shifts a little, showing Chris on the other side of the dock, covering his ears and yelling. He runs around and falls into the water. When he surfaces, in classic cartoon style, his head steams over in anger, causing a fire. The camera follows the fire embers up, and then back down, revealing the campfire. Zoey is sitting in front of it, looking nervous, before her eyebrows scrunch up and she gives an evil grin, only to look around when she sees Zeke and Mike sitting on either side of her. The camera pans out to show all 13 contestants sitting on stools around the campfire, as Chris stands nearby and grins at the camera. A wooden sign is seen, where neon letters light up, saying TOTAL DRAMA THE ISLAND REBORN)

(Screen shows the dock. Lightning runs to it, followed by Noah and Blake at a more casual place. No one else is there yet)

Lightning: Lightning's ready for any challenge! Lightning'll do anything to win, and nobody's gonna stop the Lightning! Sha-awesome!

Blake: What if you're not allowed to win? Or become a Scottish person?

(Lightning looks clueless)

Blake: What? What'd I say?

Noah: Don't take it personally, Blake. You said a two-syllable word. There's no way Lightning could understand that.

Blake: Are you a bad influence?

Noah: No, I'm Charlie Chaplin.

Blake: Didn't he die in 1970 or so?

Noah: I dunno, but I'd say you died in 1960.

Blake: That's not a very nice thing to say.

Lightning: Well, neither are two-syllable words, but ya guys say them all the time anyway!

Noah: Whoopee. I'm stuck on a rickety dock with two idiots who belong in Looney Tunes.

(Chris runs up)

Chris: [to Noah] Shhh! You can't say copyrighted names like Looney Tunes on Total Drama! We'll get sued! Oh shoot, I just said it myself! I'm gonna get sued! I'm gonna get sued!

Noah: Chris. Calm down. Take deep breaths. It's challenge time, remember?

(Chris inhales)

Chris: Okay, I'll announce the challenge over the megaphone.

Noah: What happened to 'show up at the Dock of Shame'?

Chris: [laughing] You guys actually thought you were supposed to do that? Well, I guess Blake and Lightning are clueless. But Noah, I expected more from you!

Noah: What are you talking abou- - -

(Chris takes out a remote control with a big red button, which he presses. The dock flips over and dumps Noah, Blake, and Lightning into the lake)

Chris: Introducing the McLean-brand Dock Flipper! Ever known someone you wished you could casually throw into a lake? Well now you can! The Chris McLean Dock Flipper is available for only ten to the fifth power payments of $19.99!

Noah: [spouting water] Gee, what a good buy. I'd even pay ten to the sixth.

(Chris glares at him)

_Static_

Chris: I need to update my "Most Hated Campers" List. Noah's workin' his way right up it.

_Static_

Noah: Why, I'd even pay ten to the seventh if you threw in a free McLean-brand coffee maker.

_Static_

_End of Confessionals_

Chris: Enough about my brilliant inventions. It's challenge time! [through the megaphone] Okay campers, head to the Boat House! There you will find fake plastic swords. Then, you will be taken to the forest, where you'll try to attack each other with your cheap plastic children's play things. Take three hits and you're out. Last two standing win invincibility for tonight's vote! And don't forget- - -this challenge will have a cruel twist, to be revealed shortly. NOW GO GO GO!

(Scene shows the campground, where everyone besides the three on the dock run to the boathouse, Owen carrying Mr. Coconut)

(Back at the dock, Chris tosses plastic swords to Noah, Lightning, and Blake)

Blake: I'm not a fan of plastic weaponry.

Chris: Too bad. Now head to the woods!

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

(Scene shows Owen in the woods, carrying two swords and Mr. Coconut. Everyone is in earshot of the megaphone)

Chris: [megaphone] Attention, groovy cats! The challenge begins…..now!

(Owen sets Mr. Coconut down on a rock)

Owen: Yep. Sigh. Well, sorry to do this to you, Mr. Coconut, but it is a free-for-all.

(Owen smacks Mr. Coconut with his sword three times. Then he breaks down crying)

Owen: MR. COCONUT! I'M SO SORRY! CAN YOU EVER FORGIVE ME?! I'M SUCH A TERRIBLE PERSON! MR. COCONUT! NO!

(Zeke walks up behind Owen, and taps him three times on the back with his plastic sword)

Owen: NOOOOOOOOOOO- - -oh wait never mind I'd dead. Okay. Gotta make it dramatic.

(Owen stands up, then flops over onto the ground with a wail)

Owen: Zeke….urgh.…you killed me….you heartless murderer….tell Mr. Coconut I love him….urgh….I think I'm….BLAGH!

Ezekiel: I thought I had a heart, eh. That's woot the doctor said when he examined me for mental instability. And all I did was set his uniform on fire.

_Static_

Ezekiel: Easiest challenge ever, eh. If I keep this up Oi might even get voted out second! Yahoo, now that's what I call a personal best.

_Static_

Owen: [proudly] Now, am I a drama queen or what? Those tears were fake, of course. Sniffle sniffle. WAAAAH! MR. COCONUT! OH THE HORROR!

_Static_

_End of Confessionals_

(Heather is shown sitting on a tree stump)

Chris: [megaphone] Calling all teens! Owen and Mr. Coconut are out! No surprise there.

Heather: Stupid challenge. Hmm. I could just lose. But I'm not exactly the most popular contestant, even I have to admit that. If I don't get invincibility, I might get the boot right away! I have to win this.

(She stands up and grabs her sword)

(Blake is shown walking through the woods)

Blake: Dumb game. Dumb sword. Oh no! I forgot I'm not allowed to insult plastic!

(He drops the blade and it lands on his foot)

Blake: Ow! Lost a life already? Aw c'mon.

(Suddenly Izzy comes running out of the woods)

Izzy: PREPARE FOR ANNIHILATION OR WHATEVER IT'S CALLED!

Blake: AAAAAAAHHH!

(Mike is shown. He is waking through the woods, but trips on a rock and nearly falls over)

Mike: Agh! Phew. Better be careful not to get hurt. I really do _not _wanna get hurt.

(He turns to face one of the multiple cameras in the woods)

Mike: No, not like that! I'm no wimp. Something else happens when I get hurt. Something bad.

(Screen cuts to Heather)

Chris: [megaphone] And, the weird kid Blake is out.

Heather: He's not the only weird kid. There's at least a dozen of them.

Izzy: AND I'M ONE OF THEM!

Heather: Whoah. Where'd you come from?

Izzy: From Canada. Duh. We're all Canadian here, eh. Haha I sounded like Zeke!

(Izzy then starts swinging her sword at Heather. Heather manages to get in one blow, but she is still out in no time)

Izzy: Off in search of more prey! WAHAHAHAHAHA!

_Static_

Izzy: Finally, a challenge where I can literally destroy the other teens, one by one, slowly and painfully….(She notices the camera) Um, hee hee. I was just fakin' that, ya know. Let's face it, I'm not that crazy. OR AM I?! WAHAHAHAHAHA!

_Static_

Heather: I lost already? What fun.

_Static_

_End of Confessionals_

(Scene shows Zoey running through the woods. Suddenly she runs into Mike)

Zoey: Oh, hey Mike. Any luck in the challenge?

Mike: Haven't even seen anybody yet. Wanna team up?

Zoey: Sure thing.

Mike: Alright! Two sword arms are better than one, huh?

Zoey: [grinning] We got this invincibility in the bag.

(Scene cuts to Noah)

Noah: [talking to himself] Okay Noah. Even in a physical challenge like this, strategy is still the key. And no one strategizes better than you. Step one is to take out the weak links. Staci and Zeke.

Staci: [off-screen] Oh man, I really wish my great-great-great-uncle two times removed was here. He invented sword fighting. Before him, people had to fight each other with their fingers. Yah, that ended up in a lot of sprained digits.

(Noah hides in the bushes as Staci comes, and ambushes her. She gets a lucky swing at Noah before he swings thrice quickly and she's out)

(Staci sighs, then makes a choking noise as she falls to the ground)

Staci: Aw man, I was doing so good! At least my death was heart-wrenching. I bet the whole audience cried. They did, right? Right?

Chris: [megaphone] Guess what? Staci and Heather have been eliminated. Whoever eliminated Heather, kudos to you! Now if someone would just attack Zeke….

(Screen shows Ezekiel. Behind him, something rustles in a tree branch, but he doesn't notice)

Ezekiel: Ah. Joost the calm of the ootdoors. No annoyin' other people who always vote me off, eh. Joost me.

(Out of the tree jumps a squirrel, who lands on Zeke's toque and viciously attacks it)

Ezekiel: AHHH! HELP ME! I'M BEIN' ATTACKED BY A DINOSAUR, EH! GET IT OFF!

(Annette is shown walking on a path)

Annette: _Oh I'm walking on a path! Hopefully I won't fell Chris' wrath! I may be lazy! But Izzy's the one who's crazy!_

(Izzy jumps out of a tree)

Izzy: The only person who can call me crazy is _me_, and that's only on Tuesdays! And your singing stinks!

Annette: _I surrender! There's no such word as misdender! But I needed a_ _rhyme_- - -

Izzy: _And now you're out of time! _WAHAHAHA!

(Izzy swings her sword a few times and Annette goes down)

Annette: _Ow that hurt my head! And in this weird game I am dead! So I will talk no more! Wait can I still sing a lot more?_

Chris: [megaphone] Annette is out! And banned from singing!

Annette: Aw shoot.

_Static_

Annette: No dead people singing? This is a disgrace! Hey, I bet I could make a song outta that.

_Static_

_End of Confessionals_

(Screen shows Dawn sitting on a log while birds fly and tweet around here)

Dawn: Ah, the outdoors is simply so relaxing.

(A couple sharks tip-toe by, and one sticks his tongue out at Dawn as they leave)

Dawn: Except on this island.

(Back to Mike and Zoey. They are creeping through the woods when Zoey suddenly stops and holds a finger to her lips. Up ahead in a clearing is Lightning)

Lightning: Aw, yeah! Lightning's practically already won! There's no way anyone could beat Lightning! Even if Lightning hasn't seen no people yet! Sha-bam!

(Mike and Zoey both swing at him at once, and suddenly he's down to one life)

Lightning: Sha-cheaters! Sneakin' up on defenseless me! Take that!

(He swings at Mike and hits him in the leg, hard. Then Zoey smacks him with her sword and he runs off screaming into the woods)

_Static_

Lightning: Lightning didn't actually get smacked by a little girl and run off screamin'. It was the sha-special effects! Like Chris said! Good ratings! Hmm. that scene better not get good ratings, though.

_Static_

_End of Confessionals_

(Mike has fallen on his hands and knees and is breathing heavily)

Zoey: Mike, are you okay?

Mike: Zoey, my, my MPD. It's.…not completely gone. Huh, huh, sure I got rid of Chester and the rest, but there's a, a fifth personality. Urhg ahhhh and he's….worst….than….all the rest!

(Mike inhales deeply then stands up)

Mike/Bob: WACKAWACK SWORD ATTACKIN' TIME!

(He chases Zoey around until she turns and smacks him on the knee with the sword)

Mike/Bob: NOONE SMACKS BOB! SAY GOODBYE TO CHICKENS!

Zoey: Mike?! Mike! NO!

(Screen cuts to the megaphone)

Chris: Looks like Zoey is out. Oh yeah, and Lightning's out too.

_Static_

Zoey: What a great way to start a season. Mike turns into a psycho and runs around attacking people with a plastic sword.

_Static_

_End of Confessionals_

(Scene shows Noah)

Noah: Hmm, that leaves Mike, Dawn, Zeke, and Izzy. Izzy's the biggest threat. She has to go down.

Izzy: NEVER! YOU'LL NEVER GET ME ALIVE!

Noah: Whoa! How'd you just suddenly appear?

Izzy: Oh, Izzy learned that trick from a chameleon. Hee hee. Awesome! Now, die Noah die!

Noah: Perfect.

(Noah swings and blocks Izzy's sword, but then she smacks him on the head. Noah falls over and swings at her leg, scoring a point, but before he can get up, Izzy smacks him on the head again)

Chris: [megaphone] Noah's dead. Ha-ha.

Noah: I may have lost Chris, but you can't humiliate me by making me fake-die. I'm just gonna walk back to the cabins and read my book.

Chris: [megaphone] Aw c'mon! Noah always ruins the fun. Anyway, most of you have been eliminated, so it's time for the twist! Everyone meet me at the campgrounds!

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

(Scene cuts to camp, where Mike/Bob, Dawn, Izzy, and Zeke run out of the woods)

Mike/Bob: EXPLOSION TIME!

Chris: Um, no. I control the explosions. And only I. Now, see the chalk circles by your feet? Everyone stand on one.

Mike/Bob: YA CAN"T STAND WHEN YA DON'T HAVE ANY LEGS!

(The four step into the circles. Suddenly platforms erupt from the ground, carrying them upwards. The pillars then tilt and collide together, forming a sort of circle with a depression and a large hole in the middle)

Dawn: Oh dear. Do we really have to sword-fight? I really do dislike violence.

Chris: Hey, if I'm not the one getting hurt, it's fine by me! Now, the rules are simple. No pushing people off the platform. If you do, you're out. If you're stupid and fall off by accident, you're out. I'm talking to you, Zeke.

Zeke: Hey, eh!

Chris: Otherwise, it just continues with the sword match. Zeke and Dawn have three lives, Mike or Bob or whoever-the-heck-he-is has one, and Izzy also has a miserable one life left.

Izzy: Izzy's survived swordfights with only a tenth of a life! Bring it on! Let the match begin!

(Dawn stands on her pillar watching the others. Izzy and Zeke quickly start swinging their swords, while Bob just waves his sword above his head and smashes it into the pillar repeatedly)

Ezekiel: Careful, eh! Ya wooldn't wanna fall off this.

(Izzy's sword goes under Zeke's guard and smacks him in the leg. Zeke tries to jump, but just falls over. Izzy scores another point on him. As she's about to deliver the final blow, Bob comes up and does the job for her, repeatedly smacking Zeke on the nose with his plastic sword)

Mike/Bob: GOODY GOODY I HATE TURKEYS!

(Suddenly, Izzy's sword slams into Bob and he falls off the platform, and lands hard after the twenty foot drop, knocking himself out)

Chris: So sorry, Izzy, but your craziness shoved that, um, weird guy off the platform. Remember the rules? You're out!

Izzy: Why? WHY?!

Chris: Dawn and Mike have won invincibility. As for the rest of you, ya better hope ya don't get voted off!

_Static_

Mike: Oh no! I let my new personality show, and I bet Zoey hates Bob. Sigh. At least I won invincibility.

_Static_

Dawn: I won the challenge without having to fight anyone! What a relief.

_Static_

Blake: Good thing I lost. I'm pretty sure I'm not allowed to win. Or am I? I'm not quite certain. Hmm.

_Static_

Zoey: I feel so sorry for poor Mike. As if Vito wasn't bad enough, now he's a part-time lunatic! Urgh! I really hate this show. It makes me so mad!

_Static_

Heather: I didn't win invincibility. This might not end up so well for me.

_Static_

Owen: I killed a coconut. HOW COULD I?! I'm such a bad Owen. Bad Owen! Bad bad bad Owen!

_Static_

(Scene shows the campfire pit. It is dark. The campers are seated on the logs and barrels, while Chris holds a plate with twelve marshmallows)

Chris: Okay, you all know the drill.

Blake: I don't.

Ezekiel: Yeah, me neither. I never even made it through one o' these ceremonies!

Chris: Zip it! I'm trying to build tension here! Anyway, the first two marshmallows go to Mike and Dawn, our invincibility winners.

Mike: Yeah!

(Dawn smiles politely)

Chris: Noah, Mr. Coconut, Zoey, and Annette. None of you got any votes. Take your marshmallows!

Annette: _Oh I got a marshmallow! This really isn't mellow!_ Wait, never mind, that doesn't rhyme.

Owen: Sniff. Take your marshmallow, Mr. Coconut. You deserve it more than me. Sniff sniff.

Chris: Hello? This comic relief is really not helping with the tension-building. Anyway, Staci, Lightning, Blake. You are all safe. For tonight.

Lightning: Lightning strikes! Sha-bam!

Staci: Yah, marshmallows were invented by my- - -

Chris: Shut up Staci. Now, a marshmallow for everyone's favorite evil person, Heather!

Heather: Yes! You suckers should've voted me off when you had the chance!

Chris: Anyway, our next-to-last marshmallow of the night goes to…

…

…

…

…

…

…Zeke, sadly.

Ezekiel: I woosn't the first voted off? I really woosn't?! I WOOSN"T THE FIRST VOTED OFF, EH! GO ZEKE FOR THE WIN!

Chris: [to Zeke] Yep. Shocking. [to everyone] Well, well, well. Izzy and Owen. Our bottom two. Izzy, I'm not surprised. You hit some people in the head a few too many times. But Owen? Sure you epic-failed the challenge, but why would anyone vote for you?

Owen: Sniff sniff. Me and Mr. Coco both voted for me. And I told some other people to do so too. 'Cause I'm such a terrible person! WAAAAAAAAAAHH!

Chris: Okay, okay, let's get on with this before Owen has a nervous breakdown. If he hasn't already, that is. The final marshmallow goes to…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

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…Owen.

Owen: What? But I wanted ta get voted off!

Izzy: No! You can't vote Izzy off! It's unbelievable. It's impossible. It's- - -

(A trapdoor opens up underneath her feet and she falls down)

Izzy: [as she falls down the hole] I'll be baaaaaaaaaaaaaack!

Chris: And, that was just the Chute of Shame. It cost a lot more than the ol' Boat of Losers, but watching people scream as they fall down a chute is fun!

Owen: Oh my Izzy. She didn't deserve to go. I did! Why?! And I killed a freaking coconut! WAAAAAAAAAH!

Noah: Relax, Owen. We all know you. By tomorrow you'll have forgotten you were ever sad.

Staci: Yah, my great-great-uncle Bum invented sadness. Before him- - -

Noah: No one cares.

Chris: Well, this episode really brought on the drama. Yeah. Not that much. Better improve on that. Who's going to be eliminated next? How twisty will the challenges be first? And just how impossibly awesome of a host am I? Find out next time, on TOTAL, DRAMA, THE ISLAND REBORN!

(The screen is pitch black. A voice is heard)

Izzy: Whoa. Where the heck am I?

(She finds a switch and flips it. A chandelier turns on above her head. She's in a large underground hotel-like place, with Chef standing next to her)

Izzy: What is this place?

Chef: This is Season Five's version of Playa des Losers. Ya know, that resort where the voted off people went. This place is even more luxurious, with a TV broadcasting Total Drama The Island Reborn live. But you're stuck under the island. And you won't ever escape! WAHAHAHAHA!

(Chef fades into the shadows)

Izzy: No luxurious hotel can hold Izzy for long! IZZY SHALL ESACPE!

(The credits play)

**Voting Confessionals**

_Static_

Mike: Izzy knocked me off a twenty foot pillar! I'd have to be as crazy as Izzy not to vote for her.

_Static_

Dawn: Izzy has upset the peace. She needs to go.

_Static_

Izzy: Chatty girl talks too much! Good-bye Staci! WAHAHA!

_Static_

Heather: Who to vote for? I already know. Zeke stole my million! I was the winner of Total Drama World Tour! If he hadn't fallen into the volcano and burned my prize money to ash, I wouldn't even need this stupid season! I'm voting that idiot off.

_Static_

Ezekiel: I feel sorry for Owen, eh. He's really upset. He even told me to vote him off! I doon't really wanna do this, but if you're sure, Owen, I'm voting for ya.

_Static_

Noah: Okay, today two idiots got on my nerves. But Lightning would be a much more useful teammate. Bye-bye Blake.

_Static_

Owen: I'M SO MEAN! I DON"T DESERVE THE MILLION! I VOTE FOR MYSELF! BOOHOOHOOHOO!

_Static_

(Owen is holding Mr. Coconut up to the camera)

Owen: [in a weird voice] I, Mr. Coconut, vote for Owen, 'cause he killed me and he's a terrible person. Aw, BOOHOOHOOBOO! WAAAAAAH!

_Static_

Staci: Yah, I vote for Izzy. Why? None of my ancestors invented craziness, so I just can't deal with it.

_Static_

Zoey: Owen told me to vote him off. He has been really depressed ever since the challenge. But he deserves the million a lot more than some other people- - -Lightning for example. He's a jerk. I'm voting Lightning.

_Static_

Lightning: That Izzy is a raving lunatic! Lightning's votin' for her!

_Static_

Blake: Oh shoot. I'm not allowed to vote!

(Blake hyperventilates)

Blake: C'mon Blake, you can do this. I….vote….for...um, who should I vote for? Okay, enie meanee, minee, mo, catch a tiger by the toe, if it hollers.…Heather.

_Static_

Annette: I really don't want to vote anyone off. Everyone's just so nice! Oh, I know! I'll just vote someone off who no one would vote for! How about Zeke? I bet he's never gotten voted off! _Oh I just voted! I need a word that rhymes with voted! This is an awesome song! I sure hope you all sing along!_

_Static_

_End of Confessionals_

**Izzy: 4**

**Owen: 3**

**Ezekiel: 2**

**Blake: 1**

**Staci: 1**

**Heather: 1**

**Lightning: 1**

**Annette: 0**

**Zoey: 0**

**Noah: 0**

**Mr. Coconut: 0**

**Mike: Invincibility**

**Dawn: Invincibility**

**Eliminated: Izzy**

**Contestants: Annette, Blake, Dawn, Ezekiel, Heather, Lightning, Mike, Mr. Coconut, Noah, Owen, Staci, Zoey**

**Well, I hope you guys liked that. Sorry to all Izzy fans, but she still has a huge role in front of her. It took me two days to write. Expect another update ****_very_**** soon. Feel free to review and let me know what you think!**

**~TheImpossiblyAwesomeWriter**

**Next Time: The teams are formed, and the twelve contestants battle it out in a life-sized board game….with explosions. With humiliating and painful mini challenges galore, a huge conflict begins. **


	2. Episode 2: Not-So-Bored Games

**Episode 2: Not-So-Bored Games**

**Hi guys, this is TheImpossiblyAwesomeWriter here. This is the second chapter of my first ever fan-fic. Just a couple author's notes before the story starts.**

**1. I do not own Total Drama, nor do I claim ownership in any way. This fan-fiction is earning no profit. Yeah, I'm gonna say that every time.**

**2. You can pretty much just skip the theme song.**

**3. Yay! I've reached 10,000 words! It's not a huge accomplishment, but it's nice to get this far.**

(Camera shows the Dock of Shame, with Chris standing on it)

Chris: Last time, on Total Drama The Island Reborn….

(Short montages of described scenes are shown)

Chris:….our contestant's first challenge was a free-for-all fight to the death with their powerful Swords de Plastica. Only two of the campers survived the battle; Dawn, our nature girl, and Mike. Or is he Bob? Everyone else got hit pretty hard- - -literally. Owen is devastated with himself for killing Mr. Coconut in combat, and Izzy went a little over the top, attacking everyone in sight like a total lunatic! In the end, her craziness was her downfall as she was eliminated and taken to an underground version of Playa des Losers. What will be the next crazy challenge for these pathetic teens? Will Owen ever get over his terrible cold-blooded murder of Mr. Coconut? And- - -

Noah: 'Murder'? Mr. Coconut is a fruit. He has no feelings. He can't die. And Owen tapped him three times with a plastic sword. [to Owen, who is standing behind him, cradling Mr. Coconut] Come on! Get over it all ready!

Owen: Sniff. Sniff. WAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!

Chris: _Ahem_. And will Noah ever learn to shut his mouth? Find out right now on TOTAL, DRAMA, THE ISLAND REBORN!

(Theme song plays. It shows the camera sweeping past the dock, where Chris waves at it. Chef smiles at it, then gulps as it comes nearer to him, and smacks him in the face. After he disappears the camera zooms up the cliff, where it shows a squirrel punching Zeke in the face. As the camera "falls" off the cliff so does Zeke. Hitting the water, bubbles cover the screen. When they clear, Izzy is swimming away from a shark, only to turn around and bite the shark back. Above the water, Noah is sitting in a boat, reading his trademark book, when Zeke lands on him. Right after the moment of impact, the camera zooms to the forest, where Mike is petting a raccoon. The raccoon bites his finger, causing him to wince in pain, inhale deeply, then scream at the raccoon. The camera zooms to the waterfall, where Annette is singing on top of a log that goes over the waterfall. At the bottom, Dawn is sitting cross-legged on a beam of wood going across a small lake, looking very peaceful. Suddenly, Annette flies past her and her mouth falls open. The camera moves to the outhouse confessional, where a bear is knocking on the door. Blake sticks his head out, screams, and then ducks back in. Chef's kitchen is then seen, with a small television in the background upon which Courtney and Cody can be seen. Lightning is dumping protein powder into his mouth, and then fist-pumps, while Heather is tied to a chair, being force-fed Chef Hatchet's special soup by Chef himself. The camera moves outside to the campfire pit, where Owen is holding Mr. Coconut and rocking back and forth giggling. Staci is seen on the dock, blabbing on while reading from a gigantic stack of papers. The camera shifts a little, showing Chris on the other side of the dock, covering his ears and yelling. He runs around and falls into the water. When he surfaces, in classic cartoon style, his head steams over in anger, causing a fire. The camera follows the fire embers up, and then back down, revealing the campfire. Zoey is sitting in front of it, looking nervous, before her eyebrows scrunch up and she gives an evil grin, only to look around when she sees Zeke and Mike sitting on either side of her. The camera pans out to show all 13 contestants sitting on stools around the campfire, as Chris stands nearby and grins at the camera. A wooden sign is seen, where neon letters light up, saying TOTAL DRAMA THE ISLAND REBORN)

(The dining hall is shown, where the contestants are sitting at the tables)

Ezekiel: I can scarcely believe this, eh! I actually made it to the second day of the show without being kicked off!

Heather: Yeah, but that's only because Izzy was going insane. Erm. More insane than usual.

Lightning: Well Lightning's sha-relieved! No more crazy people chasing the Lightning around!

Mike: [to himself, adding on to Lightning's comment] No more crazy people. Hopefully. I just need to avoid getting hurt at all costs. I can't afford to let Bob do anything crazy again!

_Static_

Mike: Well, I might as well admit it. Bob shows up whenever I injure myself. So if I get hurt, I'm doomed. To put it simply. Sigh.

_Static_

_End of Confessionals_

(Heather glares at Lightning, and then turns back to Zeke)

Heather: Anyway, Freak-Zeke, you'll be the next to go, mark my words.

_Static_

Ezekiel: Heather is not a nice person, eh.

_Static_

Heather: Zeke really gets on my nerves. He lost a million bucks, I won it. Seems fair enough, but the idiot had to steal it and burn it to ashes in a volcano!

_Static_

_End of Confessionals_

(Blake sits down next to Noah, holding a tray of strange goo)

Blake: Is this….edible?

Noah: No. They just give us this weird sludge for us to look at.

Blake: Then what are we supposed to eat?

Noah: Eat the food, Sir Oblivious.

Blake: [inhaling sharply] You lied to me! I'm not allowed to lie.

Owen: Sniff. Noah was being sarcastic, Blake. Sniff. He does that a lot.

Noah: Do I? I'm sorry, I didn't know.

Staci: Yah, my great-great-grandpa Beemo invented lies. Before that, people always had to tell the truth.

Blake: That doesn't seem like a very good invention.

Staci: Well, you see, my great- - -

Dawn: That's nice, Staci. [examining the goo] There better not be any meat in this. I dislike eating animals.

Chef: Hah, don't be silly, creepy girl. It's all artificially created latex-rubber-tapioca-blend mold-injected junk made to look like mystery meat. Plus a little parsley for that extra little bit o' flavor everyone loves. See how it looks like mystery meat?

Heather: This is supposed to look like mystery meat? It looks more like dog dung.

Lightning: Yeah, the Lightning hates this food. It needs more protein!

Ezekiel: [thoughtfully chewing the food] Well, I like it, eh. A little on the tough side, but I like it.

Annette: _Oh, this food is really gross! It kind of tastes like toes! Why does Chef make this stuff? Why does Chris treat us so rough?_

Heather: Will you stop singing, Miss Annoying?

Annette: _Sure! I'll stop! I want a lollipop!_

_Static_

Annette: Has anyone ever noticed Heather isn't that nice of a person? Ya know, I bet no one's ever noticed that before!

_Static_

_End of Confessionals_

(Camera shows Mike. He's sitting alone at the end of a table)

Mike: [sighs happily] Here, I'm safe from any harm. Now if I could just figure out a way to get rid of Bob….

Zoey: Hi Mike!

(She sits down next to him, holding her tray of goo)

Mike: Hi Z- - -AAAGH!

Zoey: What?

Mike: PUT DOWN THE TRAY! It has plastic utensils on it! One of them could accidentally fall off and hit me!

Zoey: Okay, and that's bad because….?

Mike: Gulp. It will trigger Bob.

Zoey: All righty then. Seen him. Don't like him. I'll put down the tray.

(She sets it on the floor)

Chris: [through megaphone] Okay campers! It's another be-a-utiful day on our little piece of paradise. The sun is out, the birds are singing, and the imaginary talking squirrels are chittering in glee. Too bad we won't be spending much time outside today!

Dawn: Darn.

(The campers have now walked outside the mess hall, and Chris walks up to them)

Chris: Now, before I reveal too much, let's put together this season's teams!

(A collective cheer goes up from most of the campers)

Owen: Sniff. I really hope I'm not on Mr. Coconut's team. Then his ghost won't be able to torment me.

Annette: His ghost?

Owen: Mr. Coconut died. I….I killed him, remember? Sniff. This [he holds up Mr. Coconut] is his ghost. Horrible….dreadful….sniff. ROTTEN BANANA BREAD! I'M SO SORRY MR. COCONUT!

Noah: [rolling his eyes] Gee, I'm so sympathetic.

_Static_

Noah: His ghost? Again, Mr. Coconut is a fruit.

_Static_

Heather: What the heck is wrong with Owen?

_Static_

Annette: _Oh the coconut is dead! Even if he didn't lose his head! He now has a ghost! That always eats burned French toast!_

_Static_

Owen: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!

_Static_

Lightning: Sha-bam! It's time for the teams! Go Team Lightning! Woohoo!

_Static_

Sierra: Eek, the island! I sneaked onto it when no one was looking!

(Chris peeks in the window)

Chris: Wait, wha, what are you doing here?!

Sierra: Um, goodbye.

(She sees a hole in the wall and jumps out)

Sierra: [sticking her head back in, speaking mysteriously] You didn't see anything.

_Static_

_End of Confessionals_

(Scene goes back to outside the dining hall)

Chris: Everyone shut up now. Let's start the teams with….Blake.

Blake: Uhm, Okay.

Chris: Followed by Dawn, and Ezekiel, the home schooled brainless kid!

Ezekiel: Yeah, Team One, eh!

(He picks his nose)

Dawn: [looking at Ezekiel] That's kind of….gross.

Chris: Now Annette, you're on Team Two!

Annette: _La la la! I'm on team Two! It's gonna be fun for me and you!_

Heather: Not if I'm on your team.

Chris: Thanks for volunteering to join Annette, Heather!

Heather: [to Chris] Sometimes I really hate you.

Chris: I know. Trust me, I know.

Annette: Hello fellow team member!

Heather: If you sing even _one_ _syllable_, I will personally make sure you never sing again.

Annette: _Okey dokey! I got it right! I'll make sure my singing is outta sight!_

Heather: [clenching her fists] Grr.

_Static_

Annette: _SYLLABLE!_ Ha! Take that, Heather!

_Static_

_End of Confessionals_

Chris: Then, we have Owen and Mr. Coconut. Or is it Mr. Coconut's ghost? Whatever. You're on Team One, guys.

Owen: NOOOO! Mr. Coconut….I'm sorry. I don't deserve to be on the same team as your spirit! WAAAAAAAHHHHH!

Chris: [to Owen] Geez, quit whining already! Ignoring the idiot crying over a coconut, we have two members for Team Two! Mike….and Lightning!

Lightning: Yeah, sha-team two! We're gonna kick butt this season, Lightning-style!

Chris: Staci! Go and annoy Team Two!

Staci: Yah, my great-aunt Melinda invented teams, and before that- - -

Chris: I said annoy Team Two, not me.

(Staci walks over and stands next to Heather)

Heather: Thanks a lot, Chris.

Chris: You're very much welcome, Heather. Oh look! Two campers left. Noah and Zoey.

Noah: Whatever you do, please don't put me on Team Two.

Chris: Okay Noah! Ha ha, I'll humor you. You can go and be the last member of Team One.

Noah: Yes, take that, stupid! Team Two is the team I wanted to be on- - -Wait. What? No! That's not what I- - -AAARGH! So much for reverse psychology.

Blake: My parents say reverse psychology is bad.

Noah: Of course they do.

_Static_

Blake: I don't know. I'm getting this weird feeling Noah doesn't like me. Is that normal? Or am I just not used to extreme sarcasm?

_Static_

_End of Confessionals_

Chris: So that leaves….

Zoey: I'm on Team Two!

(She runs over and hugs Mike, who smiles)

Mike: Hey Zoey!

Chris: All right, enough chatting.

Staci: Yah, my step-uncle three times removed Bonko invented- - -

Chris: I said enough! Team names are the Psycho Psychos and the Crazy Crazies. You guys choose.

Owen: Can we be the Regretful Coconut Killers?

Annette: HECK NO!

Noah: Hey, get out of here! You're not even on our team!

Annette: Fine. Bye-Bye! Tata for now and all that!

Ezekiel: Could our team be the Wild Wilds, eh? 'Cause I'm born to be wild!

Dawn: Hmph. You are born to be a freak of nature. And although I like most of them, I don't like you. We'll take the Psycho Psychos.

Owen: Sob sob sob. Agreed. Sob sob.

Blake: I'm not exactly allowed to be a psycho. You see, I have this condition whenever I'm on sugar rush- - -

Chris: No one cares. [turning to face Team Two] Since they are the Psycho Psychos, you guys are….

Lightning: The sha-Crazy Crazies! Yeah!

Annette: _Crazy Crazies! We're not lazies! I like to pick daisies!_

Zoey: I dunno, I'm not really that crazy. Neither is Mike.

Mike: Yeah. Most of the time.

(Chris shoves his loudspeaker in Noah's face)

Chris: [loudspeaker] SHUT UP!

Noah: But I wasn't talki- - -never mind.

Chris: Okay. Today's challenge is really fun. If you like board games.

Blake: OOH! OOH! I DO!

Lightning: Uh, Lightning doesn't like being bored. Lightning likes _action_! Sha-boom!

(Lightning karate kicks and hits Noah by accident, sending him flying)

Noah: AAAAHH!

(He crashes into the top of a tree, and bounces down the branches to land on the ground)

Noah: Nice accuracy, sha-idiot.

_Static_

Noah: That was painful.

_Static_

(Zeke is shown sleeping in the confessional. Suddenly, a screeching, chirping noise comes from outside and he wakes up)

Ezekiel: Who's there?

(Suddenly, a squirrel drops down on top of him and starts scratching his face until he falls over)

Ezekiel: AAAAAAHHH! Quit it, eh!

_Static_

_End of Confessionals_

Annette: _Oh this game will be boring! And soon we'll all be snoring!_

Chris: For those of you bored already, be bored no longer. Because _this_ is the Not-so-Bored-Game! Chef, if you please….

(The ground outside the dining hall tilts downward and everyone falls down underground. They all roll onto a huge game board, which is covered with different objects and flashing lights)

Mike: [landing on Owen] Oh phew...I didn't bump my head or anything! Owen, you saved me!

Owen: I just wish I could've saved Mr. Coconut! WAAAAAAAAHH!

Ezekiel: This place is cool, eh! It's like that game mononononononononononopoly.

Noah: What's with all the 'no's?

Ezekiel: No 'no' then, eh. Moyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyespoly.

Chris: [walking down to the game board with Chef] Okay! Everyone get up! Rule time! I'd like to introduce you all to Monotrapdungeonsorrychessopoly! It's my patent-pending human-sized board-game slash RPG slash obstacle course slash smoothie bar!

Staci: Smoothie bar?

Chris: It is yet another wonderful McLean-brand product!

Heather: Wow. You've had a lot of really crappy ideas, Chris, but this one really takes the cake.

Chris: People will buy anything with a fancy infomercial and a catchy name. Now, the rules of Monotrapdungeonsorrychessopoly are pretty simple. The goal is to get one of your team members across the finish line before the other team does. Each team gets an oversized die, takes turns rolling the die and choosing a member to move. Basically, that's it.

Blake: How does this place fit in with role play games and Monopoly and Chess? You just go in a square.

Chris: Well, that's where the cruel twist comes into this challenge.

(He laughs evilly)

Chris: As you can see, the board is covered with assorted objects of varying uses, like the treadmills, that chicken suit, and those rubber bands. Every tile on the board has a mini-challenge on it. Most of them are Team Challenges or Team Versus Team challenges. Some are humiliating, such as having to act like a dog for the rest of the game. Others are cruel, like getting hit by Mr. Owwy.

Mike: [nervously] Who's Mr. Owwy?

Chris: This guy!

(Chef walks in wearing a hockey mask and holding a baseball bat. He swings the bat menacingly)

Noah: Question. If you plan on selling this game to the public, and Chef is Mr. Owwy, how can you have the game work if there's only one Chef?

Chris: [ignoring Noah] Moving on with the rules. The challenges are mostly cruel and humiliating, but there are a rare few that are nice. And by few I mean one.

There's one square that gives you a free smoothie. But it's strategically placed so there's a 374,829,678,120,456,293,239,347,103,908 to 1 chance anyone will land on it. If, by stroke of inconceivable luck, you actually land on it, you get a nice surprise. And I mean actually nice. Okay; everyone separate into teams and meet on the green and red starting squares.

(The teams find two large red and green squares, Psychos on red, Crazies on green)

Heather: Well, this is dumb. And boring.

Lightning: Sha-boring!

Blake: I like it. Finally, something I'm actually allowed to do!

Chris: Look out! Here come your dice!

(Mr. Owwy throws the red and green dice to the Psychos and Crazies, respectively)

Mike: [catching the die] Whoa, this thing is huge! And heavy. Oh man, I think I'm going to drop- - -

(He drops it. It lands on his foot with a 'boink' sound)

Mike: OW NO! [breathing deeply] Calm down...It doesn't hurt that much- - -[inhaling sharply] AAAAH! YOUR WALKIE-TALKIE BELONGS TO MY TOAD! [inhaling sharply again] Errrgh! No Bob! Uugh ... Whew! [relaxed] That was close.

Zoey: Are you going to be alright, Mike?

(Mike nods)

Chris: LET THE GAMES BEGIN!

Noah: Hmm, there must be some type of strategy involved here- - -

Chris: Think again! It's one hundred percent luck!

Dawn: We should really start moving. We don't want the Crazies to get ahead!

Noah: Owen, you're probably the strongest here, at least when motivated by food. Roll the die!

Owen: Boo hoo hoo. WAAAAAAAAHHH!

Blake: Uh, I'll do it. I think I'm allowed to roll giant dice.

(Blake struggles to roll the die and it lands on four)

Blake: That's not a bad roll.

Noah: But it's not great either. Who's gonna go the four spaces?

Everyone but Zeke and Owen, who's crying in a heap on the floor: Zeke.

Ezekiel: What? Me? No way. You won't catch Zeke playing board games that easy, eh.

Noah: Zeke! There's chocolate milk four spaces ahead!

Zeke: No way, eh! Outta my way!

(He zips ahead four spaces. A click is heard)

Chris: Oh! Zekiel has landed on a 'cruel' tile! Too bad for him. Heh heh heh.

Zeke: Man! Where's that chockate-milk, eh?

(Suddenly Mr. Owwy appears and smacks Zeke on the head with his bat, laughs maniacally, and disappears)

Zeke: OUWWCH!

Chris: Haha, poor sucker.

(Camera shifts to the Psychos. Annette struggles to pick up the die, then drops it and it rolls to a two)

Annette: Sweet! I get to go two spaces!

Heather: Ugh! What a cheap roll. Go six instead, and make it snappy.

Annette: But that's cheating!

Heather: Move it Miss Annoying! Do you want to win or not?

Annette: _Heather is a cheater! I hope Mr. Owwy beats her!_

Heather: Zip it, Sing-Song!

Mike: I agree with Annette. Cheating isn't right! Chris'll punish us for sure.

Heather: Then you don't have to cheat and you can come in last.

Lightning: Sha-Cheating!

Mike: Sigh.

(Annette lands on the sixth space. All of a sudden, a siren calls out)

Heather: Huh?

Chris: [over speakers] Hey! Annette landed on a Team Versus Team tile! Everyone head to the treadmills in the center of the board!

Blake: What about our placement? How will we remember where we were on the board?

Chris: Trust me. It won't matter in five minutes. Ha ha ha.

(Camera shows everyone standing in the middle of the board)

Noah: Okay. [after a pause] Now what?

Chris: Now it's time for a mini-challenge.

Noah: We got that part. I _mean,_ what's the challenge? Or are you just making this up as you go?

Chris: No, Noah. I'm way better organized than that. Reality show hosting does require organization, as does cruelty. Heh heh.

Noah: Chris, you, organized? That will never happen.

Chris: Hey! I work hard on this game.

All twelve contestants and Chef: No you don't.

Chris: C'mon guys, cut me a little slack here. Hosting is hard. I'd like to see you all try.

Dawn: Actually, I'd love to host. May I?

Heather: Me too. Hand over the crown Chris. You've had four seasons already.

Noah: Four and one thirteenth seasons, to be precise.

Chris: Enough already! No one is hosting except for me. On with the challenge. As you can see, here there are two treadmills. Each team will choose a member to run.

Blake: I'm not allowed to run. Running makes you sweat, and sweat makes you smell bad, and I'm not allowed to smell bad. It could give the wrong impression about me. 'Cause- - -

Chris: Okaaaay, that's enough of that. Blake, because you spoke out of turn, you can run for the Psycho Psychos.

Blake: But I just- - -

Dawn: It's best not to argue with him, Blake.

Owen: Sob sob.

Noah: Come on, Owen. Really. It's been over forty-eight hours. Don't you think it's time to move on here?

Owen: Sniff. Well...maybe. I, sniff, just feel so awful...

Chris: Yeah, yeah. We know. Moving on. Crazies, who will run for your pathetic team?

Heather: I vote Lightning. He's the strongest here. Then again, anyone could beat Blake.

Staci: Yah, my aunt Clarice invented beating. Before that, nobody ever got beaten up.

Lightning: Yes! Lightning's gonna beat the weakling and score one for his sha-awesome team!

Noah: [sarcastically] How sha-cool.

(Lightning hops up to the treadmill and starts pressing random buttons)

Lightning: How does this crazy running thingy work? Lightning don't like things with lots o' buttons.

Chris: Hey! I haven't explained the rest of the- - -

(Lightning presses the 'on' button. The treadmill turns on suddenly and he's propelled backwards by the force)

Lightning: Sha-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!

Chris: - - -challenge.

(Lightning slams against the wall with a crunch)

Lightning: Ohh...Lightning don't feel too good.

Annette: Too well. It's too well. Stress your grammar, Lightning.

Lightning: The pain! Sha-owie!

_Static_

Lightning: [dizzy and confused] Sha-bam! Take, that Rake! Or is it Cake? Lightning don't care, he won! Yaaaaahhhhh!

(Lightning faints and falls over)

_Static_

_End of Confessionals_

Chris: Well, looks like Lightning's outta the game for now. Who's takin' his place?

Zoey: Mike! You should!

Mike: Uhm...I don't know...

Heather: Yeah. You should. Meaning you _will_, or you'll face my wrath.

(Heather glares menacingly)

Mike: Okay, okay.

(He shivers)

Blake: Let's start already.

(Mike and Blake step up to the treadmills)

Chris: This challenge is pretty simple. Both runners keep on truckin' on the treadmills till this alarm goes off. At that point, if both are still going strong, the treadmills are turned up a notch. You lose by falling off, or rather, getting thrown off, as Lightning so nicely demonstrated for us. The winner gets to use the bunker when it's Dynamite Time.

Blake: Dynamite time? I'm not allowed- - -

Chris: I know what you're going to say, Blake. You may not yet know what Dynamite Time is, but trust me, it'll all make sense soon enough. Time starts...NOW!

(The treadmills start and the two start running. Within seconds, Blake starts to hyperventilate)

Blake: Oh man! What, huff, are, huff, my parents, pant, going to say, pant, about this? Huff huff.

Chris: Don't know. Don't care.

Mike: Blake, just calm down. Pant pant. Forget your parents! This is Total Drama, not a PTA meeting! Pant pant.

Heather: Stop helping the opposition!

(A beeping alarm goes off)

Chris: Oh! Guess what? Time to kick it up a notch!

(He presses a button on a remote and the treadmills whir faster. Blake and Mike run faster, too)

Noah: [tapping Owen's shoulder] Hey, Owen. You should really see this. It's hilarious!

(With a zap, a little bit of static electricity jumps from Noah to Owen)

Owen: Waaaahahaaaaah. Uhh...Hmm? Oh my gosh! Mr. Coconut...I...I think he's breathing!

Noah: Uh?

Owen: Noah! You saved Mr. Coconut's life! That bolt of static electricity revived him!

(He jumps up and hugs Mr. Coconut)

Owen: Oh, Mr. Coconut, I'll never, ever kill you again!

Noah: Good. At least you're back to normal.

(Meanwhile, Mike and Blake are showing signs of exhaustion)

Mike: Huff huff…I...don't...think...I...can...go...much...lon ger...huff.

Blake: Pant. Huh. Me neith- - -AAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!

(Blake falters for a moment and the treadmill sends him flying backwards. He hits the wall with a crunch)

Blake: Ow!

Mike: I.…I won! Wow! I actually- - -Oops.

(Mike, too, stops for a split second and is thrown off. He flies into the wall a few feet from Blake)

Mike: Oh...Owch...Ow no...huff. NO! B-b-b...BOB!

Zeke: Who's Bob, eh? Is he that crazy sqiurrelly who attacked me?

(Mike inhales sharply)

Mike/Bob: THE PANCAKES ARE COMING FOR OUR CAT FOOD!

Zeke: I don't have a cat, eh. They make me sneeze. Or is that avocado?

Mike/Bob: WAAHAHAHAAAAAA!

(Zoey runs over)

Zoey: [worriedly] Mike! Are you okay? You got, like, launched!

Mike/Bob: AHAHAAHHHHAAAA! TOOTHPASTE TASTES LIKE TREE BARK!

(He jumps up and tackles Zoey, biting her arm and growling)

Zoey: Ow! Mike! Bob! Whoever you are! GET...OFF!

(She gets really mad for a second and kicks Bob off, who flies back with a dog-like whine)

Zoey: Argh...Oh! Mike! I'm sorry!

Bob: AARRRGGHHHHH! TIME FOR TO EAT PHONES!

(He starts running all over the place while screaming and jumping around)

Noah: Great. Mike's insane.

Chris: Well, it looks like the Crazies have won this challenge, but only by a slim margin. [to the Crazies] You guys, go through that trapdoor.

(He points the Crazies over to a trapdoor)

Staci: Yah, my great-great-uncle Victor invented trapdoors. Before that, people didn't have trapdoors.

Noah: What a profound statement, Staci.

Chris: Yadda yadda yadda. Into the trapdoor, everyone!

(With some difficulty, the Crazies all file into the trapdoor. Chris follows them in, with Bob attacking him. Bob is then thrown out the door)

Chris: Okay, Psychos. Have fun with Dynamite Time! It's the fun twist to this challenge!

Mike/Bob: DYNAMITE DYNANANAMITEITEITE!

Chris: [to Bob] I don't care if you won. Get exploded with the rest of them!

(Chris shuts the door behind him)

Zeke: What's dynamite time, eh?

(As he finishes his sentence, there's a click and everything explodes. When the smoke clears, the Psychos are still standing, but are covered with soot, wide-eyed, and looking thoroughly surprised)

Chris: [coming out of the trapdoor] So. Crazies and Bob. How'd you guys like Dynamite Time?

Noah: Cough. It was awesome. Truly wonderful. You should do it more often. Really.

Chris: Thanks! And I hope you really did enjoy Dynamite Time! 'Cause it happens every ten minutes! After every Team Versus Team challenge, one team will get the bunker privilege. The other team...well, the other team gets exploded. On with the game! Mr. Owwy, if you please...

(Mr. Owwy comes out of nowhere and smacks Annette and Zeke back to random spaces on the board)

Owen: I'll roll this time. Now that Mr. Coconut is all better, I can do anything!

(He tosses the die. It comes up as one)

Noah: Come on! Sigh. Well, who's going?

Dawn: I will.

(She steps one space and braces herself for Mr. Owwy)

Dawn: Oh...no Mr. Owwy. Thank heavens.

Chris: Not too fast, Dawn. That's a humiliating square. Crazies, come over to the middle of the board. Except Bob.

Mike/Bob: HAHAHAA! GREEN IS A FRIENDLY COLOR! HE LETS ME PLAY WITH HIS PET PIRANHA!

Chris: I'll bet he does. Now, Crazies, here's your chance to settle any grudges you may have against Dawn...because you get to pelt her with fish!

Lightning: Sha-disgusting!

Heather: I'm pretty sure no one here has too much of a grudge against Dawn. But hey, I get to cause pain and humiliation!

(She sinisterly picks up a fish and readies it to throw)

(Camera shows Dawn. She's standing looking bored and a little anxious when suddenly a fish slams into the back of her head. She turns around in disbelief and is pelted with tons more fish)

Zoey: I'm sorry, Dawn! But it's the game's rules, y'know...

Ezekiel: I like it, yo! It's like, awesome! I get to hit people with fish!

Noah: She's on our team, idiot!

(Noah grabs Zeke and drags him back, still trying to throw a fish)

Lightning: Yeah! The Lightning loves throwing fish at people!

Chris: Alright, alright. As much as I like seeing people get bombarded with aquatic vertebrate, it's time to hurry up with another Team Versus Team challenge!

(Next, Noah rolls and moves three spaces)

Noah: Gee, what horrible challenge will I have to endure now?

(An alarm goes off and scares everyone)

Heather: What was that?

Chris: Oh-ho, yeah. I forgot that part. When the next Dynamite Time is coming up soon, you get that nifty little warning alarm. So GET MOVING!

Ezekiel: Yes sir!

Staci: Yah!

(Dawn picks up the dice and rolls a three. Noah is the one to move)

Noah: What happens now? Nothing dangerous and or humiliating happened to me, so am I on a free space?

Chris: Haha! 'Free space'? Noah, you crack me up. There aren't any free spaces in Monotrapdungeonsorrychessopoly! Time for a Team Versus Team challenge!

(Everyone groans)

Chris: This time, you'll be playing X-TREME Dodgeball.

(The teams gather in the center of the board. There are strange toy-gun-like objects on the floor, except they're bigger and more dangerous-looking)

Chris: Okay, seeing that we only have….[after checking his watch] two minutes till this place goes kablooey, I'll make this short. Grab a ball gun. Shoot the other team with the dodgeballs. If you get shot, you're out. Last one standing wins for the team. GO GO GO!

(He runs over to the trapdoor and dives in)

Chris: I'm just going to wait under here in the safety of the bunker. See you in one and a half minutes!

Ezekiel: Yahoo! This is fun, eh!

(He shoots Noah)

Chris: Noah's out! Ha-ha.

Noah: [feigning happiness] I'm on your team, Zeke! Great job! Shooting your teammates was the goal of the game! You did everything right, 'eh'.

Ezekiel: Thanks, Noah. I really am good, aren't I?

(Annette toys around with the gun, it fires and the ball hits Zeke in the head)

Owen: Mr. Coconut, I'll protect you!

(A ball comes whizzing towards Owen and Mr. Coco, but he shields the coconut with his body and gets hit in the head)

Owen: No! Well, at least I protected Mr. Coconut.

Mike/Bob: MY NOSE HAIRS ARE PLANNING TO KILL US ALL!

Blake: Ew!

Mike/Bob: TIME FOR CLAP!

(He fires the gun randomly, hitting himself with a ball in the process, and then throws it away and chases Chef. When he catches up to him, Bob takes the bat and jumps on top of the bunker. There, he starts smashing everything within reach)

Annette: _This game is insane! Does Chris have a brain? Probably not! I hope I don't get shot!_

(Short montage is shown of Blake, Annette, Lightning, Dawn, Staci, Mr. Coconut, and Zoey all getting hit by each other. Eventually, Heather's the only one left)

Heather: Yes! Finally I win!

Noah: Of course.

_Static_

Noah: Why? WHY!? Isn't getting blown up once enough?

_Static_

_End of Confessionals_

Chris: Crazies! Into the bunker! Except Bob if possible!

(The Crazies, including Bob, go into the bunker.)

Mike/Bob: TIME FOR GO KABLOOEY TO TEH PEOPLES!

(Another explosion rattles the board, temporarily making the screen go black)

Blake: Uhhhhhhh. I'm pretty sure I'm not allowed to get exploded.

Chris: Okay! Back to the game!

(A montage is shown. Heather rolls a die, Zeke drops one on his foot. Mr. Owwy smacks Noah on the head. Staci looks up just as a rock lands on her. Zeke is shown wearing a top hat and suit while carrying a wooden cane, dancing to a ragtime. Heather steps forward two squares, looks around, then quickly steps forward three more. Blake walks forward, and carefully steps on a square. When nothing happens, he relaxes and smiles. Then the square piece springs up and sends him flying. Annette jumps to land on a square, but it opens up before she lands and she falls down a pit. Bob runs around and hits thing with the bat, then spots Chef and chases him around. Dawn is catapulted from giant rubber bands like a sling shot, showing no sign of fear at all. Lightning is shown in several continuous clips getting hit in the head with different objects; an anvil, a cinder block, a hammer, and a bowl of spaghetti. Heather walks forward, looks worriedly at the square, then steps aside, avoiding an explosion, while she grins deviously. Zeke is dumped into a giant bucket of water. Zoey rolls the die. Blake struggles to lift it, and Owen takes it from him and rolls it. The Crazies go in the bunker. The next clip shows the Psychos in the bunker. Chris ducks his head in the bunker. The next clips show explosion after explosion until the montage ends and the show goes back to the normal game play)

Owen: Yes! I rolled a six! Awesome!

Blake: Well, I'll step forward if you want.

(He walks really, really, really slowly)

Blake: [to Chris] Are we done yet? I'm getting really tired. And I'm not allowed to get tired. Being tired means that- - -

Chris: Yes. We're almost done.

Annette: _We're almost done! Here comes the sun!_

Noah: Thank heavens.

Lightning: [rolling the die] Sha-awesome! Lightning's going six spaces!

Heather: No, Heather's going six spaces.

(She jumps six spaces)

Chris: Yes! I mean...Oh, too bad. Heather, that's a humiliating space. Now you gotta wear this fashionable chicken suit!

Heather: No. No! I refuse!

Chris: Then Mr. Owwy will persuade you.

(Chef grins, then looks behind him at Bob, who's chewing on his baseball bat. Heather grumbles and puts on the chicken suit)

Mike/Bob: UHHHHH! SAY GOODBYE TO CHICKENS!

(He chases after Heather. She runs away screaming)

_Static_

Heather: Stupid Mike. [looking at the chicken suit] Well, I've already cheated a lot today, why not one more time?

(She tears off the chicken suit and drops it down the toilet)

Heather: Bye-bye. Ha.

_Static_

_End of Confessionals_

(Camera shows the Psychos. Blake is still walking extremely slowly towards his square)

Dawn: Blake! We can't move until you reach the square!

Blake: Okay, already. I'm hurrying up.

(Blake fast-walks the remaining three squares to a red and purple tile)

Chris: I don't believe it! I just don't believe it! No way!

Blake: What?

Chris: You landed on the only good square! This isn't possible! To be that lucky- - -

Noah: We get it. What's so good about it?

Chris: [shaking off his awe] On this square, you get a complimentary smoothie. And I don't mean Chef's crap. I mean, a real smoothie. A really good smoothie.

(A machine pops up, whirs for a while, and out pops a glass with a delicious-looking yellow smoothie)

Blake: Uh, no thanks. I'll pass.

Chris: I'd drink it if I were you. If you don't, your team loses. And you probably get voted out.

Blake: I don't know. Smoothies have sugar. Sugar makes me hyper. And when I'm hyper, I get- - -

Owen: Hungry? Because I'm always hungry when I'm hyper. Well, and when I'm calm. And glad. Sad. Mad. Bad. Rad. Come to think of it, I'm always hungry. Anyone got a chicken leg?

Blake: [ignoring Owen] Fine. I'll drink it. But I'm warning you, you are _not_ going to like this.

(He downs the cup in one gulp. Nothing happens immediately. The camera moves to the Crazies)

Zoey: Let's move! We're only seven spaces away from victory!

Staci: Yah, my great-great-grandpa Percy Snackson invented victory. Before that, everyone had to lose.

(Suddenly, Blake yells really loudly)

Blake: AHAAA! SCOOTISH PEOPLES NEVER LOSE! COME ON TEAM, TO VICTORY WE GO!

Staci: What the heck?

Noah: Yahoo. Another asylum-ready lunatic.

Ezekiel: Are you talking aboot me, eh?

Noah: Yeah. Sure. Whatever lets you sleep at night, Mr. Asylum-ready-lunatic.

Chris: Someone roll! We need another Team Versus Team challenge before Dynamite Time!

Blake: SCOOTISH DYNAMITE! THOT'S WOT WE NEED!

Owen: We need Mr. Coconut's expert advice. What should we do to win, Mr. Coconut?

Noah: Stop! We don't need any more dynamite, you hear me?

Chris: ONE MINUTE TILL DYNAMITE TIME! HURRY UP!

Heather: Roll! _Roll_, you morons!

Annette: _We're_- - -

Heather: Just don't sing!

_Static_

Mike/Bob: WOWEE I LIKE CAKE WAHAHAHAH WOWEE

_Static_

_End of Confessionals_

Mike/Bob: CHICKENS ARE EVIL BECAUSE HE'S A EVIL FEATHER BALL THING WITH LEGS!

Blake: IT'S DYNAMITE TIME, NOOOOO, SCOOTISH DYNAMITE TIME! CHICKENS OR NO, WE'RE GONNA BLOW US OUR WAYS TO VICTORY! GET READY FOR THE BIG BOOM!

(He pulls out of his pocket a stick of very shiny dynamite)

Lightning: How'd he get that?

(Blake then lights it and throws it in a box)

Noah: Don't worry guys. There's no way such a small bit of TNT could even harm us.

Staci: Yah, my great-aunt Oogaboogacrooga invented TNT. Before her, people could only blow themselves up by turning on a blender and not putting on the lid. Yah, and that always made a mess.

Blake: AAAAAAGH! SCOOTLAND FOREVER!

(He grabs Noah, runs over to the boxes of TNT scattered around, and sticks him in one where the Scottish Dynamite lies)

Blake: AAAAIE! JUST STAY THERE, YEH ANNOYIN' SHORT LADDY!

Noah: Are you INSANE?! NOW THIS COULD HARM ME! A LOT!

(A huge boom rattles the entire game board, and Noah sails through the air, landing on the finishing tile. All the Psychos cheer)

Owen: Blake! Blake! You did it!

Ezekiel: We won, eh! Hoooray!

Dawn: Blake, your Scottish aura saved us all!

(In the background, a soot-covered Noah looks up. He sees Blake and glares)

Chris: Wow. I never thought I'd say this, but, congratulations Blake. Your strange and somewhat disturbing Scotland-ness got the Psycho Psychos the first team victory of the season!

Blake: WHAAHAAHA! NESSIE IS A SCOOTISH GIRL DINOSUAR MONSTAH!

Owen: Oh, Mr. Coconut! We won! We won!

Heather: [to her team] You idiots! You never listen to me! [to Chris] How'd they win?! They didn't even roll the die!

Chris: First rule of Monotrapdungeonsorrychessopoly: There are no rules!

Heather: No. No! I refuse to accept this. You can't make me go to the campfire ceremony. The other team cheated!

Chris: Well, Heather, so did you. Fifty-two times, by my count. And therefore, your team lost!

Noah: 'By your count'? You can't count!

Chris" Fine, Chef was the counter here. Geez.

(Mike inhales sharply)

Mike: Aaaghh. What just happened? Oh man! Bob just _had _to come out and ruin the game AGAIN! I'm sorry, guys!

(Most of his teammates give him dirty looks)

Zoey: It's okay, Mike. It's only a game.

Lightning: No, it's not sha-okay! The Lightning needs to win! Sha-losers!

Chris: Well too bad. 'Cause you all know what's next….

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

(The scene is the around the campfire, like last time. The campers are seated in various places, some on logs, and some on barrels)

Chris: I have here five marshmallows. Everyone on the Crazy Crazies team who receives one is off the hook. But one camper here will not receive one, henceforth ending their time here on the island.

Ezekiel: This is crazy, eh! The first day where no one can even vote for me!

Chris: Get out Zeke! This isn't even your marshmallow ceremony!

Ezekiel: Well, I like watchin' them, eh.

Chris: Sigh. Just go sit on the ground somewhere.

Ezekiel: A'yup, sir.

Chris: Ignoring Zeke, tonight's first marshmallow goes to...Zoey!

(She catches her marshmallow)

Zoey: Yay!

Chris: Staci and Annette, you're both safe.

(He tosses them both marshmallows. Annette starts to sing, Staci starts to lie, and Zeke starts to say something stupid, but Chris shushes them)

Chris: Then, this one's for…

…

…

…

…

…

…Lightning! Take your sha-marshmallow, dude!

Lightning: Aw yeah! Lightning's safe! Sha-awesome! Sha-awesome! Sha-awesome!

Ezekiel: Where's my marshmallow, eh?

Heather: [to Ezekiel] Shut up! [in sudden realization] Wait! Where's _my _marshmallow?!

Chris: Be patient. You'll get yours. On second thought, maybe you won't. It's you and Mike. Tonight's bottom two.

Annette: _Heather and Mike are left! Only one will get a marshmallowy gift!_

Mike: That doesn't even rhyme!

Chris: Okay. Moving on. Mike. Your insanity was a little too un-nerving for the second day in a row. Heather. Your evil thoughts, words, and actions have made a bad reputation even worse, not to mention it was your cheating that lost the challenge. But only one of you will survive. The last 'mallow goes to...

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…Heather. Sadly.

(Heather catches her marshmallow and sneers at Mike)

Mike: Darn! At least...at least Bob won't injure anyone else.

Heather: Haha! In your face, loser. I'm well on my way to being the winner.

Zoey: No! Come on! There's gotta be some sort of mix up! [to Heather] STOP GLOATING!

(Zoey's face turns red, and Heather slowly backs away from her)

Mike: It's okay, Zoey. We're all probably better off this way.

Chris: Hasta la Vista, Mike slash Bob!

(The trapdoor opens under Mike and he falls down the Chute of Shame into the underground version of Playa des Losers)

Mike: What the- - -?

Izzy: HAHAHAA! IZZY IS NO LONGER ALONE! You can help me plot my escape!

Mike: Oh man...

Izzy: Okay, listen up, new guy. Izzy already has a plan. It just might work. WHO AM I KIDDING?! IZZY'S PLANS ALWAYS WORK!

Mike: Actually, I'm just gonna head to the vending machine, so.…

(Camera shows back above ground. Chris is standing on the dock, with the remaining Crazies in the background)

Chris: Well, this was an interesting episode. Monotrapdungeonsorrychessopoly seems to be a big success! Don't forget to order your own one before they're all sold out! Which I'm sure they will be! 'Cause someone will certainly buy them! Sometime soon! I hope! Just buy it, kid. Anyways, what's gonna happen to the rest of these campers? Why are my inventions so awesome? And will Heather ever get kicked off the island?

Heather: Hey!

Chris: Find out next time on TOTAL, DRAMA, THE ISLAND REBORN!

(Scene cuts to the woods, where two figures are shown. Suddenly, they come into focus)

Noah: Okay, listen up. This is important.

Ezekiel: What is, eh?

Noah: What I brought you here to talk about.

Ezekiel: What was that again? I forgot, eh.

Noah: Our alliance. Ring a bell?

Ezekiel: Yep! No. Can you explain it again?

Noah: Fine. Blake is a danger to our team. He needs to go. The purpose of this alliance is just that-to vote him off.

Ezekiel: I don't know. He seemed like sooch a nice guy, eh. And he did help us win.…

Noah: If Blake stays, then you go. Do you want that to happen?

(Zeke furiously shakes his head no)

Noah: Good. I thought so. Shake on it?

Zeke: A'yup.

(Noah and Zeke shake hands, and the screen goes black)

Credits play

**Voting Confessionals**

_Static_

Staci: Hmm. I vote for Lightning. Y'know, my great-great-grandma Dolores invented lightning, and he has the nerve to get named after my ancestor's creation! I can't stand copy-cats! That, and pathological liars.

_Static_

Annette: _I vote for Heather! So I can take a breather!_

_Static_

Lightning: Sha-Voting! I choose...Mike. Or...Bob? Or whoever it is. Seeya later, Bobmikewhoeveryouare!

_Static_

Heather: There's a sliver of a difference between the two here I would like most to see get kicked off. But Bob is actually even more annoying than Annette. Not to mention I am _definitely_ on the chopping block after today. Voting for the idiot is a strategic move. Goodbye Mike, and your alter-ego too.

_Static_

Mike: I can sum up my day in two words: I sucked. I can't believe how terrible Bob was! If I stay here much longer, he might end up injuring someone….or even worse! I have to vote for myself. It's the right thing to do.

_Static_

Zoey: I vote for Heather. Mike told her not to cheat, but she didn't listen. Gr!

_Static_

**Mike/Bob: 3**

**Heather: 2**

**Lightning: 1**

**Annette: 0**

**Staci: 0**

**Zoey: 0**

**Eliminated: Izzy, Mike**

**Psycho Psychos: Blake, Dawn, Ezekiel, Mr. Coconut, Noah, Owen**

**Crazy Crazies: Annette, Heather, Lightning, Staci, Zoey**

**Well, there you go guys, Episode 2. I'm really sorry to all Mike fans; he's even one of my favorite characters. Don't worry though, just like Izzy, he still has a pretty big role to play. Expect another update, again, VERY soon, but Episode 4 might take a while.**

**~TheImpossiblyAwesomeWriter**

**Next Time: With Zoey unbelievably mad, Blake unbelievably crazy, and Noah unbelievably cunning, will the contestants even survive a game of Capture the Flag? Especially when the flags end up being not quite….normal.**


	3. Episode 3: Crap-ture the Flag

**What's up everyone? It's TheImpossiblyAwesomeWriter here. After a couple of author's notes the story will start.**

**1. I don't own or claim to own Total Drama, and I do not make any profit from this fan-fic.**

**2. There are two hidden movie references in this episode, both near each other. See if you can spot them!**

**3. From now on I will respond to all reviews I get and all non-guest reviewers will get a prize! Please review, I love hearing your thoughts!**

**4. This story is dedicated to a good friend of mine, who even co-wrote the first two episodes with me.**

**5. There's a poll on my page for who you want to win Total Drama The Island Reborn! Please vote! Your votes will actually influence the outcome!**

**6. A couple of milestones: I've reached 20,000 words and 75 views! Again, not much, but worth something.**

(Camera shows Chris on the Dock of Shame)

Chris: Last time on Total Drama the Island Reborn….

(Montage of scenes described by Chris are shown)

Chris: .…teams were formed. Crazy teams. Psycho teams. These teams then participated in an action-packed game of Monotrapdungeonsorrychessopoly. Blake turned Scottish. Mike hit Chef with a hammer. A boulder fell on Staci. And Noah was exploded across the finish line, courtesy of our Scottish teenager, giving the Psychos the first win of the season. The Crazies then headed to a dramatic elimination, in which Mike got the boot. Yep, that kid was messed up. Did you see what his alternate personality did to my game board? Yeah, I know. _Crazy_. After the campfire, Noah formed an alliance with Homeschool to boot off Blake. Will the two be successful? Or will Noah let Blake persevere for the good of the team? And will this episode be just as crazy with Bob gone? [after a short pause] I'll give ya the answer to that last one right now. Yep. Definitely. Craziness will ensue, right here, right now, on TOTAL, DRAMA, THE ISLAND REBORN!

(Theme song plays. It shows the camera sweeping past the dock, where Chris waves at it. Chef smiles at it, then gulps as it comes nearer to him, and smacks him in the face. After he disappears the camera zooms up the cliff, where it shows a squirrel punching Zeke in the face. As the camera "falls" off the cliff so does Zeke. Hitting the water, bubbles cover the screen. When they clear, Izzy is swimming away from a shark, only to turn around and bite the shark back. Above the water, Noah is sitting in a boat, reading his trademark book, when Zeke lands on him. Right after the moment of impact, the camera zooms to the forest, where Mike is petting a raccoon. The raccoon bites his finger, causing him to wince in pain, inhale deeply, then scream at the raccoon. The camera zooms to the waterfall, where Annette is singing on top of a log that goes over the waterfall. At the bottom, Dawn is sitting cross-legged on a beam of wood going across a small lake, looking very peaceful. Suddenly, Annette flies past her and her mouth falls open. The camera moves to the outhouse confessional, where a bear is knocking on the door. Blake sticks his head out, screams, and then ducks back in. Chef's kitchen is then seen, with a small television in the background upon which Courtney and Cody can be seen. Lightning is dumping protein powder into his mouth, and then fist-pumps, while Heather is tied to a chair, being force-fed Chef Hatchet's special soup by Chef himself. The camera moves outside to the campfire pit, where Owen is holding Mr. Coconut and rocking back and forth giggling. Staci is seen on the dock, blabbing on while reading from a gigantic stack of papers. The camera shifts a little, showing Chris on the other side of the dock, covering his ears and yelling. He runs around and falls into the water. When he surfaces, in classic cartoon style, his head steams over in anger, causing a fire. The camera follows the fire embers up, and then back down, revealing the campfire. Zoey is sitting in front of it, looking nervous, before her eyebrows scrunch up and she gives an evil grin, only to look around when she sees Zeke and Mike sitting on either side of her. The camera pans out to show all 13 contestants sitting on stools around the campfire, as Chris stands nearby and grins at the camera. A wooden sign is seen, where neon letters light up, saying TOTAL DRAMA THE ISLAND REBORN)

(Scene shows Zeke asleep in his bunk. He snores for a while. Then he opens his eyes and sits up, only to hit his head on the ceiling and fall onto the cabin floor, with Noah, Blake, and Owen asleep in their bunks, oblivious to him)

Ezekiel: Ow, eh.

(He gets up and walks out of the cabin. Then he looks down. He's standing in a field of mud up to his knees)

Ezekiel: Oi! This wasn't here yesterday!

(He waves his arms around in panic, only to fall face-first into the mud. He then gets up, covered in dirt, and slowly walks to the center of camp. He puts his hand on the megaphone pole, and the part he touched gets covered in a muddy hand print Zeke then seems to have an idea, and throws mud up at the megaphone's speaker, where it sticks)

Ezekiel: Ha! No more announcements from Chris, eh.

(The mud then slides off the megaphone and falls back down, hitting him in the face)

(The camera shifts to the outside of the Psychos cabin. Noah, half-asleep, walks out the door, then notices the mud)

Noah: Whoa. How'd this get here?

Owen: [coming out the door behind Noah] I don't know, and I don't care! Mud fight!

(He grabs a handful of mud and throws it at Noah's head)

Noah: Gross. Absolutely gross. Well, two can play at that game, pal.

(He scoops up some mud, and hurls it at Owen. Owen ducks and it flies into the cabin, hitting Blake in the face. Blake wipes the mud from his eyes)

Blake: Uh, guys, I'm not allowed to get dirty. You really shouldn't do that.

(Noah and Owen glance at each other, then at Blake. They grin impishly)

Blake: Why are you looking at me like that?

(The two say nothing, but each grab one of Blake's arms, and throw him into the mud. Blake then yells more stuff about what he's not allowed to do, but it's muffled by the mud. Noah laughs hysterically, until Blake manages to grab him and pull him in)

Noah: Ah, gross! Owen! Help me out!

Owen: Hahaha! Sorry Noah, this is just too funny. [wiping a tear of laughter from his eye] Too funny. Haha.

(Noah then reaches out and pulls Owen in, and a mud battle ensues)

(The screen shows Heather coming out of the Crazies cabin, with the majority of the Psychos mud-battling in the background. Heather notices them and glares)

Heather: [to Zoey, who is sitting glumly on a chair on the cabin porch] Throwing mud. Soooo immature.

Zoey: [standing up] Oh yeah?

(She pushes Heather over into the mud)

Heather: AAAAAAH! DISGUSTING! [glaring at Zoey] What is wrong with you?

Zoey: Just desserts.

Heather: Ergh.

_Static_

Heather: What is Zoey's problem?

_Static_

(Noah is covered in mud from head to toe. He stares at the camera, and frowns)

Noah: No comment.

_Static_

Annette: _I like birds! I sing lots of words!_

_Static_

_End of Confessionals_

(Suddenly, a rotor sound is heard. Chris' helicopter is seen overhead. Dawn, Lightning, Staci, and Annette emerge from the cabins)

Chris: [loudspeaker] Attention campers! I see some of you have already gotten muddy. That's great, 'cause today's challenge is gonna be filled with mud! And quicksand, cliffs, and a lot more stuff that's good for ratings!

(Heather and Noah glare at him, while Zeke has a smile a mile wide)

Chris: [loudspeaker] Today's challenge is a classic summer camp game. Capture the flag, Total Drama style! Each team will get a map to their base.

(Two paper maps float down from the helicopter. Owen and Staci pick them up for their respective teams)

Chris: [loudspeaker] See you in the forest! And good luck! [after a pause] Wait, scratch that. Bad luck!

_Static_

Ezekiel: Oh yeah! The Zekester's gonna rock this challenge, eh! No one capture flags better than Canadians!

_Static_

_End of Confessionals_

(Scene shows the forest. Each team is standing on a rock pile, which are about thirty feet apart. Chris is in the middle)

Staci: Chris? I don't get it. Why are our bases so close together?

Chris: No worries, Chatty Girl. Chef will move the Psychos' base farther away, using my helicopter. But first I must explain the rules.

Lightning: What rules? Lightning don't follow anyone's rules. Sha-bam!

Chris: Slow down, Mr. Rulebreaker. The only person breaking the rules here [gesturing to himself] is moi. As for the rules themselves, it's mostly basic Capture the Flag. Each team gets a side of the forest. Tag an opponent on your side, and they're a prisoner until someone on their team tags them outta jail. Each team hides their flag somewhere around their base, and you gotta aim for that. First team to bring the opposing flag back to their base wins. Any questions?

Staci: Yah- - -

Chris: Shut up Staci. No questions allowed.

Staci: But you said- - -

Chris: Shut up. No statements allowed either. Now, normally I wouldn't reveal the challenge's twist till later, but, this time, and this time only, you'll learn what the twist is right now.

Heather: Well? What is it?

Chris: Zip it! No questions, remember? Now, the twist here has to do with the flags. You may have noticed you don't have any. Except you do have any.

Ezekiel: What's that even supposed to mean, eh?

Chris: Shut up! Shut up shut up shut up! What part of 'no questions or statements' don't you understand?

Ezekiel: The question part, eh. Or maybe the no part.

Chris: Sigh. Forget it. Now, you already have your flags, as you _are_ the flags. Each team will tie one of their members up until they can't move, and that's your flag.

Noah: And why shouldn't they be able to move?

Chris: Moving flags? What is this? A memorial parade? No. Flags do not move. Unless someone moves them. Pick your flags, then Chef will move the Psycho's base. After that, you'll have to make your way through numerous obstacles, cough cough lots of mud cough cough, to get to the other's base. May the best team lose! Now pick those flags.

(Chef flies over with the helicopter and drops a rope down. Chris grabs onto it and is pulled up)

Heather: Well, who's our flag?

Lightning, Annette, Staci, and Zoey: [taking out a coil of rope] You.

Heather: [worriedly] Hee hee, guys. No need to be so unfriendly. We're all pals here, right? [as the other four start stepping menacingly towards her] Right?!

Annette: _We'll tie up Heather! And drag her through the mud and heather! _This is gonna be awesome!

_Static_

Heather: [wrapped up in rope] How dare they!

_Static_

Annette: _I like dogs, but when it comes to food they are hogs!_

_Static _

_End of Confessionals_

(The screen cuts to the Psychos rock pile. In the background, Heather is yelling as Zoey ties her up)

Owen: Ya know, guys, I'd like to be our flag, but I'm pretty sure I can't.

Blake: Why?

Owen: I'm pretty sure the rope wouldn't fit around me. I'm a teensy tiny bit too wide.

Ezekiel: Nah! You're just really really really fat, eh.

Owen: You could've been a little bit nicer.

Ezekiel: My mama always says, noothing's nicer than the truth. A'yup.

Owen: Well, then, Mr. Truthity Truth, shouldn't it be truthful that you're the flag?

Ezekiel: Um, well, you see, eh, I sorta….don't….like….rope? I mean I really hate rope, eh.

Noah: Yeah. The truth. Good job. What about you, Dawn?

Dawn: Me? No, I'm too much in harmony with nature. The animals would untie me before the challenge had even begun.

Noah: In that case, since I'll gladly decline, we're left with….[grinning evilly] Blake.

Blake: I'm not allowed to be tied up.

Noah: Well, you are now.

Ezekiel: A'yup, Noah's allowed to allow people, eh.

Blake: Fine. As long as you promise not to hide me in the mud.

Noah: [crossing his fingers behind his back] Promise.

(Owen and Dawn then proceed to wrap Blake up with the rope. Just as they finish, Chef flies over with the helicopter, and shoots four harpoons into the earth on each corner of the rock pile. Somehow, miraculously, the entire thing lifts into the air, with the Psychos team on it, and flies away)

(The screen shows the Crazies' base)

Heather: Someone untie me! We can use someone else as a flag! Staci! Or Annette! Or Lightning! Or- - -

(Annette sticks a cloth in her mouth, muffling her words)

Heather: Mmmmmmmpf! Mmmpf Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmpf!

Annette: _Heather can no longer talk! Oh I like to eat chalk! I don't think there is a word called qualk! Now I will take a walk!_

Lightning: C'mon guys, we can't take a walk now! We gotta hide Mean Girl!

Zoey: Yeah. Do you want to win the challenge or not?

Heather: Mmmmmmpf!

Staci: Yah, what she said. Let's hide her in quicksand!

Heather: MMMMMMMMMMMMMPPPFFFF!

Annette: I'm pretty sure she never told us to hide her in quicksand….

(Heather relaxes)

Annette: ….but, quicksand would be one heck of a hiding place! Let's go!

Zoey: Agreed.

(Lightning and Zoey lift up Heather and the five of them leave, Heather making muffled screams)

(Scene shows a clearing in the forest. All looks peaceful for a second, then a helicopter noise is heard, and with a deafening thump, the Psychos' rock pile base falls to the earth)

Blake: Ow.

Owen: That was painful. Are you okay, Mr. Coconut? [in a weird voice, pretending to be Mr. Coconut] Oh yes Owen, I'm fine. Thank you very very much for asking.

Dawn: Owen, you do realize Mr. Coconut is simply a, well, a coconut?

Owen: Don't be ridiculous.

Dawn: I'm never ridiculous.

Owen: Harumph. Says you.

Blake: Can we just get this over with?

Owen and Dawn: NO!

Blake: Well sorry for asking.

Ezekiel: We better hide 'im quick, though, eh. Chris could start the game any second!

Noah: Zekey here has a point. Let's get to it.

Owen: Well, where do we hide him?

Noah: Mud. Plain and simple. Mud.

Blake: But I though you said- - -

Noah: Too late.

(Noah shoves Blake, who then wiggles from momentum all the way to the end of the rock pile and falls off, straight into a huge marsh-mud place)

Noah: Problem solved.

Owen: What problem?

Ezekiel: That problem, eh. But, there still is one problem!

Dawn: What Zeke?

Ezekiel: We don't have any chokate milk, eh.

(Dawn scowls at Zeke, to which he is oblivious)

Chris: [megaphone] Attention idiots! You may now begin…..capturing the human flags!

Noah: Well, we need a guard. We'll have to seriously think and consider each and every one of us for guard duty, as it is no laughing matter. Therefore, Dawn can be our guard!

Dawn: What?

Noah: Just guard the Blake-flag.

(He quickly pushes Zeke and Owen into the forest)

_Static_

Noah: Owen. He's my friend. My pal. My buddy. My chum. And a perfect alliance member. If I can get him voting with Zeke and me, Blake's as good as gone.

_Static_

_End of Confessionals_

(Scene shows the Crazies. They have found a quicksand pit)

Heather: Mrrrrph!

Annette: She's probably excited that we found such a good hiding spot!

(Heather glares daggers at Annette, who smiles at her)

Zoey: OK guys, don't worry. Quicksand pits are practically _never_ more than three feet deep. I'm gonna follow the beach, and see if I can go around the enemy directly to their flag.

Lightning: Okee dokee. Sha-bye-bye!

(Zoey walks off as Staci and Lightning push Heather into the quicksand. The piece of cloth in her mouth falls out)

Heather: [up to her knees in quicksand] You idiots! You complete idiots! You got me stuck in quicksand!

Staci: Yah, that was the plan.

Heather: Get me out!

Staci: No way. My great-great-great-great-great-great-grandfather Bongo McSlongo invented quicksand. And he made it perfectly safe! He did die in quicksand later though, but that's probably just a coincidence.

(Suddenly, Heather sinks really quickly, up to her neck)

Lightning: [to Heather] Hmm. How sha-tall are you?

Heather: Five foot eight. Why?

Lightning: Phew! That's way less than three feet! Sha-bam, Lightning's good at math!

Staci: Uh, Lightning, I think you should add that up again.

Heather: You mean...I'm actually gonna suffocate in a pile of sand surrounded by raving idiots? GET ME OUT OF HERE! HURRY UP ALREA- - -

(She sinks completely beneath the sand)

Lightning: Don't worry, Mean Girl. Lightning will save you!

(He jumps into the sand, only to get stuck up to his neck)

Lightning: Hey! Stupid sand! That's cheatin'!

(The sand bubbles up over his mouth and then his entire head)

Annette: That was weird.

Staci: Yah.

Annette: So.

Staci: Yah.

Annette: What're we gonna do now?

Staci: Hmm. You can guard. I'll go get the other team's flag.

Annette: Sounds good to me!

(Staci walks off, while Annette stands by the quicksand pit)

Annette: _Oh I'm standing by quicksand! It slowly will engulf the land! This challenge is sort of weird! Did you ever notice Chris does not have a beard?!_

(Scene shows Zeke, Noah, and Owen holding Mr. Coconut. They are walking on a trail through the woods)

Owen: Sigh. No food here.

Ezekiel: I feel for ya, eh. No chockate milk here either.

Noah: Yeah. 'Cause right now the most important thing we could possibly have is chocolate milk.

Ezekiel: Purty much, eh.

Noah: [rolling his eyes while grinning at Owen] Anyway. Owen, you need a voting buddy?

Owen: No. I need food.

Ezekiel: He's tryin' to say, join our alliance, eh. Hey, that rhymed!

Owen: Oh. Sure. But only if Mr. Coconut can be in it too.

Noah: Mr. Coconut can be in it too. Right Zeke?

(He turns to Zeke, but doesn't see him. He looks around, but there is no sign of the prairie boy)

Noah: Zeke? Zeke?!

_Static_

(Ezekiel is seen curled up on the bench, shivering fiercely with his eyes wide)

Ezekiel: It woos terrible, eh! Terrible! I never wont to talk about it! The horror, eh. WAAAAAAHHH!

_Static_

Annette: _I like cats, so I always hit them with baseball bats!_

_Static_

_End of Confessionals_

(Scene switches to Staci, who is walking through the woods. She trips over a vine and falls over, bumping a tiny rock)

Staci: Oops. [standing up] How clumsy. I better get moving.

(Unbeknownst to her, the rock she bumped slides into another, which slides into a large stone, partially removing it from the earth. The stone then flips over and starts rolling down a steep hill. It hits a gully and goes flying; slamming into a gigantic boulder perched precariously on a cliff. As the stone falls off the cliff, the boulder leans dangerously over the edge. Just as all seems to be fine, the ground gives way and the huge boulder plummets down, thumping on the ground dozens of feet below. It then begins to roll, picking up speed, crushing bushes at first, then ripping up trees and knocking even the biggest stones out of its path. The camera shows the landscape from the boulder's point of view, rushing and bumping and destroying. It goes over a small bump and flips, showing us Zoey ten feet beneath it)

Zoey: AAAAAAAH! Um, nice boulder?

(The boulder falls towards her and the screen goes black)

(Scene shows Zeke's face. His eyes are closed, but then they flicker open. He stands up, to find himself at the very top of the massive cliff on Wawanakwa)

Ezekiel: Whoa. How'd I get here, eh?

(He starts walking back down the hill, only to find his way blocked by a squirrel. The squirrel is smacking its fist into its palm. Ezekiel gasps, then narrows his eyes)

Ezekiel: So we meet again.

Squirrel: Chirp chirp rah rah rah.

Ezekiel: Well, bring it, eh!

(Dramatic western shootout music plays, as Zeke and the squirrel face each other off. With a yell and a shriek, form Zeke and the squirrel respectively, they throw themselves at each other. The squirrel scrambles all over him, biting Zeke, while he waves his arms trying to grab the animal. Eventually the squirrel bites his nose, and he yowls in pain)

Ezekiel: What'cha do that for, eh?

(The squirrel smirks, and then jumps at Zeke. He falls backwards, and with a scream, both Zeke and the animal fall off the cliff)

_Static_

(Again, Ezekiel is curled up in fear)

Ezekiel: I told ya, eh. That squirrely is oout to get me!

_Static_

_End of Confessionals_

(Scene shows the boulder. It slowly tilts, then rolls away. Beneath it lays Zoey, flat as a pancake. She moans in pain, then slowly gets up. She staggers to the beach, where she collapses. And the ground collapses under her. Zoey finds herself in a dimly lit cave. Suddenly, rage builds inside her. With a growl, she grabs a rock and starts hammering into the wall, forming a short tunnel. She then uses a piece of seaweed as a headband, and puts on war paint)

Zoey: [angrily] That boulder didn't just roll on its on! Someone pushed it! And whoever it is, THEY'RE GOING TO PAY!

(Screen shows Owen and Noah. They are still walking through the woods. As they round a bend in the path, they are shocked to see another teenager in front of them. He is dressed in the clothes normal to Total Drama interns, albeit wearing them very sloppily, and is smacking a tree with a hammer)

Intern: [spotting Owen and Noah] Hey! Like, what's up dudes? You must, like, be the dudes on that, like, show that's here on this rad island.

(Noah and Owen glance at each other, then look back at him)

Noah: Um, what did you just say?

Owen: Noah, my friend, you need to learn teen-speak. This fellow [gesturing to the intern] appears to be fluent. To the trained ear, what he said can easily be made out as 'we died in Antarctica and he's a ghost that's haunting our ghosts'."

Intern: Like, that's totally not what I said, bro. Just said we're on a rad island. With the million prize bling and all that.

Noah: And who exactly are you?

Intern: Name's Frederic. Put call me Suppa Awesome Fred, if ya, like, think that suits me, like, better.

Noah: It doesn't suit you. Not at all. Not one tiny bit. Anyway, what are you doing here?

Frederic: Like, my parents wanted me ta get a job. But, like, I wanted to get a job, where, ya know, I didn't, like, have to wear a tie and all that baloney. So, dude, I signed up for this weird thing, yo.

(He goes back to hitting the tree with his sledgehammer)

Owen: What are you doing there?

Frederic: [pausing from hitting the tree] Like, what, what?

Owen: Why are you hitting a tree with a sledgehammer?

Frederic: It's, like, my job. I think. I dunno, really. Anyways homies, gotta be on my way. Like, peace out and all that stuff.

(Fred walks off, swinging his hammer behind him)

Owen: That was weird.

Noah: You can say that again.

Owen: That was weird.

_Static_

(Owen is laughing hysterically)

_Static_

Frederic: Like, rad dudes, an outhouse with a cool camera! But, still, that's like, so, 2012, man. Like, wait, am I allowed to use this dude? Aw, who cares, like, right?

_Static_

Annette: _I like goats! Castles have moats!_

_Static_

_End of Confessionals_

(Screen shows an underground pit. Lightning and Heather, who is still tied up, are sitting in it)

Lightning: Lightning don't like this. It's like that mine last season. All dark, and un-athleticy.

Heather: Speak for yourself. At least you can move.

(Lightning is about to reply, when the dirt wall in front of them explodes. From the dust emerges Zoey)

Commando Zoey: Alright, which one of you did it? WHICH ONE?!

Lightning: Sha-what?

Heather: Go away, Crazy Girl.

Lightning: Sha-agreed!

(Zoey growls and throws Lightning up to the ceiling, using strength that the regular Zoey wouldn't have had. In a bizarre way, the ceiling absorbs Lightning, reversing him back through the quicksand he had sunk into)

Lightning: [off-screen, from above] Hey! The quicksand spit Lightning out! Aw yeah!

Heather: [to Zoey] Um, mind doing that to me too?

Commando Zoey: Yeah right.

(She drags Heather back through the tunnel, into another opening where a chute far above shows daylight. There's some sort of powerful-looking spring on the floor, which Heather is dragged onto)

Heather: What is this? Oh no! Is this a catapult? Why are you doing this?

Commando Zoey: Payback's a [bleeped out]. This is for the boulder.

Heather: What boulder? WAAAAAAAAAHHHH!

(As Zoey hits a switch, Heather is launched into the air, flying up the chute, landing somewhere outside. Zoey smiles to herself and starts crawling back through the tunnel. Then she stops and frowns)

Commando Zoey: Wait a second. What if it wasn't Heather? What if it was Chris? Or Chef? Heck, it could be any of them! Maybe they all teamed up! I need my revenge. Revenge! On. Every. Last. One. Of. Them.

(Scene shows Dawn, standing on the rock pile that is the Psycho's base, with Blake in the mud pit behind her. She looks bored, but is suddenly alert as something in the forest moves. She goes over to investigate)

Dawn: [gasping] Who are you?!

?: Me? Why, I'm Tyler!

(It really is the jock, as he jumps out of the bushes in his trade-mark red clothes)

Dawn: Who's Tyler?

Tyler: Ya know! Tyler!

Dawn: No, I don't know.

Tyler: Yes you do!

Dawn: No I don't.

Tyler: Yes you d- - -augh, forget it. I can't believe nobody remembers me, _still_, even after my totally epic Total Drama World Tour run.

Dawn: I'm not following. Who are you?

Tyler: I'm Tyler, the most amazingest, epicest, awesomest, coolest, epicest- - -

Dawn: You already said epicest.

Tyler: Doesn't matter. Hands down, I was the best character from the first three seasons. I had the best stereotype too. "The Sportee Who Is Really Good At Sports".

Dawn: Don't you mean "The Sportee Who Sucks At Sports"?

Tyler: Hey! How'd you know?! Wait a second! You do know me!

Dawn: No I don't.

Tyler: Seriously! Am I that forgettable?!

Dawn: I don't know. [after a pause] Who are you again?

Tyler: [groaning] Ugh. Nobody ever recognizes me. But they will soon! That, I am sure of!

Dawn: Why? And who are you?

Tyler: See, the whole reason I came back to this treacherous island is to exercise, so I become the best professional-every-sport player there ever was!

Dawn: I don't think there ever were any professional-every-sport players. But what does this island have to do with exercise?

Tyler: Pfft. That's easy. Running from bears, falling off cliffs, getting eaten by sharks, being exploded by Chris. There's no better exercise in the world wide web!

Dawn: You mean the whole wide world.

Tyler: What I said. Anyways, I've been on this island for the last three years, and I haven't even needed to go to the bathroom!

Dawn: That's….disturbing. In fact, that's very disturbing. Well, are you any stronger at least?

Tyler: I haven't noticed any difference yet, but that's probably because I'm already so strong. I'm sure the extra muscle'll kick in in a year or so.

Dawn: Yes. Certainly.

Tyler: Well, I'm off to exercise. Toodle oo!

(He walks off, only to trip. He stands up, walks some more, and trips again. This continues until he's out of sight)

Dawn: That was weird.

Blake: You can say that again.

Dawn: That was weird.

_Static_

(Owen is laughing hysterically)

_Static_

_End of Confessionals_

(Suddenly, the bushes rustle again, and a chubby figure jumps out)

Staci: Yah! I knew I could do it!

(She has jumped out of the bushes next to Blake and is trying to navigate the mud pit when Dawn sneaks up behind her and tags her)

Dawn: Tag. You're out, figuratively speaking.

Staci: Aw man! I was doing so good!

Dawn: Well, you're the Psychos' prisoner now.

Staci: Yah, my great-great-aunt Smurfel invented prison. Before that, people only had jail. And that didn't sound very appetizing. So my great-great-aunt invented prison so more people would want to get in. Yah, it worked you know- - -

(As they walk to the base, Staci continues talking while Dawn puts her hands over her ears)

_Static_

Staci: You know, I've realized I can talk all I want in this confessional. Finally, I can give my full speech on my ancestors. It's only a few thousand pages, of course. I don't believe in writing too much.

(Chris walks in, and shoves Staci out)

Staci: Hey!

Chris: For Pete's sake, shut up for once!

_Static_

_End of Confessionals_

(Scene shows Chris and Chef. They are sitting in the security tent, watching screens showing the campers running around. Zoey is noticeably missing from all of the screens. Chris is sipping a latte, and laughing whenever someone falls into the mud in the forest)

Chris: Chef! Did you see that? Sha-idiot fell in a bog! Right after falling into quicksand!

(Chris laughs hysterically, while Chef just grunts in acknowledgement. Suddenly, Chef looks behind him to see Zoey, pointing a bow and arrow straight at the duo)

Chris: [oblivious to Zoey] Hilarious! Plain hilarious!

Chef: [tapping Chris' shoulder] Uh, Chris. We have a problem here.

Chris: Man, I cannot stop laughing!

Chef: Planet Earth to Chris! We're in big trouble!

Chris: [annoyed, still oblivious to Zoey] Chef! How many times do I have to tell you not to interrupt me when I'm laughing at other people's misfortunes?! [noticing Zoey] Oh.

Commando Zoey: That's right. Oh. As in, oh, it's payback time! Head to the brig!

Chris: Gulp. What brig?

Commando Zoey: The closest thing we've got to one. The boathouse!

(Scary music plays as Chef bites his nails and Chris' mouth falls open in terror. Then the two run off screaming to the boathouse, and Zoey grabs control of the megaphone)

Commando Zoey: [megaphone] Listen up, all of you! It's time for revenge. My revenge! On all of you! WAHAHAHAHAHAHA! You thought we were just going to be playing Capture the Flag. But now, it's the Most Dangerous Game. 'Cause I'm gonna be hunting you down, one by one. You can run, but you can't hide! WAHAHAHAHAHA!

(The megaphone shuts off, and the screen shows Owen and Noah, both looking at each other, Owen terrified and Noah semi-worried)

Owen: That doesn't sound good.

Noah: Agreed. Let's get the Crazies' flag and get out of here!

Owen: Yeah! Mr. Coconut doesn't deal well with terror!

Annette: Too bad, because he and you are now prisoners!

(She shows up out of nowhere and tags Noah before he can react)

Noah: Owen! She got me! Run!

Owen: I'm trying!

(He runs a few steps, then slows down and collapses)

Owen: Too….much….work. Can't go….any….farther. [tossing Mr. Coconut] Go on Coco, save yourself. You….can….make….it.

(Annette comes up, and tags Owen and Mr. Coconut)

Owen: Darn.

Annette: _I caught you_ _guys! And now I won the challenge!_

Noah: Okay. First off, that didn't rhyme. Second, tagging us does_ not_ mean you won. And finally, we're being chased down by a bow-and-arrow-wielding lunatic, and you're concerned with the challenge?!

Annette: Well duh. It is a million dollars after all.

Owen: True, true.

Annette: Anyway, it's off to Crazy Jail for you two!

Owen: Three. Don't forget Mr. Coconut.

Annette: _I shall never forget the fruit! Blake looks so weird cause he wears a suit!_

(The three, sorry, four of them walk off. The scene switches to the trash-strewn beach on the shore of Camp Wawanakwa. A wave rolls in, carrying Zeke with it. Staggering to his feet, he starts walking up the sand)

Ezekiel: That was painful. Well, at least noow I have a nice simple route into enemy territory, eh. Zeke forever! Woohoo!

(As he walks off, the camera moves to Dawn and Staci, standing at the Psycho's base. Staci is still chattering on, and Dawn still has her fingers in her ears. Suddenly, she notices someone behind her, and sees Zoey, holding a bow and arrow pointed directly at Staci. Just in time, Dawn pushes the bow to the side and the arrow narrowly misses the chatty girl)

Commando Zoey: Grr! What'd you do that for?!

Dawn: Zoey, calm down. You cannot let your inner rage harm others.

Commando Zoey: That's what you think.

(She pulls on a vine, and a net falls on Staci and Dawn, trapping them. She then swings off on the same vine into the forest, cackling the whole time. Blake, still in the mud pit, watches the whole thing and remains dutifully silent)

_Static_

Commando Zoey: WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!

_Static_

_End of Confessionals_

(Scene switches to a steep muddy slope. Lightning walks onto the screen on top of the slope, and not looking down, slips and slides and gets covered in mud)

Lightning: Aw man! Lightning was wearing brand new sport clothes! The sha-mud is gonna pay for this!

(He stands up and starts punching his hands into the mud)

Lightning: Take that, mud! And that! And that some more!

(Scene shows Annette, whistling. Noah, Owen, and Mr. Coconut are standing behind her)

Annette: _I'm singing a song! Noah won't sing along! Oh why won't he? I think he was stung by a bee!_

Noah: Yeah, definitely. That's why I'm totally screaming in pain right now.

(Suddenly, a vine grips his ankle, and wraps him up, tying him tight upside-down to a tree)

Noah: What the heck?

(Owen steps towards him and gets himself and Mr. Coconut tangled in vines. As Annette stands looking shocked, a vine around her ankle pulls her into the air. Zoey walks out of the jungle, grinning evilly)

Commando Zoey: Well, well, well. Look what fools have fallen into my trap.

Owen: I didn't see any fools. Heh heh. You should check back at camp.

Commando Zoey: Grr. [lifting up her bow] It's arrow time! Who gets it?!

Annette: I volunteer the coconut.

(Zoey smirks, then lets her arrow fly straight through Mr. Coconut)

Owen: MR. COCONUT?! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Commando Zoey: WAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

(She jumps up into a tree and dashes away, leaving the three, sorry, four tied up in the vines, with Owen yelling and Annette and Noah looking worried)

Annette: _This isn't a good time to sing! I'd like to eat pizza, ice cream, and a candy ring!_

Owen: WAAAAAHHH! Wait, did someone mention food? FOOD!

_Static_

Owen: What? I was hungry. Sheesh.

_Static_

_End of Confessionals_

(Scene switches back to Zeke. He is walking through the woods when he falls over. Looking to see what he tripped over, he sees Heather)

Ezekiel: [grinning] Looks like Oi've won this challenge, eh.

Heather: Fine. If your base if safe from Zoey, fine.

Ezekiel: A'yup. Wait, why?

Heather: At this point, Zoey's crazier than you were in Hawaii.

Ezekiel: Oh yeah, that. Sorry 'bout makin' the volcano exploode and losin' your million dollars. But it's not a big deal, eh?

Heather: [glaring, speaking sarcastically] Eh.

(A montage is shown, with Lightning walking through the woods, constantly accidentally hurting himself. Suddenly, he falls down a pit. Zoey looks down it and smiles. Then, Chris and Chef are shown sneaking away from the boathouse. Zoey jumps in front of them, and they run screaming back in. Then Frederic is walking through the campgrounds, carrying a platter with hamburgers, fries, and coffee, when he trips over a vine and spills all the food on himself. Zoey laughs manically, but then looks disgusted when Frederic picks up the muddy hamburger and eats it in one bite. He then gets up and walks on, while Zoey disappears back into the woods)

(Scene goes back to Noah, Owen, and Annette)

Owen: POOR MR. COCONUT!

Annette: Agreed. Poor him.

Noah: As sympathetic as I am for Owen's lost piece of fruit, I'm gonna get out of here.

(He wriggles around and falls out of the ropes, flipping to land on his feet)

Noah: And that, is the advantage of being skinny. You guys might wanna try it sometime.

Owen: But if I was skinny, there wouldn't be enough weight holding our dear ol' Earth down and we'd all explode.

Noah: [sarcastically] Yeah. Sure.

Annette: [as Noah runs off] Wait, but I am skinny! _Oh I am skinny! Mice are mini! Unlike elephants which are big! Zoey locked Chef in the brig!_

(Scene shows Zoey, who is dashing and running through the tree limbs like a squirrel)

Commando Zoey: Zeke is left, still un-revenged. But I can get him later. Time to win this darn challenge. Blake will feel my fury! RAAAAAAHHHH!

(She jumps out of a tree to land near the Psycho's base. Prowling around, she looks for any sign of Blake. The aforementioned person is still lying in the mud pit, less than five feet from her, trying desperately not to make a noise. Eventually, he can't take it any more)

Blake: I'm not allowed to be hunted down by a lunatic. Or get muddy.

Commando Zoey: Aha!

Blake: Oops.

Commando Zoey: You're comin' with me, flag!

Blake: But, I'm not allowed- - -

Commando Zoey: You are now!

Blake: You don't even know what I was about to say!

Commando Zoey: Doesn't matter! WAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Blake: Gulp. Hang on, I have a plan.

Commando Zoey: You do?

Blake: Yes. To escape.

Commando Zoey: And why are you so stupid that you're telling me?

Blake: Because I- - -hey!

(He wriggles forward and bites a low-hanging vine)

Commando Zoey: Nice plan. You ate a plant.

Blake: Yummy. Sugar cane. Sugaaaaaaaaaaaaar.

Commando Zoey: Uh-oh.

(Blake breaks from the ropes and jumps up and down)

Blake: YEARGH HOW'S IT GOIN' LASSIE?! HOW'S YOUR THIRST FOR ADVENTURE?!

Commando Zoey: Er, unquenchable.

Blake: ME THINKS THAT'S SOME SORT OF MOVIE REFERENCE, BUT SCOOTISH PEOPLE DON'T CARE! LET'S GO SNATCH DEFEAT FROM THE JAWS OF VICTORY! YAHOOEY SCOOTLAND FOREVER!

Commando Zoey: When seeking revenge, there's no better ally than a crazy Scottish person.

Blake: AGREED! AGREED!

(Scene shows Zeke, who's now untied, walking through the woods, barely managing to drag Heather along. Zeke spots the border between the team territories and runs towards it. But before he can reach it, Commando Zoey and Scottish Blake sprint out of the woods, yelling war cries at the top of their lungs)

Heather: AAAAAAAHH! I thought you said Zoey wouldn't be here!

Ezekiel: And I thought the Scootish person wouldn't be here either, eh.

(Suddenly, there's a big rumbling noise, and the ground folds in upon itself. Dust clouds billow up, as Zoey and Blake fall down. Zeke dashes out of the way, and Heather just barely avoids the widening hole. Walking slowly up from the chaos is Noah)

Noah: Looks like my plan worked.

Commando Zoey: What plan? Get me outta here!

Blake: ME AGREES WITH THE NON-SCOOTISH CRAZY LASSIE!

Noah: I know I may sound cliché, but Zoey, your crazy scheme was your own downfall.

Commando Zoey: What do you mean?

Noah: The tunnels. You dug them all over the island in an amazingly short amount of time. But none of them were stable. After escaping your vine trap, I manipulated and destroyed the ones under the border, knowing you would eventually cross the area, trapping yourself. Not to mention, since Zeke just ran into our territory, dragging Heather right behind him, your team just lost.

(Zeke cheers while Heather scowls and Zoey growls)

Blake: AAARGH AT LEAST I WON SO I CAN PARTY WITH SCOOTISH HAGGIS! COME ON TEAM IT'S HAGGIS TIME!

Noah: Blake?

Blake: YAH, WEIRD SHORT SCRAWNY PERSON?

Noah: Shut up.

(Chris comes on the scene, with Chef, Staci, Dawn, Annette, Owen, and Mr. Coconut behind him)

Chris: And the win goes to the Psychos! Crazies, it's time for your second elimination ceremony in a row! And someone needs to get a straitjacket for Zoey.

(Noah, Owen, Scottish Blake, Dawn, and Zeke cheer)

_Static_

Lightning: Sha-bam! We won! We won! Well, only Lightning won. The team sha-lost, but Lightning sha-won!

_Static_

Blake: I'M GONNA DESTROY THE CAMERA!

_Static_

Annette: _I like cows! I have a lawnmower that mows!_

_Static_

_End of Confessionals_

(It's nighttime. The five members of the Crazies team are gathered around the campfire, with Zoey restrained in a straitjacket and yelling insults at Chris and Heather)

Chris: Well, it's good-bye time. To one of you. See, I have on this plate four marshmallows. Whoever doesn't get one falls down the Chute of Shame, never to come back._ Ever_.

Heather: Well, we already know that's a lie. You've let, like, seven contestants come back.

Chris: Shush! Our newer viewers don't know that!

(As Heather rolls her eyes, Chris picks up two marshmallows)

Chris: First marshmallow! Staci. Second one goes to Lightning.

Lightning: Aw yeah! Sha-bam!

(Staci starts to talk, but Chris silences her with a glare)

Chris: Next marshmallow goes to…

…

…

…

…

…

…Heather!

Annette: _Oh no! 'Cause this day! Heather is safe! In the game! That also didn't rhyme! 'Cause I don't have enough time!_

Heather: Hmmmpf. Sure I'm safe, Annoying Girl. But didn't you notice you haven't gotten a marshmallow yet?

(As Annette frowns, Chris picks up the final marshmallow)

Chris: Ladies and gentleman, this is the final marshmallow, as the sentence describing the action just said. Except there are no ladies and gentlemans here. Just a teen freak show.

Lightning and Heather: Hey!

Chris: The final marshmallow goes to…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…Annette. Zoey, I think we all saw this coming. Bye-bye. Hahahaha.

Commando Zoey: What? You can't make me leave!

(She breaks out of the straitjacket, but before she can move, she falls down the Chute of Shame, disappearing from sight)

Chris: Well, that was a shocker. Haha. Not. Well, who's gonna be the next to go? Will Blake get over his sugar-craze and Annette over her singing? And will Noah, Zeke, and Owen's alliance stand strong?

Heather: Wait a second. They have an alliance?!

Chris: Oh crap. Pretend you didn't just hear that. Anyway, see you next time, on, TOTAL, DRAMA, THE ISLAND REBORN!

(The underground Playa des Losers is shown. Mike is playing on an arcade machine while Izzy randomly attacks the ceiling. Out of the chute in the wall slides Zoey, crashing straight into Mike)

Mike: What? Zoey?

Zoey: Mike? Mike! Oh, man, I really just went crazy there, didn't I?

Mike: Yep. [gesturing to the TV set showing Total Drama live] Yep you did. Um, you're no longer a psycho, right?

(Zoey rips off her commando headband and smudges the war paint)

Zoey: Right.

Izzy: Aw man! Two psychos fall down here, but they both just_ have_ to become completely normal people! Izzy needs to escape! ESCAPE!

Zoey: Why don't you just climb back up the chute we all fell down?

Izzy: I tried! Stupid Chris and his butter. It's a slippery sloping chute, and those three things are never a good combination for ESCAPE!

Mike: Okay. That….actually makes an inkling of sense. You guys wanna play video games?

Zoey: Sure.

Izzy: Are they escape-worthy?

_Static_

Heather: So the three idiots have an alliance. How can I use that to my advantage?

_Static_

_End of Confessionals_

(Credits play)

**Voting Confessionals**

_Static_

Staci: Yah, I did not appreciate being trapped under a net for an hour. So, good-bye Zoey. [after pausing for a moment] You know, my great-aunt seven and a half times removed invented good-byes.

_Static_

Lightning: Sha-bam! Lightning hates singin'! Goodbye Singy Girl!

_Static_

Heather: Zoey. Is. A. PSYCHO! She's gonna end up killing me if she stays on this island one minute longer! She has got to go. NOW!

_Static_

Commando Zoey: Bye-bye Heather. Oh revenge, sweet revenge. WAHAHAHAHAHA!

_Static_

Annette: _Zoey is who I will vote for! I do not like the living room door!_

_Static_

Zoey: 3

Heather: 1

Annette: 1

Staci: 0

Lightning: 0

**Eliminated: Izzy, Mike, Zoey**

**Psycho Psychos: Blake, Dawn, Ezekiel, Mr. Coconut, Noah, Owen**

**Crazy Crazies: Annette, Heather, Lightning, Staci**

**Well, what'd ya think? Sorry to all Zoey fans. She's a good character, but after she became Commando she had to go pretty quickly. Please review, I'd really appreciate it. Thanks for reading! Expect another update in a week or less.**

**~TheImpossiblyAwesomeWriter**

**Next Time: What happens when you mix Total Drama and Truth and Dare? CHAOS! As alliances are threatened, people go crazy, and more ex-contestants cameo, you won't wanna miss it!**


	4. Episode 4: Wheel of Misfortune

**Hi everyone, it's me, back again.**

**1. I do not own or claim to own Total Drama, and make no profit from this fan-fic.**

**2. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE review. You don't need an account, it takes two seconds, plus you will get a reply and a prize. Even if your thoughts are negative, please tell them to me.**

**3. Check out my profile to vote on who you want to win TDTIR. You vote will influence the outcome, so vote, vote vote!**

**4. I'm REALLY sorry about the long delay, Episode 5 will be up pretty quickly.**

**5. This episode has a lot of references to Wheel of Fortune, which I do NOT own.**

**6. If you are a fan of Noah, Lightning, or Chris, you will love this chapter.**

**7. Couplea' milestones. I have now over 200 views and 35,000 words! This story is getting awesomer all the time.**

(Camera shows the Dock of Shame)

Chris: Last time on Total Drama The Island Reborn, it was all-out war as the contestants played Capture the Flag-with human flags. Zeke got his butt kicked by a squirrel, while Heather and Lightning had a fun encounter with quicksand! Zoey was crushed by a boulder, became a Commando, and went a little insane with revenge. After Noah deviously devised a trap to catch her, Zeke won the challenge, giving the Psychos their second win in a row. In a surprising-not-elimination, Commando Zoey was sent to Underground Playa des Losers, where, after being reunited with Mike, she went back to normal. It's a pity really. Craziness is good for ratings. Well, will the Psychos continue their winning streak? Will Noah continue to scheme? And will-

(The dock breaks underneath Chris, and he plunges into LakeWawanakwa)

Chris: [spouting water] WHAT THE HECK?! [facing back towards the camera with a smile] OK, just watch today's episode of TOTAL, DRAMA, THE ISLAND REBORN!

(Theme song plays. It shows the camera sweeping past the dock, where Chris waves at it. Chef smiles at it, then gulps as it comes nearer to him, and smacks him in the face. After he disappears the camera zooms up the cliff, where it shows a squirrel punching Zeke in the face. As the camera "falls" off the cliff so does Zeke. Hitting the water, bubbles cover the screen. When they clear, Izzy is swimming away from a shark, only to turn around and bite the shark back. Above the water, Noah is sitting in a boat, reading his trademark book, when Zeke lands on him. Right after the moment of impact, the camera zooms to the forest, where Mike is petting a raccoon. The raccoon bites his finger, causing him to wince in pain, inhale deeply, then scream at the raccoon. The camera zooms to the waterfall, where Annette is singing on top of a log that goes over the waterfall. At the bottom, Dawn is sitting cross-legged on a beam of wood going across a small lake, looking very peaceful. Suddenly, Annette flies past her and her mouth falls open. The camera moves to the outhouse confessional, where a bear is knocking on the door. Blake sticks his head out, screams, and then ducks back in. Chef's kitchen is then seen, with a small television in the background upon which Courtney and Cody can be seen. Lightning is dumping protein powder into his mouth, and then fist-pumps, while Heather is tied to a chair, being force-fed Chef Hatchet's special soup by Chef himself. The camera moves outside to the campfire pit, where Owen is holding Mr. Coconut and rocking back and forth giggling. Staci is seen on the dock, blabbing on while reading from a gigantic stack of papers. The camera shifts a little, showing Chris on the other side of the dock, covering his ears and yelling. He runs around and falls into the water. When he surfaces, in classic cartoon style, his head steams over in anger, causing a fire. The camera follows the fire embers up, and then back down, revealing the campfire. Zoey is sitting in front of it, looking nervous, before her eyebrows scrunch up and she gives an evil grin, only to look around when she sees Zeke and Mike sitting on either side of her. The camera pans out to show all 13 contestants sitting on stools around the campfire, as Chris stands nearby and grins at the camera. A wooden sign is seen, where neon letters light up, saying TOTAL DRAMA THE ISLAND REBORN)

(Scene shows the girl's side of the Crazies' cabin. A loud tweeting noise, as if from a bird, is ringing out. Staci and Heather are both covering their ears)

Staci: What on earth is that?

Heather: I dunno, but it's the only noise I know more annoying to you!

Annette: [smiling] I like it! _I will sing with the tweet! I like to eat bread with wheat!_

_Static_

Annette: What?

_Static_

(The scene switches to the boy's side of the Crazies' cabin. Lightning is asleep as the tweeting noise continues, even louder than before)

Lightning: [in his sleep] No, protein powder! I won't let Tweety Bird eat you! NOOOOOOOO!

(The scene then switches to the girl's side of the Psychos' cabin, where Dawn is meditating. However, she's having trouble focusing as the tweeting noise rings out, louder than ever, making the birds formerly gathered by the windowsill flap off in terror)

Dawn: What is that unearthly noise? It's disturbing everyone's auras.

(The scene switches to the boy's side of the Psychos' cabin, where the noise is unbearably loud. The camera focuses in on Zeke's bunk, to show him sitting up in his sleep, flapping his arms and revealing that he is making the awful tweeting noise)

Ezekiel: [in his sleep] TWEET! TWEET TWEET! TWEET TWEET TWEET TWEET TWEET!

Blake: [his pillow over his ears] Ugh! My ears! This is ten times worse than Annette's singing!

Noah: [fingers in his ears] Somebody shut him up!

Owen: [looking like he's about to explode] I can't take it anymore! I just can't!

(He whips Mr. Coconut at Zeke. The fruit hits him in the head. He shuts up, and leans back, a goofy grin on his face)

Owen: [sighing happily] That's better.

_Static_

Owen: Ahh….the peacfulness of Zeke having shut up.

_Static_

Ezekiel: I can't help it eh! Sleep-tweeting runs in the family!

_Static_

(As soon as he finishes his sentence, Chris' voice rings out through the megaphone)

Chris: [megaphone] Attention, teenage freaks! And the coconut! Meet me at the Dock of Shame in five minutes!

Noah: Like I'd fall for that again. It's just another trick.

Chris: [megaphone] This is not a trick! As much as I would like it to be, it's not.

Blake: [matter-of-factly] Looks like you were wrong, Noah.

Noah: [sarcastically] Gee, thanks for pointing that out.

Blake: [oblivious] You're welcome.

(The scene switches to the Dock of Shame, where all 10 campers are gathered, with Chris standing in front of them)

Chris: Now campers, you may be wondering some things.

Noah: [sarcastically] How'd you guess?

Chris: [ignoring Noah] You may even be wondering a particular thing.

Noah: Doubt it. Most of the people here don't even have the mental capacity to wonder.

Chris: [still ignoring Noah] In fact, you might just even be wondering what today's challenge is.

Noah: Can you get on with it?

Chris: [to Noah] I can and will get on with it. Today's challenge is a REALLY messed-up version of Truth and Dare.

Noah: Care to clarify?

Chris: Haven't you gotten enough screen-time yet? And, no, I never clarify unless legally obligated.

(With that, he whips out a remote control and smashes his fist onto a big red button. Robotic arms seize each of the campers and pull them into the air, up and up. Eventually they're placed down on a big metal circle, supported by three long pillars stretching down all the way into LakeWawanakwa. Around half of the circle are ten podiums, while in the center is a strange wheel-like thing. Over to the side are two wooden trapdoors. Chris flies up on his jetpack and lands in front of the campers)

Chris: OK, the rules are pretty simple. Everyone head to the podium with your name on it.

(Owen carrying Mr. Coconut, everyone finds their podium, except for Blake, who walks over to the last remaining one)

Blake: Um, this says "Belinda", not "Blake".

Chris: [to Blake] Belinda, Belinda, Belinda, we all know Chef isn't good at grammar.

Blake: But-

Chris: Just zip it already! [turning back to face all the campers] So, each of you will go in turns, spinning this wheel. You will then be asked a question. If you answer correctly, you're safe for that round. If you get it wrong, you have to do a hard dare. Pass the dare, you're also safe, fail, and you're out of today's challenge. This continues until there are two remaining.

Heather: Who determines the questions and dares?

Chris: The wheel does. In the inner circle there are four tiles: Personal, Total Drama, Zany, and Intelligent. Personal is a question either hard or embarrassing for you specifically to answer. Total Drama is bits of random trivia about the first four seasons. Zany is, uh, hard to explain, and Intelligent-

Noah: Like you actually came up with intelligent questions.

Chris: Actually, Noah, _I _didn't come up with the questions. Chef kidnapped a calculus teacher and did a bit of….persuading.

(Chris laughs evilly)

_Static_

Chef: Persuading….my favorite.

(He whips out a baseball bat and grins)

_Static_

Noah: Forget I asked. What about the dares?

Chris: On the outer circle of the wheel are lots of colored tiles. If you fail your question, I'll lift the colored piece up, and it will reveal your dare.

Annette: Sounds like Wheel of-

Chris: SHHHHHHH! No copyrighted names, remember? Ever since Courtney forced her way into the game all the way back in TDA, I've been trying to avoid lawsuits. Anyway, let's begin! First up is….Noah!

Noah: OK, let's see this thing in action.

(He spins the wheel, and it lands on Intelligent and a green-colored tile)

Noah: Intelligent? I've already won. What's the question, Chris?

Chris: How many yards are in a mile?

Noah: That's all you got out of a calculus teacher? Guess your persuasion didn't work so well.

Chris: Just answer the question!

Noah: Fine. 1,760.

Chris: Sadly, you're right. Let's move on to Staci.

(Staci spins the board, for it to land on Personal and a bright red tile)

Chris: Alright, let's see, a personal question for Staci….Who invented the typewriter?

(Staci starts sweating and biting her nails. Her eyes are wide in fear. Eventually she can't take it anymore)

Staci: My great-great-uncle Flinn Snork.

Chris: Wrong! It was Henry Mill. **Author's Note: It's true, he did.**

Staci: No it wasn't. It was my great-

Chris: It's dare time! [lifting the red tile] Oh man, this is gonna bring on the ratings! Staci, you must complete the fire obstacle course!

(Out of the lake races a long platform with various bumps and dips. As it reaches the level of the contestants, it ignites in flames)

Chris: Complete this course and you're still in.

(Staci gulps and walks over towards it. She slowly, slowly, slowly, steps off of the circle onto the platform. Right away, she burns her toe and hops back, yelling)

Chris: Staci fails.

(He presses a button on the floor, and the entire area beneath Staci springs up, flinging her off the platform into the sky, where she falls into the lake far below)

Staci: CHRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII-

(SPLASH!)

Chris: Moving on. Mr. Coconut, I'll spin for you.

(Chris spins the wheel, and it stops on Total Drama with a light-blue outer tile)

Chris: OK Mr. Coconut, who was the first contestant vote off TotalDramaIsland?

Mr. Coconut: -

Ezekiel: Ooh! Ooh! I know this, eh!

(He runs over and whispers something to Mr. Coconut, then goes back to his podium, looking proud of himself)

Chris: You have two seconds left to answer!

Ezekiel: Hurry up, eh!

Mr. Coconut: -

Chris: Well, I think we all know - wasn't voted off first from TDI. I don't even think he was competing. Coconut, get ready for your dare….[whipping away the tile] monster wave surfing!

(A surfboard is thrown at Mr. Coconut, then a gigantic wall of water splashes over everyone. Once the water's gone, Mr. Coconut is revealed to be caught underneath the surfboard)

Chris: Well, that's that. Time for Coco to meet the lake up close and personal.

Mr. Coconut: [as he goes flying] -

Owen: NOOOOOOOOOO!

(SPLASH!)

_Static_

Mr. Coconut: -

_Static_

Chris: Moving on, it's Heather's turn!

(Heather doesn't bother to reply, just spins the wheel. It stops at Personal with a very dark brown tile. Chris whips out a question card specifically for Heather, and grins)

Chris: Heather, when you were 13, how many pimples did you have on your nose?

(Heathers eyes go wide)

_Static_

Heather: How could he even know that?

_Static_

Heather: [after visibly shaking for a long period of time] Uh, 527.

(Everyone, including Chris, bursts out laughing, while Heather glares at them. The laughter continues for a while, and eventually dies down)

Chris: [wiping a tear of laughter from his eye] That….was….priceless! Hilarious! OK, Heather's safe. It's Zeke's turn.

Chris: [as Zeke spins the wheel] Come on, come on, land on a painful dare….or an impossible question….come on, come on.

(Eventually the wheel slows down and stops at Zany with a blue tile)

Chris: OK, Zeke, I'm going to ask you two yes-or-no questions. You can only say yes once, same goes for no.

Ezekiel: I'm ready, eh!

Chris: Good. Now the first question is, are you a complete stupid idiotic dumb blockhead?

Ezekiel: Haw, this is too easy, eh. NO!

Chris: Second question: Are you lying.

Ezekiel: No, I nevoor lie, eh. Oh, wait a second. Oops.

Chris: Oops indeed, Zeke the Freak. You just epic-failed. And your dare is [lifting the tile] to jump off this platform, and land in the tiny bucket of water Chef is currently putting on the Dock of Shame.

(Everyone looks down, where Chef, who looks impossibly tiny from where they are, drops a bucket onto the dock, sloshing water everywhere. He looks up and waves)

Ezekiel: Gulp, eh.

Chris: Gulp indeed. It sucks to be you.

_Static_

Ezekiel: THIS is why Oi hate buckets, eh.

_Static_

Ezekiel: Here goes noothin'….

(He steps off the platform and free-falls)

Ezekiel: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAH!

(He crashes straight through the bucket, straight through the dock, sinks quickly down through LakeWawanakwa, and lands with his head stuck in the sand. A giant squid swims by and sneers at him. Suddenly, a robotic arm grabs his leg and he is pulled all the way back up to the platform where the challenge is taking place)

Chris: Aw man, that was awesome! I wish I'd got that on video! [glancing at the numerous cameras surrounding them] Oh wait. I did! Alright, we've got to hurry up with this. Annette, spin.

(She ends up with Total Drama and an orange tile)

Chris: [reading the question] Out of all the original contestants, who appeared in the most episodes?

Annette: Hmm….

Heather: Me! It was me!

Annette: [to Heather] No, it couldn't be you, silly! No one likes you enough to give you any screen-time. [as Heather glares she continues on obviously] Hmm, let me think. Oh, I know! It must be Ezekiel! He's so likeable and strategic and antagonistic and friendly and fan-favorited I'm sure he's won every season thus far!

Noah: Certainly.

Ezekiel: Uh, yeah, let's go with that, eh.

Chris: Annette, your answer was wrong. Your dare would've been to sing into this karaoke machine [he gestures to a wooden box that mysteriously appears behind him] but well all know you would lose, so, goodbye.

Annette: Wait, but I can sing! Really well! Watch this!

(Quickly, Chris presses another button and Annette is sent flying)

Annette: _Sinnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnng!_

(SPLASH!)

Chris: Phew. That was a close one.

Heather: Agreed. Who's next?

Chris: Dawn is! Spin the wheel!

(Dawn does so, and ends up with Total Drama and a light pink tile)

Chris: Alright, out of the contestants who competed in all of the first three seasons, who had the worst overall performance?

Dawn: Bridgette.

Ezekiel: Hoow'd you know, eh?

Dawn: I didn't. But Chris' aura gives it away.

Chris: What? Hey! No aura-reading during the challenge! But you're safe….for now. Lightning, it's your turn!

Lightning: Sha-bam!

(He spins the wheel, and it ends up Intelligent and a black tile)

Chris: [really quickly] What is the formula for finding the volume of a cylinder?

Lightning: Uh…..

Chris: Wrong. I'd tell you the answer, but I don't read Math.

(Noah rolls his eyes at this last statement)

Noah: Can you even read English?

Chris: Yes I can! [after a pause] Well, mostly.

Ezekiel: Well, I can't read English either, eh. Joost Canadian.

Chris: Good to know. Now, Lightning, you must do a flip with this motorcycle.

(He gestures to a motorcycle that, like the jukebox, has mysteriously appeared. Lightning eagerly jumps on, revs the engine, and starts it up. He then drives it straight off into open air. As the motorcycle falls down, it flips over several times.

Lightning: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-

(SPLASH!)

Chris: Works for me. We'll fetch him back later.

_Static_

Lightning: SHA-BAMITY BOOM!

_Static_

Ezekiel: [holding a book upside-down] Stoopid English. When doos the Canadian translation come out?

_Static_

Chris: Belinda, you're up.

Blake: that's not my name.

Chris: Yeah right.

(Blake gets a Zany and a purple tile)

Chris: OK Belinda, here's your question: Are you answering this question correctly?

Blake: Uh, yes?

Chris: WRONG! It's dare time. [looking underneath the tile] I was hoping you'd land here. This dare is personalized to you.

Blake: What? But that's not fair!

Chris: Don't worry Belinda, if anyone else had spun this tile Chef would've just shot them with a tranquilizer bazooka. And Chef normally forgets the "tranquilizer" part, if you know what I mean. So count yourself lucky.

Blake: [gulping] What's the dare?

Chris: Drink this grape soda.

(He gestures behind him, where, as before, a can of grape soda has appeared out of thin air. Blake slowly starts to walk towards it, but Chris shoves him off the platform)

Blake: What was that fooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ooooooooooorrr-

(SPLASH!)

Chris: Belinda's disqualified.

Noah: What? Why?!

Chris: I don't like psychotic people within twenty feet of me.

Noah: But he didn't even drink the soda yet!

Chris: And I care because? Anyways, I thought you despised Belinda.

Noah: Who are you, Lindsay? And that doesn't mean I want my team down a member.

Chris: Well too bad for you, cause we're moving on to the final question of Round One. Owen, big dude, spin the wheel!

(Owen does so with relish, nearly knocking himself over. When the wheel stops, it's on Zany with a bright yellow tile)

Owen: What's my question?

Chris: How many chocolate-

Ezekiel: Chokate milk!

Chris: Shut up Zeke. Anyway, how many chocolate-chip cookies did I eat yesterday?

Owen: How am I supposed to know that?

Chris: You're not. Any guesses?

Owen: No, but can I call someone and ask them?

Chris: Go ahead. Not like anyone else would know.

Owen: [talking on his cell phone] Hello….Oh, hi Sierra!...Yes, Cody is awesome, I agree….good to hear….yeah….no….yeah….uh, Sierra, I have a question for you….so, how many chocolate-chip cookies did Chris eat yesterday?...Um, can you give me your essay on Chris' dessert habits later? I'm kinda busy right now….OK…..OK….Thanks!...Bye!...Cody Salute!

Chris: OK, normally that would be cheating, but I did say you could. Hmm, I'll just get revenge later. What's the answer?

Owen: 72.

Chris: Cor-rect! [noticing everyone staring at him] What? I normally only eat 52. Anyways, Owen is safe and its time for Round Two, starting again with….Noah!

(Noah spins and gets Total Drama

_Static_

Ezekiel: I'm interruptin' the action! Chockate milk!

_Static_

and a neon-green tile)

Chris: OK, how many episodes were there in the first four seasons?

Noah: Well, there's a simple formula to figure that out. Let's see….e = 26 x 3 + (26/2) + 2-**Author's note: Yeah, this is actually how you would figurre it out.**

Chris: Argh, enough already! My delicate ears can't stand to hear all that scientifical stuff!

Ezekiel: Mine too, eh.

Chris: I'll just assume you got it right. Heather, it's your turn!

(Heather gets Personal and a dark green tile)

Chris: Alright Heather, who did you secretly have a crush on during the first episode of TDI?

_Static_

Heather: What you are about to hear, do NOT hold it against me. I didn't really mean what I felt!

_Static_

Heather: You know what Chris? I'm just gonna say it, and I won't even care how ridiculous it sounds. It was….[she gulps] Cody.

(Everyone bursts out laughing, even harder than before. Owen laughs so hard he can't breathe and faints)

Noah: [laughing hysterically] No offense to Cody….but….seriously?

(For the next hour, everyone continues to laugh, with Heather looking like she's about to explode. Eventually Chris continues with the game)

Chris: Ezekiel! Spin!

(Zeke spins as hard as he can, and gets an Intelligent with a multi-colored tile)

Chris: Alright Zeke, what is the square root of 725, 904?

Ezekiel: 852.

Chris: You fail-Huh? How'd you know that?!

Ezekiel: I didn't.

Chris: [suspiciously] O….K, moving on.

(Dawn spins a Personal and a gray tile)

Chris: Alright Dawn, is it true, that although you can sense other people's insecurities, you have many many _many _of your own?

Dawn: Uh, I'd rather not answer that.

Chris: In that case, [he brings out a pet carrier from behind his back] you'll have to get scratched by this vicious kitty! Even your nature-loving instincts won't calm it!

(From inside the cage come low growls, then a meow, followed by claws tearing at the sides impossibly fast)

Dawn: I forfeit.

Chris: [shrugging] Well then, it's your funeral.

(He presses yet another button and Dawn is flung away, oddly making no sound as she falls)

(SPLASH!)

_Static_

Dawn: I didn't care about myself, but that porr animal! Scratching other people viciously often hurts the claws

_Static_

(The cat escapes from the carrier, scratches Chris' face repeatedly, then jumps back in its cage)

Chris: OW! OK, now we need Sha-stupidface. Robotic arms, go fetch him.

(The robotic arms zoom off, soon bringing back a dazed Lightning, who bumps the wheel as he goes by, getting a Zany and a blue and red tile)

Chris: Alright Lightning, this doesn't sound zany, but it is. How many countries are there in the world?

Lightning: [shaking off his dizziness] Dunno, maybe seven?

Chris: Nope! There's just one. And it's name: CHRISANIA!

Noah: In your dreams.

Chris: Yes, I do dream about it.

Noah: That's not what I meant.

Chris: Yes it is. Anyway, Lightning, your challenge is to sit on these fireworks as they explode up into space. It might be painful, but you'll get a good view!

Lightning: Sounds fun. Light 'er up, Chris!

(Chris lights the fuse with a match, then plugs his fingers in his ears as the firework explodes. There's a huge BOOM and Lightning is shot off into the sky, disappearing from sight)

Chris: And that's one way to get rid of an idiot.

Noah: Really? Can we try it on you then?

Chris: No. Owen, spin.

(Owen gets Total Drama with a white tile)

Chris: Alright, who was the first winner of Total Drama, not counting the alternate ending?

Owen: Ooh, I know this! It was me! ME ME ME! Wait, what's an alternate ending?

Chris: I'd tell you, but I don't feel like breaking the fourth wall this early in the morning.

Owen: Early? It's past noon!

Chris: Exactly. Now, that's six down, four to go! Let's move on to Round Three. Noah, you're up first. Spin the wheel!

Noah: [semi-sarcastically] Only to happy to oblige, good sir.

(He spins, and gets an Intelligent with a teal tile)

Chris: Alright, Sir Brains-a-Lot, what's infinity times zero.

Noah: Well, it's currently regarded as undefined. But I have a groundbreaking new theory that may lead to-

Chris: Shut up. You pass. Moving along. Heather!

(Heather ends up with a Personal and a dark blue tile)

Chris: Alright Heather, what-

Heather: [interrupting] Just skip the question. I'll take my chances with the dare.

Chris: [looking under the tile] Ooh, you're gonna wish you'd answered the question. For this dare, you must lift a heavier weight than….Eva!

Heather: [paling] But that's impossible! And Eva isn't even here!

(One of the wooden trapdoors opens up, and a figure climbs out of it)

Eva: Or am I?

(Eva then proceeds to walk over behind Chris and lift a 1,000-pound weight, sneering at Heather the whole time. Heather tries to lift that, but she obviously can't. She tries a great assortment of the weights, eventually only being able to lift a ten-pounder)

Eva: That was easy. Chris, can you do me a favor?

Chris: Name it.

Eva: [grinning] Let me push the button.

(She walks over and slams her fist on another button, and Heather is propelled so far into the sky she disappears from sight)

Eva: See ya later, wimps.

(She then walks to the edge and does a perfect dive off the platform)

_Static_

Heather: Skipping the question? Big mistake.

_Static_

Eva: That was the singuraly most satisfying moment of my life.

(She grins, then notices the camera and frowns.

What are you looking at?

_Static_

Tyler: Finnally! My exercise program has led me to the outhouse! Now I can add a new exercise to my routine: Toilet Diving!

(With that, he jumps into the toilet and disappears from view)

_Static_

Chris: Zeke! You're next.

(Zeke spins and gets a Personal and a light gray tile)

Chris: Alright, Zekey the McFreaky, is it true, that when it comes to social skills, or really any skills at all, you completely suck?

Ezekiel: Naw, definitely not, eh. I'm the moost skilled persoon in all of Canada!

Noah: [sarcastically] You know yourself so well.

Chris: FAIL! Dare time. You must face swords with your arch-enemy.

Ezekiel: I doon't have an arch-enemy, eh. I doon't even have a snarch-enemy.

Chris: Try telling that to….the squirrel!

(The Zeke-hating squirrel jumps out from behind Chris, menacingly baring its teeth, causing Noah and Owen to wince. Zeke lets out a high-pitched scream and runs off the platform. The squirrel jumps after him, and loud scratching sounds are heard)

Ezekiel: OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!

(SPLASH!)

(Chris looks up above him to see Lightning falling back down, landing right behind his podium with a bang)

Chris: That was convenient.

(Lightning, still somehow managing to shake off his daze, spins a Zany and a bright fiery orange tile)

Lightning: Bring it on! Sha-awesome!

Chris: OK Lightning. Say something.

Lightning: Sha-bam!

Chris: You failed. You were supposed to say 'something'. [lifting up the tile] And now it's time for you to eat a whole bowl of Chef's extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra 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extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-spicy soup.

Owen: That's a lot of extras.

Chris: Sure is. Lightning, are you prepared?

Lightning: You betcha. Sha-bam!

(He grabs the bowl and downs it in one gulp. For a second he seems fine, then his face turns red and smoke blows out of his ears. He breathes fire, and is rocketed away by the extreme power of the spiciness to

who-knows-where)

Chris: [wincing] Ya know, I almost feel sorry for him. Operative word being 'almost'. Owen, it's time for your question.

(After spinning the wheel, Owen gets a Total Drama and a blank tile)

Chris: Alright Owen, how many contestants competed in TotalDramaIsland?

Owen: That's easy! 22.

Chris: Wrong. 23. You forgot Mr. Coconut.

Owen: I forgot Mr. Coconut? Me of all people? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-

Chris: Owen, your challenge is pretty simple. See that trapdoor?

(As Owen continues to scream, the trapdoor opens and Silent B himself emerges. He waves to everyone, then glances around to see if Dawn is there. When he doesn't see her, he looks a little disappointed, but then brightens up again)

Owen: ….OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-

Chris: OK, Owen, you and B are going to see who can go the longest without talking.

Owen: ….OOOOOOOOOOOOO-[he shuts up immediately]

Noah: [sarcastically] Gee, I wonder who's going to win?

(Silent B and Owen sit down facing each other. Besides Noah's snide remarks, all is quiet. This continues for hours. And hours. And hours. And hours. Eventually Noah and Chris fall asleep. Owen and B are still staring each other down, daring the other to say something. But it doesn't last forever-)

Owen: FOOD! I NEED FOOD!

Chris: [waking up with a start] Well, that ends that then.

(He presses a button and both Owen and Silent B are flung away, falling down into LakeWawanakwa)

Owen: AAAAAAHH!

B: -

(SPLASH!)

(SPLASH!)

_Static_

Owen: What? I was hungry.

_Static_

B: -

(He waves at the camera)

_Static_

Chris: OK, looks like we have our final two! [looking around] Wait, where's Lightning?

(As if magic, Chef walks by that very moment, with Lightning slung over his shoulder. He drops the jock onto the ground)

Chef: I found him in the boathouse, mutterin' somethin' about his mouth having died, then not died, then died again.

(Chef walks away)

Chris: Alright, Lightning and Noah, I will determine the final question and dare.

(He spins the wheel and it stops at Intelligent and a gold tile)

Noah: Gold? On the last time? Coincidence much?

Chris: Actually, the game's been rigged the whole time, but it does make for good drama. Anyway, the final question is….What is one plus one?

Lightning: Nusdrtyrtnfawypncieurtbpaycu iewyfapwneytcnwyeiptcnyipwe.

Noah: Could you have made it any easier? Two.

Chris: Well, Lightning wins.

Noah: Wait….what?! HOW?!

Chris: It's the twist in the challenge. The last question must be answered incorrectly.

Noah: I DIDN"T KNOW THAT!

Chris: Yep. You didn't. It's time for your dare.

(Behind Noah, an enormous jagged cliff rises up, towering hundreds of feet above the platform. Lava oozes from it, giant lizards crawl around ledges, large clumps or rock fall down, and every few seconds, part of it explodes. At the very top is a gold brick)

Chris: OK Noah, your dare is to climb this wall. If you fail, your team loses. But just to make things interesting, if you make it, your team automatically wins.

Noah: Well, it's worth a shot.

(He walks over to the wall and tries to pull himself up onto the first ledge. He can't quite make it and keeps holding on. One of the lizards sloths over and bites down hard on his thumb)

Noah: YOWWWWWWW!

(He lets go of the cliff with his hurt hand, and accidentally swings around so his feet are no longer above the platform. His little and ring finger of the remaining hand slip off, and he's left hanging over the huge drop by two fingers. Slowly but surely, his fingers slide off, and he plummets down)

Noah: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!

(SPLASH!)

Chris: And it looks like we have ourselves a winner!

Lightning: Oh yeah! Sha-bam!

Chris: Psychos, I'll see you at the campfire ceremony tonight.

(Scene shows the boy's side of the Psychos' cabin, where Noah, Owen, Mr. Coconut, and Zeke are gathered)

Noah: OK guys, so this is our first real alliance meeting.

Ezekiel: So, bein' in an alliance means Oi vote fer myself, eh?

Noah: No! It means you vote for who I tell you to vote for!

Ezekiel: That doosn't sound as fun.

Noah: Temporarily forgetting all stupidity, tonight we vote for Blake.

Owen: Why? He always seems to do well in challenges. Plus he's funny when he's Scottish.

Ezekiel: Scootish Blake forever, eh!

Noah: No guys. Blake is a danger to the team. He HAS to go.

Owen: I don't really know.…but OK. Hey, we have the majority votes! He's as good as gone.

?: That's what you think.

Noah: Who's that?

Heather: [emerging from the shadows] Why, it's me. You guys should learn to lock your window. Anyway, I heard all about your little alliance from Chris last night, and I have the power to stop it.

Noah: No you don't. Face it Heather, there's no way our alliance can fall apart. We're all good friends, we're the majority, and come the merge, we will destroy everyone else.

Ezekiel: Yeah! Wait, wot?

Heather: That's what you think. But, [pulling a set of keys from her pocket] I have the keys to the Confessional. I can change your votes to whatever I want.

Noah: [his eyes widening] How'd you get that? Chef keeps it in his super-secret safe!

Heather: And Chef is a super-secret idiot, so it was only too easy. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have work to do.

(She starts heading out of the cabin)

Noah: Owen! Stop her!

Owen: I can't! It'll take me ten minutes to walk across the cabin!

(Noah gets up and runs in front of Heather, blocking her)

Noah: You're going to give us the keys.

Heather: [shoving Noah over] Make me.

Noah: Shoved over by a queen bee who can't lift 11 pounds? I need to exercise more.

(Heather slowly walks away, smiling triumphantly, only to find Zeke standing in the doorway)

Ezekiel: Haw! You'll nevoor get past my manly manlity manliness, eh.

(Heather tries to shove past him, but true to his word, she can't. Eventually she tries a different strategy)

Heather: Zeke! There's chocolate milk under the bunk beds!

Ezekiel: Really? Hooray!

(He dives under the bed and Heather dashes out. Owen flaps his arm about, and in desperation, flings Mr. Coconut at her. The fruit nails her in the back of the head, and she's knocked out cold)

Owen: That was unexpected.

Noah: So, you're telling me a fruit just did what the three of us failed to do.

Owen: Mr. Coconut's not a fruit! He's a friend.

(When Heather wakes up, she finds herself tied to a chair in the Psycho's cabin. Standing in front of her is Noah, holding the keys)

Noah: Looks like Little Miss Cheater isn't going to be changing any votes tonight.

Heather: You'll never get away with this.

Noah: That's impossibly ironic. Normally the superhero says that, not the villain. You ARE a villain, after all.

Heather: Whatever. Untie me. I'll get those keys no matter what.

Noah: Well, I'd give you the keys, but I see you're _all tied up_.

(With that, he walks out the door, throwing the key onto a peg sticking out of the wall, leaving Heather struggling against the ropes)

(The scene is the campfire pit, as Chris stands by the fire with five marshmallows on a plate. On the various logs around the fire sit the Psychos)

Chris: Alright guys, your first loss of the season! Something to celebrate, huh? [after receiving dirty looks from the campers] What? Was it something I said? [after a pause] Anyway, today's first marshmallow goes to….Noah!

(Noah catches his with a grin and sneers at Blake)

Chris: Next marshmallow goes to Owen. Followed by Dawn!

(They both grab theirs, and Owen stuffs it in his mouth immediately)

Chris: Tonight's next-to-last marshmallow goes to…

…

…

…

…

…

…Ezekiel the Epic-failiel!

Noah: That was a really bad attempt at humor.

Chris: So is your sarcasm. And now we're down to tonight's bottom two….Mr. Coconut and Belinda. Well, you both got a lot of votes, and you're both terrible at challenges, so that's why you're here. Regardless of how terrible BOTH of you might be, one of you gets to stay. And that person of piece of fruit is…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…Belinda.

Blake: GET MY NAME RIGHT ALREADY!

Noah: [as Mr. Coconut falls down the Chute of Shame] WHAT?! MR. COCONUT GOT THE BOOT? THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE?!

(He runs off back to the campgrounds)

Chris: That was dramatic. Hah.

Owen: I just realized something. Coco is gone. WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAA!

Chris: Oh dear, not again.

(Back at the campgrounds, Noah rushes into the boy's side of his team's cabin. There he sees an empty chair with rope all over the floor. The key is missing from the peg)

_Static_

Noah: [growling] Heather….

_Static_

Heather: And that, Noah, is why you should never mess with me.

_Static_

(In the underground Playa des Losers, Mike and Zoey are playing table tennis when Mr. Coconut shoots out of the side of the wall and smacks Mike in the head)

Mike: Owwww….BLAH BLAH BLAH IS WHAT STACI SAYS!

Zoey: No! Bad Bob!

Mike/Bob: NO NOSES WILL GET YOU NOWHERE!

Izzy: Good! A psycho! Psycho, help me escape!

(She throws Bob at the wall, where he collapses on the ground making weird noises)

Mike/Bob: The wheels on the bus go round and round, round and round, rou-KABOOMEY GOOD-BYE BUS!

Izzy: That didn't do much good.

Zoey: [sarcastically] Ya think?

Izzy: Yes. I do think. But I prefer action.

Zoey: I give up.

Izzy: Whatever you're giving up, give it to me.

Zoey: Sigh.

Mr. Coconut: -

**Voting Confessionals**

_Static_

Blake: I guess I'll vote for Dawn. She's not much help in challenges, plus she's a little creepy.

_Static_

Dawn: Ezekiel may like nature, but I just can't STAND that boy! He's an insult to this show

_Static_

Ezekiel: I'm votin' Blaineley eh, no wait, I mean Blake. Wait wait, final answer, Belinda.

_Static_

Owen: [pretending to be Mr. Coconut] I vote for Blake, cause Noah told me to and fruit always obeys orders!

_Static_

Noah: Blake. Need I say any more?

_Static_

Owen: Pip pip cheerio Blake!

_Static_

Heather: You may be wondering why I let myself get captured. Granted, it wasn't part of the plan, but I needed to intimidate Noah, show him _I_ am the boss of this game. And now, to put in five votes for Mr. Coconut. Chris can't count, he won't notice the difference.

_Static_

**Mr. Coconut: 5**

**Blake: 4**

**Ezekiel: 1**

**Dawn: 1**

**Eliminated: Izzy, Mike, Zoey, Mr. Coconut**

**Psycho Psychos: Blake, Dawn, Ezekiel, Noah, Owen**

**Crazy Crazies: Annette, Heather, Lightning, Staci**

**Sorry to all Mr. Coconut fans! I know there are some out there somewhere! Sorry this episode lacked a lot of action, the next one will DEFINITLY make up for that. Remember, vote on my poll and review. It only takes 2 seconds! In other news, next episode will be up soon and I'm going to start writing another Total Drama story too. See you guys later!**

**~TheImpossiblyAwesomeWriter**

**Next Time: When Chris gets sued and leaves the island, Heather conquers the place. Lightning and Staci rebel, Zeke becomes a zombie again, Dawn disappears, Blake goes to jail….not to mention a vampire is on the loose! Chaose will ensue! **


	5. Episode 5: Total Drama Heather

**Hi guys, it's me again:**

**1. I do not own Total Drama or make any profit from this.**

**2. Please review, I will reply to all reviews and you'll get a prize! Also, my poll is still up! Check out my profile page and vote on it!**

**3. Just an apology: I accidentally had the text in both chapters two and three printed twice! I'm really sorry about that, hopefully you guys didn't mind.**

**4. Inspiration for this story comes from the following fan-fictions: "Total Drama City", "Total Drama Returns", "Total Drama Comeback", and "You're on Total Drama Island, Charlie Brown". I'd encourage everyone to read them!**

**5. A few more milestones: 300 views and near 40,000 words!**

(Camera shows the Dock of Shame, where Chris is standing. Next to him is the intern Frederic, who is dumping raw meat into the lake)

Chris: Last time on Total Drama The Island Reborn, our campers were left to answer zany questions and compete in hilarious, for me, and painful, for them, dares. After eight of them were launched off a platform into the lake, it was down to Noah and Lightning. Noah got the question right, but I still managed to make him lose. His alliance then plotted to vote off Blake, but Heather added in a lot of votes for , forcing the fruit to take the Chute of Shame. And yes Heather, I can count. Well, OK, I had Chef count the votes for me. Will I learn to count? Will Noah ever succeed in voting Blake off? Can Heather get any more evil? Find out-

(Chris is interrupted as Frederic screams. A cloud of bats is hovering around him, biting him on the ears and on his nose. They eventually fly away. Frederic looks at Chris, blinks sideways, then grows purple wings and flies away)

Chris: That wasn't good. So, what the heck just happened? Find out on TOTAL, DRAMA, THE ISLAND REBORN!

(Theme song plays. It shows the camera sweeping past the dock, where Chris waves at it. Chef smiles at it, then gulps as it comes nearer to him, and smacks him in the face. After he disappears the camera zooms up the cliff, where it shows a squirrel punching Zeke in the face. As the camera "falls" off the cliff so does Zeke. Hitting the water, bubbles cover the screen. When they clear, Izzy is swimming away from a shark, only to turn around and bite the shark back. Above the water, Noah is sitting in a boat, reading his trademark book, when Zeke lands on him. Right after the moment of impact, the camera zooms to the forest, where Mike is petting a raccoon. The raccoon bites his finger, causing him to wince in pain, inhale deeply, then scream at the raccoon. The camera zooms to the waterfall, where Annette is singing on top of a log that goes over the waterfall. At the bottom, Dawn is sitting cross-legged on a beam of wood going across a small lake, looking very peaceful. Suddenly, Annette flies past her and her mouth falls open. The camera moves to the outhouse confessional, where a bear is knocking on the door. Blake sticks his head out, screams, and then ducks back in. Chef's kitchen is then seen, with a small television in the background upon which Courtney and Cody can be seen. Lightning is dumping protein powder into his mouth, and then fist-pumps, while Heather is tied to a chair, being force-fed Chef Hatchet's special soup by Chef himself. The camera moves outside to the campfire pit, where Owen is holding and rocking back and forth giggling. Staci is seen on the dock, blabbing on while reading from a gigantic stack of papers. The camera shifts a little, showing Chris on the other side of the dock, covering his ears and yelling. He runs around and falls into the water. When he surfaces, in classic cartoon style, his head steams over in anger, causing a fire. The camera follows the fire embers up, and then back down, revealing the campfire. Zoey is sitting in front of it, looking nervous, before her eyebrows scrunch up and she gives an evil grin, only to look around when she sees Zeke and Mike sitting on either side of her. The camera pans out to show all 13 contestants sitting on stools around the campfire, as Chris stands nearby and grins at the camera. A wooden sign is seen, where neon letters light up, saying TOTAL DRAMA THE ISLAND REBORN)

(Camera shows the boy's side of the Psycho's cabin, where the four occupants are asleep in their bunks)

Noah: [talking in his sleep] Must….win….the million….

Blake: [talking in his sleep] Must….not be….allowed…

Owen: [talking in his sleep] Must….eat….food….

Ezekiel: [talking in his sleep] Must….find….chockate milk….eh….

_Static_

(Ezekiel is sleeping in the confessional, snoring away)

_Static_

(The megaphone in the center of camp blares out an alarm, and the cabin's occupants all fall on the floor)

Chris: [megaphone] This is important! Very important! Meet me at the dining hall straightaway!

(The nine remaining campers are gathered around the tables in the mess hall. Chef is running back and forth, packing his and Chris' luggage. Eventually Chris walks in)

Heather: All right Chris, what is it now? Another dumb challenge?

Chris: No, for, you see, the unthinkable has happened!

Owen: You ate too many tacos?

Chris: No.

Blake: Your spaceship crash-landed on Planet X?

Chris: No!

Ezekiel: You exploded, then exploded again, then again, eh?

Chris: NO! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?! Listen, I've been sued.

(Everyone is silent, then the campers burst out cheering. After a while, it dies down)

_Static_

Heather: Yes! YES!

_Static_

Ezekiel: Yahooity, eh!

_Static_

Owen: For the love of pizza pie, finally!

_Static_

Blake: I'm not allowed to get sued.

_Static_

Noah: So this show is over?

Chris: No, just on pause.

Annette: But, didn't you get sued for having us compete in psycho, dangerous, insane, revolting, possibly fatal, and very sue-able challenges?

Chris: No, one of our interns was turned into a vampire, and his parents sued since his mom is afraid of bats. Chef and I are heading to the Canadian mainland.

Ezekiel: So….yoo're leaving us stranded on a psycho island with a vampire on the loose, eh?

Chris: That's the idea.

Heather: You're insane!

Chris: What? I thought all you girls these days loved teenage vampires!

Annette: Only if they're cute! And your interns are ugly!

Chris: As a general fact, ugly people do better falling off cliffs. That's why you're all on the show.

_Static_

Heather: [menacingly] I'm going to do Chris a favor and ignore that last comment….

_Static_

Dawn: Couldn't you just take us with you, back to Canada?

Chris: Nope. Chef's cruise liner only fits 200 people in it.

Lightning: [to Chris] Grr. We'll show you who's 200 people!

(Everyone starts stepping menacingly towards Chris, as he backs away, tugging at his shirt collar. Then he turns around and flees)

Chris: Chef! Pull up the anchor!

(Chef is on board a gigantic boat docked at the Dock of Shame)

Chef: This boat has no dang anchor!

Chris: Then pull up an imaginary anchor or something! HURRY!

(With Chef pretending to pull on a rope, Chris jumps on board. Just as the angry mob of contestants reach the dock, the boat pulls away, moving far faster than any of them can swim. The nine watch it until it's out of sight)

Noah: So, look's as if the Survivor parody is now _actually_ about survival.

Ezekiel: Guess the game's over, eh. Maybe we can split the million nine ways.

Heather: Actually, the game is NOT over.

Staci: How? We're without a host, yah.

Heather: Without a host, maybe. But I'm declaring myself queen of the island.

Noah: [sarcastically] Whoopee.

(The campers are back in the mess hall. Heather is wearing a paper crown and showing the other eight some papers)

Heather: These [gesturing to the papers] are the contracts you signed when you first joined Total Drama. Naturally, they're filled with loopholes, dumb rules, and the like, considering they were made by Chris. But what's particularly interesting is this little statement on page 12,956.

(She flips over tons of papers, eventually arriving on the page and pointing her finger at the bottom, where it says:)

_In the event the current host of Total Drama leaves the show temporarily, the hosting authority will proceed automatically to the former host's second-in-command._

Heather: That's Chef.

_In the unlikely event both the host and second-in-command are unavailable; the authority to host goes to the camper who ranked highest during the first season of the show that is still actively competing._

Noah: So Owen rules the island. Not you.

Owen: I am king? I AM KING!

_Static_

Owen: I AM KING!

_Static_

Heather: Slow down. Remember Total Drama, Drama, DramaIsland? Owen gave up his winnings.

Staci: So?

Heather: Take a look at this statement on page 3,467.

_If the winner of a season gives up or forfeits his winnings in any way or under any conditions, the official win, albeit not the money, goes to the runner-up._

Heather: So Owen doesn't count. Gwen was runner-up, but she's not competing. Meaning the authority of hosting goes to the third-place.

Dawn: And that's who?

Heather: Me. In other words, I have complete control of the island, and you even agreed to it by signing these papers who-knows-when. From now on, you'll address me as Queen Heather. Head back to the cabins, I'll call you when I've thought of a probably-fatal challenge.

_Static_

Heather: I know. I am GOOD.

_Static_

(The camera shows outside the campgrounds, where Noah has called a meeting of all the contestants, minus Heather, of course)

Noah: All right guys, it's pretty clear we're in a bad situation here. Heather's legally conquered the island, and we all know how insane she can be, not to mention there's an ugly vampire on the loose.

Ezekiel: Ugliness is as ugly does, eh.

Staci: Yah, my great-great-great-

Noah: Go ahead Staci. Lie on.

Staci: But I'm not lying. My ancestors really did invent all that stuff.

Lightning: And where's the sha-proof?

Staci: Well, I don't have any proof, but-

Noah: So it's all a lie.

_Static_

Staci: I have proof! I just….don't have proof. [looking at the camera] You believe me, right?

_Static_

Noah: Moving on. Therefore, I have a pretty simple plan. We build a shelter to protect ourselves from the vampire and ignore anything "Queen" Heather says.

(As soon as he finishes talking, everyone but Owen and Annette depart, heading off in different directions)

Noah: Where are you people going?

Blake: To see what Heather wants us to do.

Lightning: To sha-conquer the island!

Staci: I'm going to find proof of my ancestor's inventions!

Dawn: I'm heading to the peacefulness of the outdoors, away from you all. I doubt a vampire would bother me.

Ezekiel: I'm Zeke, eh. Why do I need a reason?

Noah: Fine, leave! But you'll regret it! [the five continue walking away] Mark my words! [as the five disappear from the screen] Well, you guys be like that! [turning to Owen and Annette] Why are you guys here?

Annette: Simple. I'm an OC character with no real plot-lines who's been inserted into the story for no purpose other than comic relief, and comic relief doesn't bode well with vampires. **Author's note: This isn't exactly true….**

Owen: Shelters have food.

Noah: OK, I didn't quite catch all that. Well, actually I did, but now it's shelter-building time! Listen, all we need is a hole, a light, food-

Owen: FOOD!

Noah: Yes, food, and other assorted stuff. But most importantly, anti-vampire devices.

Owen: I don't like the sound of that.

Noah: Neither do I, actually. Now let's start building.

(The scene is a small path deep in the forest. Birds twitter as Dawn confidently walks along. Suddenly, she frowns and looks behind her. Seeing nothing, she keeps going. However, a shadow is stalking her through the forest. She turns around again, sees something, and starts looking nervous. She walks quickly, then breaks out into a run, but gets turned around and comes face to face with the shadow. She's about to scream, when she sees who it is)

Dawn: Zeke! What are you doing here? I thought you were the vampire!

Ezekiel: So did I, eh.

Dawn: What? That doesn't even make sense!

Ezekiel: Exact-ely, eh.

Dawn: Whatever. Just go away.

(She huffs off, only for Zeke to start following her. She stops, he stops. She starts walking again, so does he. Eventually it seems it's become a game of follow-the-leader. Exasperated, Dawn flips upside-down into a tree, hanging down by her knees. Zeke attempts to do the same thing, but lands on his face. Dawn starts walking again, and so does Zeke)

Dawn: Zeke?

Ezekiel: Eh?

Dawn: Get out of here.

Ezekiel: Eh.

(With that he walks off into the bushes, then a bunch of banging sounds are heard and a scream, as Zeke apparently has fallen off the cliff)

Dawn: What a weirdo.

_Static_

Ezekiel: [all banged up and confused] Falling off a cliff is my favorite hobby, Mr. President. I did it for my country.

_Static_

(Scene switches to another area of the forest, where Noah, Annette, and Owen are standing hip-deep in a pit, digging it ever deeper with old rusty shovels. Owen is attempting to dig with the shovel handle)

Owen: This is harder than it looks. Well, everything is for me. But this is a _lot_ harder than it looks.

Annette: That's because you're holding it upside-down!

Owen: Don't be ridiculous. You two are holding them the wrong way.

Noah: Whatever floats your boat. Anyway, this should do it. [throwing his shovel to the side] All we need is some garlic, a mirror, and planks to go on top.

Annette: You guys can get that. I'm off to the boathouse.

Noah: Why?

Annette: I'm going to take a rowboat and find Chris. Knowing Chef, he crash-landed ten feet from the dock. [as she walks off] _Oh deary me! Chef and Chris are lost in the sea!_

(Scene switches to a storage cabin. Lightning is rooting through the junk, looking for stuff, when Heather's voice is heard through the megaphone)

Heather: Attention people whose livelihood I do not care about, this is your queen speaking. It is challenge time. I call this the broken bone competition. Whoever has the most broken bones at the end of the day wins invincibility. And someone better bring me a feast and a better crown. That's all for now.

(The megaphone crackles and shuts off)

Lightning: Stupid Queen person, makin' Lightning do all her dirty work! Lightning's gonna be King! Time to overthrow the kingdom of Total Drama!

(He grabs a net and a fishing harpoon and wields them in one hand. Then he picks up an old knight's helmet and puts it on his head. However, it's so heavy he falls straight over)

(Scene goes to Dawn, who is still in the woods. She's sat down on a stump, with birds flying around her, and raccoons scurrying by her feet. Suddenly, there's a hissing noise, and all the animals zoom away)

Dawn: [as a much larger shadow than before flickers behind her] Zeke? Is that you? Come on, this isn't funny. Come out of the bushes.

?: [menacingly] Like, sure thing.

(Slowly, Frederic the Vampire emerges from the bushes. Large purple bat wings sprout from his back, and two fangs stick out of his mouth. His hair is several shades darker, while his skin is much paler)

Dawn: [gasping] You're the vampire!

Frederic: Like, how on earth did you guess, yo? By the way, like, where's your neck?

(The scene switches to Annette, who is on a rowboat rowing away from Wawanakwa. All the way from there, she hears Dawn scream)

Annette: That was weird. Oh well, back to pirating. [in a deeper voice] Argh! I'm Annette the pirate, the scoundrelest scoundrel ever to sail the twenty-seven seas! If I sees your ship, consider yourself drowned. If I sees your village, consider it pillaged! Argh! But I've fallen upon tough pirating times! My ship is gone! My first-mate marooned! My crew mutinied! My loot stolen by British navy scum! The only thing I have left is to sing a seas shanty, a little pirate tune, a song of the open ocean! Here goes nothing! _Oh,_ _I'm a mighty pirate! Sadly, got no parrot! I'd like to on a pie sit! My last meal was a carrot! All my loot is gone! My great big ship has sunk! I had a flag of bones! And when I drink this rum I'm drunk!_

(Annette leans over and takes a sip of the ocean water)

Annette: Blargh! That's not rum! That's apple juice! I'd better just row to the mainland. Hmm, but is it Norway or Sweden? Jamaica or Caribbean? Only one way to find out.

(With that, she starts rowing. The scene switches to Blake, who has entered Chris' trailer, where Heather now resides)

Blake: [speaking to a pile of coats arranged to look like a guard] Uh, can I have an audience with her majesty, Queen Heather?

Heather: [from the other room] Come in, knave!

Blake: Um, hi, well, so, you see, that is-

Heather: WHAT?!

Blake: Sorry, I'm just not really allowed to speak to royalty.

Heather: [gesturing to a table with a giant feast set on it] Eat this cake.

Blake: Is it sugar-free?

Heather: No.

Blake: Then I can't!

Heather: Says you.

(She throws the cake, and it smashes into Blake. He licks his lips, then goes crazy)

Blake: TIME TO AID HER MAJESTY BY USING SCOOTISH EXPLOSIONS!

Heather: Slow down. I knight you, Scottish Blake, so that you can help me with my hosting of this dumb show.

Blake: YESSIR, MAM, QUEENIE!

Heather: You know what, I'm feeling oddly helpful today. In fact, so helpful I'll let you help the others in the challenge.

(Blake nods furiously)

Heather: Now go help everyone break their bones!

Blake: SHOULDN'T BE TOO HARD A TASK FOR ME SCOOTISH DYNAMITE!

(He dashes out of the trailer, a maniacal grin on his face. The scene switches back to Annette)

Annette: So….thirsty….must….find….water….water….water….

(She looks ahead of her, and hallucinates a tropical island)

Annette: Must get there. The stupid satyrs will have water, I know they will.

(She starts rowing, only to seem not to move any closer to the island. Eventually, the mirage fades, and in its place is Frederic the Vampire, hovering in mid-air by flapping his wings)

Annette: Pirates and vampires? What is this, a crossover fan-fic? WHAT HAS THE WORLD COME TO?!

Frederic: You're so totally annoying. It wasn't worth comin' to this un-rad ocean, for a bit of blood, like. But still, like, vampire's gotta drink blood, huh?

Annette: You mean you'd turn me into a vampire? Yes! Then I'd have a good explanation when I bite people! This is the best day of my life! Thank you, ugly vampire intern! Thank you!

Frederic: Like, word.

(The scene is a very dense part of the woods, almost jungle-like, where undergrowth abounds. Sitting down in the middle of it all is Zeke, his eyes red)

Ezekiel: Separated from civilization….food….other people….chockate milk! It's too much for a Zeke to take, eh!

(He throws down his toque and stomps on it, his skin taking on a greenish tinge)

Ezekiel: I….I….I….grr. Rar!

(He hunches over, and runs away on four legs)

(The scene goes back to Noah's shelter. The hole is a little deeper and has carpets laid in the bottom. Garlic is littered everywhere, and a mini-fridge is in the corner. Owen is using every last drop of his self-control trying not to raid the fridge. Noah has hammered boards together into a platform and is dragging it over when Blake, still crazy and Scottish, walks by)

Blake: AR! NEED HELP BREAKIN' BONES, LASSIE?

Noah: Go away.

Blake: I'LL TAKE THAT AS A YES! LET'S START WITH THEM EAR BONES!

(He grabs Noah's ear and starts twisting it)

Noah: Ow! Get off! What is wrong with you?

Blake: QUEENIE SAYS YOU NEED HELP BREAKIN' BONES!

Noah: No I don't.

Owen: Me neither.

Blake: AT LEAST BREAK SOME O' SCOOTISH CARTILAGE!

Noah: No thank you. But Heather probably needs help with the bone-breaking. Why not check with her?

Blake: SURE THING ANNOYING PERSON THANKS FOR THE BAD ADVICE.

(He walks off, back to Heather's trailer)

(The scene shows a peaceful serene landscape, somewhere on the island, with deer running about. All the deer take off after they spot a feral Ezekiel. Missing his toque, shoes, and some of his hair, he walks along slowly on all fours, sniffing the air. His skin is a sickly green, his clothes are ripped and worn, and his toenails have grown into claws)

Ezekiel: Grr….grr.

(He's looking into the sky, where three suspiciously large bats are flying. He growls repeatedly at them, causing them to fly down and bite him. However, he does not become a vampire. Why is unknown, but it probably has something to do with his Ezekiness. The bats eventually give up and fly off, with Zeke running behind them)

_Static_

Ezekiel: ROAR! Heh. Grr.

_Static_

(The scene goes back to Heather's "palace" trailer, into which Blake has just walked)

Heather: What do you want?

Blake: YARGH GOTTA BREAK THEM BONES!

Heather: What are you talking about? You're supposed to break everyone else's bones.

Blake: DON'T WORRY, IT'S EASY! I ALREADY SET UP THE SCOOTISH DYNAMITE, QUEENIE!

Heather: [as Blake shoves his fingers in his ears] You wouldn't dare-

(The entire trailer explodes and shrapnel flies everywhere. When the dust clears, Blake is still standing there with his fingers in his ears, while Heather is out of sight. The camera zooms to a nearby tree, where Heather seems to have been exploded to)

Heather: [to Blake] HOW DARE YOU! HOW COULD YOU? WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?! THIS COULDN"T GET ANY WORSE RIGHT NOW!

Blake: [back to normal] Um, mightn't that be used for dramatic irony?

Heather: WHAT DO YOU MEAN, YOU IDIOT?

(Behind her fly Frederic, Annette, and Dawn, all vampires, with Zombie Zeke still on their tail. Heather pauses her yelling long enough to turn around and see them. She screams and runs past Blake, who is hiding under the remains of a sofa. The psycho group chases her into the woods, and they all disappear from sight)

Blake: That was so coincidental as to be almost unrealistic.

(As soon as he finishes his sentence, the ground underneath him collapses, and he falls down, down, down, into a dark pit)

Blake: Geez, now what? A dungeon?

(Looking around, he sees stone walls to three sides of him, bars to the other, a floor of hay, and chains on the wall with a skeleton hanging down from them)

Blake: You've got to be kidding me. WHAT THE HECK IS WRONG WITH THIS ISLAND?!

(The screen shifts to the megaphone, where Heather's voice rings out, sounding scared and exhausted)

Heather: [megaphone] This is your queen speaking. I was just chased by vampires and a feral idiot and none of you did anything about it! Luckily, I'm smart enough to deal with situations like that by myself. What I'm saying is, the broken bones challenge has ended. Feel free to keep on breaking your bones if you want. The new challenge is….CATCH THOSE FREAKING VAMPIRES! That's all for now, knaves.

(Scene shows Lightning, marching toward the exploded trailer. Once he gets there, he stares in shock at the wreckage)

Lightning: Aw man! How do I conquer an explosion? Sha-think, Lightning, sha-think.

_Static_

Lightning: Sha-boom-boom?

_Static_

(Staci is seen in the island's graveyard, hurriedly brushing the dirt and dust off a tombstone)

Staci: I'll find proof of my ancestors, if it's the last thing I do!

(Scene goes to the rooftop of the cabins. Crawling up the side are the three vampires; Frederic, Dawn, and Annette. They reach the top and peer over, where they see Noah and Owen finishing their shelter, Lightning marching around, feral Zeke chasing random small animals, and Heather hiding in the mess hall)

Frederic: Tonight, we attack. The campers won't know what hit them.

TO BE CONTINUED….

**Author's Note: This isn't an episode split into two parts, it's really to be continued, like 'Mutiny on the Soundstage' and The 'Aftermath: IV'. However, it will be continued in Episode Seven, as the next episode is an aftermath!**

**Eliminated: Izzy, Mike, Zoey**

**Crazy Crazies: Annette, Lightning, Staci**

**Psycho Psychos: Blake, Dawn, Ezekiel, Noah, Owen**

**Host/Queen: Heather**

**Sorry this chapter was so short. I wanted it to have a dramatic ending. Expect an update in a week or so, and don't forget to review and vote on the poll!**

**~TheImpossiblyAwesomeWriter**

**Next Time: As Izzy discovers a secret passage, the first aftermath begins! More drama is unearthed than ever before, and the psychoness of the island is discussed.**


	6. Episode 6: Mike is Red, Zoey is Blue

**Aftermath: Mike is Red, Zoey is Blue….**

**It's me, here again! Yay! Hooray!**

**1. I do not own or claim to own Total Drama. No profit is being made from this fan-fiction.**

**2. I'm really sorry about the long delay, I was really busy. Sorry, won't happen again!**

**3. Remember to vote on my poll for who you want to win and review!**

**4. I've had near 600 views and now I've reached the HUGE milestone of 50,000 words! **

(Camera shows the Total Drama aftermath logo, while the familiar music plays. It starts showing a scene for all the eliminated contestants)

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

_Static_

Izzy: Ah George. You were so dreamy….

_Static_

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

Mike/Bob: HAHAHAA! GREEN IS A FRIENDLY COLOR! HE LETS ME PLAY WITH HIS PETPIRAHNA!

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

Commando Zoey: You thought we were just going to be playing Capture the Flag. But now, it's the Most Dangerous Game. Cause I'm gonna be hunting you down, one by one.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

Mr. Coconut: - - - - - -

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

(The screen turns blue, and the words TOTAL DRAMA THE ISLAND REBORN AFTERMATH flash across the screen)

(Theme song plays. It shows the camera sweeping past the dock, where Chris waves at it. Chef smiles at it, then gulps as it comes nearer to him, and smacks him in the face. After he disappears the camera zooms up the cliff, where it shows a squirrel punching Zeke in the face. As the camera "falls" off the cliff so does Zeke. Hitting the water, bubbles cover the screen. When they clear, Izzy is swimming away from a shark, only to turn around and bite the shark back. Above the water, Noah is sitting in a boat, reading his trademark book, when Zeke lands on him. Right after the moment of impact, the camera zooms to the forest, where Mike is petting a raccoon. The raccoon bites his finger, causing him to wince in pain, inhale deeply, then scream at the raccoon. The camera zooms to the waterfall, where Annette is singing on top of a log that goes over the waterfall. At the bottom, Dawn is sitting cross-legged on a beam of wood going across a small lake, looking very peaceful. Suddenly, Annette flies past her and her mouth falls open. The camera moves to the outhouse confessional, where a bear is knocking on the door. Blake sticks his head out, screams, and then ducks back in. Chef's kitchen is then seen, with a small television in the background upon which Courtney and Cody can be seen. Lightning is dumping protein powder into his mouth, and then fist-pumps, while Heather is tied to a chair, being force-fed Chef Hatchet's special soup by Chef himself. The camera moves outside to the campfire pit, where Owen is holding Mr. Coconut and rocking back and forth giggling. Staci is seen on the dock, blabbing on while reading from a gigantic stack of papers. The camera shifts a little, showing Chris on the other side of the dock, covering his ears and yelling. He runs around and falls into the water. When he surfaces, in classic cartoon style, his head steams over in anger, causing a fire. The camera follows the fire embers up, and then back down, revealing the campfire. Zoey is sitting in front of it, looking nervous, before her eyebrows scrunch up and she gives an evil grin, only to look around when she sees Zeke and Mike sitting on either side of her. The camera pans out to show all 13 contestants sitting on stools around the campfire, as Chris stands nearby and grins at the camera. A wooden sign is seen, where neon letters light up, saying TOTAL DRAMA THE ISLAND REBORN)

(Next, instead of showing the aftermath studio, the underground Playa des Losers is shown. Mike and Zoey are relaxing by the pool, Mr. Coconut is lying on the ground, and Izzy is trying to find something to explode, when part of the wall starts cracking)

Mike: What is that?

Izzy: It's not a unicorn, so don't worry.

(Slowly, a large patch of the wall crumbles, revealing a dark passageway. Inside the passageway, a neon sign lights up. It says 'AFTERMATH' with an arrow pointing down the tunnel)

Izzy: Yes, the aftermath! I love aftermaths!

Zoey: What're aftermaths?

Izzy: Man, you guys are clueless. Somebody get the coconut and let's go!

(Mike picks up Mr. Coconut and the three reluctantly follow Izzy into the narrow tunnel)

(The scene then does show the aftermath studio. Bridgette, Geoff, and Blaineley are sitting on the sofa, while the peanut gallery consists of Katie, Sadie, and Sam. Sam is playing a video game, obviously, while Katie and Sadie are chatting with one another)

Bridgette: [as the audience cheers] Welcome to Total Drama Aftermath, everybody. I'm Bridgette….

Geoff: ….I'm Geoff….

Blaineley: ….and I'm Blaineley, the most beautiful, dashing, pretty, amazingly hot aftermath host there ever was.

Bridgette: Sure. Let's say hi to our peanut gallery!

Katie: EEK!

Sadie: EEK!

Sam: Yes, final level! The big boss doesn't know what's comin'.

Katie: OmigoshSadie, it's Sam! He was in Total Drama Revenge of the Island! He's like an all-star!

Sadie: EEK! Think he'll sign my lucky umbrella?

Katie: I'm sure he will. You will, right Sam?

Sam: [absorbed in his game] What? Yeah, sure, whatever. Oh yeah! Hedgehog bullet upgrade!

Geoff: Without further ado, let's welcome our eliminated contestants from Total Drama The Island Reborn! They tried hard, but alas, none of them made it past episode four. However, that doesn't mean they weren't all up to their necks in drama! Let's welcome Izzy!

(He gestures to the side of the stage and waits for Izzy to walk out. However, she doesn't show up, and several long awkward minutes pass, with him still pointing there)

Geoff: Uh, she probably just went to blow up some stuff, I'm sure she'll be back soon. Moving on, it's time for magically multi-personalitized Mike!

(Again, no one shows up, making Geoff nervous)

Blaineley: OK, what is going on here? They should be here by now!

Bridgette: Maybe it's just a coincidence. Is Zoey here? [after a long stretch of silence] Uh, nope. Mr. Coconut?

(The three hosts of the aftermath just stand there, smiling at the camera, frozen with embarrassment)

Blaineley: Where are they?

(Deep underground, the three teenagers and the fruit find the passage is getting narrower all the time, eventually hitting a dead end)

Mike: What do we do now?

Zoey: Let's just go back. This was a bad idea.

(A huge rumbling sounds through the tunnel, and a wall of rock collapses behind them)

Mike: [panicking] We're trapped!

Izzy: Cool!

(Suddenly, the rock in front of them breaks away, revealing a slippery rock slope, leading downwards into the darkness)

Zoey: I don't know about you guys, but I am NOT going down there.

(However, the whole floor tilts up underneath them, sending them sliding downwards, thumping against the rocks, trying to cling on to something to stop their descent. Eventually, the four go over an edge and free-fall, landing in murky water far below with a painful splash)

Izzy: Awesome! Let's do it again!

Zoey: Not so fast Izzy. What do we do now?

Mike: I think I see some light over there.

(He swims over, followed by the rest, Zoey clinging to . When they arrive, they find themselves on a gravelly beach, with a tunnel leading on in front of them. Somewhere down the tunnel, light can be seen)

Zoey: Yes! Light! Now we can get the heck out of here!

(She seems to have spoken too soon, as with another rumbling quake, the light is blocked from view. But, it's no rock-fall causing this, instead a giant boulder is rolling down the tunnel, straight at them. Mike and Zoey dive to the sides, while Izzy just stands there, as if pondering a question. The boulder smacks into her and rolls into the water. A few seconds later, she pops up back on shore)

Izzy: That. Was. AWESOME!

Zoey: Grr….grr.

Mike: Are you OK?

Zoey: Sorry, I've just had bad experiences with boulders.

Izzy: So have I. I went out with a boulder once for a couple weeks, but he was a terrible boyfriend.

Mike: Yeah, good to know. Let's get out of here.

(They head up the tunnel towards the light. Meanwhile, the camera shifts back to the aftermath studio)

Bridgette: [whispering to Geoff] We have to do something. Play a clip or whatever.

Geoff: [shaking off his nervousness] Alright everyone, say it with me! You know!

Audience and Geoff: That's Gonna Leave a Mark!

Geoff: Now, this is a special 'That's Gonna Leave a Mark' as it's devoted to entirely one person. That person has sustained possibly the most hilarious injuries ever….it's Ezekiel!

(As the audience cheers, the familiar music plays and the clips start. Zeke dives off a platform into a bucket of water, which he crashes straight through, landing in the sand at the bottom of Wawanakwa. Ezekiel is in the confessional talking when a squirrel jumps down and starts biting him mercilessly, making him fall over. Zeke is standing at the edge of the cliff, picking flowers, when the wind blows and he falls over. Zeke is chased by the squirrel all around the campsite, until it catches up with him and starts punching his face. In the final clip, he is "sleep-tweeting" again, and Chef is standing next to him, thumping his baseball bat onto his hand menacingly. Eventually Chef just smacks Zeke on the head with it, making him collapse)

Blaineley: [as the audience laughs impossibly hard] Man, I could watch Zeke get beat up all day.

Sadie: Omigosh, me too!

Sam: Yeah. It's almost as entertaining as Call of Kitty-Kats Seven: Purple Operations.

(He goes back to his videogame)

Bridgette: [to Geoff] OK, that was entertaining. But we still need our cast. I wonder where they could be….

(The four underground have made their way to the light source, which actually has turned out to be rocks in the wall glowing blue)

Zoey: What IS that?

Mike: It's fluoride. It can be fluorescent, or glow, under certain lighting conditions.

Zoey: How do you know?

Mike: [a bit self-consciously] Tenth grade geology.

Zoey: Wow Mike! You're smart AND nice!

Mike: Thanks.

Izzy: And, most importantly, you're psycho. Psycho psycho psycho psycho! WAHAHAHA!

Mike: Um, OK. But guys, we still don't know how to get out of here.

Izzy: The tunnel keeps going. Let's follow it.

(They set off, and march through the dark and damp tunnel for hours, but it shows no sign of leading to the surface. It slowly starts getting hotter and hotter until the teenagers are sweating profusely and the walls are nearly red. The four emerge from the tunnel onto the narrow rim of a volcano ledge. Far, far above them is an opening, through which the sky can be seen. Far, far beneath them is a pool of intensely hot magma)

Zoey: Where on earth are we? Tunnels, traps, falls, ponds, boulders, fluorescent rocks, and now a volcano?!

Mike: What do we do now? And is it me, or is the volcano heating up?

Izzy: You're right, it is getting hotter. Just like I always am.

Mike: Izzy, this isn't a time to think about beauty!

Izzy: No, not _that_ hot, silly! My body temperature is already an average 108!

Zoey: That's creepy, but we've got bigger problems. We need to get out of here before we're vaporized!

Mike: Look! Over there!

(To the side and beneath them, there's a narrow passage going around the edge of the volcano, which appears to lead into another tunnel)

Zoey: We don't know where that tunnel goes! Let's just go back.

(Suddenly, they hear a rushing noise behind them. Through the tunnel they just came comes a wall of water, advancing rapidly)

Mike: Let's get out of here! I don't wanna know what happens when cold water hits magma!

Izzy: Probably boom-boom.

Zoey: Which is why we need to leave!

Izzy: You mean, which is why we need to stay.

(Before Izzy can protest, Mike and Zoey each grab an arm and pull her forward, down to the path, where they rush into the small tunnel. They've scarcely made it in when the water pours out into the volcano, causing a gigantic explosion. Wind blows through the tunnel, carrying them forward, up and up, around and around, banging into the walls, until they're all unconscious) **Author's Note: I have no idea what would actually happen in this type of situation, so I just went with chaos. It tends to be a good idea.**

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

(Screen goes back to the studio, where Geoff, Blaineley, and Bridgette are getting more anxious by the minute)

Geoff: Uh, peanut gallery, can you guys do anything entertaining?

Sadie: Well, I can't, but I bet Katie could!

Katie: Omigosh Sadie, that's so nice!

Bridgette: Well Katie, can you?

Katie: Well, I can't, but I bet Sadie could!

Sadie: Omigosh Katie, that's so nice!

Blaineley: Sigh. Sam?

Sam: I can play videogames. Heh heh. Heh heh heh.

(He goes back to playing his hand-held game)

(The scene switches to a cavern filled with large gemstones. Everywhere, crystals poke out of the ground, in all colors and shapes, some as big as cars. In the middle of the cavern are Izzy, Mike, Zoey, and Mr. Coconut. The three humans are unconscious. The coconut is a coconut)

Zoey: [waking up] Where….are….we?

Mike: [slowly getting up] Look at this! It's amazing! Crystals everywhere! Izzy, wake up.

Izzy: [sleeping on] Five more minutes Mom.

Zoey: Imagine how much this must be worth!

Mike: Millions!

Zoey: Billions!

Izzy: [springing up behind them] Gazillion infinities!

Mike: Oh man, we're going to be rich!

Izzy: Richy Richard rich!

Zoey: Hold on, we're still stuck somewhere underground.

Mike: Right. Not to mention we couldn't take this all with us.

Izzy: We need to start a diamond mine. Mr. Coconut can be our first employee.

(She throws the coconut at the wall)

Izzy: Dig, employee, dig! Move your lazy bum!

Mike: Yeah….not helping. Wait, what's this over here?

(He points at the floor, where a little trickle of water is flowing somewhere)

Zoey: Where's it coming from?

Izzy: Looks to Izzy like the stalagmites are dripping.

Mike: You mean stalactites.

Izzy: Mites!

Mike: No, tites!

Izzy: Mites!

Mike: Tites!

Izzy: Mites!

Zoey: Guys….the water has to go somewhere. Let's follow it.

Mike: OK, but it probably just flows through some crack.

(The three walk by the stream, to the end of the cavern, where it goes behind a large rock and into a tiny hole)

Zoey: We'll never fit through _that_.

Izzy: We might not, but….

(She runs and grabs Mr. Coconut, and shoves it into the hole. It's just small enough to squeeze through and floats away)

Izzy: Ta-da!

Zoey: Argh! How was that supposed to help us?!

Izzy: If you ask the fruit, he'll probably say it was beneficial.

Zoey: [rolling her eyes] Right. Now what?

Izzy: Got any shrinking potion?

Mike: No.

Izzy: Well, Watson, I'm Sherlock Holmes, and I will solve this mystery!

(She pulls a magnifying glass out of her pocket and starts walking around, bent close to the floor. Eventually she bumps into an old wooden wheelbarrow. Leaning on it are a few rusty shovels and pick axes)

Izzy: Guys! Someone's been here before us!

(Mike and Zoey run over)

Zoey: Izzy! You're right!

Mike: And if they got out, then there's an exit somewhere!

Izzy: Hold your horses. They didn't get out.

Mike: What do you mean?

(Izzy points behind the wheelbarrow, where a skeleton in ragged clothes and a hard hat lies)

Zoey and Mike: AAAAAAAAH!

Izzy: What's up guys? Oh, don't worry about Skelly. He's super friendly.

Mike: We need to get out of here before we end up joining him!

Zoey: Or her.

Izzy: Or me.

Mike: What's that even supposed to mean?! Ugh, never mind. We _have_ to find a way out of here.

Zoey: Well, let's take stock of what we've got. Numerous crystals, two shovels, a pick axe, a wheelbarrow, and a skeleton.

Mike: [smacking his forehead] It's so simple! Why didn't we see it before?

Izzy: What?

Mike: We can dig out with the shovels!

Zoey: That might just work! We should dig near the water stream. The wall is dirt there.

Mike: Yeah….Hey! Dirt! If it's not solid rock, we can't be that far underground!

Izzy: Well, then what are we waiting for? Flying monkeys with bow and arrows?

(She grabs the pick axe, leaving the other two the shovels. After several minutes of hacking away at the wall, they break through. The three then push away the dirt with their hands, showing a long cavern stretching into the darkness. Most of it is taken up by the stream, which swells into a river, but on the right is a sand bar)

Mike: Well, we go onward, I guess.

(They walk out of the crystal cavern, stuffing their pockets with diamonds. After a while of walking on into the darkness, Mike trips over something)

Mike: OW! [inhaling sharply] HATE PEAS! [inhaling sharply again] Phew, Bob's gone. That was a close one.

Izzy: Mike! Mike! Mike!

Mike: What?

Zoey: Come see what you tripped over.

Mike: [glancing down] What are the odds?

Izzy: It's Mr. Coconut!

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

(The scene switches once more back to the aftermath studio. The hosts are now outright scared as the audience throws tomatoes and chair legs at them. The peanut gallery is nowhere to be seen as the audience members grab torches and pitchforks and march up onto the stage)

Geoff: [hiding behind the sofa, catching sight of one mob member] Hey! Aren't you Gordon, the Aftermath Video Guest from TDA?

Gordon: Yes [bleeped out] I [bleeped out] am! Now [bleeped out] die!

(Gordon charges Geoff with his pitchfork, impaling it into the sofa. Geoff ducks and runs off, losing his hat)

Gordon: My [bleeped out] pitchfork's stuck! Aw, [bleeped out] [bleeped out] [bleeped out]!

Bridgette: [hanging from the chandelier in an attempt to escape the mob] Everything's cool with you guys, right? I mean, it's the real show you care about, not the aftermaths, right?

Audience: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Gordon: [bleeped out] BOOOO [bleeped out] OOOOOOOO [bleeped out]!

(As Geoff runs away and Bridgette inches farther up the chandelier, the mob has tied up Blaineley, and are pouring tar and feathers on her)

Blaineley: You imbeciles! You'll ruin my dress! This outfit cost more than your annual salaries!

Audience: [chanting] Where are the eliminated contestants? Where? WHERE?

(The scene switches back underground, where the three teens continue to walk along the sandbar, Izzy carrying . Suddenly, the sandbar just drops off, leaving nothing but water ahead)

Zoey: Well, it's a dead end.

Izzy: Unless we swim….

Mike: Too dangerous. We should look for another exit, or route or something.

(Izzy accidentally drops . He bobs once in the water before the current sweeps him away)

Izzy: Oops. Well, I better go get him.

Mike: Izzy! NO!

(Despite his warning, Izzy jumps in and the water carries here away. Mike and Zoey stand looking shocked for a moment, and then Mike jumps in after her)

Zoey: Mike! Oh, great. Oh no oh no oh no oh no! I have to do something!

(She steps to the very edge of the water, looking for Mike and Izzy, trying to think of a plan. Underneath her, the water surges up, making her lose her balance and fall down. The water then falls back a little, pulling her off the sandbar into the underground river. Zoey tries as hard as she can to swim back, but, like with the others, the current carries her onwards. The water foams and goes over rapids and small waterfalls, full of dangerously large and sharp rocks. Zoey is often pulled under but always pushes her way back up. She catches a glimpse of Izzy, and possibly bumps Mr. Coconut with her foot. Eventually the water starts moving more slowly, and becomes shallower. She stands up, trying hard not to get knocked back down again, and rubs the water out of her eyes. She sees Mike in front of her, then he disappears down into the looming darkness. This shocks her enough for the water to regain its grip, and she's pulled along a few feet, until, suddenly, the water is no longer around her. Zoey has just enough time to see she's gone over a waterfall before she plummets down. She falls for what seems forever, screaming the whole way…

…

down

…

down

…

down

.

d

.

o

.

w

.

n)

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

(Camera shifts to Mike, who is also falling and screaming. Behind him is the roaring waterfall, still plunging into the depths. Slowly but surely, the water moves outwards at an incline, going from vertical to impossibly steep to about 65 degrees. Because of this, he gradually crashes into the water, making his descent scarcely even painful as the water flows down at the steepness of a small hill. Eventually it's a flowing river again, for a little while, then it gives way, Mike falls ten feet, and a gigantic wave of water blasts him upwards, upwards, and upwards some more. Eventually the water stops and he lands on a wooden floor. Looking around, he finds himself in a room at the aftermath studio. It's a perfectly normal waiting room, except for a hole in the floor that he just came out of. He walks over to the door to find it boarded up. However, it's been boarded from the outside, so with a bit of shoving he gets it open. As he walks into the hallway, Zoey, Izzy, and are blasted into the room behind him, leaving it soaking wet. The four of them head down the hallway to the stage, where the mob is still parading around, almost destroying the place. Upon the arrival, the camera seems to move in fast forward as the torches and pitchforks disappear, the audience resumes their seats, Blaineley walks off to clean off the tar and feathers while Bridgette, Geoff, and the peanut gallery reappear, and a janitor comes by and cleans up all the tomatoes and other assorted mess. Finally, the last remaining sign of the chaos is an angry Gordon)

Gordon: I [bleeped out] hate having to [bleeped out] stop throwing [bleeped out] tomatoes at people!

(He then resumes his seat, and everything is back to normal)

Geoff: Finally! You're here! What took you guys so long?

Mike: Are you kidding me?! We had to go through a hundred thousand death traps just to get this far!

Geoff: Uh? Why didn't you just take a cab?

Zoey: We could've taken a cab? We took some sort of deadly 'aftermath' tunnel.

Bridgette: Oh that! That's the old aftermath passage, the one the eliminated contestants used to get to the aftermath in the first season.

Izzy: There were no aftermaths in TDI.

Geoff: Exactly! No one made it through!

Zoey: So, what you're saying is, we went through all that for NOTHING?!

Geoff: Chill bro, now you're here and everything's cool.

Bridgette: [glaring at Gordon] Not to mention we went through some pretty hard stuff too.

Gordon: I'll [bleeped out] say you did!

Zoey: All right, first off, never call me bro. Never.

Geoff: Sure thing bro.

Zoey: Grr. Second, what's even the point of this thing?

Bridgette: To get the dramaest drama of all drama that was ever drama on Total Drama!

Sam: Whoa, you just sounded like the level three boss on Warfare of Monkeys 9!

Bridgette: Is your entire stereotype limited to videogaming?

Sam: Pretty much. Heh heh. Where's Dakotazoid?

Geoff: Alright, we've had enough chit-chat. It's time to really start the aftermath, with our first interviewee, Izzy!

(The audience cheers and applauds)

Izzy: You know, it's not as exciting an introduction when I'm already on stage.

Geoff: In that case, leave and come back waving and grinning like you've never been here before.

(Izzy does so, then takes a seat on one of the sofas)

Geoff: So Izzy, what's it like to be the first voted off?

Izzy: Whoa….déjà vu.

Geoff: Are you mad that the majority of your fellow campers wanted you to lose?

Izzy: I'm not mad. I'm Izzy.

Geoff: But madness brings drama!

Izzy: Good for madness.

Bridgette: Anyway, whom do you want to win this season?

Izzy: Me.

Bridgette: You've been eliminated!

Izzy: Says you.

Bridgette: Says everyone!

Geoff: Uh, this interview isn't going so well.

Izzy: Says you.

Geoff: Alright, Izzy, let's move on. See this?

(He gestures at a large machine in the background. It has many gears and whirring components, and a projector screen)

Geoff: That, is the Total Drama Aftermath Computer!

Bridgette: Or the TDAC for short.

Geoff: With this handy-dandy thingamabob, we can analyze Total Drama's drama like never before!

Izzy: I didn't know you were a technical person, Geoff.

Geoff: I'm not. I paid Harold to build it.

(Harold appears out of thin air, in the middle of the stage)

Harold: Gosh. Idiots!

(Harold disappears)

Bridgette: You see? Very technical.

Geoff: Anyway, have you ever noticed how psycho the island is? I mean, there's Chris, the campers, the crazy nature, the cliff, the insaneness of the land itself, plus a gazillion quirky secrets.

Izzy: Your point?

Geoff: Well, the chaos has to come from somewhere, bro.

Bridgette: And we're going to use the TDAC to find the source. Computer, calculate the chaotic craziness!

Izzy: Your annoying alliterations make me want to kill you.

Geoff: See what I mean? Chaos!

(The TDAC whirs and buzzes, then the projector flashes on)

TDAC: [robotic voice] Three most chaotic island organisms slash things found.

(The projector shows three pictures)

TDAC: Third most crazy is….Lake Wawanakwa.

Sam: Makes sense. Heh heh.

TDAC: Second most crazy is….Ezekiel.

Katie: EEK! Ezekiel! OmigoshSadie, he always loses sooooo early….even before we lose!

Sadie: EEK! That's so cool Katie!

Sam: Argh! All this EEK-ing is interfering with my mad video gaming skills!

(Harold reappears)

Harold: Did someone say something about mad skillz?

Bridgette: Not _your_ mad skills, Harold.

Harold: Gosh, I think I deserve a bit more recognition around here.

(He disappears again)

TDAC: The most chaotic and crazy being or thing on the entire island of Wawanakwa is…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…ChrisMcLean.

Izzy: I'm not surprised. He's almost as crazy as me!

Geoff: Yep. No surprise there.

Gordon: No [bleeped out] stupid [bleeped out] surprise, pardon my [bleeped out] French.

Bridgette: Gordon, do us all a favor.

Gordon: [bleeped out]?

Bridgette: Shut up already!

Gordon: In that case, [bleeped out] [bleeped out] [bleeped out] [bleeped out] [bleeped out] [bleeped out] [bleeped out] [bleeped out]!

Izzy: I'd cover my ears if I hadn't shattered my eardrums at age five.

(She gets up and sits down with the peanut gallery)

Geoff: Everybody, make some noise for Mike!

(The audience claps as Mike walks onstage)

Mike: So, I'm stuck with this deathly aftermath after all, huh?

Bridgette: Enough complaining! You're on TV!

Mike: Not yet. This episode doesn't broadcast for weeks!

Bridgette: That's beside the point.

Geoff: Now Mike, your fellow teammates voted you off.

Mike: Yeah. So?

Geoff: Do you despise them for it? Do you crave revenge? Are you turning into an evil maniac?

Mike: No.

Geoff: Well, that drama-portunity is gone.

Mike: Drama-portunity?

Bridgette: Opportunity….for drama!

Geoff: Now, it's time for…._Dodge vs. Anvil!_

Mike: [gulping] I don't like the sound of that.

Geoff: You shouldn't. In the original _Truth vs. Anvil_, every time you told a lie an anvil fell. Now, due to budget cuts, we just drop anvils. Try not to get hit. Or rather, try _to_.

Bridgette: [whispering] Geoff, you're becoming an evil megalomaniac again….

Geoff: Not now, Bridge.

Mike: One question though. How is it dodging _versus _anvils? That doesn't make sense.

Geoff: Don't blame me; Chris came up with the title.

Mike: Can we just skip thi- - -

Geoff: No! Prepare for pain! And drama!

(The screen shows a _Dodge vs. Anvil_ logo)

(Mike looks up and sees an anvil falling down. He ducks and rolls, only to land in the path of another one. He flattens himself backwards, then stands straight up, jumps impossibly high, arches his back, does a full split, and rolls around a lot, in to avoid the anvils. He doesn't hold out forever though. As he does a back flip to get out of the way of an anvil, his feet come around and he stubs his toe on another anvil, crying out in pain)

Mike: Ouch ouch ouch. [he inhales sharply] NO COOKIES ARE COMING FOR MY BOOGERS!

(Harold appears)

Harold: You pick your nose too? Gosh. It must be a conspiracy.

(Harold disappears)

Mike/Bob: MUST RID WORLD OF BAD NAME SPELLERS! PREPARE FORTRIPOLEE! HAHAHA!

(He starts hobbling slowly towards Geoff)

Geoff: Um dude….chill, OK?

Mike/Bob: GORDON SAYS [BLEEPED OUT]!

Gordon: Oh [bleeped out]! He's on to me. Gotta change my [bleeped out] accent.

(Bob jumps on top of the sofa and starts trying to tackle Geoff, who quickly gets up and runs away, with Bob in pursuit)

Geoff: HELP MEEEEEEEEEEEE!

Mike/Bob: A JACKHAMMER WON'T SAVE YOU NOW!

(Geoff jumps down screaming into the crowd, with Bob hot in his heels. They make a huge commotion as they run out to the exit, Geoff screaming like a little girl the whole time)

Katie: OmigoshBridgette, you're the last remaining host!

Bridgette: I know. I'm starting to think this business is bad for my health.

Sam: [while playing his game] _Starting _to think? Didn't you release hosting this psychotic show is a bad idea, in, like season two?

Sadie: Wow, you're pessimistic.

Sam: I don't know what that word means, but I have a dictionary app, and I'm not afraid to use it!

(Harold appears)

Harold: Gosh, just carry around the _actual_ 15,000 page dictionary like I do. It's much easier.

(A huge book falls out of the sky, squishing him)

Harold: Idiots! You're not supposed to carry it on your head!

(Harold and the book disappear)

Bridgette: Alright audience, are you ready to use the TDAC again?

Audience: Yeah!

Gordon: [bleeped out] yeah!

Bridgette: The TDAC is going to tell us, on a scale of one to ten, how likely the remaining contestants are to win. Are you ready?

Audience: Yeah!

Gordon: [bleeped out] yeah!

Bridgette: Are you sure you're ready?

Audience: YEAH!

Gordon: [bleeped out] - - -

Bridgette: Shut up Gordon.

(As Gordon mutters most likely vulgar words under his breath, the TDAC lights up again)

Bridgette: First up Annette has a chance of….

TDAC: Two.

Bridgette: Yeah, sucking at challenges and shrieking- - -I mean singing- - -a lot isn't gonna get you any closer to the million. What about Heather?

TDAC: Eight.

Bridgette: Yep, that girl is willing to do whatever it takes to win, no matter what.

Katie: OmigoshSadie, she's so mean!

Sadie: Omigosh Katie, IKR, right?

TDAC: Staci...five.

Sam: Chatty chatty blah blah blah fail.

(He goes back to his game)

TDAC: Lightning….six.

Bridgette: Sounds about right.

Katie: Omigosh, I'm Lightning's biggest fan! Sha-EEK!

Sadie: Sha-EEK! Me too!

Katie: You too?!

Sadie: Me too!

Katie: OmigoshSadie, that is such a coincidence!

Sadie: I know!

Katie: EEK!

Sadie: EEK!

Katie: EEK!

Sadie: EEK!

Katie: EEK!

Sadie: EEK!

Katie and Sadie: EEK EEK EEK EEK EEK EEK EEK EEK- - -

(Harold appears)

Harold: SHUT UP! Gosh.

(He disappears)

TDAC: Blake….four.

Sam: Yeah, that kid wears a tie. I mean, really, do you ever see someone in a videogame wear a tie?

TDAC: Noah….nine.

Bridgette: Look's like Noah's the guy to watch out for. Sarcastic and cunning, the guys a freaking genius!

TDAC: Ezekiel….one.

(The audience burst into laughter)

Bridgette: C'mon guys, be nice. Ezekiel may be really bad at the game, but he's not _that_ bad.

(The audience laughs even harder)

Bridgette: OK, fine, he is that bad. At least he gives us some comic relief, right?

Sam: I can do comic relief, slaps-stick style. Watch this.

(He stands up and falls over on purpose)

Bridgette: Thanks Sam, that was….uh….uh….Ok-ish good?

Sam: I'll do it again for five bucks.

Bridgette: Um, maybe later, OK?

TDAC: Dawn….seven.

Bridgette: Everyone's favorite nature girl seems to be the only one with a chance who's not a back-stabbing jerk.

Sam: Don't forget Noah.

Bridgette: Uh, Noah is Noah. He's in a category of his own. Anyway, Dawn's so friendly, who would even vote her off?

Sam: Um, Scott, Lightning, Brick, me….pretty much the whole team last season. Heh heh.

Bridgette: Don't be an idiot, Sam.

Sam: What? Shouldn't you be jealous you've been replaced as Total Drama's nice girl?

Bridgette: I have _not_ been replaced.

Sam: Then why weren't you in season four?

Bridgette: It was a team choice that had nothing to do with me. Moving on.

TDAC: Owen….three.

Bridgette: He may have done pretty well in the first couple of seasons, but let's face facts. He's an obese- - -

Izzy: You mean fat.

Bridgette: Fine, he's a fat guy who's only advantage is his likeableness.

Sadie: But he's so good at eating food!

Katie: EEK! I know! He's my new role model!

Sadie: EEK! He's my new role model too!

Katie: EEK!

Sadie: EEK!

Katie: E- - -

Bridgette: OK, we are _not _starting that again. So, looks like Noah and Dawn have good chances for winning, but they better watch their backs around Heather.

Izzy: And Ezekiel's an idiot.

Bridgette: Hey, that's not the point- - -

Sadie: Omigosh Bridgette, you must be in love with Ezekiel! There are so many fan-fics about it it must be true!

Bridgette: That is NOT tru- - -

Katie: EEK! A new couple!

Sadie: EEK!

Katie: EEK!

Sadie: EEK!

Katie: EEK!

Sadie: EEK!

Katie: EEK!

Bridgette: [as the two continue to 'eek' in the background] Yeah, great. Thanks a lot fan fiction. Look who people have paired me with! The psycho nose-picking prairie boy! NOOOOOOOOO! [regaining her composure] Anyway, let's welcome our next guest. Zoey!

(Zoey walks on stage amid cheers from the crowd)

Zoey: Hi everyone! So great to be here! Even if I did almost die coming!

Bridgette: So Zoey, anything you care to tell us about your experiences on the island?

Zoey: Well, it wasn't all that great. First I got shoved around by Heather, then Mike left, then I went psycho and got booted off.

Bridgette: Bummer.

Izzy: Thumber!

Bridgette: Izzy, what is up with you?

Izzy: Ask the ceiling.

Bridgette: Whatever. Alright, so, any regrets?

Zoey: Yeah, pretty much what I just said.

(The audience snickers)

Bridgette: Was anything cool?

Zoey: Well, I got to shove Heather in a large pile of mud and quicksand, I set the world record for most tunnels dug in a minute, and I hung out with Mike for a while.

Bridgette: Um, give me a few minutes to think up a new question. I thought you'd have better answers.

Zoey: Ok, this is getting a little boring.

Bridgette: Fine. Bring in the fruit!

(A random intern walks in and drops Mr. Coconut on the stage)

Bridgette: So, , any thoughts on this season of Total Drama?

Mr. Coconut: - - - - -

Bridgette: Are you mad you were voted off unfairly?

Mr. Coconut: - - - - -

Bridgette: What was, in your opinion, the craziest challenge?

Mr. Coconut: - - - - -

Bridgette: Are you going to say anything?

Mr. Coconut: - - - - -

Bridgette: Anything?

Mr. Coconut: - - - - -

Bridgette: Anything at all?!

Mr. Coconut: - - - -

Bridgette: Sigh. Guess this ends this episode of Total Drama Aftermath. Say good-bye, peanut gallery.

Sam: I'd say bye, but I'm to busy buying an upgrade for my lastest game.

Sadie: EEK! Katie! We get to say good-bye!

Katie: OmigoshSadie, we do? EEK!

Katie and Sadie: BYE!

(Harold appears)

Harold: Gosh, bye.

(He disappears)

Bridgette: See you guys next tim- - -

(Suddenly, inexplicably, Mr. Coconut pops up and smacks her in the head, knocking her out. A group of interns walks onto the stage and carries her off. As they go, in walks Chef with an unconscious Mike slung over his shoulder)

Chef: There you maggots are! What did I tell ya abou' not escapin'?

Izzy: To not not not not not escape.

Zoey: Quintuple negatives. Never seen that before.

Chef: Doesn't matter. Nobody escapes _my_ Playa des Losers! Nobody!

(Before they can protest, Chef drags Izzy and Zoey off the stage, picking up Mr. Coconut as he walks out)

Gordon: Looks like all the [bleeped out] important people are gone. Guess it's [bleeped out] up to me to sign off this [bleeped out] show. So, you [bleeped out] all better tune in [bleeped out] next time to Total [bleeped out] Drama [bleeped out] The [bleeped out] Island [bleeped out] Reborn, or else [bleeped out].

(Gordon then goes on a swearing rant so vulgar every single person present covers their ears)

(Credits play)

**Eliminated: Izzy, Mike, Zoey, Mr. Coconut**

**Psycho Psychos: Blake, Dawn, Ezekiel, Noah, Owen**

**Crazy Crazies: Annette, Heather, Lightning, Staci**

**I hope you guys liked this. I've never seen a fan-fiction aftermath before, so I'm sure this is pretty original. Sorry again about the delay, and see you soon! Remember to review and vote on the poll!**

**~TheImpossiblyAwesomeWriter**

**Next Time: As the chaotic chaos that started in episode five comes to a conclusion, everything is so chaotically explosive I can't even describe it.**


	7. Episode 7: Vamp up the Drama

**Episode 7: Vamp up the Drama**

**Yeah, I don't have anything to say here. I don't own Total Drama. PLEASE review. It takes 2 seconds, and you'll get a reply and a prize!**

(Camera shows Heather standing on the Dock of Shame)

Heather: Last time on Total Drama The Island Reborn, I replaced Chris as host-

Noah: [interrupting] Temporary host!

Heather: Shut up Noah! Anyway, after a pathetically unsuccessful break-your-bones challenge, a few of the local idiots became vampires, and Zeke became a zombie. Again. Anyway, the noble queen of this island, me to be exact, commanded the stupid idiots, I mean contestants, to catch the freaks. So far they've been largely unsuccessful.

Noah: [sarcastically] Thanks for the pep talk coach.

Heather: Just play the theme song already!

(Theme song plays. It shows the camera sweeping past the dock, where Chris waves at it. Chef smiles at it, then gulps as it comes nearer to him, and smacks him in the face. After he disappears the camera zooms up the cliff, where it shows a squirrel punching Zeke in the face. As the camera "falls" off the cliff so does Zeke. Hitting the water, bubbles cover the screen. When they clear, Izzy is swimming away from a shark, only to turn around and bite the shark back. Above the water, Noah is sitting in a boat, reading his trademark book, when Zeke lands on him. Right after the moment of impact, the camera zooms to the forest, where Mike is petting a raccoon. The raccoon bites his finger, causing him to wince in pain, inhale deeply, then scream at the raccoon. The camera zooms to the waterfall, where Annette is singing on top of a log that goes over the waterfall. At the bottom, Dawn is sitting cross-legged on a beam of wood going across a small lake, looking very peaceful. Suddenly, Annette flies past her and her mouth falls open. The camera moves to the outhouse confessional, where a bear is knocking on the door. Blake sticks his head out, screams, and then ducks back in. Chef's kitchen is then seen, with a small television in the background upon which Courtney and Cody can be seen. Lightning is dumping protein powder into his mouth, and then fist-pumps, while Heather is tied to a chair, being force-fed Chef Hatchet's special soup by Chef himself. The camera moves outside to the campfire pit, where Owen is holding and rocking back and forth giggling. Staci is seen on the dock, blabbing on while reading from a gigantic stack of papers. The camera shifts a little, showing Chris on the other side of the dock, covering his ears and yelling. He runs around and falls into the water. When he surfaces, in classic cartoon style, his head steams over in anger, causing a fire. The camera follows the fire embers up, and then back down, revealing the campfire. Zoey is sitting in front of it, looking nervous, before her eyebrows scrunch up and she gives an evil grin, only to look around when she sees Zeke and Mike sitting on either side of her. The camera pans out to show all 13 contestants sitting on stools around the campfire, as Chris stands nearby and grins at the camera. A wooden sign is seen, where neon letters light up, saying TOTAL DRAMA THE ISLAND REBORN)

(Scene shows the campgrounds. A bird is tweeting in a tree, but a feral Ezekiel grabs it and stuffs it in his mouth, dashing out of view. Past the tree, Noah and Owen are sitting in a hole, playing cards)

Noah: Got any threes?

Owen: Go fish.

(Noah grumbles)

Owen: You know, I really think you could've done a better job with this shelter.

Noah: [sarcastically] Gee? Really? I thought this was paradise.

_Static_

Owen: Sometimes I think Noah might be going just a _little_ crazy with his sarcasm.

_Static_

(Behind them, Lightning walks by in his "armor", which is composed of a fishing net and a frying pan with a lot of tin foil)

Owen: What are you doing?

Lightning: Sha-conquering the island.

Owen: Cool. Let me know if you find any food.

_Static_

Lightning: Nothing to conquer in here….Moving on!

_Static_

(The screen zooms out past the campgrounds to the graveyard, where Staci is stooped over, reading the engraving on a worn tombstone)

Staci: [reading aloud] Great-great-great-uncle Stupid von Merkel….1857 to 2034….invented the telegraph, car seats, and water buffalo….regarded as a pathological liar by his peers….related to many other supposed inventors….

(She brightens up)

Staci: Aha! I knew that with the abundance of my ancestors, at least one would be buried here! Now to start digging, for his body will be the ultimate proof of the truth! Now that there is a fine quote.

(She picks up a shovel and starts digging in front of the tombstone. After unearthing a few shovelfuls, she stands back and looks down at a giant Tyrannosaurus skull)

_Static_

Staci: I didn't realize his head was that big, but no matter.

_Static_

(The camera zooms over to a field where various shrapnel, as if from an explosion, lies. In the center of the field is a pit, down which is an ancient dungeon, with Blake lying on the dirt floor)

Blake: Think Blake think….there's gotta be a way out. Think! OK, macaroni and cheese! Wait a second, that doesn't help. Shoot, I thought I had a plan. Darn it! I'm not even allowed to be locked in medieval dungeons!

(He gets up and walks over to the bars, putting his head in between them in defeat. Suddenly he falls forward, through the bars, into the ancient dungeon passageway)

Blake: Man, I can't believe I fit through those bars! Guess anorexia has its perks. Good thing I'm not allowed to be an average weight.

(He heads up the hallway and climbs a flight of stairs, going past another hallway with dungeon cells on either side. He continues this, going up and up, until he's out of breath, slips and falls all the way back down in a very painful combination of rolling and sliding)

Blake: I'm so angry I'd curse, except I don't know how to.

(Gordon appears out of thin air)

Gordon: I'll teach you how! [bleeped out] [bleeped out] [bleeped out] [bleeped out]!

(Gordon disappears)

Blake: What is with the teleporting on this show?! I mean, seriously, it wasn't funny the zeroith time, and as Chris would say, not-funny-ness loses viewers. Oh my gosh, I've turned into a kleptomaniac! [pompously] Well at least I'm not allowed to teleport.

(Blake disappears)

(Back in the field where the explosion took place, Blake suddenly appears)

Blake: Aw, [bleeped out] [bleeped out] [bleeped out]! [after a pause] Hmm, Gordon would be proud.

(He neatens his suit and walks off)

_Static_

Gordon: See how much of a [bleeped out] good teacher I am?

_Static_

(The camera shifts to the middle of the woods, where Tyler and Duncan are sitting on a log)

Duncan: So, why'd you invite me to this stupid island again?

Tyler: You seem like the kind of guy who's in to exercising, and this place is perfect for it. May I present my newest exercising masterpiece, the Beaver-Chewing-On-Head.

(He randomly pulls out a beaver from behind him, and it bites down hard on his nose)

Tyler: YOOWWWWWWWWWW! See? Strengthens the nose muscles!

Duncan: You don't have muscles in your nose.

Tyler: Ha! Says you! Anyway, what do you know? You _are_ just a screen hog.

Duncan: Hey, it's true, I won't argue with ya there. At least take the beaver off your nose.

Tyler: Fine.

(He pulls off the beaver and throws it away. There are several cat screeches from off-screen as it crashes into random objects)

_Static_

Duncan: Accepting Tyler's invitation? Stupidest thing I've ever done.

_Static_

Duncan: This is boring. I'm gonna leave.

(He goes to walk off, but is suddenly confronted by a vampire Frederic. Duncan backs away, but the other vampires, Dawn and Annette, have him surrounded)

Frederic: Like, yo, why leaving so, like, soon?

Annette: _I'm a vampire! Who rules an empire!_

Dawn: Care to join us?

(Duncan gulps and runs off screaming, but is soon caught and bitten. He then grins evilly and walks back to Tyler)

Duncan: You know Tyler, maybe I'll stay a little while after all.

Tyler: See? I told you my exercise program-

(He stops midsentence as Duncan bites his neck)

Tyler: Uh, dude, what are you doing? You're starting to creep me out.

(Bat wings suddenly sprout from Tyler's shoulders)

Tyler: Oh. Think this'll help me exercise?

(The scene switches back to Noah and Owen's shelter)

Owen: I spy, with my little eye, something….blue!

Noah: [rolling his eyes] Is it the sky?

Owen: Yes! How'd you guess?

Noah: The same way I guessed the other 238 times you spied the sky.

Owen: Wow, you're good at this. OK, your turn.

Noah: I spy, something….

Owen: Wait, you forgot to say the little eye part!

Noah: I'm not saying that part. It's degrading.

Owen: Well ya know, your eyes are pretty small compared to your thick head.

Noah: [sarcastically] Thanks Owen. That's the best compliment I've ever gotten.

_Static_

Noah: Is my eye really that little? It's not, right? Right?

_Static_

(Staci walks up to them, dragging a complete Tyrannosaurus skeleton)

Noah: [eyes widening] WHAT is THAT?!

Staci: Yah, the skeleton of my great-great-great-uncle Stupid von Merkel. He invented water buffalo, you know.

(Behind her, the skeleton comes to life and stands up, baring its huge teeth at Noah and Owen. The two jump up and run off screaming.)

Staci: Hmph! Some people have no appreciation for family history.

(Scene switches to the dining hall, which "Queen" Heather has adopted as her new castle. She's sitting on a bench, looking very bored when Lightning dashes in)

Lightning: Sha-bam! Lightning's gonna be the queen now!

Heather: [sighing] Good luck with that, sha-queenface.

Lightning: Charge!

(He takes a step and trips over the fishing net, rolling into a corner and smacking into a wall. The fishing net flies up into the air)

Heather: [sarcastically] Wow, great job, Queen Lightning.

(The net falls down and lands on Heather, trapping her)

Lightning: Uh, that was part of the plan! Now king me queen, sha-former queen!

Heather: Go jump off a cliff.

Lightning: Sha-OK.

(He walks out the door, presumably heading towards the cliff)

Heather: Wait, did that just work? Did that really just work? I must be dreaming.

_Static_

Heather: No one's that stupid. [after a pause] I guess Lightning is no one then.

_Static_

(The scene switches to the forest, where the five vampires are hanging upside-down from tree branches. Unbeknownst to them, feral Ezekiel is hiding in the bushes just a few feet away)

Frederic: Yo, like, here's the plan. In a couple of like, rad hours, the sun bling-thing is gonna go, like, down. Then, like, it'll be, like, dark, yo. Bats like dark, like. So then we like, bite, like, all the homie peoplez.

Annette: Question. Can I sing?

Frederic: Homie, like, no.

Annette: Dang.

Tyler: What about exercising?

Frederic: Like, ain't biting exercise for, like, yo, your teeth?

Tyler: Oh yeah….See Duncan? _Exercise_.

Duncan: [rolling his eyes] Sure thing genius.

Dawn: Normally I wouldn't agree to this, but it's all in the sake of island-wide peace, right?

Frederic: Like, whatever, like, floats your boat, dudette.

Dawn: Um, OK.

(Suddenly, Zeke jumps out and lands on Tyler)

Ezekiel: Rarrrrr!

Tyler: Argh, I hate this type of exercise!

(After scratching at Tyler, Zeke jumps on Duncan, then turns to Dawn. His crazy eyes turn into little hearts)

Dawn: Oh great….

(She flies off as Ezekiel faints in love-sickness, landing on Tyler)

Tyler: Um, zombie dude? Care to get off! Urgh! Hello? Help? Please?!

(The other vampires have all flown off)

Tyler: Hey! I have zombie-o-phobia! Hello? I'm freaking out here!

(The scene goes back to Blake, who is walking through the woods when Duncan sweeps down and lifts him into the air. Ezekiel runs out from the forest, jumps up, and bites down hard on Blake's shoe. Blake and Zeke are carried off into the air, but prove too heavy for Duncan, as he slowly falls down. The three crash somewhere near the waterfall)

(The scene switches to Heather, who is trying to get untangled from the net when Noah runs in, followed by a panting and exhausted Owen)

Noah: Quick! Where's Chef's computer?

Heather: How am I supposed to know? Find it yourself, amateur.

Noah: Whatever.

(He digs in the trash can and pulls out a huge computer monitor, which seems to be about forty years old)

Noah: OK, who puts their computer in a GARBAGE can? I mean, really?

Owen: He's Chef. No explanation needed. Speaking of which, did you see anything to eat in the trash can?

Noah: Lots. Help yourself. I'll pass.

(As Owen digs in the garbage, Noah types quickly on the computer)

Noah: OK, I've programmed a formula into this computer to tell us how to cure vampirism. Wait for it, wait for it, OK got it! According to this, the only practical cure for a vampire is for the vampire to…

…

…

…

FALL OFF A CLIFF?! I mean, seriously, what is WRONG with this island? It is so _messed up_.

Heather: It's Wawanakwa. Get over it already. Now untie me!

Noah: Fine.

(He and Owen untangle the fish net)

Noah: Now, I have a plan to get all the vampires over the cliff. I'll need flowers, a cannon, Owen, ropes and pulleys, garlic, a feral Ezekiel, and the rotting fish from the second challenge.

Owen: Um, is my role in the plan painful?

Noah: Probably. Let's go.

(The two dash out the door, leaving Heather looking bewildered)

_Static _

Noah: I know. I'm awesome.

_Static_

(Owen is sitting in the confessional when he notices the Tyrannosaurus skeleton walking by outside the window)

Owen: Um, what was that?

_Static_

(The T-Rex is sticking its head into the confessional. It glances at the camera and roars)

_Static_

(Scene switches to the base of the cliff, where Staci is busy painting a sign while the tyrannosaur skeleton lies next to her. She finishes with the sign and leans it against a rock. It says "MY INVENTING ANCESTOR: PROOF I'M NOT A PATHOLOGICL LIAR" in large bold pink letters. Lightning walks by on his way up the cliff)

Staci: What are you doing?

Lightning: Jumping off a cliff!

Staci: Um, OK. [pointing to the dinosaur] Look at this! I'm not crazy after all!

Lightning: [noticing the skeleton moving] Uh, is sha-dino gonna eat the Lightning?

(The skeleton stands up and nods its head yes. Lightning screams and runs off as the dinosaur takes off after him)

Staci: Wait! Stop! Great-great-great-uncle Stupid von Merkel! Get back here! What about your water buffaloes?!

(Exasperated, she runs after them)

(Scene switches to the beach, where Blake and Duncan are lying on the sand, unconscious. Blake's eyes flicker open, and he jumps up in surprise and starts running. Duncan rolls over and awakens, and sees Blake getting away. He jumps into the air, and propels himself like a hawk with his huge wings. Before long he's caught Blake and bitten him. Blake falls to the ground, only to get up shortly after with fangs and wings)

Blake: Got any blood?

(Duncan takes out a bottle of ketchup and dumps it all on Blake's head)

Blake: That's not exactly what I meant.

Duncan: [snickering] Man, you shoulda seen the look on your face! Ha, vampire nerd!

_Static_

Blake: I'll have you know, vampire nerds are the best kind of vampires!

_Static_

(Camera switches to Noah and Owen, who are hiding in the bushes half-way up the hill to the cliff. On the hill is a complicated system of ropes and pulleys, with garlic placed in seemingly random spots)

Owen: OK, so what's the plan?

Noah: I already told you a million times. Whatever. We'll go over it again. You're going to stand out there holding the flowers, which will attract Ezekiel.

Owen: Why is Ezekiel attracted to flowers again?

Noah: Owen, you need to study Ezekielology for at least three years to even get a glimmer of an understanding of what goes on inside that messed-up kid's head. Moving on. Considering Zeke is feral, zombieish, psycho, and himself, he'll probably attack you, which should draw blood.

Owen: I really don't like this plan.

Noah: [sarcastically] Oh man. I was certain you'd love it. Anyway, the blood will attract the vampires. When that happens, I will pull this cord, [he holds up a piece of rope] which will pull on all the ropes and pulleys at once. They're strategically placed so they'll launch the garlic at the vampires, pushing them farther uphill.

Owen: And what am I doing during this part of the plan?

Noah: Probably getting mauled by Ezekiel, but that's beside the point. So, once the vampires have passed the lip of the cliff, where I have placed the cannon, I pull this other cord [he holds up a different piece of rope] which will fire a cannonball directly at them. Even if it misses, all the vampires will be so startled; they'll fall right down, past the cliff, curing them of their vampirism.

Owen: What are the stinky fish for?

Noah: To throw at Blake if we see him. Now, go out there and flower away!

Owen: Yes sir!

(He steps out of the bushes, holding a clump of dying orchids. Almost immediately, Ezekiel appears out of nowhere to grab the flowers. However, he doesn't attack Owen, just sits down and plays with the flowers like a dog with a bone)

Noah: [running out into the open] Bad Ezekiel! Bad! Bad bad bad!

(Ezekiel cocks his head, then barks)

Noah: Great. _Now _what do we do?

(Suddenly, Owen's fist smacks into his nose)

Noah: [pinching his nose] Owen, what'd you do that for? Now my nose is bleeding!

Owen: That's the point!

Noah: [forgetting about his bloody nose] Owen! You're a genius! A genius! Well, not really, especially when compared to my impossibly awesome intellect, but still!

(Before he can congratulate Owen any more, the six vampires fly above them and start zooming in towards Noah, who screams and dashes towards the rope. Just before they reach him, he yanks the cord, and a barrage of garlic smacks the six uphill. The garlic continues its attack, forcing the vampires to fly up and over the cliff's edge)

Noah: Yes, yes! It's working! Now for the cannon….Oh crap.

(He looks uphill and sees a cannon-shaped Ezekiel, who has apparently swallowed the thing whole. Zeke proceeds to burp out a cannonball, which goes flying at Noah, forcing him to duck)

Frederic: Like, homies, this is rad! We're gonna, like, conquer, like, the non-vampires dude homies!

(He seems to have spoken too soon, as Lightning emerges from the trees, screaming like a little girl)

Owen: Huh. There's been a lot of running and screaming this episode.

(He starts running and screaming too as the gigantic Tyrannosaurus skeleton bursts out of the woods, with Staci hard on its heels. As the T-Rex roars, Lightning and Owen reach the cliff edge and jump over, along with Noah and the cannon-consuming Ezekiel. Staci reaches the edge and dives over too. As the T-Rex steps over the cliff, it promptly swallows Tyler, knocking four of the other vampires down with it as everyone goes falling into the ocean, where the Tyrannosaurus skeleton breaks into hundreds of bones and sinks beneath the surface)

Noah: [spitting out water] Let's never do that again.

(The feral Zeke crawls onto shore and vomits a cannon)

Staci: Ew! Gross!

(Annette, Dawn, Tyler, Blake, and Duncan pop out of the water, all back to normal. However, Frederic remains at the top of a cliff, still decidedly a vampire)

Frederic: Like, homies, like, you'll never, like, get me, like, alive, yo, rad dudes, homies, like!

(He flaps off as Izzy appears on the beach)

Izzy: Get back here Intern! That's my line!

(She disappears)

Blake: STOP WITH THE STUPID TELEPORTING ALREADY!

Noah: [leaning on the sand, sighing contentedly] Ah, dramatic irony, how I've missed you this season. [noticing Heather walking towards them] And anything funny just disappeared.

(Heather walks onto the beach, slow-clapping annoyingly while wearing a cardboard crown)

Owen: Did you get your crown from Burger King?

Heather: No! Shut up! Well….maybe. Anyway, Psychos lose.

Noah: What? But it was my plan that foiled the vampires!

Staci: Yah, but it was my great-great-great-uncle Stupid von Merkel that literally knocked them off a cliff!

Heather: Yep, Staci's weirdo dinosaur ancestor saved the day. So, hurry to the campfire ceremony already! Oh, Tyler and Duncan, you are hereby banished from Heather Island.

Duncan: Whatever.

(He calls someone on his cell phone, and almost immediately a boat painted with fiery skull shows up, which Duncan boards)

Tyler: Hey, wait for me!

(Duncan's boat speeds off into the distance)

Tyler: Aw man, now I gotta walk home.

(He walks straight into the ocean and disappears)

Noah: If a return to reality calls for me, tell him I'm busy.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

(The scene is the campfire pit, where Heather has four marshmallows on a plate. In front of her sit Blake, Noah, Owen, and Dawn. Zeke is nowhere to be seen)

Heather: Now, before you cast your votes, I have a last minute announcement. As Blake and Dawn obviously suffered severe mental trauma as vampires, they can't be voted for.

Noah: WHAT?!

Dawn: That's, er, oddly considerate, Heather. I wouldn't have expected it from someone like you.

Noah: [sarcastically] Woohoo, yeah, it's a miracle! What a wonder! Unbelievable! [back to normal] She's just trying to make me lose an alliance member.

Heather: Or you might get voted off yourself, if Dawn and Blake so desire.

_Static_

Noah: I'm doomed.

_Static_

Heather: Now, go to the confessional and cast your votes!

(The four head off and soon return to their seats around the blazing fire)

Heather: Alright, first two marshmallows go to Dawn and Blake, obviously.

(The two catch their treats and grin)

Heather: Next marshmallow is for the absent idioticness of Ezekiel, who had the nerve to turn into a zombie and then not show up.

(She angrily flings the marshmallow at a log)

Heather: And already, we're down to our bottom two. Noah and Owen. I'm not really surprised. You are both idiots, after all.

Noah: [rolling his eyes] Is everyone an idiot in your world?

Heather: No. Not everyone. _I'm_ not, for example. Most other people are, though. Anyway, just take your marshmallow…

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…Noah.

(Noah grabs his and initially looks happy, but then realizes his friend and alliance member has been voted off)

Noah: Owen, dude, I'm so sorry. I'm not even being sarcastic this time.

Owen: It's OK. Win this for me, little buddy!

Noah: I will! You can count on me!

Owen: I'll miss you!

Noah: I'll miss you more!

Owen: No, I will!

Heather: Who are you two, Katie and Sadie? Hurry up and get eliminated already!

(She smashes a button on the wooden podium, and the Chute of Shame opens up. Owen falls half-way through it, but his gigantic girth gets stuck)

Heather: Great. I should've known this would happen.

Noah: [suddenly jerking up in his seat] Wait a second, did I just get sentimental? Excuse me, I need to go hit myself in the head repeatedly with a hammer.

(He walks off)

Owen: So…anyone got a taco?

(Behind them, Chef's boat appears on the horizon, and sails in to dock at the Dock of Shame. Chef and Chris jump off)

Chris: [grabbing Heather's crown and putting it on] I'll be taking that. So, how many of you mysteriously disappeared while I was gone? None? Darn.

Dawn: How'd your lawsuit go?

Chris: It was no big deal. The parents didn't actually care about their vampire teen, they just wanted to get on TV. [noticing Owen] Looks like someone's been eliminated. Chef's been saving an anvil for this very occasion!

Chef: Too right I have!

(He picks up an anvil and drops it on Owen, which smacks him down the Chute of Shame, into the underground Playa des Losers)

Chef: That there was very satisfying.

Heather: Whatever. Can I stay host?

Chris: Nope! You're a Crazy Crazy again.

Heather: Sigh. It was worth a shot.

Blake: [to Chris] Oh, you should probably know that Ezekiel's a wild animal again.

Chris: Oh, that's easy enough to fix.

Dawn: Then why'd you let him stay feral for two seasons?

Chris: Ratings. One thing you kids will never understand is ratings. It's all about the ratings!

Blake: G or PG-13? I'm confused.

Chris: See what I'm talking about?

Blake: No, PG. Actually, probably R.

Chris: [turning to face the camera] Will these people remain as clueless as ever? Will Heather's team accept her back? And just what is the deal with Ezekiel? Find out next time on TOTAL, DRAMA, THE ISLAND REBORN!

Blake: Oh my gosh! It might be NC-17!

_Static_

Noah: Heather will pay for this. She's going down!

_Static_

Chris: Ah, it's good to be back.

_Static_

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

(The underground Playa des Losers is shown. Mr. Coconut is lying in a corner, Mike is playing an arcade game, Zoey is relaxing in the pool, and Izzy is scratching at the walls. Suddenly, Owen pops out of the Chute of Shame)

Mike: Hey, look guys, it's Owen!

Zoey: Owen! It's so good to see you again!

Mr. Coconut: - - - - -

Owen: Good to see you guys again too!

Mike: Yeah, too bad you got the boot.

Owen: Hey, who cares, right? Is there food here?

Zoey: Lots of it.

Mike: Whole buffets.

Zoey: Mountains and mountains of food!

Owen: YEEEESSSSSS!

(He throws himself at the nearest buffet table, only to be pulled back by Izzy)

Izzy: Not now Owen, we have bigger fish to fry. Literally! I found a way to escape!

(She points to a large vent near the bottom of the wall. Izzy then pries it off and throws Mr. Coconut through it, dashing after the fruit herself)

Zoey: Uh, should we follow her?

Owen: I'm all for it.

(He squeezes himself into the hole, followed after a while by Mike and Zoey. After a bit of cramped crawling, the five emerge out of a rabbit hole into the open. They're in the forest, somewhere on Wawanakwa)

Izzy: Yes! At long last, we have escaped!

**Voting Confessionals**

_Static_

Blake: Well, I think Noah and I have really become good friends, so I'm going to go ahead and vote for Owen.

_Static_

Dawn: I really do not need a zombieish teen in love with me…so I'm voting Ezekiel.

_Static_

Ezekiel-not available to vote

_Static_

Noah: I really want to vote for Blake. I really don't want to vote for Owen. But what choice do I have? Sigh.

_Static_

Owen: I guess I have to vote for Noah…there's not really any other option.

_Static_

**Owen: 2**

**Noah: 1**

**Ezekiel: 1**

**Eliminated: Izzy, Mike, Zoey, Mr. Coconut, Owen**

**Psycho Psychos: Blake, Dawn, Ezekiel, Noah**

**Crazy Crazies: Annette, Heather, Lightning, Staci**

**So, what were you guys' thoughts on this episode? Sorry it was so short, that's just because it was split into two parts. Anyway, I'm going to start a new crossover story: Total Drama Jurassic Park! It should be out soon, make sure to check it out. Expect an update in one to two weeks. Remember to review and vote on my poll!**

**~TheImpossiblyAwesomeWriter**

**Next Time: The eliminated contestants have escaped-and one of them has a bargaining chip to get back into the game! Noah is looking for revenge on Heather AND Blake, and the cliff jumping challenge is back and better than ever!**


	8. Episode 8: Iz-zy or Not to Be

**Hey guys, this is my favorite episode to date, so I hope you'll like it!**

**1. Remember to review! I'll always keep your suggestions in mind, and you'll get a reply and prize!**

**2. Check out my poll on my profile and vote for who you want to win TDTIR. Votes might help influence the outcome, so make sure to vote!**

**3. The first chapter of my newest story, Total Drama Jurassic Park, is out. If you like a more serious non-script style read, make sure to check it out.**

**4. I do not own or claim to own Total Drama, and I am not making any profit from this fan-fiction.**

**5. I've reached the huge landmark of 1,000 views! My next goal is 5,000; please help me to reach it!**

(Camera shows Chris standing on the Dock of Shame)

Chris: Last time on Total Drama The Island Reborn, the vampire pest problem on the island got a little out of control. With Blake, Dawn, Annette, and some random other people having gone over to the dark side, so to speak, it looked pretty bad. In the midst of this chaos, life still found a way. Staci unearthed a dinosaur named Stupid von Merkel, Lightning tried and failed to become supreme queen of the island, and Ezekiel ate a bird. After Noah's brilliant anti-vampire plan was foiled by a certain feral teen, who won't be mentioned by name, Staci's dino ancestor destroyed a bunch of stuff, turning most of the vamps back into humans, and winning the Crazies the challenge. Frederic remained a vampire, leaving that weird plotline alive another day. In an unfair yet hilarious twist, Owen was voted off, and I resumed the position of best host ever. What twists and turns wait for our campers today? How will Noah settle or implode his grudges with Heather and Blake? And- - -

(He is interrupted as Izzy, Mike, Zoey, and Owen carrying Mr. Coconut charge out of the woods and past the campgrounds to the dock)

Izzy: Charge!

Chris: What the heck are the eliminated campers doing here?! Find out on TOTAL, DRAMA, THE- - -

(He is interrupted again as Owen and Mike lift him up and throw him in the lake)

Izzy: Haha, THE ISLAND REBORN!

(Theme song plays. It shows the camera sweeping past the dock, where Chris waves at it. Chef smiles at it, then gulps as it comes nearer to him, and smacks him in the face. After he disappears the camera zooms up the cliff, where it shows a squirrel punching Zeke in the face. As the camera "falls" off the cliff so does Zeke. Hitting the water, bubbles cover the screen. When they clear, Izzy is swimming away from a shark, only to turn around and bite the shark back. Above the water, Noah is sitting in a boat, reading his trademark book, when Zeke lands on him. Right after the moment of impact, the camera zooms to the forest, where Mike is petting a raccoon. The raccoon bites his finger, causing him to wince in pain, inhale deeply, then scream at the raccoon. The camera zooms to the waterfall, where Annette is singing on top of a log that goes over the waterfall. At the bottom, Dawn is sitting cross-legged on a beam of wood going across a small lake, looking very peaceful. Suddenly, Annette flies past her and her mouth falls open. The camera moves to the outhouse confessional, where a bear is knocking on the door. Blake sticks his head out, screams, and then ducks back in. Chef's kitchen is then seen, with a small television in the background upon which Courtney and Cody can be seen. Lightning is dumping protein powder into his mouth, and then fist-pumps, while Heather is tied to a chair, being force-fed Chef Hatchet's special soup by Chef himself. The camera moves outside to the campfire pit, where Owen is holding Mr. Coconut and rocking back and forth giggling. Staci is seen on the dock, blabbing on while reading from a gigantic stack of papers. The camera shifts a little, showing Chris on the other side of the dock, covering his ears and yelling. He runs around and falls into the water. When he surfaces, in classic cartoon style, his head steams over in anger, causing a fire. The camera follows the fire embers up, and then back down, revealing the campfire. Zoey is sitting in front of it, looking nervous, before her eyebrows scrunch up and she gives an evil grin, only to look around when she sees Zeke and Mike sitting on either side of her. The camera pans out to show all 13 contestants sitting on stools around the campfire, as Chris stands nearby and grins at the camera. A wooden sign is seen, where neon letters light up, saying TOTAL DRAMA THE ISLAND REBORN)

(Screen shows the mess hall, where Chef is serving his famous extra-extra-extra-plus-a-few-hundred-more-extras spicy soup. No one has dared to touch it, with the exception of Lightning, who's gulping it down as he would protein powder. Noah pokes the soup with his finger, but withdraws it hastily as his hand catches on fire)

Noah: This is so gross. Who would even eat this?

Chef: Are you insultin' my soup, fat boy?

Noah: Um, fat boy? You're probably thinking of Owen.

Chef: Are you back-talkin' me, you insolent punk?

Noah: Uh, no. Whatever.

Chef: [grumbling to himself] Teenagers this days. Never shuttin' up, always bein' annoyin' and never eatin' their extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra [this goes on for a while] spicy soup. NOW EAT!

Noah: Alright, alright, I'm eating it already.

(He takes a bite, clutches at his throat, then faints and falls over backwards)

Chef: That's better.

_Static_

Chef: In some countries, faintin' after a meal is a compliment to the chef. And that's me.

_Static_

(Over in the corner, Staci is talking avidly to Annette, Heather, and Lightning)

Staci: Yah, so, you all saw my great-great-uncle! Now you all know I was telling the truth all along.

Lightning: She's sha-right! T-Rex's were good at inventing!

Heather: Whatever. I don't really believe you, but if a skeleton can win a challenge, then your lies could be true.

Annette: _Staci tells lies! Chef doesn't bake pies! Do I believe her? What a reliever! _

Blake: Um, so, can someone please clarify: Is Staci a pathological liar?

Heather: No, the world's just more screwed up than you thought it was.

Blake: Oh. Good to know.

_Static_

Heather: Do I believe Staci? Not really. But I can't speak for the other idiots.

_Static_

Blake: I guess Staci's ancestors really did invent all that stuff. I wonder if any of them invented chocolate- - -

(Ezekiel sticks his head through the window and interrupts)

Ezekiel: Chockate milk!

Blake: I was going to say chocolate CAKE, but- - -HEY! Aren't you supposed to be a zombie?

Ezekiel: I take breaks from bein' Gollum whenever I see an outhouse, eh.

Blake: That's weird. And if you think about it long enough, it's also very creepy.

_Static_

(Meanwhile, Dawn has walked over to Chef)

Dawn: Er, Chef, were you and Chris able to return Ezekiel to his normal state? Well, as normal as Zeke can be, anyways.

Chef: Hmm, no, I don't remember turnin' the retarded zombie kid back into the retarded not-quite-a-zombie kid. So, to answer your pointless question, no. Besides, I thought you didn't care about the weirdo prairie boy.

Dawn: I don't, not really. But, well, obviously I care about everyone's well-being, right?

Chef: Tell that to…uh….uh….OK, guess you're right. You really do care about everyone. Softie.

Dawn: I object to that.

Chef: And I object to any food that actually tastes good, but we all got our pet peeves in life, kid, we all got our pet peeves in life….

Dawn: Are you going to sit back and recall old war stories? Because if so, I'm going to leave.

Chef: [as Dawn backs away] Whatcha say? Didn't hear you. I was thinkin' about the summer of '64, when the army of stupidity started attackin' on the north-southern front, oh, just so know, that's the summer of 1564 to you young people, anyway- - -

(In mid-sentence, Chef's head droops and he falls asleep, snoring away)

Heather: Most people put others to sleep with their boring stories. Chef's the only one I know who puts _himself _to sleep telling them.

Annette: That sounds like a line Noah would say.

Heather: Yes, but Noah just fainted from Chef's poison, so I have to say all his dialogue for him.

(Suddenly, Chris jogs in, panting)

Chris: OK, first part of today's challenge starts right now! Somebody wake Noah up.

(Blake shakes Noah awake, accidentally smashing him into the table several times while doing so)

Noah: OW! Gerroff me!

Staci: Uh, could you tell us what the challenge is?

Chris: Nope. Don't feel like it.

Annette: _Chris is a jerk! He never does any work! He really is an idiot! Even though- - -_

Chris: I really want to know what rhymes with idiot, so I can write insult poems at anyone who annoys me, but I guess we do have to get this challenge rolling.

Noah: Wait, hold on. For just the smallest instant of an instant, you were actually a _responsible_ host. It's really hard to comprehend, even for a genius like me, but it's true. Let me just savor this moment.

(As Noah tunes the world out with a goofy smile on his face, Chris explains the challenge)

Chris: The eliminated contestants have escaped Underground Playa des Losers! Basically, it's a pain in the nose.

Lightning: Lightning's nose does hurt.

Chris: Exactly. The first part of the challenge is to round them up and get them back where they belong. Whichever team captures the most of the five eliminees gets a HUGE advantage in the second part of the challenge.

Annette: What about Zeke? He's still a psycho zombie Gollumy dude somewhere in the woods.

Chris: Oh, that's no problem.

(He leans out the door and calls out)

Chris: EZEKIEL! THERE'S CHOCOLATE MILK HERE!

(Within seconds, feral Zeke dashes into the dining hall, and sit at Chris' feet, panting happily)

Chris: There's some chocolate milk in the kitchen. Go get it.

Noah: [to Zeke] And stop acting like a dog! It's unbecoming!

(Zeke tries to run into the kitchen, but finds his way blocked by Chef, who is wide awake as ever)

Chef: Ain't havin' no weirdos in my kitchen!

Noah: Doesn't that mean you have to stay out of it?

Chef: Shut up, scrawny teen. And take your chocolate, zombie.

(He pulls out a barrel of brown liquid and dumps it all on Zeke. There's a huge explosion noise, and Ezekiel sits in front of them, as normal as ever.

Noah: I don't exactly think that was 'chockate milk', but it did the trick.

Ezekiel: Eh? Where am I? Who am I? I need chockate milk.

Chris: You just got it. I think. Now shut up, cause it's challenge time!

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

(Scene show the boathouse, where the five eliminated contestants are gathered. Zoey, Mike, Owen, and Mr. Coconut are sitting on various boxes and crates, while Izzy is giving them commands like a drill sergeant)

Izzy: Ok then, everyone understand their positions?

Mike, Izzy, and Owen: Yes, five-star general Izzy!

Izzy: Let's just cover them again. One more time.

(The three groan)

Izzy: Hey, no groaning around five-star general Izzy! You'll be keelhauled before you can say Total Drama! Anyway, so Mike, you will be?

Mike: Making sure Chris is out of the way.

Izzy: Right! Good job! You earn a hamburger!

(She throws a hamburger at him. He ducks and it splashes into the water)

Izzy: Alright, Zoey?

Zoey: I'll lock the competitors and Chef in the dining hall, and set traps around the windows in case they try to escape.

Izzy: Ok, you earn a bottle of pomegranate juice!

(She throws the bottle, and, like Mike, Zoey ducks and ignores it)

Izzy: Then, Owen?

Owen: I'll stand guard in the center of camp, and look for the buffet table if I get any time.

Izzy: Yes! You'd earn something, but I've run out of things to throw. Meanwhile, I will sneak into Chris' trailer and grab the million dollar case. With that, we can buy our way back into the game!

Owen: What does Mr. Coconut do?

Izzy: He can be a coconut.

Owen: Works for me! Let's get going!

_Static_

Izzy: Bam! I conquered the confessional!

_Static_

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

(The eight contestants are dumping out their breakfasts in the trash, when the door suddenly shuts. Lightning runs to it and tries to pull it open, but it's locked. Behind them, the windows slam shut)

Blake: What just happened?

Noah: It must be Izzy. Or maybe Zoey. We're trapped in here!

(All of the contestants except Annette run to the doors and windows and try to push them open. Annette walks over to the fireplace, peers up the wide chimney, and starts climbing up)

Noah: Great. We're doing _so_ well at this challenge.

Lightning: Sha-charge!

(He runs at a window, slamming into it with his shoulder. The glass shatters and he falls onto the ground outside. He appears to have landed on a mine, as a huge explosion rattles the building, knocking over timbers and re-blocking the window)

Lightning: Sha-bam! Only lost seven teeth in this explosion! I've still got two left!

_Static_

Lightning: No wait, Lightning miscounted. Lightning's got, let's see...negative four teeth left! Explains why Lightning likes stew so much.

_Static_

(At the top of the mess hall, Annette pulls herself out of the chimney, covered in soot. She slides down the roof and lands next to Lightning)

Annette: Hello fellow teammate! Let's go capture eliminated contestants while singing!

(The two walk off in different directions)

(Camera switches to Chris, who is walking to his trailer. Unbeknownst to him, Mike is creeping up behind him. Taking a rope out of his pocket, he swiftly lassos Chris and pulls him against the tree, where he wraps the rope around several times and knots it, effectively tying Chris up before the host can even open his mouth)

Chris: Hey! You can't do this.

Mike: I just did.

Chris: What do you even hope to accomplish?

Mike: Is it me, or is your vocabulary getting better? Anyway, WE are going to rejoin the competition. Then I'm going to win it.

Chris: You think this'll get me to let you back in? Ha! Never!

Mike: That's what you think. Just wait until Izzy grabs your million dollars.

Chris: What?! No! You can't take the million bucks! I need it! I'll do anything to get it back! Anything!

Mike: [grinning mischievously] Anything?

Chris: OK, maybe you will get back in the game. But understand, I was just a victim of circumstance!

Mike: I was right; you have learned a lot of words. You can say three syllables now!

Chris: No I can't. I'm still monosyllabic.

Mike: That was five!

(A few yards behind the two, Izzy is crawling towards Chris' trailer. She eventually reaches it and jumps in through the window. She roots around the interior, messing everything up. Eventually she finds a safe with a keypad under the table. Typing in 'Chris is so super impossibly awesome' on the keypad, she opens the safe and pulls out the case with the money)

Izzy: Yes! Now the others are expendable, they can go back to Playa des Losers. Only Izzy matters! Haha!

_Static_

Izzy: What? Like the villainess doesn't betray all her henchman at the last moment. It's Izzy time! Booyah!

_Static_

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

(Lightning is walking around the dining hall when he spots Zoey, who is crouching beneath a window. Sneaking up behind her, he grabs her arm and pulls her to the mess hall door. Lightning unlocks the door, pushes her in, then locks it again)

Lightning: Got 'er! Score one for the Lightning!

Blake: Uh, Lightning, can you let us out?

Lightning: Sha-never, opposite team people!

Staci: But _I'm_ on your team!

Heather: Not to mention Zoey is slowly walking towards us with matches and a tank of gasoline.

Noah: Um, Zoey, I thought you were no longer crazy.

Commando Zoey: Guess you thought wrong.

(She dumps out all the gasoline on the floor, then lights a match and drops it on. With a huge WHOOSH, the entire dining hall blasts up in the sky while the contestants and Zoey are left standing on the ground, covered in ash)

Zoey: I think I'm back to normal now.

(Heather and Zeke each grab one of her arms and pull her into the boathouse, locking her in there)

Zoey: Hey! Lemme out already! I have a reality show to rejoin!

Ezekiel: Why woold you want to be on Total Drama, eh? Too many explosions for my liking.

(As soon as he says that, the ground explodes underneath him, blasting him into the sky, where he falls and lands somewhere far out in Lake Wawanakwa)

Noah: [sarcastically] Irony. So hilarious.

_Static_

Noah: There has to be a scientific cause of these explosions. Hmm...

(While he is thinking, the confessional explodes)

Noah: Are you kidding me?! I thought bathrooms were explosion-proof. But at this point, I'm not even surprised anymore.

_Static_

(Scene switches to Annette, who is hiding behind the Crazies' cabin. In front of her by the megaphone post is Owen, who is holding Mr. Coconut and attempting and failing to maintain good posture. Annette sits down and watches him for a while, then stands up, grinning deviously. She tiptoes towards Owen, then breaks into a run, grabbing the fruit and zooming past him)

Owen: Hey, get back here! That's my friend!

(He chases after Annette, his desire to get back somehow moving his chubby legs faster then they've ever gone before. He quickly gains on her and has almost caught up when she reaches the boathouse and throws Mr. Coconut through a window. Owen tries to jump through the window, but gets stuck. He wriggles around a little bit and falls through into the boathouse, and as he turns back around, Annette slams the window shut)

Annette: _My team is epic! Hopefully we don't catch an epidemic! _

(In the woods, Blake is aimlessly strolling along)

Blake: OK, there's gotta be an eliminated person around here somewhere. Maybe under this rock!

(He peers under a small stone)

Blake: Nope, not there. What about under this leaf?

(He picks up the leaf, and is again disappointed)

Blake: Sigh.

(He walks for a little while longer and comes to a stream)

Blake: Hmm, what if they're underneath the water?

(He steps into the stream, but his weak legs are swept from under him and he goes zooming downstream, eventually catching a tree branch and pulling himself out. Right in front of him are Mike and Chris. Chris is still tied to the tree, while Mike has fallen asleep sitting on a log)

Chris: Psst….kid….over here!

Blake: [shouting] No worries!

(Chris winces as Blake's shout nearly wakes Mike up. However, Mike just falls over and resumes snoring. Blake walks up behind Chris and unties him)

Chris: [whispering] Good job. Now get their sentry!

(Blake nods furiously, and starts pulling Mike away. He's not really strong enough to, and falls over repeatedly trying to get the dozing ex-camper to move the first few feet)

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

(Several hours later, Blake has managed to lug Mike to the boathouse and throw him inside. Mike was asleep the entire time. All the other contestants have gathered around, even Ezekiel, who has crawled back out from the deep sea. Chris walks out of the forest)

Chris: Alright, you guys rounded up four of the former campers in no time flat! Well, it actually took you several hours. Might wanna pick up the pace a little. Anyway, the only eliminated idiot who hasn't been captured is Izzy.

?: Actually, I have been captured.

(The campers and Chris jump in shock as Izzy shows up out of nowhere, holding the briefcase with the million dollars)

Izzy: I'm turning me in, as a point for my team, because, I AM REJOINING THE GAME!

Chris: No you're not!

Izzy: Really? Then good luck fishing your prize money out of the sea!

(She motions to throw the money into the lake, but is interrupted by Chris)

Chris: NO!

Izzy: OK then. I'll give you the case if you agree to my, hah, conditions. Omigosh, I've always wanted to say that! Anyway, you'll let me back into the game on my own team, 'Team Izzy'. And I'll give you the million bucks back.

Chris: Deal.

(Izzy hands Chris the case)

Chris: Hah! That was stupid! You had the million, but you gave it up, and now you have to win it!

Izzy: No, your move was stupid! Now you and Chef have to deal with me for another few episodes!

(Chef walks by in the background, whistling. Catching sight of Izzy, he gulps and hides behind a rock)

Chris: Alright, I did something a little stupid.

Noah: [sarcastically] Really? I'm so impossibly unbelievably infinitely amazingly surprised! [normal tone] Chris, you're always doing something stupid. The day you do something that isn't completely and absolutely stupid, Armageddon will start.

Chris: [trying to ignore the laughter all around him] So, in the first challenge, the Psychos got one point, the Crazies got three, and I guess you could say Team Izzy got one too. As we speak, Chef is throwing the captured ex-campers back down the Chute of Shame and sealing up the vent they used to escape. Now, everyone meet me at the top of the cliff in two hours….for the second part of the challenge!

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

(The scene is the very top of the cliff. The nine contestants are standing there in their bathing suits. Chris is next to them, explaining)

_Static_

Ezekiel: I smacked into a rock last time we did this. Oi hope this time won't be quite as painful, eh. [looking around] By the by, who exploded the confessional?

_Static_

Izzy: Yes! Izzy's gonna win this game!

_Static_

Chris: OK, so, remember the cliff-diving challenge all the way back from the beginning of TDI?

Blake: No. I wasn't even there.

Chris: Normally I'd push you off the cliff after a comment like that, but your teammates are probably about to do that in a moment, so, whatever. Anyway, this is a repeat of that challenge, with a few differences. First off, does anyone notice the jagged rocks that appeared at the bottom of the cliff for some random reason last season?

Ezekiel: That rhymed, eh.

Chris: That's about the third time you've said that line. It wasn't even funny the first. Anyway, watch out for the rocks. Or maybe, _don't_ watch out for the rocks!

(He goes into a fit of giggling)

Heather: Chris, you are so immature. Not to mention your giggling makes you sound like a two-year-old girl.

(This shuts the host up)

Chris: Someone's in a bad mood today, huh? Anyway, second off, the Crazies get to jump into a net that will slow their fall, since they won the first part of the challenge. And then, the main difference! Ta-da! Everyone but one has to jump! Last person standing on this cliff just made their team lose.

Izzy: What if you're still standing here?

Chris: Yeah, real funny. Oh, and of course, there'll be an annoying twist to this challenge, which I will reveal to you later. Now, on your mark, get set, die!

(Immediately, Noah shoves Blake off the cliff)

Chris: [peering over the edge] Huh, I've never seen someone crash into the rocks that many times. Ouch. That has _got_ to hurt.

Lightning: Lightning loves pain! No pain, no grain!

Staci: I think you said that wrong.

(Her correction is lost on Lightning as he does a dive over the edge, landing in the net and then swimming to shore)

Chris: Alright, that's two down, seven to go! Who's next?

Izzy: Geronimo!

(She does a cannonball off the cliff and makes a huge splash)

Chris: And Team Izzy's safe. Look's like it's down to the Psychos and Crazies.

(Noah and Heather glare at each other and stick out their tongues. They both step forward at the same time, but Heather pushes Noah back, falling off the cliff herself)

Heather: AAAAAAAHH!

_Static_

Noah: And that was when everything went downhill. Both of my arch-nemesises were gone, and there was no one left to fuel my anger. I couldn't do it.

_Static_

Chris: Let's see who's left, Noah, Zeke, Staci, Dawn- - -wait, where is Dawn?

(He looks over the edge to see Dawn meditating on the beach far below)

Chris: Uh, OK, Dawn passes.

Noah: Zeke, Zeke, hurry up! You need to jump off!

Ezekiel: [bending down close to the ground] Not now, eh. Oi'm busy sniffin' this pretty flower.

(He picks the flower, which is a small daisy, and sighs. Then the ground underneath him collapses and he plummets down to the water below, painfully hitting his head on a rock and knocking himself out. From out of the woods dashes a little speck, jumping into the water and swimming towards Zeke)

Annette: Is that a….squirrel?

(It is, and it is _the_ squirrel. The vicious Zeke-hating creature jumps on the unconscious homeschooler, attacking his face)

Noah: To quote Chris: "That has _got_ to hurt."

Annette: Hey, there are only three of us left.

Staci: Yah, you're right.

Annette: Better make it two!

(She steps right off the edge and lands in the net)

Chris: Well, it's up to you two to persevere….or fail your teams.

Noah: Seriously, did you implant a dictionary in your head?

Chris: [ignoring Noah's comment] Care to share your thoughts in the confessional?

_Static_

Staci: Yah, I don't really like jumping off cliffs. [after a pause] You know, my great-great-great-great-aunt Scubaface invented cliffs. Before her, people had to jump off hills. And it was really hard to, because the hills were never steep enough and you ended up hitting your head and going bonk, bonk, bonk, all the way down.

_Static_

Noah: This is completely unfair. I have to risk life and limb jumping into my watery grave, and all Staci has to do is fall a few feet into a _net_? If I do fail I at least have an excuse. Plus my alliance has half the votes, so the worst thing it can come to is a tiebreaker.

_Static_

Ezekiel: I like chockate milk, eh.

_Static_

Chris: Hurry up you two! One of you has to jump!

(Staci walks to the edge and peers down)

Staci: Do I have to?

Chris: Hey, you can fail and get eliminated for all I care, but if I were you, which I would never be, because you're lame, and I am not lame, I would care, because if I didn't care, I would be me, and I am me, so therefore I don't care.

Staci: I'm really confused.

(Chef walks up the hill behind them)

Chef: Are these dummies still refusin' to jump?

Chris: Yeah. Let's just yell annoying comments at them.

Chef: OK. [turning to Noah and Staci] Remember to look before you leap!

Chris: Gravity's a [bleeped out]!

Chef: Cliff-jumping's my name, dying is my game!

Chris: What goes up must come down!

Chef: If you- - -

Noah: Would you shut up already?!

Chef: I will when you jump.

Noah: Fine then.

(He walks to the edge of the cliff and jumps straight off, plunging downwards)

Noah: AAAAAAAAAH!

(He hits the water with a splash, and Blake and Dawn cheer)

Staci: Well, I may have lost, but at least I don't have to jump.

(Chris pushes her, and she falls off, landing on the net far below)

Chris: [yelling down] It's twist time! Alright Crazies, you have two minutes to climb back _up_ the cliff. If you all make it, no one goes bye-bye this episode. Fail, and elimination proceeds as normal.

Heather: Seriously! What is up with you and complicated words these days?!

Chris: I know, I'm awesome. Anyway, timer starts….now!

(The four Crazies swim towards the cliff. Lightning reaches it first and starts pulling himself up like a mountain goat. Close behind him is Heather, who struggles to reach the first ledge, but then climbs relatively easily hand-over-hand. Annette stops at the bottom of the cliff, looking up, as Staci passes her. Staci attempts to pull herself out of the water, but can't. Meanwhile, Annette has spotted a slightly less steep part of the cliff, and heaves herself up onto it. She is then able to shift sideways up a narrow edge. At the same time, Lightning reaches the top, with Heather about two-thirds of the way up)

Lightning: Sha-bam!

Chris: One minute left!

(Heather starts pulling herself up faster, but slips and falls, managing to grab onto Annette's foot as she falls. She then finds a handhold and quickly passes Annette again, who is still using tiny edges to inch her way up. Far below them is Staci, who has managed to climb about ten feet, but seems reluctant to go any higher. Heather is nearly at the top when she looks down. The initial vertigo almost makes her lose her grip, but as she refocuses, she sees Staci failing at climbing)

_Static_

Annette: Yes, we can do this! Victory for the third time in a row! _We're gonna win! My head does spin!_

_Static_

Heather: Hurry up Staci! You're going to make us lose!

(This comment seems to temporarily numb Staci's fear, as she struggles to find another foothold, and then starts climbing again. She hasn't been climbing for very long when Chris calls out)

Chris: Thirty seconds left!

(As he's saying this, Heather reaches the top and pulls herself over, panting exhaustedly. Not far behind is Annette, who is finding the last stretch of rock extremely difficult to navigate. Staci is climbing remarkably fast for someone of her psychical ability and has reached the half-way point)

Chris: Ten seconds left! Better hurry!

_Static_

Annette: OK, now I'm not so sure of our chances. _I don't want to lose! So I better not snooze!_

_Static_

(Annette reaches the top and grabs on, but her legs slide off the rock. After a bit of squirming around, she manages to do a front-flip onto the grass at the top before collapsing right next to the edge. Staci is climbing as hard as she possibly can when Chris starts counting down)

Chris: Five….four….

(Staci is at least three-quarters of the way up and actually jumps upwards to gain a few extra feet before resuming climbing)

Chris: ….three….two….

(Staci gasps and tries to scramble at the rock ever faster)

Chris: ….one….

(She gives up and loses her grip, falling back down into the water)

Chris: Time's up! Crazies lose! I'll see you guys at the campfire ceremony tonight!

_Static_

Staci: I am so doomed, I can't even explain how doomed I am. You know, my great-great-great-great-grandfather Snorky Phinedoodle invented doomedness. It was very hard to invent, as you could guess.

_Static_

Heather: This is looking pretty good for me. Now that we've lost and we all know who's going home, it's a chance to get rid of some dead weight on the team.

_Static_

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

(The contestants are shown walking up the beach to the campsite. Chef is wearing a nurse's dress and is carrying a bloody Zeke on a stretcher. The campers reach the main field with the megaphone pole and start to head their separate ways. As Noah plods back towards his cabin, Heather elbows him into a pit of mud)

Noah: Hey! What the heck?!

(He tries to stand up but slips and splashes the mud all over him, ruining his clothes)

Heather: Ha! Noah, you're so pathetic. I'm off to the shower house to get cleaned up. You look like you could use some cleaning too. You're just a _little_ tiny bit muddy.

(She walks off, laughing like a jerk)

_Static_

Heather: Noah is such a fail! Hahaha.

_Static_

Noah: Heather, if you're watching this, that was a big mistake_._

_Static_

(Heather is walking back to her cabin when she hears Noah's voice coming from it. She stops and decides to eavesdrop)

Noah: [talking to Lightning, Annette, and Staci] ….and that's why you can't trust her. If you don't do something about it now, she will get each and every one of you eliminated. Is that what you want to happen?

(Heather chooses that moment to walk in)

Heather: Want what to happen?

Staci and Annette: Nothing.

Heather: Were you guys talking about me behind my back?

Noah: [coldly] No, we were discussing Staci's Tyrannosaurus ancestry. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go celebrate my team's victory.

(He walks past Heather and out of the cabin. Looking back, he gives her a sadistic smirk)

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

(It's dark out, and the four Crazies are gathered around a small campfire, with Chris at the front)

Chris: [slowly] Marshmallows, marshmallows, marshmallows. To the untrained eye, they're naught but a tasty treat, something for roasting over a fire and putting on s'mores. But here on Total Drama, you know better. A marshmallow represents your chance at a million dollars. Without it, all this was for nothing. The annoyingness, the explosions, Chef's food, all of it and nothing to show for it.

Annette: Wow. That was an exceptionally long marshmallow monologue.

Chris: Yeah, I was in a dramatic mood today. Anyway, only three marshmallows. First one goes to Annette!

Annette: Yes! _I'm safe another day! In another challenge can I play!_

Chris: Good to know. Second and second-to-last marshmallow goes to...

...

...

...

...

...

...Lightning! Take your 'mallow, dude.

Lightning: Sha-bam! Lightning strikes!

Chris: Ladies and idiot, on this platter I am holding sits the final marshmallow. Who's gonna get it? Staci? Heather? Staci? Heather? Staci?

Heather: Get on with it already!

Chris: Fine. Tonight's final marshmallow goes to...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...Staci.

Heather: What?! I didn't get voted off! Everybody voted for Staci!

Chris: Guess they didn't. Bye-bye.

(He presses a button, and Heather falls down the Chute of Shame)

Heather: AAAAAH!

Chris: I assume you're all happy that Heather's gone.

Lightning: Sha-totally yes!

Staci: Yah! So much so!

Annette: _Heather is gone! I fell in a pond!_

Chris: Thought so.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

(Camera shows Underground Playa des Losers. Owen is stuffing himself at the buffet with Mr. Coconut beside him, and Zoey and Mike are playing a game of tennis at the indoor tennis courts. Suddenly, Heather pops out of the chute in the wall)

Heather: Where am I?

Owen: Underground Playa des Losers. Right, Mr. Coconut?

Mr. Coconut: - - - - -

Mike: Sad, or really not too sad, to see you got voted off, but this place is pretty awesome.

Zoey: Yeah. It has _everything_.

Heather: Who cares? I still lost a million dollars.

Owen: Like you would've won it anyway.

(Heather glares at him)

Owen: What? We all know it's true.

(Scene shifts to the Dock of Shame, where Chris is standing)

Chris: Another epic episode over. Who's going home next? What is going to happen to Team Izzy? And is Noah destined to become the next antagonist? Find out next time, on TOTAL, DRAMA, THE ISLAND REBORN!

(Credits play)

**Voting Confessionals**

_Static_

Annette: Noah's right, Heather is evil. I actually even noticed it before. Staci may be _really_ bad at challenges, but I have to vote Heather.

_Static_

Heather: Hah! What a great day. I was awesome in the challenge, showed Noah who runs this game, and I'm pretty much sure not to go home. I vote Staci. Duh.

_Static_

Lightning: Voting for sha-Heather! She's never gonna vote _me_ off.

_Static_

Staci: Yah, I'm pretty much doomed. But I better vote for Heather, just in case what Noah said about her is true.

_Static_

**Heather: 3**

**Staci: 1**

**Eliminated: Mike, Zoey, Mr. Coconut, Owen, Heather**

**Psycho Psychos: Blake, Dawn, Ezekiel, Noah**

**Team Izzy: Izzy**

**Crazy Crazies: Annette, Lightning, Staci**

**Hope you guys enjoyed, this is my favorite chapter so far! (And also one of the longest.) Remember to review! If you liked this, make sure to check out Total Drama Jurassic Park. The next update might be a while, as I'm going on vacation. See you soon!**

**~TheImpossiblyAwesomeWriter**

**Next Time: When a race through the jungle goes terribly wrong, what will Team Izzy do about it?**


	9. Episode 9: Chaos will be Chaos

**Episode 9: Chaos will be Chaos**

**Welcome back to Total Drama's most chaotic fanfiction! It's been a while. Yeah, I was on vacation. But don't worry, there shouldn't be any more long breaks. Remember to review, you'll get a reply and a prize, and check out my poll for who you want to win TDTIR! (I do not own Total Drama, nor do I claim to own it or any of its characters. No profit is being made from this fanfiction)**

(Camera shows Chris standing on the Dock of Shame)

Chris: Last time on Total Drama The Island Reborn, the eliminated contestants escaped Underground Playa des Losers, and proceeded to try and buy their way back into the game. I, in my ever cleverness, made it part of a challenge to rope up the eliminees and send them back where they belong. However, Izzy used the million dollar case to propel herself back into the game, on a team of her very own, Team Izzy. The next part of the challenge was a cliff dive off Cliff Wawanakwa, like Total Drama's first ever challenge. Oh, the nostalgia! This time it had one key difference- - -all but one had to jump. After some hilariously painful falls, it came down to Staci and Noah. They both refused to budge an inch, until Chef and I eventually annoyed Noah into taking the plunge. Staci had failed her team, and when the challenge's twist offered them a chance at redemption, she failed for them again! It was pretty much set in stone who was going bye-bye, when Heather made the mistake of messing with Noah. The sarcastic bookworm convinced all her teammates to vote for her, getting rid of the game's queen bee. Yeah, everyone's pretty happy about that. Who will rise up and fill Heather's vacant spot as the master of the game? How will Izzy survive as a team of just one? Yeah, a one-man team didn't work out that well last time. And finally, will this stupid little dictionary guy ever get out of my head so my words'll stop being so, well, imminently salubrious like ratatouille? HEY! GET OUT!

(A little guy holding a dictionary jumps out of his ear and runs away)

Chris: That's better. No fancy words today on TOTAL, DRAMA, THE ISLAND REBORN!

(Theme song plays. It shows the camera sweeping past the dock, where Chris waves at it. Chef smiles at it, then gulps as it comes nearer to him, and smacks him in the face. After he disappears the camera zooms up the cliff, where it shows a squirrel punching Zeke in the face. As the camera "falls" off the cliff so does Zeke. Hitting the water, bubbles cover the screen. When they clear, Izzy is swimming away from a shark, only to turn around and bite the shark back. Above the water, Noah is sitting in a boat, reading his trademark book, when Zeke lands on him. Right after the moment of impact, the camera zooms to the forest, where Mike is petting a raccoon. The raccoon bites his finger, causing him to wince in pain, inhale deeply, then scream at the raccoon. The camera zooms to the waterfall, where Annette is singing on top of a log that goes over the waterfall. At the bottom, Dawn is sitting cross-legged on a beam of wood going across a small lake, looking very peaceful. Suddenly, Annette flies past her and her mouth falls open. The camera moves to the outhouse confessional, where a bear is knocking on the door. Blake sticks his head out, screams, and then ducks back in. Chef's kitchen is then seen, with a small television in the background upon which Courtney and Cody can be seen. Lightning is dumping protein powder into his mouth, and then fist-pumps, while Heather is tied to a chair, being force-fed Chef Hatchet's special soup by Chef himself. The camera moves outside to the campfire pit, where Owen is holding and rocking back and forth giggling. Staci is seen on the dock, blabbing on while reading from a gigantic stack of papers. The camera shifts a little, showing Chris on the other side of the dock, covering his ears and yelling. He runs around and falls into the water. When he surfaces, in classic cartoon style, his head steams over in anger, causing a fire. The camera follows the fire embers up, and then back down, revealing the campfire. Zoey is sitting in front of it, looking nervous, before her eyebrows scrunch up and she gives an evil grin, only to look around when she sees Zeke and Mike sitting on either side of her. The camera pans out to show all 13 contestants sitting on stools around the campfire, as Chris stands nearby and grins at the camera. A wooden sign is seen, where neon letters light up, saying TOTAL DRAMA THE ISLAND REBORN)

(Camera shows the cabins. All is quiet, as it's so early in the morning the sun hasn't even risen over the treetops. Team Izzy's "cabin" is a little shelter of bark and wood assembled in between the other two by Izzy herself. Suddenly, the megaphone starts playing "Ode to Joy" at a volume classical music was never designed for. As the music rises in volume till the sound is knocking over trees and stripping the feathers off passing birds, all eight campers stumble from the cabins, half-asleep, yelling at Chris to turn it off. The host eventually does so, and walks up to them wearing a big smile)

Chris: How'd you like your little awakening? I heard that teenagers hate classical music, and you guys seem to be no exception.

Noah: I think there's a difference between the classics and a sonic boom.

Izzy: Hey, Beethoven was deaf! Maybe he wanted to blow out everyone else's eardrums and laugh at them in their misery!

Noah: Twenty people watching this just quit music school.

Chris: Don't push it.

Noah: Just go jump off a cliff.

Chris: You just did.

Noah: Did I?

Chris: No.

Noah: You're irrational.

Chris: So is pi.

Noah: I thought you didn't speak math.

Chris: I don't. I'm talking about blueberry pie.

Noah: I'm allergic to blueberries.

Chris: 'Cause you're a nerd!

Noah: That's what your mom calls you when she thinks you can't hear her.

Chris: I'm out of comebacks.

Noah: I'm not.

Ezekiel: I WANT SOOME DIALOOGUE, EH!

_Static_

Ezekiel: What? I like talkin', eh.

_Static_

Noah: Ticking Chris off probably wasn't the best way to start a fresh day- - -

(Ezekiel sticks his head in the window)

Ezekiel: That rhymed, eh!

Noah: Zeke, shut up and get out.

Ezekiel: Yes sir!

(He salutes Noah and goes away)

_Static_

Blake: Uh, can we get on with the challenge?

Chris: Oh, I didn't wake you guys up this early for a challenge. I'm not _that_ cruel. [after receiving angry glares] Okay, I'm probably that cruel and a lot more, but anyway, Chef noticed something today when reviewing the video feed. You guys aren't confessing enough! The audience needs to hear you deepest, darkest secrets. Oh, and maybe some thoughts on the game. The world must know!

Noah: Yeah, I'm gonna go back to sleep.

Chris: Oh no you don't. You're all required to head to the outhouse and start confessionaling!

(The contestants head off, grumbling)

_Static_

Dawn: Well, I guess I'll start. This season has been an improvement for me. With Heather gone, there aren't any animal-hating jerks left, and with the island having been quarantined, the wildlife has returned to it's normal state.

(A platypus waddles past the window and makes a rude hand gesture at her)

Dawn: Er, _mostly_ returned to its normal state. So, the only thing that's really been bothering me this year is the awesomeness, oh no! I mean, stupidness, of Ezekiel. That boy has lovesickness in his aura, which is a bad thing to begin with. But it's crowded among many many _many_ different shades of stupidity, psychoticity, craziness, and overall Ezekiness. Not good. My goal this year is to make it to the final five at least, and hopefully some of my goodness will rub off on Chris in the meantime. Although I doubt it. The man belongs in an insane asylum. In other words, I'm just a nice girl in a ruthless competition. Who does _not _like Ezekiel.

_Static_

Annette: So far, my time on the island has been great. It's been epic. It's been….well, supercalifragilisticexpialidocious! But I'll let you guys in on a little secret….I'm not here for the million dollars! Yep, I just want to sing on TV. When this season is released, producers and directors and the like will all want me to make my amazing debut album. I'll become world-famous, the best singer there ever was! I'll make a million dollars! Oh wait….

_Static_

Lightning: Sha-bam! Lightning's got this season in the bag! Nobody's gonna take the Lightning's victory from him! Lightning dominated last season, and this time it's no different! Just look at the competition! A egghead, a nature-lovin' creepy girl, a psycho, and a bunch of people Lightning already forgot! Sha-bam! They're goin' down, Lightning style!

_Static_

Noah: Whoopee, I have the privilege of telling seven billion people my deepest darkest secrets while sitting in an outhouse. I couldn't be happier. At least I'm rather happy with where I am in the game right now. I have an alliance of four, no wait, it's three, hang on, only two left. Actually, Ezekiel counts for about one quarter of a person, so my alliance is pretty small. Yeah, to guarantee me winning this time, I might have to take some more, at the risk of sounding cliché, drastic measures.

_Static_

Izzy: Yeah, it's awesome to be back in the game again! Seeing all my old friends again, getting to compete in fun challenges with lots of explosions, having a chance at a million, and, most of all, crushing the competition into the dust, completely obliterating them, destroying every single obstacle that stands in Izzy's path! Haha, I can be a little crazy at times. I asked Noah if he thought I was insane, but he told me I was just psychotic. Oh well, one can never be quite crazy enough, can they?

_Static_

Blake: Total Drama is really shocking. Every day something new happens, and half the time I don't even understand what's going on around me. I don't really have any hopes for winning this thing, and I'm pretty proud of myself for making it this far. Thankfully my parents don't allow me to get voted off within the first few episodes of reality televisions shows. Actually, I'll have to ask them about that one. If there is one upside to this whole thing, it's that I think I've made a whole lot of new friends. Especially Noah. I bet he thinks of me as a great friend.

_Static_

Staci: Yah, I'm really happy people are starting to believe me about my ancestors. After all, my great-great-aunt Chihuahua did invent belief. It was touching to meet great-great-great-uncle Stupid von Merkel in real life, even if he did destroy a lot of stuff. I think I could win this thing! Really, I do! Mostly, I'm just happy I didn't get voted off first again. Only Ezekiels should be voted off first. Yah, my great-great-great-great-grandfather Robabobaklus invented Ezekiels. Before him, other people had to get voted off first, vicious squirrels had to find other people to beat up, and explosions had to target other things. Yah, the world was not a better place back then.

_Static_

Ezekiel: I'm sick of this stoopid island, eh! I keep getting exploded, there's this squirrely who woon't stop bein' mean to me, and I can't find any chockate milk trees. Anywhere! It's so annoyin', it makes me want to punch somebody!

(He then punches himself in the face)

Ezekiel: That's better, eh. Oi feel like I forgot something. Oh yeah! My game plan. My strategy. My chess board! Anyway, I plan to win by throwing cupcakes at all the other people until they just _give_ me the money. Except for Dawn, she's nice. Oi'll just give her a cupcake, eh.

_Static _

Chris: Alright campers, I see you're all done sharing secrets. It's a pity, 'cause I bet you still had a lot more drama waiting on the tip of your tongues!

(Noah rolls his eyes)

Chris: Anyway, just an announcement. Since our good pal Zoey blew up the dining hall, meals will now be served in the boat house. Bon appétit!

(Everyone groans)

Chris: So, today's challenge is gonna be fun! It's really simple too.

Noah: Every challenge is always simple, Chris, since you never bother putting any work into them. Except for the torturous or painful parts, you don't even bother.

Chris: Well, everyone knows the torturous and painful parts are the best stuff! Who cares about the rest?

Izzy: Uh, everyone that cares about their livelihood. Duh!

Chris: You can all complain twenty-four seven, but I'll never change my ways. Today you'll have to all race through the forest-jungle thing on Wawanakwa, starting at the starting line.

Noah: [sarcastically] Starting at the starting line? I was hoping to finish there.

Chris: Anyway, you'll have to head to the beach at the other side of the island, finishing at the finishing line.

(Noah facepalms)

Chris: Now, the important thing here is not to get your whole team across, just _one_ member.

Dawn: When do we start?

Chris: Now! Get to the starting line, hurry up.

(The eight dash there, then all wait in different positions. Annette is moving her hands like an orchestra conductor, Dawn is meditating, Lightning is bent down like an Olympian ready to race, Zeke is picking his nose, Staci is blabbing on, Izzy is repeatedly rolling over like a dog doing tricks, Noah has sat down and is reading a book he apparently has pulled out of nowhere, and finally, Blake is just standing there, doing nothing. Chris blows an air horn, and they all run off into the woods, some faster than others)

_Static_

Blake: This challenge isn't exactly my forte. I'm not really comfortable with running through the woods like a maniac. Geez, the things I do for this show.

_Static_

(Scene switches to Staci and Annette, who are jogging side by side, far behind everyone else. Annette trips and Staci uses the moment to take a rest)

Annette: [getting back up] So, you've got a pretty cool family history.

Staci: Yah, you could say that. It is pretty amazing.

Annette: Geez, the most interesting thing from my background is my grandma, who has a really terrible singing voice. Sure glad I didn't inherit that.

Staci: Um, are you sure you didn't?

Annette: What do you mean? My singing's great! Here, watch this!

(Staci covers her ears)

Annette: _Lollipops and lemon drops! Chocolate bars and marshmallow cars! Candy rings and_- - -

(She stops singing when she notices Staci has left)

(Camera shows Lightning, who is sprinting through the woods. He stops just in time in front of a pit crawling with scorpions)

Lightning: Phew, that was close! Chris may've set that buggies trap to catch the Lightning, but buggies'll never get Lightning!

(He walks around the pit smugly, only to slip and fall into it)

Lightning: SCREECH! Lightning hates buggies, Lightning hates buggies! Get your stingy-thingies off Lightning! Help! Sha-ouchie!

(He slowly pulls himself out of the pit and brushes off the scorpions)

Lightning: Ha! That's what happens when holes open up in front o' Lightning and try to get the Lightning to fall in them!

(Another hole opens up in front of him, and he falls into it, disappearing from view)

(Scene switches to Chris, who is standing at the starting line checking his watch when claws grip him and pick him up. He looks up to see himself being carried away by Frederic the Vampire)

Chris: Get away from me, you blood-sucking pig!

Frederic: Like, nice insult homie, but, dude, like, no thanks, yo.

(He carries Chris higher and they fly off, heading towards a hole in a tall tree)

Frederic: That's my mancave, yo. That's like, where we're, like, headed, dude, so I can like, drink your blood!

Chris: No! NO!

(He wriggles around in Fred's grasp and eventually breaks free. Chris grins, only to fall forty feet into the jungle below. He lands with a thump, then a tree falls over and pins him to the ground)

Chris: HELP! HELP ME!

(The only person in earshot is Frederic, who grins evilly as he flies off)

(Camera switches to Noah, who is walking through the woods when he sees Dawn, meditating on a tree stump. She smiles and waves, getting up to walk with him)

Dawn: Noah, something's bothering you. What is it?

Noah: Me? I'm fine.

Dawn: You need to relax a little. Some conflict is stressing you, and you're scared to fail.

Noah: I'm not scared of anything. Well, there was this one time with carrots, but I'm totally over that.

Dawn: There's no need to hide your feelings from me, I understand how this game can rip people apart. All these nervous emotions in you have caused a stain on your aura. If you're not careful, you could end up being the next Scott. Or the next Heather.

Noah: Hey, don't compare me to Heather. Ever. EVER. I'm serious.

Dawn: Okay.

Noah: Let's change the subject. You seem to be doing pretty well in the game.

Dawn: Yes, thank you.

Noah: But you also don't seem to be in any alliances.

Dawn: No, I'm not. Why do you ask?

Noah: Because I've started one, and I wondered if you'd be interested in joining.

Dawn: I'd love to- - -wait, is Zeke in it?

Noah: Uh, yes. That's a good thing, right?

Dawn: No, it certainly is not.

(She frowns and walks off)

Noah: She seems so sure that this game is ripping me apart, but I don't think it's doing her any good either.

_Static_

Dawn: Right now, the last thing I need is any more time spent with Ezekiel. I honestly don't know what to think of him.

_Static_

(Camera switches to Izzy, who is walking on her hands through the woods when she crashes into Zeke and they both fall over)

Izzy: Hey! Watch where you're going!

Ezekiel: I woosn't going anywhere.

Izzy: Then watch where you're standing! Team Izzy cannot be slowed down! I must get there in first!

Ezekiel: Oi'll joost be satisfied with getting' there at all, eh.

Izzy: See Zeke, that's the difference between you and me. You don't have the willpower! You've got to be aggressive to win Total Drama!

Ezekiel: I doon't know aboot that….

Izzy: Come on Zeke! You have to show more aggression!

Ezekiel: A'yup, maybe, but how, eh?

Izzy: Do it the way I do! Just growl a lot. Repeat after me: grrr, grrrr, grrr. You try!

Ezekiel: Okay, grrr, grrr, grrr. Hey, I think I used to do thois when I was a Goolum, eh.

Izzy: Great! You're getting he hang of it! Just keep it up, I have to go win.

(She handstands away, as Zeke just keeps growling quietly to himself)

_Static_

Izzy: Zeke may not realize it now, but that's going to come in handy later on!

_Static_

(Blake is treading carefully on a game path, when he spots Noah ahead and calls out)

Noah: [sarcastically] No, you can't be lost. You must know the woods like the back of your hand by now.

Blake: UH, yeah, I guess maybe I do, but I don't know the back of my hand very well, so, uh….

(Noah points in the wrong direction)

Noah: Finish line's that way. Now go.

Blake: Thanks!

(He hurries off)

Noah: Sending my own teammate towards the cliff probably wasn't the best idea, but I don't care.

(Annette is hiking through the jungle when she sees the toppled tree that Chris is stuck under)

Chris: A little help here?

(Annette starts to head over, then apparently thinks better of it)

Annette: If I help you get out, you'll just go off and not even thank me.

Chris: Uh, yeah, that's what I do. NOW GTE ME OUT OF HERE!

Annette: Oh no, I have a better idea. You agree to give me extra help in all the challenges, and I'll get that tree off of you.

Chris: An illegal alliance? [crossing his fingers] Sure thing.

Annette: You won't be breaking any promises, though. [pulling a wad of paper from behind her back] Sign this contract, please.

Chris: Where'd you get that? Have you been in my closet? You're as bad as Sierra!

Annette: I was looking for your loudspeaker so I could increase the volume of my singing!

Chris: Well I think everyone's glad you didn't find it.

Annette: [frowning] Just sign.

(Chris takes the pen from her in his unpinned hand and scrawls his John Hancock on the first page)

Chris: Now get me out!

Annette: Will do.

(She rolls the tree off him with apparently little effort)

Chris: How'd you do that?

Annette: Oh, I figured out that some of the trees here are filled with chocolate milk! So they're really light.

_Static_

Ezekiel: There's a conspiracy somewhere here, eh. I just know it.

_Static_

Annette: Now, care to help me out in this challenge?

Chris: Fine. You can take the helicopter to the finish line.

(He pulls a walkie-talkie out of his pocket)

Chris: [walkie-talkie] Chef? Yeah, get the helicopter over her. Now. Yeah. Bye.

(Seconds later, the helicopter descends to the forest floor, with Chef piloting it. Annette hops in, and they take off)

_Static_

Chris: Stupid legally binding contracts. What happened to the days when you could cheat ten-thousand out of their money before lunch and then spend it in twenty minutes? This modern world isn't exactly an improvement. Hmph.

_Static_

(Scene switches to Dawn, who is skipping through the jungle with a trail of singing birds following her, when she crashes into Ezekiel and all the birds fly off)

Ezekiel: Second time today, eh. Oh well, back to growling. Grrrr, grrrr, grrrr….

Dawn: What are you doing?

Ezekiel: Grrr, grrr- - -Oh, I'm workin' on bein', uh, what's that word again….agreeable! That's it. Or maybe it was tomato. Never mind. Grrrr, grrr….

Dawn: Um, I'll be going now.

(She fast walks off, leaving Zeke behind still practicing his "agreeableness". Once out of sight, she relaxes and sits down on a stump. Suddenly, the top of the stump flips up and she falls through, into some tunnel)

Static

Ezekiel: I wonder if Dawn woos impressed by my agreeableness. I sure hope she woos!

Static

(Staci is shown, casually strolling through the forest, when Frederic lands in front of her)

Staci: Oh, hi Fred!

Frederic: Hello Staci. Doing a challenge?

Staci: Yah, I need to make it to the other side of the island. But I have no idea how I'm going to make it!

Frederic: I could help you if you want. All I have to do is fly you over there.

Staci: I don't know….

Fredric: C'mon, it'll only take a few seconds. You want to win, right?

Staci: I guess.

Frederic: Perfect! Let's go.

(He pauses a moment to give an inside smirk at the camera, then picks Staci up and flies off)

(Scene switch. Shows Noah, hanging upside-down from a tree with a rope around his ankle. His arms are crossed and his face remains emotionless)

Noah: [sarcastically] I love the way the blood rushes to my head. It feels like a nice brain massage.

(Izzy dashes into view and stops when she sees Noah)

Izzy: Hey Noah, you like hanging from trees too? What a coincidence.

Noah: Just get me down.

Izzy: Should I? You're on the opposite team.

Noah: [sarcastically] Didn't you know? Helping people outside of your team is the goal of this game.

Izzy: Okay!

(She grabs the rope holding Noah up and starts unties it from the tree. Then she starts spinning it around over her head)

Noah: Wait, no! I was being sarcastic!

(She pulls on the rope and it sends him flying off somewhere into the distance)

Noah: AAAAAAAAAAAAHHH- - -

_Static_

Izzy: I hope he appreciated that; I wouldn't do many people that favor!

_Static_

(Camera moves to Blake, who is walking up the hill to the cliff. After a while, he reaches the top and looks around)

Blake: Hmm, this seems a bit of a weird path to take. But Noah did say it was the right way, and I know I can trust him. Here goes nothing!

(He takes a running start and leaps over the edge. As he falls, a little tiny hand reaches out of a hole, and catches him by the collar of his suit jacket)

Blake: Hey, that was a pretty smooth landing. Why am I still suspended hundreds of feet in the air?

(The hand pulls him backwards and into the hole)

Blake: [off-screen] Hey, where are you taking me? I want to get to the finish! Help!

(Scene switches back to Frederic, who is flying towards the finish line with Staci in his claws)

Staci: So….what's been up with you lately?

Frederic: Not much, homie. Just been flying around. Hoping to, like, drink some human blood. Blood. Hahaha. How sweet it tastes. Like cherries, like, mixed with pumpernickel pie….

Staci: Uh, yah, you can spare me the details.

Frederic: ….blood, blood, blood….

Staci: [nervously] Could you fly a little faster please?

(Scene switches to the inside of the helicopter, where Annette and Chef are sitting)

Chef: [ranting] Helicopters these days. What sissies! Back in my day, it was a real danger to fly one of these. Half the time they exploded before you even took off! But can they do that today? No, all these wimps and their "safety regulations". Before you know it, people'll have to wear helmets to bike or seatbelts to drive!

Annette: People do have to wear helmets to bike and seatbelts to drive.

Chef: See what I mean? The worlds goin' to the babies, trust me, soon our king will be a one-and-a-half-year-old.

Annette: Uh, we've kind of gotten rid of all the kings.

Chef: Well, I'll be! What's next? Stuff made usin' electricity?

Annette: I'm not going to answer that question.

(Something crashes against the outside of the helicopter)

Annette: What was that?

Chef: Probably a new safety device, I dunno….

(A few more things hit the helicopter, making it jerk down)

Annette: Uh, are you going to do anything about it?

Chef: Nope. Why?

(Things start repeatedly crashing into the side, and something rips the smaller back rotor off)

Chef: Well, this was unexpected, but, so long sucker! Heeheehee!

(As more damage causes the helicopter to start dropping, Chef grabs a parachute pack and jumps out the door. However, he forgets to pull the cord and crashes into the ground somewhere far, far below)

Annette: This isn't good. AAAAAAAAAHH!

(The helicopter stops moving and plummets from the sky)

(Scene switches to Izzy, who is swinging from vines like Tarzan when she bangs into someone)

Izzy: Ow! Watch where you're going….uh….DJ?

(It is the gentle Jamaican giant, who's happily cuddling a bunny)

DJ: Hi Izzy. Why're you here?

Izzy: Whatd'ya mean? I'm in the competition!

DJ: There's another season? Sure glad I'm not part of it.

Izzy: Then why are you on the island? I thought you swore never to come back.

DJ: I did, but I lost Bunny here the last time, and I couldn't just leave him!

Izzy: So you traveled all the way here just to get your pet rabbit? Couldn't you have bought a new one?

DJ: Don't be silly, no bunny could ever be as good a bunny as Bunny is a bunny. And Bunny's not a rabbit, Bunny's a bunny.

Izzy: Woah, I think you just broke the world record for most "bunnies" said in one sentence! Congratulations! Anyway, I gotta go. Middle of the challenge, ya see.

DJ: Alright, see you later? [as she runs off] Who's a good bunny? Bunny's a good bunny! Who's a good- - -

_Static_

Izzy: Man, bunny-lovers are crazy! I'm sure glad I'm normal, I only act that way around my pet tarantula!

_Static_

DJ: Wow, I remember this place! Remember it….full of bad memories! All these bad memories here! WAAAAAAAAAHH! MAMAAAAAAAA!

_Static_

(Camera moves to Ezekiel, who is hiking through the jungle, still practicing growling, when Noah falls out of the sky and lands on him)

Ezekiel: Hey, what'cha do that for, eh? I was just getting' the hang o' grrrin'!

Noah: I don't even want to know what you're talking about.

Ezekiel: Figures. Grrr, grrr, grrr, grrr….

Noah: Can you stop that? It's annoying.

Ezekiel: Grrr….grrr….grrrr….

Noah: Whatever.

(He doesn't look where he's going and falls down a sinkhole out of sight)

Ezekiel: Grrrr, grrrr, might wanna watch your step, grrrr, grrrr, grrrr

(Zeke catches a glimpse of something in his peripheral vision and pales. He runs as fast as he can, sweating and eyes widened in fear, but whatever's behind him catches up. A small paw backhands the side of his head, knocking him out cold)

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

(Zeke wakes up, full of pain. Opening his eyes is even too much effort. He tries to move, but can't. He opens his eye a crack, and sees he is tied to a post. Looking to his right, he sees Noah, Annette, and Blake, also tied up. The same goes for Dawn and Lightning on his left. Zeke looks right in front of him and is startled to see the squirrel, wearing a crown and tiny-sized king's robes. Around him, in a huge clearing in the forest, are thousands of other squirrels of all species and colors. At the edge of the clearing is the finish line, tantalizingly close. The squirrel starts spitting hatred at Zeke)

Squirrel: Chirp CHIRP rah rah chirpity CHIRP!

Ezekiel: Uh, can I help you with something?

(A small brown squirrel steps up next to him and starts speaking in English)

Brown Squirrel: Greetings, human scum. Being the only squirrel in the colony who speaks your tongue, I will be translating for his majesty. He just said 'I have waited too long for this moment'.

Noah: Is it me, or did that squirrel just talk?

(The king squirrel goes on chirping for a while, almost passing out as he runs out of breath)

Brown Squirrel: Translation: It was four years ago when the human filth arrived on this island. His majesty assembled the colony to rid the isle of them. By the time an attack was ready, they had already left. The next time they visited, we had been driven into hiding by the mutant creatures. But this time, there is nothing stopping us from getting rid of you once and for all! WAHAHAHA!

Dawn: Why do you hate humans so much? Are you afraid they'll destroy or pollute your forests?

(The king squirrel face palms, then goes on another rant)

Brown Squirrel: Translation: What, you think it's some goofy environmentalist reason like the kind you find in bad-quality movies? No! We hate humans because they have thumbs! Thumbs! Squirrels never had thumbs! Do you have any idea how hard it is to use a touch-screen without thumbs? Or a car? Or a laptop? No? Well I'll tell you how hard it is! IT'S HARD! So, to make everything fair, we're going to get rid of all the humans, starting with you guys.

Noah: And how exactly do you plan on 'getting rid of us'?

(The king squirrel grins smugly and says a few chirps)

Brown Squirrel: Translation: That's easy. We'll send you all to the moon in our rocket ships.

(The squirrels move out of the way to show a small spacecraft that looks like it came out of a cartoon)

Brown Squirrel: Now, if you don't mind, it's time for you to go to the circle of cheese in the night sky.

(The squirrels crowd around the contestants, pulling them towards the ship. Everyone struggles and tries to break free in vain. Just as they're about to be shoved in, Izzy somersaults through the air and lands right in front of the finish line. She looks back at the thousands of squirrels behind her, and time seems to stand still for a moment)

Dawn: Izzy, you must free us!

Annette: Use your insanity to get rid of the squirrels!

Ezekiel: Foorget about the competition, eh! It's not moore important than us, right?

Lightning: Save us, sha-crazy girl! Save the Lightning!

Noah: A million bucks isn't worth our doom!

(Izzy looks at the finish line, then back at the others. She keeps looking back and forth, indecisively)

(Scene switches to Staci and Frederic, who have nearly flown to the finish line)

Staci: Yay, there's the finish! You can set me down now.

Frederic: Like, dudette, like, are you really that gullible?

Staci: What do you mean?

Frederic: Homie, you actually, like, thought I was gonna, like help you in the million-bling thing game?

Staci: Uh, yah.

Frederic: Like, you like, thought wrong. I hope you'll like, like, life as a vampire, dude.

Staci: No! Put me down!

(She tries to wriggle out of his grasp, but can't)

Frederic: Like, I'm not fallin' for that trick, like, twice, homie.

(However, he doesn't look where he's going and crashes into a tall tree, dropping Staci)

Staci: AAAAAAAAAH!

(Scene switches back to Izzy and the squirrels. She seems to make up her mind, takes one last longing look at the finish line, then pulls out a bomb from behind her back)

Izzy: This is for messing with my friends, you squirrels!

(She lights the bomb and throws it into the middle of the clearing. It goes off, and the squirrels and their rocket ship are blasted up into the air, falling out into the ocean. The blast catches Frederic and propels him out to sea, falling over the cliff as it does so, turning him back into a normal human. Back in the clearing, the six contestants are sitting in the middle of the clearing, perfectly okay, but still tied up and covered in ash)

Noah: [sarcastically] Life is_ soooo_ boring around here.

Izzy: Izzy saved her friends! And _now_ she can win the challenge!

(She runs towards the finish line, only for Staci to fall on it in front of her)

Staci: What? I won?

Izzy: WHAT? SHE WON?

Chris: [jumping out of the bushes] She won! That's a victory for the Crazy Crazies!

Noah: We still don't know which team is going to elimination.

Chris: We don't need too! It's the twist to this challenge! It's not an elimination one, it's for a reward! A reward, that the Crazies have just won.

Annette: What'd we win?

Chris: A party! With real food, not cooked by Chef, a DJ, that is a disc jockey, not TD's DJ, a dance floor, and tons of awesome party stuff! It starts at the arts and crafts tent at sundown! Crazies, I'll see you there!

(Annette, Lightning, and Staci cheer)

_Static_

Staci: Yah, I never expected I would actually win a challenge for my team! And we get a party too! This is awesome!

_Static_

Lightning: Sha-bam!

_Static_

Ezekiel: Well, Oi might not have won, but I'm pretty glad all my squirrely problems are oover. That, and I doon't have to live on the moon. Although I woold like eatin' the cheese there.

_Static_

Dawn: I'm surprised those squirrels were vicious towards me. The fact that wildlife anywhere, even on this island, could have a vendetta against me unnerves me. This island needs a lot of work, and I'm probably the one to do it.

_Static_

Noah: Another day over, another challenge survived. And I'm still standing strong in the game. At this point, really, nothing could go wrong.

_Static_

Chris: 'Nothing could go wrong'? Did he seriously just say that? Some day I'll make a poster out of that. With FAMOUS LAST WORDS as the caption! Hahahahaha, oh man, doesn't he know by now EVERYTHING goes wrong on Total Drama? And if it doesn't go wrong, I make it go wrong. Watch out Noah! Hahahahaha.

_Static_

(Scene shows the outside of the Arts and Crafts Tent. Different-colored lights and lots of cheering is coming from inside. Izzy and the Psychos are sitting outside, looking glum)

Izzy: Well, Izzy's kinda bummed out that she didn't win the party.

Dawn: It's okay Izzy. We're very grateful to you for saving us. I know it must have been a hard decision, and I'm glad you came through with the right choice in the end.

Izzy: Heck, I didn't do it for you guys! I just wanted to blow up a bunch of squirrels! Although I was happy I could save Noah. Life would be boring without his sarcastic comments!

Noah: I'm pretty sure life would never be boring for you, Izzy. Mostly considering you're you.

Izzy: Thanks.

Noah: That wasn't exactly meant as a compliment.

Izzy: Thanks anyway! Anyone wanna play Hot Potato with a bomb?

Ezekiel: Er, I'll pass, eh.

(Back at the beach, a ball of fur with a cracked crown washes up with the tide)

Squirrel: Chirp rah rah RAH RAH!

(Another bundle of fur washes up beside it)

Brown Squirrel: Cough cough….Translation: The humans will feel my pain! Time for revenge! No mercy!

(Camera goes back to Chris at the Dock of Shame)

Chris: It's been a long day. Crashing helicopters, vampire tricks, and a colony of psychotic squirrels. What new drama awaits Total Drama? Will Noah live to eat his words? And what is with Ezekiel and Dawn? Tune in next time to find out on TOTAL, DRAMA, THE ISLAND REBORN!

(Credits play)

**Eliminated: Mike, Zoey, Mr. Coconut, Owen, Heather**

**Psycho Psychos: Blake, Dawn, Ezekiel, Noah**

**Team Izzy: Izzy**

**Crazy Crazies: Annette, Lightning, Staci**

**Wow, I was trying to make this story more realistic, but this chapter just went totally out of control! This was a bit of a 'chore chapter' to write, but I'm really proud of the finished result! Expect an update in about a week (or hopefully less). Remember to review and vote on the poll! Thanks for reading!**

**~TheImpossiblyAwesomeWriter**

**Next Time: When an unexpected visitor traps one of the competitors on Boney Island, the others rush to save her! But are they really trying to help her, or is Chris just trying to get his hands on some Boney Island treasure?**


	10. Episode 10: I'm Bad With Titles

**Episode 10: I'm Bad With Titles**

**Presenting the newest episode of TDTIR. This is a fun one, so please review! I want to hear who you want to get eliminated, who you want to win, what conflicts/pairings/friendships you want to see, and just any suggestions you have. Also, check out my profile page poll and vote on who you want to win! I've also managed to reach 1.5K views and 75K words, which for me is quite an accomplishment. Anyway, on with the story! **

(Camera show Chris standing on the Dock of Shame)

Chris: Last time, on Total Drama The Island Reborn, the contestants got up bright and early for a visit to the confessional. Some of them revealed some juicy secrets, like Noah's plan to use 'drastic measures' and Zeke and Dawn's weird feelings for each other. Others, like Staci, just blabbed on and wasted Total Drama's precious screen-time. After that, we started a fun race through the woods. The contestants didn't really enjoy it. Dawn tried to get Noah to untangle his emotions and failed. Noah tried to get Dawn to join his alliance and failed. Frederic made a return, and tried to turn me into a vampire, but I used my awesome karate skills to fight him off. Yeah. That's exactly what happened. And somehow I also got caught under a tree. Annette freed me, but only under the condition that I help her with all the challenges. Geez, that's gonna be annoying. Izzy taught Zeke to be aggressive, relatively speaking, which didn't exactly make a good impression on Dawn. Oh yeah, and Noah had Blake jump off a cliff. That was priceless! Soon, all the contestants started disappearing in mysterious ways…..Don't look at me! It really wasn't me this time! Anyway, they were revealed to have been kidnapped by a colony of squirrels that wanted to ship them to the moon since they have thumbs. Yeah, I know it's getting random here, stay with me. Izzy then had to make a choice between winning the challenge and saving her friends. Eventually she chose the latter and blew up all the squirrels, knocking Frederic off the cliff and turning him back into a teen at the same time. And the aforementioned Frederic, well, he'd just accidentally dropped Staci right over the finish line after his sinister vampire plan failed. So Staci actually won a challenge. Really, that's the most impossible thing that's happened so far. In my ever clever never beaver twists, it was all revealed to be a reward challenge! The Psychos then got a free party, with actual good food. Dawn then pledge to fix the retardedness of the nature on this island. What's she gonna do about it? What happened to Frederic? And the squirrels? What of Annette's illegal alliance with me? And who's gonna get the boot next? All these questions answered, I hope, on TOTAL, DRAMA, THE ISLAND REBORN!

(Theme song plays. It shows the camera sweeping past the dock, where Chris waves at it. Chef smiles at it, then gulps as it comes nearer to him, and smacks him in the face. After he disappears the camera zooms up the cliff, where it shows a squirrel punching Zeke in the face. As the camera "falls" off the cliff so does Zeke. Hitting the water, bubbles cover the screen. When they clear, Izzy is swimming away from a shark, only to turn around and bite the shark back. Above the water, Noah is sitting in a boat, reading his trademark book, when Zeke lands on him. Right after the moment of impact, the camera zooms to the forest, where Mike is petting a raccoon. The raccoon bites his finger, causing him to wince in pain, inhale deeply, then scream at the raccoon. The camera zooms to the waterfall, where Annette is singing on top of a log that goes over the waterfall. At the bottom, Dawn is sitting cross-legged on a beam of wood going across a small lake, looking very peaceful. Suddenly, Annette flies past her and her mouth falls open. The camera moves to the outhouse confessional, where a bear is knocking on the door. Blake sticks his head out, screams, and then ducks back in. Chef's kitchen is then seen, with a small television in the background upon which Courtney and Cody can be seen. Lightning is dumping protein powder into his mouth, and then fist-pumps, while Heather is tied to a chair, being force-fed Chef Hatchet's special soup by Chef himself. The camera moves outside to the campfire pit, where Owen is holding and rocking back and forth giggling. Staci is seen on the dock, blabbing on while reading from a gigantic stack of papers. The camera shifts a little, showing Chris on the other side of the dock, covering his ears and yelling. He runs around and falls into the water. When he surfaces, in classic cartoon style, his head steams over in anger, causing a fire. The camera follows the fire embers up, and then back down, revealing the campfire. Zoey is sitting in front of it, looking nervous, before her eyebrows scrunch up and she gives an evil grin, only to look around when she sees Zeke and Mike sitting on either side of her. The camera pans out to show all 13 contestants sitting on stools around the campfire, as Chris stands nearby and grins at the camera. A wooden sign is seen, where neon letters light up, saying TOTAL DRAMA THE ISLAND REBORN)

(Scene shows the girls' side of the Psycho's cabin. Dawn is the only occupant, sleeping peacefully. With a jolt, she sits up, startled)

Dawn: There's something very wrong. An evil presence has landed on the island!

(She jumps up and starts walking towards the door)

Dawn: I promised to help rid the island of all this evil chaos, and now is the perfect time to start. From whatever this creature's aura is, I can tell it must be by the beach, actually very near the Dock of Shame. For whatever reason the aura is extremely muddled, but I sense an underlying feeling of evil.

(She shudders and heads off to the beach. Upon reaching it, she sees a triangular metal body with four little wheels underneath. On the front of it are two lights, red and green. Out of a hole in the top sticks out a human head, covered in freckles and a mop of red hair)

Dawn: [shocked] Scott!

(The head seems lifeless for a second, then jerks up and turns to look at her, flashing a grin of yellow teeth)

Scott: Hi Dawn. Long time, no see.

Dawn: [still startled] What are you doing here? How can you talk? How did you get here? What do you want? And what is with your aura?

Scott: Geez, that's a lot of questions. Whelp, all I can do is answer them, huh? So, in order, I'm here to help you guys, my former fellow campermates, out. As for my voice, I got a mechanic to give me some robot vocal chords, so now I can talk, and also sing as good as a professional choir!

(He starts singing in a terrible screeching voice)

Scott: _Oh give me a home, where the buffalo roam, and the deer and the antelope play!_ See? Anyways, I floated here from Canada. You woulda never thunk it, but this metal suit is pretty darn buoyant. As for what I want, again, just ta help you guys out! What else could I ever want?

Dawn: Probably to cheat, lie and backstab for a million dollars. That's what you want, isn't it?

Scott: No, never! Never ever never ever! Never say never! Never! As for my aura, no clue. You tell me, you're everybody's favorite aura whisperer, am I right? Or am I right?

Dawn: Neither. And how do you plan on 'helping' us?

Scott: Don't tell anybody else, but I know of a little secret. Back before that accursed land shark chewed off all my limbs, I found a little hidden stone wall on Boney Island. Pressing against it, I found a secret passage leading inwards. At the end of an old hallway was treasure! Piles and piles of treasure! Gold coins, jewelry, priceless silverware, gems as large as refrigerators, and much more! Of course, I didn't bring any back, being as unselfish as I am.

(Dawn frowns)

_Static_

Dawn: Does Scott really think I'm dumb enough to believe him? The evil intent in his aura is clear, even if it is a bit muddled. I don't actually think he's here for the money, but one thing is clear. There is no treasure on Boney Island.

_Static_

Scott: Hah, the confessional! It's good to be back. Well, not really. Things are going exactly as planned. Dawn's sure to believe me! I can see it in her eyes! But why do I care? See, you're going to be really really surprised by this, but, guess what? [whispering] There is no treasure on Boney Island. Yep, I know how shocked you must be. See, last year I had to suffer more pain and humiliation than any TD contestant had ever before and most likely ever will. And then most of my fellow contestants had the nerve to laugh at me! To _laugh_ at me. That day, then and there, I decided I needed revenge. On the laughers! Those laughing laughers! From leaked clips and predictions about the new season, I'm pretty sure Lightning, Dawn, and Staci are the only TDROTI guys left here. Lightning was busy with the challenge and Staci was just blabbing on, on that fateful day almost exactly one year ago. But Dawn! Dawn laughed! And she will pay. So, my plan is pretty much to get her to go to Boney Island somehow, and hopefully she'll get eaten by some wooly beavers or something. It's perfect!

_Static _

(Back to the beach)

Dawn: So, what do you expect me to do about this treasure on Boney Island? Go over there and find it?

Scott: Uh, yeah, that's pretty much what I was hoping for.

Dawn: Just how stupid do you think I am?

Scott: Hopefully pretty stupid. Anyway, are you gonna go?

Dawn: No.

Scott: Erm, uh, well, I brought back some treasure! I can show it to you. Then you'll have to believe me.

Dawn: Scott, you would've brought all the treasure back if you ever did find it.

Scott: Well, you see, ya know, it didn't all fit in my pockets! Yeah, way too much for poor me to carry. C'mon, just humor me and take a look.

Dawn: Ugh. Fine.

(She follows Scott off the beach and into the boathouse)

Dawn: You hid it in here? Of all places?

Scott: Well, I always have liked boats.

(He rolls around, trying to shove junk out of the way, eventually revealing the Hurl of Shame from last season)

Scott: I hid it in the bucket of the catapult. With any luck, it'll still be there!

(Dawn leans over and sees nothing)

Dawn: Hey! It's completely empt- - -

(Before she can react, Scott slams into her, knocking her over into the catapult. He then crashes into the lever with his metal body, flinging the catapult up. Dawn is sent flying, crashing through the roof and landing somewhere far away)

Scott: Looks like she landed on Boney Island. Yes! Bullseye! Perfect! Man, that is a great way to settle scores. Whelp, I better start floating back to the mainland.

(He rolls off, whistling)

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

(Noah is sleeping peacefully in his bunk, when a loudspeaker is suddenly put right next to his ear. Chris is holding it, chuckling silently)

Chris: [loudspeaker] WAKE UP!

(Noah jerks up and falls out of bed)

Chris: Yeah! Chef owes me ten bucks!

Noah: Ow. Chris McClean, I would strangle you right now, if only I had the upper body strength to do so.

Chris: I'm not even affected by your threats anymore! If you help me wake up the others, I just might push you off the cliff!

Noah: Is that some sort of reward in your sick mind?

Chris: No, I was just hoping you'd be stupid enough to fall for it. And speaking of stupid….

(He looks at the bunk across the room, where Ezekiel is curled up and sucking his thumb)

Chris: [loudspeaker] CHOCOLATE MILK!

(Ezekiel jumps straight up, hits the ceiling, falls over, lands with a bump, and starts thrashing around as a sheet falls on top of him)

Ezekiel: Where?! Where?! Where?!

Chris: Just a joke, Freakzekiel, now move your butt outside! We've got evil announcements to make!

Ezekiel: We doo?

Chris: Yes we do!

Ezekiel: We doo?

(Chris kicks him out the window)

Ezekiel: Yahoohoihooeeeeeeeeeeey, eh!

(He crashes into the megaphone pole and falls down)

Blake: I think that was just the Goofy Holler. With an 'eh' added onto the end.

Chris: No time for observations, everybody wake up!

(As Blake and Noah head outside, Izzy bursts from her little cabin, and Annette, Staci, and Lightning walk out of their rooms, bleary-eyed)

Ezekiel: Where's Dawn, eh?

Chris: Oh yeah, about that. Dawn got tricked and is currently somewhere on Boney Island, in all likelihood getting eaten by vicious creatures. So, therefore, I've officially decided that she's no longer in the game and we can just get on with the challenge.

Annette: That's not right.

Staci: Yah, we need to help her!

Ezekiel: Eh, what she said! With a moose too!

Chris: No, you can't help her, 'cause we're going to be participating in a fun little thing I like to call a….challenge!

Noah: [to Chris] May you break your leg.

Chris: Thanks!

Blake: You know, sometimes in stage performances the phrase 'break a leg' is used in a positive manner, meaning that the actor or actress- - -

(Noah stuffs a sock in Blake's mouth)

Blake: Mmm ommm mmm mmmh, mm hmmm!

Noah: Put a sock in it, literally.

Lightning: Hey, sha-host dude! You can't just leave a little girl alone on Boney Island!

Chris: Actually, I can. It's all in the contract.

(He pulls out a wad of papers from his pocket)

Chris: Read it and weep!

Lightning: Uh, Lightning don't read.

Ezekiel: Neither does the Zeke, yo. Reading's bad for the stupiditus.

Annette: Stupiditus?

Ezekiel: Yoo doon't know aboot the stupiditus? A'yup, well, it's the organ in yoor nose that lets you be stooped. Withoot it, we'd all end up being loike Noah, eh.

Noah: Thanks.

Ezekiel: That's a bad thing.

Noah: Never mind.

Ezekiel: Foorgettin' aboot the stupiditus yo, we gotta rescue Dawn. We gotta!

Chris: Fine then. But whoever goes to rescue Dawn is out of the competition. Permanently. No coming back. So if you still want to help her, take a step forward.

(Most of the contestants actually take a step _backward_, leaving Zeke the only one still standing right in front of Chris)

Chris: Well, goodbye Zekey, eh! Guess you won't be getting a million dollars.

Lightning: Sha-wait, Lightning's gonna come too! He already won, and Lightning never leaves people to die.

Annette: Yeah, he's right! _We're going to rescue Dawn! A deer is sometimes called a fawn!_

(The two of them step forward to stand beside Zeke)

Chris: Okey-dokey, guess you three are out. Wow, we're down to the final four already! Maybe this season won't have twenty-six episodes after all.

Izzy: It's gonna have even less soon, 'cause I learned my lesson last episode. This competition is worthless compared to the value of friends!

(She takes a step forward)

Noah: Izzy? You actually have normal human emotions?

Izzy: Not really, but I wanted to try and turn Dawn into a raccoon, and I can't do that with her on Boney Island, right?

(Chris starts to worry and looks desperately at the last three who have not volunteered to recue Dawn, that is, Blake, Noah, and Staci)

Chris: You guys'll stay, right?

Staci: Wrong. My great-great-aunt's cousin's father's nephew seven times removed invented saving people, and I fully intend to live up to his name.

Ezekiel: Woohoo! Go Staci's crazy ancestor's eh!

Blake: I have to agree with them. It's really not right to just leave Dawn there, even if she and I have never exactly gotten along very well together.

(He takes a step forward, joining the rest. Noah is the last one left behind, and his face remains as emotionless as ever. After a long pause, he starts to take a step forward)

Chris: Noah! Wait! Please! If you'll stay for just this final challenge, I'll straight out give you the million bucks!

(This makes the genius pause. He steps back, a worried look on his face. A long awkward moment passes, and then he sighs)

Noah: You know what Chris? Izzy's right. A million bucks isn't worth someone else's safety. I can't believe I'm actually doing this, but forget it. Take your million. Go buy yourself a Ferrari. We're going to rescue Dawn.

(The other contestants cheer, and Noah allows himself a small smile. Izzy then grabs him in a bear hug, threatening to squeeze him to death)

Izzy: Izzy was right! Yay Noah! We're going to save Dawn and turn her into a raccoon!

Noah: [choking] You're….welcome….let….go….

Izzy: Sure thing!

(She throws Noah into the air and he crashes into the top of the Psychos' cabin, somersaulting down over the shingles and landing hard on the porch steps)

Izzy: See? I let go! Now Chris, where's your helicopter?

Chris: Currently? Exploded. And even if it wasn't, I wouldn't let you use it. Haha!

(He sticks his tongue out at them, and then starts wiggling his fingers in front of his nose rudely)

Chris: Ha ha! Hah! I'm mocking you! Ha ha! Hahahah!

(Lightning throws a stone and knocks the host out. Chris falls over, stars going around his head)

Lightning: Sha-bam!

Annette: Hey, aren't there motorboats in the boathouse?

Ezekiel: A'yup. Four, eh. We can split up and search for clues!

Noah: You mean search for _Dawn_, Fred.

Ezekiel: That's wot Oi said. Who's Fred? Hey! That rhymed, eh!

(Everyone groans)

Izzy: Anyway, Zeke did have a pretty good idea. Let's go!

(The seven dash off in the direction of the boathouse)

_Static_

Izzy: Yes! When a fellow camper needs help, you can count on Izzy to help them out!

_Static_

Noah: Do I regret giving up a million dollars? Yes. But I didn't really give it up. Chris is desperate for fame. As soon as we get Dawn back, he'll find a way to rope us back in. And then I'll be on track for the million, once again.

_Static_

Ezekiel: Wow, eh, I'm so glad everyone's helpin' out to find Dawn! It'd be terrible for me if she woos eaten alive by soomethin' evil! Er, probably it'd be terrible for her too. Maybe. Chockate milk, eh.

_Static_

(Scene shows a dark, gloomy, and extremely foggy forest, in which Dawn has landed. She slowly stands up and shivers from the cold)

Dawn: Hello? Is anyone here?

(The only response she gets is her own echo)

Dawn: I guess not. This must be Boney Island, then.

(The fog clears a bit and she sees a little cove with a skull-shaped rock at the end)

Dawn: Oh, that's unpleasant.

(She hears a snuffling noise behind her, and slowly backs away. A huge wooly behemoth rises from the trees and gives a throaty roar. She runs away as it gives chase)

Dawn: Scott! Curse you!

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

(Scene shows the boathouse, where Chef is going around dumping slop into eight different bowls. Suddenly, the contestants break through the door and crash into him)

Chef: What're y'all doing? Get back over here and eat the dang breakfast I worked so hard on cookin' for you.

Noah: Your definition of working hard is apparently a little different from ours.

Ezekiel: Yeah, eh! Workin' hard, or hardly workin'?

Chef: Why, you little, uh, little something! I'll get you yet! Accusin' me o' hardly workin'! The nerve!

(He tries to strangle Zeke, but Lightning's too quick for him. Before the old cook has any idea what's going on, the jock has shoved him over into the water)

Chef: You dummies! You'll pay for this!

(Nobody pays him any attention as they head towards the five motorboats tied up at the dock)

Lightning: Sha-bam! It's rescuin' time!

(He jumps into a motorboat and drives off. The other six look at each other, and at the three remaining boats)

Noah: Well, we better split up into groups of two.

Izzy: Ooh ooh, I call Singy Girl! She's funny!

(Before Annette can protest, she's dragged into a boat by Izzy. The latter turns the keys in the ignition and they roar off at two hundred miles per hour, leaving a trail of flame in their wake)

Staci: That was fast.

Ezekiel: Noo time to waste, eh! Let's get gooin'!

(He hops in a boat)

Ezekiel: Whoo's goin' with me?

Staci: Yah, I will.

Ezekiel: Yay! Then Oi can listen to yoor awesome ancestor stories!

(Zeke continues to cheer as Staci boards the motorboat, and the two speed off into the fog)

Blake: Well, Noah, guess we better share a boat.

Noah: [sarcastically] Geez, what good luck I've been having today.

(Scene switches to Lightning, who is gunning his small boat as fast as it will go)

Lightning: Sha-bam! It might not be no competition any longer, but Lightning's always first! Nobody's gonna end up rescuin' Creepy Girl before he does! Sha-bammity boom bam bang!

(Camera shows Zeke driving one of the boats, with Staci sitting behind him)

Ezekiel: Eh, I'm pretty wooried aboot Dawn, eh.

Staci: Yah, I think we all are.

Ezekiel: A'yup, but I think Oi am most.

Staci: Why?

Ezekiel: Er, no reason, eh. Prob'ly cause I like squirrels.

Staci: I thought you hated squirrels.

Ezekiel: Oh yeah that's right. Care to tell me one o' yoor true stories, eh?

Staci: Yah, sure. So, my great-great-great-uncle twice removed Reallysmellyfeet lived in a town where there were no vacuum cleaners. That wasn't very hard to do, as vacuum cleaners weren't invented that. But great-great-great-uncle twice removed Reallysmellyfeet noticed that vacuum cleaners were missing. So he invented them. And then everyone was so grateful, they made him the king of Greenland. But there still wasn't enough- - -

(The camera pans off as Staci continues to chatter while Zeke listens attentively)

(Scene switch. Blake and Noah are shown, with Blake driving)

Blake: I'm not really sure how to steer this thing.

Noah: It's easy. Just push the thingamajigger, press the whatsitcalled, and pull on the thingamabob until you get the desired result.

Blake: What about this big red button?

Noah: Don't push it.

Blake: Phew, I knew red was a warning color. I am not allowed to push big red buttons.

Noah: Are you making all this weird stuff up?

Blake: What stuff?

Noah: About not being allowed to do stuff.

Blake: No, my family's just really strict.

Noah: Really? Then how do they take the fact that you're often a sugar-crazed maniac.

Blake: Not so well. But Scottish Blake will be Scottish Blake, that's all I can say.

Noah: Yeah. Being a lunatic has to suck.

Blake: Well, Izzy's a lunatic. And she always seems pretty happy.

Noah: Ah, Izzy is a pretty awesome girl, despite being a lunatic.

Blake: Despite of or because of?

Noah: Probably both. Now don't get on my nerves or I'll shove you out of the boat.

Blake: But then who would drive?

Noah: I hate it when you make a point.

(Noah sits back and grumbles to himself. Suddenly, his eyes seem to pop out of their sockets)

Noah: BLAKE! PAY ATTENTION! WATCH OUT!

Blake: Huh?

(He turns around just in time to see a huge rock appear directly in the boat's path. They crash into it headfirst. As the boat explodes, Noah and Blake are flung into the air, screaming. Eventually they land on a grainy beach, Noah getting his head stuck in the sand)

Blake: Ow. I didn't know it was possible to be in so much pain that your pain has pain. And that pain of pain has amnesia.

(He sits up)

Blake: Where are we?

Noah: [pulling his head out of the sand] Looks to me like Boney Island.

Blake: How can you tell?

Noah: I can't, not really. I've never been here before, thanks to getting the boot early and then missing the cut for season four. But based on the giant rock that's shaped like a skull, I would guess that we're on Boney Island.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

(Camera goes to Annette and Izzy's boat. Izzy is still driving the boat like a maniac while Annette clutches on for dear life)

Izzy: Whee! This….is….awesome! C'mon Blondie! Start singin' in joy!

Annette: _I think I'll sing in terror! I have sent up a prayer! That I survive this ride! I have a cramp in my side! I hope I have not died!_

_Static_

Annette: Izzy isn't the best shipmate….

_Static_

Izzy: This….is….awesome! I'm sitting in an outhouse! Whee!

_Static_

Scott: Yep, I saw everyone rush to rescue Dawn. Unlike how they did NOT rush to rescue me from Fang last season. But I'm not too concerned. Dawn's sure to be eaten by now. Yes! My plans always work!

_Static_

Ezekiel: I feel loike this place was just used fer dramatic irony, eh.

_Static_

(Scene shows Lightning, who has landed on Boney Island)

Lightning: Hmm, I don't see Creepy Girl anywhere around here.

(He walks over to some bushes and pulls out a gigantic wooly beaver)

Lightning: Hey, Lightning found you Creepy Girl! You're comin' back with me now.

(He tries to drag the wooly beaver along behind him, but it swats him off, and then roars)

Lightning: Uh, what're you doin'?

(The beaver doesn't pause to answer, instead it just chases after Lightning)

Lightning: Lightnin' don't like this game! Help!

(Screen change. Shown is Annette and Izzy, who have landed and are walking through the creepy woods when they spy Dawn)

Izzy: Dawn!

Annette: Dawn! Over here!

Izzy: Hey!

(Dawn ignores them and runs right by)

Annette: What'd she do that for?

(They find out the answer soon enough as a huge grizzly with spikes on its back and horns sticking out of its mouth comes charging at them. Izzy dashes out of the way, but Annette isn't quick enough, She's head butted by the monster grizzly and goes flying)

Annette: [as she falls somewhere in the distance] _This really isn't funny! 'Cause of this fog it's not sunny!_

Izzy: Whoa.

(Scene switches to Noah and Blake, who are combing the beach for any sign of Dawn. Blake takes a moment to rest, sitting down on a rock)

Blake: Hey Noah, got anything to eat?

Noah: [groaning] There's a lunch box in my backpack. [gritting his teeth] Help yourself.

(Blake walks over to the backpack and rummages through it, eventually pulling out a Dora the Explorer lunch box)

Blake: Dora the E- - -

Noah: [threateningly] Don't ask.

Blake: Okay.

(He opens up the box, and, without thinking, chomps down a cupcake)

Blake: Uh, Noah, did that cupcake have sugared frosting?

Noah: Yeah. Why? Oh. Oh crap.

(Blake's eyelid twitches, then he jumps up)

Blake: HEY READY FOR SOME ADVENTURIN' IN THE HILLS O' SCOOTLAND?!

Noah: No thanks.

Blake: TOO BAD 'CAUSE IT'S ADVENTURIN' TIME!

(He grabs Noah and picks him up)

Noah: How are you so strong all of a sudden?! Hey! Put me down!

Blake: AN ADVENTURE'S AN ADVENTURE AS MY DEAR OLD GRANDPAPPY USED TO SAY ON HIS SCOOTISH BAGPIPE!

Noah: That doesn't even make sense!

(Before he can protest, Noah is flung into the water)

Blake: YOU'RE WELCOME FER THE SCOOTISH ADVENTURE!

(Scottish Blake disappears into the forest as Noah crawls out on shore)

Noah: [sarcastically] Great.

(Camera switches to Zeke and Staci. They've just reached shore and are jumping out of the boat)

Ezekiel: Land ahoy, eh! Off we go!

Staci: Oh, no thanks, I'll just stay here if you don't mind. This place gives me the willies.

Ezekiel: Noo problem, eh. Off I go!

(He walks off into the woods, and hasn't gone far when someone crashes into him, knocking him over)

Ezekiel: Get ooff, woooly beaver! Oi have a container of chockate milk and Oi'm not afraid to use it!

(He brings out a baby bottle from his backpack, but stops when he realizes the person who crashed into him is Dawn)

Dawn: Zeke? Zeke! I'm saved!

(She hugs him tightly)

Dawn: I thought for sure Chris would make you all leave me to die!

Ezekiel: He almost did, eh. A'yup. But we wooldn't let 'em.

Dawn: Thank you thank you thank you than- - -, wait why am I hugging you?

(She backs away awkwardly)

Dawn: Uh, where's the boat?

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

(Half an hour later, almost all the campers, including Dawn, have gathered around the boats. Of course there are only three boats left, as Noah and Blake's boat exploded. Speaking of Blake, he is the only teen still missing. The others yell out his name methodically, wanting to get off the island)

Ezekiel: Blake, eh!

Staci: Blake! Where are you?!

Noah: Blake! Stop being an idiot!

Lightning: Sha-Blake!

Blake: I'M RIGHT HERE LADS AND LASSIES!

(Scottish Blake jumps out from behind a tree)

Annette: Where've you been?! We've been waiting forever!

Blake: FORGET THAT! WATCH MY SCOOTISH SOMERSUALTS!

(He starts rolling end over end until he crashes into a stone wall. Next to him, a secret passage opens up. Down the end of a long hallway, treasure of all kind can be seen)

Dawn: Scott was telling the truth!

(Within seconds, all the contestants have dashed inside and are fighting over everything)

Noah: Gimme!

Annette: No! It's mine!

Lightning: Lightning wants it!

Ezekiel: Too bad, eh. Zeke's gonna take it all!

(Amid all the chaos, Chris and Chef drive up in another motorboat)

Chris: Attention campers!

(Everyone ignores him)

Chris: Hey! Over here!

(He's still ignored)

Chris: IT'S ALL FAKE!

(This gets everyone's attention)

Chris: Yep, there's not a piece of real gold in there. Finding that fake loot was supposed to be the challenge, and seeing as how you all did it, I guess you're back in the game.

Noah: That's not why. You're just desperate.

Chris: And so what if I am?

(Noah rolls his eyes)

Ezekiel: It's good to be back, eh.

(Everyone else nods)

_Static_

Chris: Phew, I was expecting a pretty big legal battle right there.

_Static_

Dawn: I sure am glad I got rescued. I honestly didn't think I was going to make it. And I guess I do have to be grateful towards Zeke. Just a little.

_Static_

Scott: You know what? I hate coincidences.

(He mutters darkly for awhile)

_Static_

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

(Noah and Zeke are outside their cabin. Noah is reading his book while sitting on the steps, and Zeke is fooling around with a tennis ball)

Ezekiel: Hey Noah, guess what!

Noah: What?

Ezekiel: You guessed it! No, but seriously, eh! After I saved Dawn, she hugged me!

Noah: [sarcastically] Whoopee! I sound my French horn in joy!

Ezekiel: That woos the first time Oi've ever been hugged by a girl, eh.

Noah: Hasn't your mom ever hugged you?

Ezekiel: Nope. Prob'ly has something to do with the body lice that covers every inch of me, eh.

(Noah pointedly slides a few feet farther away from Zeke)

Noah: Er, if I were you, I wouldn't tell Dawn about that.

Ezekiel: A'yup.

(He bounces the ball, and it hits him in the eye)

Ezekiel: OOOUWWCH!

(Scene switches to the Dock of Shame, where Chris is standing as the sun goes down)

Chris: Another day gone by. Another day gone by. Sorry, I couldn't think of a humorous second sentence, so I just repeated myself. Anyway, is Dawn actually starting to like Ezekiel? Will Izzy end up killing Annette and Scottish Blake end up killing Noah? And who will be eliminated next? Yeah, we desperately need an elimination here. We're totally overdue! So to find out, you better watch the next episode of TOTAL, DRAMA, THE ISLAND REBORN!

(Credits play)

**Eliminated: Mike, Zoey, Mr. Coconut, Owen, Heather**

**Psycho Psychos: Blake, Dawn, Ezekiel, Noah**

**Team Izzy: Izzy**

**Crazy Crazies: Annette, Lightning, Staci**

**And we've reached double-digit episodes! Please remember to review and vote, and if you like a more serious, action-filled, non-script style story, check out Total Drama Jurassic Park. See you soon!**

**~TheImpossiblyAwesomeWriter**

**Next Time: When Chef takes over hosting for a day, the campers will have to suffer through extreme challenges, brutal conditions, and extra times 1,000,000 soup. In the words of Chef himself: "It ain't gonna be pretty."**


	11. Episode 11: Squirrelfight

**Episode 11: Squirrelfight**

**Hi guys, ready for another episode? Just a note: I got a complaint that this story was in story style. But it's really in theatre style, which is different. Also, this episode, like many Total Drama episodes before and likely after, has both vomit and vomiting. If you're a viewer who's particularly squeamish, you might just want to skip the second part of the challenge. I've also reached 80,000 words and 1,800 views! (So close to two thousand!) Please read and review, and remember I don't own or claim to own Total Drama and its assorted characters, nor do I make any profit from this fan fiction. Also, this is both the longest episode to date and my favorite of all the eleven.**

(Camera shows Chris standing on the Dock of Shame)

Chris: Yeah. I hate recaps. See, the producers make me say constantly longer and longer ones. And then I run out of breath. When I run out of breath, I get nauseous. And then as soon as the recap's over, I feel the need to lean over the Dock of Shame and, er, regurgitate. It's disgusting! So, I won't be talking much today. Yep, I'm gonna give the shortest recap ever. Ever! Here goes nothin'. Last time on total Drama The Island Reborn, Dawn was dumb and got tricked. Everyone else was mean and abandoned my show! Yeah, they rescued her, unfortunately, and then they came back and begged me to rejoin Total Drama. Uh-huh. If you don't believe me, just watch the episode. Actually, how about skipping the last episode, 'kay? Thanks. Now, I finished the whole recap without running out of breath, and getting nauseous, and, you know. On second thought, gotta go.

(He falls over and vomits)

(Theme song plays. It shows the camera sweeping past the dock, where Chris waves at it. Chef smiles at it, then gulps as it comes nearer to him, and smacks him in the face. After he disappears the camera zooms up the cliff, where it shows a squirrel punching Zeke in the face. As the camera "falls" off the cliff so does Zeke. Hitting the water, bubbles cover the screen. When they clear, Izzy is swimming away from a shark, only to turn around and bite the shark back. Above the water, Noah is sitting in a boat, reading his trademark book, when Zeke lands on him. Right after the moment of impact, the camera zooms to the forest, where Mike is petting a raccoon. The raccoon bites his finger, causing him to wince in pain, inhale deeply, then scream at the raccoon. The camera zooms to the waterfall, where Annette is singing on top of a log that goes over the waterfall. At the bottom, Dawn is sitting cross-legged on a beam of wood going across a small lake, looking very peaceful. Suddenly, Annette flies past her and her mouth falls open. The camera moves to the outhouse confessional, where a bear is knocking on the door. Blake sticks his head out, screams, and then ducks back in. Chef's kitchen is then seen, with a small television in the background upon which Courtney and Cody can be seen. Lightning is dumping protein powder into his mouth, and then fist-pumps, while Heather is tied to a chair, being force-fed Chef Hatchet's special soup by Chef himself. The camera moves outside to the campfire pit, where Owen is holding and rocking back and forth giggling. Staci is seen on the dock, blabbing on while reading from a gigantic stack of papers. The camera shifts a little, showing Chris on the other side of the dock, covering his ears and yelling. He runs around and falls into the water. When he surfaces, in classic cartoon style, his head steams over in anger, causing a fire. The camera follows the fire embers up, and then back down, revealing the campfire. Zoey is sitting in front of it, looking nervous, before her eyebrows scrunch up and she gives an evil grin, only to look around when she sees Zeke and Mike sitting on either side of her. The camera pans out to show all 13 contestants sitting on stools around the campfire, as Chris stands nearby and grins at the camera. A wooden sign is seen, where neon letters light up, saying TOTAL DRAMA THE ISLAND REBORN)

(Scene shows the contestants lining up in front of the boathouse, where they eat meals ever since Commando Zoey blew up the dining hall. They're waiting for Chef to unlock the door and let them in for breakfast)

Blake: Where is Chef? We've been waiting here an hour.

Staci: Yah, well, he should open the door soon.

Noah: Don't get your hopes up. He's probably sitting in front of the old cable, watching My Little Pony.

Ezekiel: Ooh, I love that show. Eh Chef, lemme in!

(He knocks on the door, but nothing happens)

Dawn: I don't think that will work. Chef's aura hasn't been very friendly lately.

Lightning: Sha-yeah! What's an aura?

Annette: It's a type of bug.

Lightning: Sha-ew! Lightning's gonna squish that buggie!

Izzy: Cheffy may think he can keep us out, but he's about to be proved wrong. Izzy's hungry!

(She throws her shoulder at the door in an attempt to break it down, but Chef opens the door at the same exact moment and Izzy crashes into him. The two roll into the water. A minute later Izzy jumps out the window and an angry Chef comes out the door)

Chef: No breakfast for y'all today, maggots. Chris took a trip to the US of A. He's sittin' on a couch while some weirdo psychiatrist takes notes.

Annette: Why's he need psychiatric help?

Chef: Apparently y'all goofballs made him give too long a recap, and you know what happens when he gives too long a recap? Well, I'll tell you this, it ain't pretty.

Noah: Chris _does_ need psychiatric help, but that's not the reason why.

Staci: Is today a free day, then?

Chef: Hah, the only free days on Total Drama are when we take free days. But no, chattersmatter who I forgot the name of, today is gonna be full of challenges. Specifically: Chef Challenges.

Blake: I don't like the sound of that.

Chef: You won't like ta feel of it either, 'cause it feels like pain!

Noah: Perfect.

Chef: Shut up egghead! Now all of ya, move your scrawny legs and follow me!

(He walks off, and the contestants reluctantly follow him)

_Static_

Lightning: There's gonna be pain? Yah! Sha-lightning!

_Static_

Noah: This can't end well.

_Static_

Staci: I've got a problem here. You see, I'm not exactly the best at challenges, and I don't even want to know what would happen to me in a Chef Challenge. By the way, my great-grandfather Snot invented challenges. Before him, people had only easy things to do.

_Static_

Annette: Yes! A challenge! This'll only be the second one I get to try with my illegal alliance with Chris. I'm sure to win!

_Static_

(A random clearing in the forest is shown. In the field is a large elevated platform, a wooden table with plates set on it, a tank of crocodiles, a brook, and three different colored biplanes, among other things)

Chef: Alright, teenage wimps, this is the site of the Chef challenges. Why are they called the Chef Challenges? 'Cause they're like me. TOUGH.

Noah: Tough like My Little Pony?

Chef: [threateningly] What'd you say?

Noah: Uh, nothing.

Chef: And you will continue to say nothin', 'cause when people say somethin', or everything, or even anything, I start gettin' annoyed. And you don't want me gettin' annoyed.

Blake: Yes sir. I mean, nothing.

Chef: That's better. Now, there are five challenges to the Chef Challenges. The winner or winning team of each challenge earns their team a point. The team with the least points goes ta elimination at the end o' the day. Seem simple enough?

(Everyone nods)

Chef: Well it's not! See, the problem with three teams is you guys get the wimpy-dimpy attitude that second place is good enough. So I'm gonna give you guys a little incentives. Third place goes to elimination. First place? Everybody on the team gets an all-you-can-eat buffet. With food that is almost as awesome as mine.

Annette: Oh, I just realized why there're always food prizes! 'Cause Chef's food is so bad normally! And….

(She trails off as Chef glares at her)

Chef: Now, second place is almost gonna get the worst deal. Whoever wimps out and gets second will have to clear out the remains of first place's buffet, without eating any, mind you, then scrub the boat house squeaky clean and recite poetry from my favorite poet to me.

Blake: Who's your favorite poet?

Chef: Dr. Seuss. Don't judge me or I'll throw you out a window.

(Somebody's phone starts ringing)

Chef: Oh, that'd be mine. [putting the phone up to his ear] Hello? ... Chris ….. Hi ….. Yeah …. How goes the psychiatrist? ... Good, good …. What'cha say? ... Illegal alliance? ... With who? ... Alright …. Perfect …. Got it …. Uh huh …. Yep …. Will do. Bye.

(He hangs up and notices everyone staring)

Chef: What?

Noah: 'Illegal alliance'?

Chef: My business is my business. Now follow me, you lazy dunderheads!

(Again, he walks off, with all eight of them hesitantly following behind)

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

(Scene is somewhere in the forest. Towering far far above Chef and the contestants is a gigantic pine tree, more than twice as tall as any of the surrounding giants)

Chef: Time for the first part of the Chef Challenges. You see that tree?

Ezekiel: It's so big, I can't see anything but it, eh.

Chef: Exactly. Now, the challenge is to climb it.

Lightning: How far up?

Chef: To the top. No highest stable branch crap here. You better be standing on your ballerina feet at the tippity-top o' the tree when I say go. Like the summit of a freakin' mountain! Now- - -

Noah: Wait a second. This tree is at least 700 feet tall, and there are no branches for the first forty feet. The branches that there are are all brittle and there are huge gaps between them. Also, they start getting too thin to climb on at least one hundred feet away from the top, not to mention the pine needles on this type of tree are extremely sharp.

Chef: Suck it up, soldier! This ain't no contest for wimps! Now climb, dummies, climb!

(Noah crosses his arms and refuses to move, but most of the other contestants at least give it a try. Lightning is the only one who's able to wrap his arms and legs around the tree and start shuffling up. Izzy takes out a tube of super glue, squirts it all over her shoes, then walks up the tree trunk vertically as if using suction cups)

Chef: Oh, forget to mention, Annette gets this trampoline.

(He pulls out a trampoline from behind his back and throws it onto the ground. Annette tentatively steps on, and it immediately shoots her far enough in the air for her to grab the first branch)

Noah: How come she gets a trampoline?

Chef: Uh, no reason.

Noah: It's because of that 'illegal alliance', isn't it?

Chef: Note to self: never talk on the phone in front of a genius. Now get climbin'!

_Static_

Noah: How come I never get an illegal alliance? I would be great in one!

_Static_

(Back to the tree. Annette is a few branches farther up, while Lightning and Izzy are more than half-way to the peak, each climbing furiously. On the ground, Blake is still trying to get to the first branch, but most of the others have given up)

Ezekiel: Hang on, I got an idea, eh.

(He runs over to the tree)

Ezekiel: Soomebody kick me in the behind!

Noah: I'll pass.

Staci: I'll second that.

Blake: Hear hear.

Ezekiel: Whelp, I'll just doo it myself then, eh.

(He swings his leg backwards in a way it should not bend and kicks himself in the rear end, illogically propelling him into the sky, where he shoots far above the top of the tree. He then zig-zags back and forth in midair, teleports back and forth between two points, then falls back down and crashes, leaving a Zeke-shaped hole in the ground)

Chef: And you fail.

Noah: I believe he just broke all three of Newton's laws.

Ezekiel: [climbing out of the hole] I also joost broke my neck.

(He collapses)

Staci: [concerned] Are you going to take him to the infirmary?

Chef: Hmm, let me think about it. NO!

(Near the top of the tree, Lightning continues to climb, although the branches have grown treacherously small. He hasn't seen Izzy for awhile, and just when he thinks she's given up, she jumps on top of him)

Izzy: KAPOW! Bet'cha didn't see that one coming! I hope you like to fall.

(Before Lightning has any time to react, she grabs a saw out of midair and saws through all four of the branches he's clinging too)

Lightning: Sha-aw phooey.

(He falls down the couple hundred feet, making a Lightning-shaped hole on top of the Zeke-shaped hole)

Izzy: And now, I am going to win!

(She climbs up the tree and shimmies up the very last thin part, only to find Dawn sitting cross-legged on the top, with her eyes closed, meditating)

Izzy: What the….

(She trails off, and Dawn opens her eyes and notices her)

Dawn: Oh, are you trying to get up here? Sorry. I'll move.

(She stands up and levitates slowly back to the ground. Izzy canes her neck to look and loses her balance, falling down and creating yet another hole, this one Izzy-shaped)

Chef: And Dawn wins. That's one point for the Psycho Psychos. Moving on! Our second Chef Challenge is gonna be pretty fun….for me, that is. Now jog back to that clearing 'fore I go psycho and attack y'all with a chainsaw.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

(Scene is back to the clearing, where the contestants are seated around the wooden table. Chef is in front of them, barking instructions)

Chef: Listen up, 'cause I'm only gonna say this a whole bunch of times!

Noah: Once will do.

Chef: Fine then, we'll see if your tiny brains can handle just one single time.

Staci: Yah, tiny brains? You should see who's talking.

Chef: Shut up teenager!

Noah: Is 'teenager' the best insult you can think of?

Chef: If you guys only knew what teenagers looked like to the rest of us normal human beans- - -

Noah: Human _beings_.

(Chef growls at him)

Chef: Anyway, you'd realize it's a pretty bad insult, you lazy bunch of teenagers!

Izzy: Actually, I'm twenty!

Annette: You're twenty?

Noah: She is, and so am I. We all got roped into this when we were 16, though, same age as you are now. It's been four long years of torture. Take my advice and drop out early.

Ezekiel: I wonder how old I am, eh. Let's see, I woos Gollum for a while, and he's aboot 550, a'yup, so that'd make me….three.

Noah: Zeke, the only thing three-years-old about you is your mentatility.

Ezekiel: Thanks, eh!

Chef: Shut it! We gotta get the Chef Challenges in. This is only a half hour program slash thirty-four page fan fiction story.

Annette: What's fan fiction?

Chef: Never you mind, ya annoying teenager. This Chef Challenge is gonna be fun. Y'all remember the classic coupla challenges back in the golden days of TD where y'all ate something disgusting and tried not to barf. Well, this is like that.

Blake: Um, I'm not allowed to eat food that could potentially by unsanitary, so can I, just, skip this one?

Chef: Yeah you can, but ya may not. Ha ha, y'all woulda never guessed that your old Chef was a grammar fanatic, huh?

Dawn: Then why do you always use double negatives?

Chef: 'Cause it sounds better. Now let me do the talkin', your voices are too whiny for TV. So, before we get this challenge on the road, here's a little warm-up round.

(He takes out a water gun filled with his extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra- extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-etc. soup, and starts spraying it at the contestants' mouths, leaving all of them gagging and longing for a glass of water)

Chef: Now that that's over with, the real thing can begin. There'll be three rounds; an appetizer, the main course, and then dessert. To pass the first two rounds, ya gotta clean your plate o' every last drop. Not only can y'all not vomit, ya also can't gag, retch, belch, just plain look disgusted, or go ten seconds without taking a bite. In the third round, whoever finishes first keepin' all the above rules wins. Now for Round One. Presenting your appetizer, La Vomit on a Plate.

(Several interns, Frederic among them, walk up and lay out seven plates covered in disgusting vomit. The last plate, Annette's, has instead just a serving of ravioli)

Blake: We're supposed to eat this? Where'd you even get it?

Chef: In the past four seasons, whenever a camper decided it was time to chuck up their lunch, if ya know what I mean, we were saving it off-camera. And now it's sittin' on yer plates. You could call it the Total Drama Barf Collection, if you will. Now dig in!

(Blake vomits immediately, and most of the others refuse to eat. Izzy obviously thoroughly enjoys it, while Annette has no problem eating her ravioli. Ezekiel tries a couple bites and then faints, while Dawn, Noah, and Staci refuse to touch it)

Staci: Hey Lighting, there might be protein in this.

Lightning: Really? Sha-bam!

(He lifts up his plate and dumps it all into his mouth, promptly swallowing. Meanwhile, Ezekiel has come to and is forcing himself to finish his plate. He barely gets it all in before Chef calls out)

Chef: Time's up! Looks like the retarded kid with the blue hat, my psycho arch-nemesis, the girl with the world's worst singing voice, and sports jockey will be movin' on. Time for Round Two. Y'all be eatin' dinosaur meat.

(Interns again bring in plates, this time only four. On three of the plates are a thick slice of dark red, tough-looking meat, covered with green scales on the top. Annette, however, has a T-Bone steak)

Staci: Dinosaur meat? Did you take that from great-great-great-uncle Stupid von Merkel?

Chef: No, he's all bones, stupid. Remember? One o' our interns got this off some island near Costa Rica a while ago. Isla Nubar or somethin'. But don't you worry about that. Just eat it!

_Static_

Ezekiel: Bein' the Total Drama guy who always points oout when there's a reference or soomethin', I'd just like to say that even I got that one. Actually, I didn't. Can you explain it to me, eh?

_Static_

Izzy: I wonder what dinosaur it came from. Stupidasaurus, maybe?

_Static_

Dawn: [sincerely] Oh, I feel so sorry for poor them! The dinosaurs, that is.

_Static_

(Back to the challenge. Blake, Noah, Staci, and Dawn watch as the three with the real dinosaur meat try to cut it. But it's far too tough for them, and the metal knifes all shatter against the scales. Annette finishes her T-Bone before any of them have even made a dent)

Ezekiel: This is impossible, eh!

Izzy: Not for Izzy it isn't!

(Giving up trying to cut it, she picks up the whole huge slab and drops it into her mouth. Her neck expands as she swallows it, and Zeke and Lightning both throw up)

Chef: That ends that! Now for the final round. Metal pudding! With an extra special bit of rusty metal on top.

(Izzy is served a bowl of bolts, screws, washers, robot parts, pieces of an old crane, and tons of other metal junk. On the top, where whipped cream would be on a normal pudding, is a small pile of rusty nails. Annette has a normal dish again, this time simply chocolate pudding. As soon as Chef gives the word, she quickly finishes it, far ahead of Izzy, who could only fit so much metal in her mouth at once)

Chef: And now we've got the Psychos and Crazies tied with one point each, Team Izzy still love.

Dawn: Love who?

Ezekiel: Love you!

Dawn: Excuse me?

Ezekiel: Nothin'.

Chef: Nothing is right. Love is a tennis term, maggots. It means no points. Nothin'.

Blake: Question. If we're only allowed to say nothing, and love means nothing, can we say love too?

Chef: No, but what you _can_ say is, shut your face!

Blake: Okay. Shut your face.

Chef: No, I _mean_, shut _your _face, teenager!

Blake: Alright, sir!

(He tries to salute Chef but ends up hitting the cook in the head with his hand)

Chef: OW! You dummies are really getting on my nerves today. So, it's time for the next Chef Challenge, which will also be my perfect revenge, as I can tell ya this: it ain't gonna be pretty. See that little brook goin' across this field? Everybody go stand in it.

(After a bit of hesitation, everyone wades into the brook, getting their shoes soaked)

Chef: Okay, now it's time for the third Chef Challenge: Crocodile Wrestling! Interns, let those alligators out o' that cage!

Frederic: Like Cheffie, there's no gator homies in this rad, like, tank.

Random Intern: I think he means to let out the crocs.

Frederic: Like, like, I knew that homie, I was like, just, like, testing you, yo.

(The intern rolls his eyes and opens the cage door. The water flows out and seven crocodiles swim out, each swimming to a contestant. Frederic takes out a toy stuffed croc and throws it at Annette)

_Static_

Noah: At this point, it's pretty obvious who Chris has an illegal alliance with. He might've wanted to keep it secret, but as that jerk Heather said awhile ago, 'Chef's a super-secret idiot'.

_Static_

Annette: I know, I know, it seems dumb to go trying to cheat, sort of, at this game when I'm not even in it to win it. But I thought of something that day, long long ago, two episodes ago. If I have a million bucks myself, I could start my own music studio! I wouldn't need to get hired or chosen or whatever. So now, I'm gonna win. _I will win! I fell in a trash bin! _

_Static_

(Back to the croc wrestling)

Chef: Now, winnin' this is pretty dang simple. Just pin down your gator for two seconds and don't get your throat slit. Y'all can begin.

(Annette should have easily won, but she slips and the toy gator falls on top of her. Dawn quickly starts chatting with her croc and then invites it over to have tea sometime. Blake and Noah both run away from their 'odiles as the hungry crocs pursue them. Zeke's reptile is acting like the Hulk, and swinging him back and forth over his head, smacking him into the ground. The only people having any success whatsoever at the challenge are Izzy and Lightning. Izzy is consistently dodging the croc, who is quickly tiring out, while Lightning is trying to force his croc to fall over and get pinned)

Lightning: Sha-bam!

(Lightning finally gets his croc pinned, but before the two seconds is up, the clever reptile smacks him in the back of the head with its tail, knocking him out. The croc then picks up Lightning in his jaws and throws him away. One crocodile wrestling match to the left, Izzy is slowly being overpowered. As the croc forces her to the ground, Zeke's 'odile accidentally lets go of him and he flies through the air, knocking over Izzy's crocodile and giving her the opportunity to pin it)

Izzy: Yes!

Chef: And that's a victory for Team Izzy. Now, all the teams of stupid teen teams have one point.

_Static_

Izzy: Yeah! Go Izzy!

_Static_

Dawn: I fear Izzy may be taking the path of Commando Zoey as she resorts to more and more violent techniques to win the challenges. Either that, or she's just crazy. Now if you'll pardon me for a second, I have to go meet that friendly crocodile for tea.

_Static_

(It's several hours later, and the contestants are just loitering around the clearing after lunch at the boathouse. Chef was due to start the next challenge two hours ago, but he's apparently not a very punctual person)

Noah: Where is Chef? Again?!

Ezekiel: I doon't think he can tell time, eh.

Noah: Well, neither can you.

Ezekiel: True, eh, true.

Blake: I think he's taking so long on purpose.

Noah: Chef doesn't do anything on purpose. If he actually does something right, it's just a lucky accident.

(At that moment, Chef stomps in out of the woods)

Chef: Were you maggots talkin' about me behind my back again?

Noah: No.

Blake: Definitely not.

Ezekiel: A'yup, eh!

Chef: Very funny. But I'll deal with you later. Right now, we have to start the fourth Chef Challenge!

Noah: What is it now? Drinking a sewer?

Chef: No, but I'll keep that suggestion in mind for later. The fourth Chef Challenge is the epicest sword-fighting battle of all time!

Annette: We already did sword-fighting. In the very first episode, remember?

Chef: Oh, right. Well, this time's better! This is how it's gonna work. You see that podium over there? Two of ya are gonna stand there and sword-fight until one of ya falls off. The person who stays on wins and goes to the next round. In the final match, the winner gets a point for their team. Now, we'll be startin' with Annette versus Blake. Oh yeah, and whoever faces Annette has to use a plastic sword.

Noah: [semi-sarcastically] If I may ask, oh noble and wise Chef, me asks why the lady doth only face an opponent with a Sword de Plastica?

Chef: 'Cause I said so. Now begin!

(He tosses a plastic sword to Blake, and a real knight's sword to Annette, which she barely manages to catch without chopping herself in two. The two scramble up onto the platform and face each other)

Annette: So, how about them Yankees?

Blake: I'm not allowed to watch professional baseball.

Annette: Alright then.

(She takes a swing at Blake, and he jumps back in fear, falling straight off the platform, and landing with a thump)

Chef: That was quick. Annette will be movin' on to Round Two. Now, it's time for Dawn versus Izzy.

(Dawn takes her sword with what seems to almost be regret, while Izzy can't wait to get started and nearly decapitates Chef with her wild swinging. As the two jump onto the platform, Izzy takes a running start and swings at empty air where Dawn had been. She looks all around and doesn't see her. Dawn has somehow teleported and is standing lightly on top of her head. After a while, she leans down in front of Izzy's face)

Dawn: Boo.

Izzy: AAAAH!

(Izzy is so startled that she jumps straight off the platform, landing on her head)

Dawn: Oh no, I apologize for that! I hope you're not injured.

Izzy: The only thing wounded is my perfect winning streak.

(She walks off, pouting, as Chef announces the next match)

Chef: Now, Ezekiel versus Lightning. Go, maggots, go!

(The two climb up onto the platform, and Ezekiel starts sweating in fear)

Ezekiel: I woonder how many times I'll get sliced in half, eh.

Noah: Only once. The second time you'll get chopped in thirds.

Ezekiel: Thanks for the pep talk coach.

Noah: Was that actual sarcasm?

Ezekiel: What's sarcasm, eh?

(As he's distracted, Lightning smacks with the hilt of the sword, knocking him over. He gets back up and the two parry strikes, each receiving several scratches)

Dawn: Chef, this is dangerous. Someone could get seriously hurt!

Chef: I know. Awesome, ain't it?

(Up on the platform, Lightning's latest sword stroke scrapes across Zeke's hand, giving him a nasty gash. As he drops his sword in pain, Lightning smacks him across the head with the flat end of the sword, knocking him off the platform)

Chef: Lightning wins! Freakzekiel failed.

_Static_

Ezekiel: I never fail, eh. It just looked that way.

_Static_

(Back to the clearing)

Chef: The final match of Round One is Noah versus Staci. Now fight!

(The two step up to the platform, but are reluctant to swing their swords)

Chef: Do something, teenagers!

Staci: Yah, okay.

(She swings her sword and Noah backs away. He then lazily swings it, but she counters and knocks the sword out of his hand)

Noah: Yeah, I'm not really in the mood right now.

(He jumps off the platform and picks up his trademark book)

Chef: See what I mean? You teenagers are the laziest bunch o' people I've ever set eyes upon.

Noah: I won't disagree.

Chef: Shut up! Now for Round two: Annette versus Lightning.

Annette: But we're on the same team!

Chef: You think I care? Now go!

(The two face each other, but before Annette can even move, Lightning starts smacking her repeatedly over the head with his plastic sword. She raises her sword and backs away to stop the blows, but she doesn't pay attention to where she's going and falls off)

Chef: Whelp, there's a loser. Now for Dawn versus Staci!

Staci: Uh, I'll forfeit. I don't want to mess with Dawn's supernatural powers. You see, my great-great-great-aunt Robindhood invented supernatural powers. Before her- - -

Chef: I would greatly appreciate it if you would shut your pie hole.

Noah: Thank you.

Chef: I didn't do it for you. I did it for the ponies of the world. Now for the final epic sword battle: Dawn versus Lightning.

Ezekiel: Wait, eh. Is she facing the person Lightning, the yellow thingies when it storms, or that scar on Harry Pooter's forehead, eh?

Chef: Who in the name of jelly beans is Harry Potter?! Don't answer that. Begin already!

(Dawn stands on one end of the platform, looking small and very nervous. Lightning is on the other, hungering for victory. He charges like a bull straight at Dawn. The small girl doesn't move for several long seconds, then seemingly magically moves out of his way and he runs off the edge of the platform, crashing into the brook and getting swallowed by a crocodile)

Chef: And that's that. The Psychos got two points, and team Izzy and the Crazy Crazies both have one each.

_Static_

Dawn: I must have incredible luck. I won both sword-fighting competitions without striking a single blow!

_Static_

(A crocodile is in the confessional, with Lightning screaming and punching inside of it. The croc licks its lips and grins at the camera)

_Static_

(Back to the field. Chef is standing there with the campers. Lightning has apparently been rescued from the croc's stomach)

Chef: Now, before we go on to the final Chef Challenge, it's time to reveal the twist. The final challenge will be worth ten points.

Blake: That's unfair! Then what was the point of the first four challenges?

Chef: To make you squirm. And to see who gets second and who gets third. Anyways, our final challenge is a dogfight.

Ezekiel: No, eh! We can't let 'em fight! I love doggies!

Chef: Not that type of dogfight, dummy. Like with planes.

Ezekiel: Plain? Like vanilla?

Noah: He means an airplane battle, genius.

Ezekiel: Oh.

Chef: That's right. You see those biplanes? The red one is for the Psychos, the green one for the Crazies, and the purple one for Team Izzy. In a normal dogfight, y'all would shoot each other out of the air, but these planes don't got any guns. So you'll have ta win by crashing into each other. But ya gotta be careful how ya do it, 'cause the last plane in the air wins.

Noah: When did this become legal?

Chef: When did your face become legal?

Noah: What's wrong with my face?

Chef: Um, um, well, it's ugly.

Noah: Great comeback.

Chef: Shut up egghead. Now everybody get in those planes!

(Rather reluctantly, everyone boards their team's plane and takes a seat. Izzy immediately takes off and starts flying loop-de-loops)

(Camera shows the inside of the Psychos' plane)

Blake: Uh, does anyone here have a pilot's license?

(Everyone shakes their heads)

Ezekiel: I did fly the Total Drama Jumbo Jet a few times as Gollum when no one was lookin', eh.

Noah: In that case, you can fly for us.

Ezekiel: Yes m'am. I won't let you doown.

(Scene switches to the Crazies' plane)

Staci: Yah, can anyone here fly a plane?

Lightning: Sha-bam! Lightning can! Lightning got his pilot's license just from bein' so awesome!

Annette: Well, that settles that.

(The other two frown at her)

Annette: What? What'd I do?

Lightning: You're a sha-cheater!

Staci: Yah, just like Heather.

Annette: Well, excuse me for wanting to win.

Lightning: Lightning already _did _sha-win once. And he didn't cheat!

Staci: Yah, and I certainly would've still played fair if I had made it farther last time.

Annette: Geez, sorry. Can we get on with the challenge?

(The other two glare at her, but Lightning moves over to the controls and gets the plane ready to take off. In front of them, the Psychos are now in the air. Zeke is doing a decent job of flying, until Izzy starts closing in. She comes from the front and crashes head-long into the other plane, dropping them both out of the sky. Thankfully, both aircrafts manage to regain altitude and stay in the air, although one of Izzy's jet engines has broken)

Noah: Wait a second. Since when do biplanes have jet engines?

Blake: Well, really, since when don't they?

Noah: Since they were created, when jet engines didn't exist.

Dawn: You two shouldn't argue. It will only tear our team apart.

Blake: She's right. Let's truce. Shake on it?

(He holds out his hand)

Noah: Fine.

(He shakes Blake's hand with the tip of two fingers as if it's something revolting)

Ezekiel: Watch out, eh. Incoming at seven o'clock!

(He veers the plane hard to the right as Izzy comes from behind narrowly avoiding a collision. Izzy immediately turns her biplane around and heads straight for them. She crashes into the side, but her plane is damaged a lot worse. The propeller breaks off and one wing is rendered useless. As Zeke struggles to keep the Psychos' plane in the air, she goes crashing down, landing somewhere out of sight in the jungle far below. As she falls, an almost comedic scream is heard)

Izzy: NOOOOOOOOOOO!

Ezekiel: That was purfect, eh.

Dawn: We're not done yet. Here come the Crazies!

(Zeke slowly turns the plane around as the Crazies fly over them. He does a loop-de-loop and lands upside-down on their plane. The two planes fly on like this for several seconds and both have their tops extensively damaged, with the Crazies' plane's roof being broken completely through. Eventually Lightning rolls the plane out from under the Psychos, and zooms off. After distancing themselves from the other plane, he does a U-Turn in midair and comes back at them. The front of the Psychos' biplane crashes into the two wings on the left of the Crazies', breaking them straight off. Lightning tries to save the plane, but it's too late and they go down, crashing into the ground with a huge explosion. The Psycho's plane is hugely damaged. Most of the roof is missing, one engine is busted, there are many scratches to the wing on the left side, and the windshield is cracked. But, unbelievably, it's still flying. Back on the ground, Chef announces the results using a walkie-talkie that connects to all the plane's intercoms)

Chef: And it looks like the Psychos have won the Chef Challenges, with a total of twelve points. They'll be enjoying the fabulous buffet as a reward tonigh- - -wait, what is that?

(He gasps in shock as Izzy's plane, still mostly together, flies back above the tree canopy. Izzy is at the controls, of course, cackling manically. She draws level with the Psychos' plane and speaks through the intercom)

Izzy: Guess what guys? I never really crashed; I bounced along on the tree branches until I was able to fly back up. And Zekey? Ya know who I found there? This!

(She holds in her hand none other than the evil king squirrel himself. He presses his face against the windshield and makes rude faces at Zeke, which he can see even from a few hundred feet away. Izzy then stands up, ignoring the still-flying plane, opens the side door, and throws the squirrel out of it. He is blasted by the wind and lands on the side of the Psychos' aircraft, clinging on with his tiny claws)

Blake: Alright, so we have to deal with Izzy one more time. We've got nothing to worry about, unless they figure out how to open doors.

(The squirrel slides the door open and steps in)

Ezekiel: Oi feel like that's parodying something, eh.

(As soon as he finishes his sentence, the squirrel punches him in the face and throws him out of the door, leaving him to fall the few thousand feet to the ground. It then advances on the other contestants, throwing Blake, then Dawn, the Noah out after Zeke. Finally, the psychotic beast scratches at the control panel and rips up all the wires, which causes the plane to go haywire. After a few seconds, the engines come to a standstill and the plane falls. As it plummets down, the squirrel jumps out and opens up wing-like skin flaps, revealing itself to be a flying squirrel. It then glides away and disappears from sight. Izzy meanwhile lowers her plane and comes to a chaotic landing on the clearing, jumping out just before the plane explodes)

Chef: And it looks like we have a change in the point count. Team Izzy gets the buffet with eleven points, the Psychos are gonna be doing all those fun chores with their two points, and with a measly single point, the Crazies are going to elimination. Now move your lazy crazy butts, teenagers!

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

(Izzy is shown in boathouse, chowing down on a magnificent feast. As she swallows a plate of ribs whole, bones and all, she pauses a moment)

Izzy: Man, Owen would love this. I wish he was here!

(She goes back to eating, taking the apple out of a pig's mouth and tossing it down her throat. In the boathouse behind her are the four Psychos, scrubbing the boathouse floor. This is harder than it would normally be, as they're all covered in bandages and gauze, and Zeke has both arms in a cast)

Noah: Well, today wasn't exactly the best day ever.

Dawn: I'll agree with that.

Ezekiel: I really don't like squirrels, eh.

(Scene switches to the Crazies' cabin, where Staci is reading a comic book and Lightning is dumping box after box of protein powder down his mouth. Behind them, Annette walks in)

Annette: So guys, who're you thinkin' of voting off tonight?

Staci: You.

(Annette walks up to Staci and whisper to her so Lightning can't hear)

Annette: C'mon Staci, let's get rid of Lightning, right? Right?

Staci: Yah, no. My great-great-grandmother invented voting. And when she did, she voted for you.

Annette: Please, cut me some slack.

Staci: No chance.

(Annette sighs miserably)

_Static_

Annette: This whole illegal alliance thing isn't going as well as I thought it would.

_Static_

Dawn: I sense tonight's elimination will be full of surprises.

_Static_

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

(It's dark already, and the three Psychos are sitting around the campfire pit as Chef holds a platter with two marshmallows on it)

Chef: Now, Chris normally bothers with some long dumb speech at the beginning o' one o' these, but I don't believe in such sentimentality. So, first and also next-to-last marshmallow goes to…

…

…

…

…

…

…Staci.

(The chubby girl grabbs her marshmallow in delight, although she isn't exactly super surprised to be getting it)

Chef: Alright then, Lightning and Annette compose our bottom two.

Annette: Ooh, compose! I can compose songs! _I like singing! Birds like winging! I hope- - -_

Chef: That's enough of that. Anyway, I'm surprised you're still in the bottom two. Thought nobody knew about your illegal alliance. OOPS! Just gave it away. Heh heh. Sorry about that.

Annette: [sarcastically] Right. 'Cause they definitely didn't know about it before.

(Chef bursts out laughing)

Chef: Y'know, girl for a second there you had me thinkin' that was sarcasm!

(Annette frowns)

Chef: Now, back to business. The final marshmallow, which will determine who stays and who doesn't, goes to…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…Annette.

Annette: Yes! I'm safe! Staci! You voted with me! Thank you thank you thank you!

Staci: But I didn't! I tried to vote you off!

Annette: What?

Lightning: Wait, we was sha-supposed to vote somebody off? Lightning though we were votin' for the winner!

Chef: What're ya sayin', teenager?

Lightning: Well, Lightning voted for Lightning, 'cause Lightning always wins! Sha-bam!

(He flexes his muscles, and the Chute of Shame opens up beneath him, dropping him down)

Chef: Now, I've got a' announcement. Izzy, you can come out now.

(Izzy jumps out from the bushes)

Izzy: Hi, I'm Izzy!

Chef: Since the number of people on yer team is getting' annoyingly low, Izzy is now officially joining the Crazy Crazies.

Staci: Yah, yay!

Izzy: Hello new teammates!

Annette: _I hope Izzy doesn't kill me! I owe someone money so they billed me!_

(Camera shows Lightning falling down the Chute of Shame. He reaches the bottom and bounces out onto the floor of underground Playa des Losers. Mike, Owen, and Mr. Coconut are enjoying lime mango smoothies at the tropical smoothie bar. Or rather, Mike and Owen are, while Mr. Coconut just sits there. Heather is swimming in the pool, and Zoey is beating the high score on an arcade machine. Lightning sits up and looks around)

Lightning: Where sha-am I?

Heather: You're in the Underground Playa des Losers, 'cause you lost. Hah! Loser!

Mike: Well, we all lost. Welcome to the club, Lightning.

Zoey: Trust me; you won't mind having been eliminated once you see how awesome this place is!

Owen: Yeah, it's all-you-can-eat, twenty-four seven! Isn't that right, Mr. Coconut?

Mr. Coconut: - - - - -

Lightning: Is there a gym here?

Zoey: Yeah, there's a huge fitness center down the hall. It has all sorts of exercise machines, a boxing ring, and a track for running.

Owen: When Zoey said this place has everything, she means _everything_. There's a mini-golf course down the hall too.

Mike: And Owen, my man, got a hole-in-one eighteen times in a row! Perfect score!

Lightning: Lightning don't sha-care, he just wants to use the gym. Outta my way!

(He jumps up and runs down the hallway. Finding the door to the gym, he crashes into it)

Lightning: [off-camera] Ow! Stupid door! You were supposed to sha-open for the Lightning.

Zoey: Sigh. Some things never change.

Heather: Like you. You'll always be annoying.

Zoey: Say that all you want Heather. It doesn't bother me. But it does bother Commando Zoey.

(Heather gulps)

Heather: Well, well, I don't care! Hmph.

(She crosses her arms and frowns)

(Mike laughs cheerfully)

Mr. Coconut: - - - - -

(Camera goes to the Dock of Shame, where Chef is standing)

Chef: Yeah, I'm doin' the signoff too. You got a problem with that fool?! Huh?! Ya don't? Well, that's better. Anyway, who will get eliminated next in the dramatic elimination ceremonies we've got goin' here? What's happened to the squirrel, and how will it try an' kill Zeke next? And finally, what's gonna happen now that Izzy has joined the Crazies? Find out next time, on TOTAL, DRAMA, THE ISLAND REBORN! See ya later, dummies.

(Credits play)

**Voting Confessionals**

_Static_

Annette: I don't like the way this is going, but I better just vote for Lightning in case Staci changes her mind.

_Static_

Lightning: Sha-bam! Lightning wants Lightning to win! It's sha-awesome! Lightning votes for Lightning for the win! Woohoo!

_Static_

Staci: Yah, I'm sticking to my word. I don't think it's fair that Annette gets to be part of an illegal alliance and have all the challenges be easy, so I'm voting for her. Yah, my great-great-great-great-grandfather Bob invented….actually, what did he invent? I forget. Oh Staci, you silly girl, you better hit the books again before you lose your memory!

_Static_

**Lightning: 2**

**Annette: 1**

**Staci: 0**

**Eliminated: Mike, Zoey, Mr. Coconut, Owen, Heather, Lightning**

**Psycho Psychos: Blake, Dawn, Ezekiel, Noah**

**Crazy Crazies: Annette, Izzy, Staci**

**Sorry to all Lightning fans, I'm also sad to see him go. If you've been reading this story all the way up to this point and haven't gotten around to reviewing yet, please do so. It would be greatly appreciated! I hope you enjoyed this episode, it was really fun to write. An update should be out in about a week and a half.**

**~TheImpossiblyAwesomeWriter**

**Next Time: After a daring and courageous breakout involving ninjas, the second aftermath of the season begins! Owen, Heather, and Lightning are interviewed, and the chair that zaps you if you lie makes a comeback! **


	12. Episode 12: Teennapped!

**Episode 12: Teennapped!**

**Hey guys, sorry about the long time in between updates, but I was busy with other fanfiction projects and school. I started a new story, 'The Chaotic Adventures of Bony Bones'. For any fans of Poptropica out there, definitely check it out! I've also noticed a lot of grammar mistakes and plot holes in the earlier chapters of TDTIR, so I'm going back and redoing them. Which also explains why my word count for this story might drop a little, as I'm fixing the bug where Episode 2 and 3 were printed twice. And, I've reached my long-standing goal of 2,000 views! Please help me get to 5,000.**

**IMPORTANT: So, this is an aftermath, and in it the Total Drama Aftermath Computer (remember that?) predicts the elimination order for this story. Please note that this is not the actual elimination order, just the one that most people would guess. So if your favorite is predicted to be voted off, chances are they'll actually make it a lot farther, so, no worries! Thanks!**

(The Total Drama aftermath music plays as a logo shows TOTAL DRAMA THE ISLAND REBORN AFTERMATH. Scenes from previous episodes for the recently eliminated contestants are then shown)

Owen: Hungry? Because I'm always hungry when I'm hyper. Well, and when I'm calm. And glad. Sad. Mad. Bad. Rad. Come to think of it, I'm always hungry. Anyone got a chicken leg?

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

Heather: ….but hey, I get to cause pain and humiliation!

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

Lightning: Ha! That's what happens when holes open up in front o' Lightning and try to get the Lightning to fall in them!

(Theme song plays. It shows the camera sweeping past the dock, where Chris waves at it. Chef smiles at it, then gulps as it comes nearer to him, and smacks him in the face. After he disappears the camera zooms up the cliff, where it shows a squirrel punching Zeke in the face. As the camera "falls" off the cliff so does Zeke. Hitting the water, bubbles cover the screen. When they clear, Izzy is swimming away from a shark, only to turn around and bite the shark back. Above the water, Noah is sitting in a boat, reading his trademark book, when Zeke lands on him. Right after the moment of impact, the camera zooms to the forest, where Mike is petting a raccoon. The raccoon bites his finger, causing him to wince in pain, inhale deeply, then scream at the raccoon. The camera zooms to the waterfall, where Annette is singing on top of a log that goes over the waterfall. At the bottom, Dawn is sitting cross-legged on a beam of wood going across a small lake, looking very peaceful. Suddenly, Annette flies past her and her mouth falls open. The camera moves to the outhouse confessional, where a bear is knocking on the door. Blake sticks his head out, screams, and then ducks back in. Chef's kitchen is then seen, with a small television in the background upon which Courtney and Cody can be seen. Lightning is dumping protein powder into his mouth, and then fist-pumps, while Heather is tied to a chair, being force-fed Chef Hatchet's special soup by Chef himself. The camera moves outside to the campfire pit, where Owen is holding and rocking back and forth giggling. Staci is seen on the dock, blabbing on while reading from a gigantic stack of papers. The camera shifts a little, showing Chris on the other side of the dock, covering his ears and yelling. He runs around and falls into the water. When he surfaces, in classic cartoon style, his head steams over in anger, causing a fire. The camera follows the fire embers up, and then back down, revealing the campfire. Zoey is sitting in front of it, looking nervous, before her eyebrows scrunch up and she gives an evil grin, only to look around when she sees Zeke and Mike sitting on either side of her. The camera pans out to show all 13 contestants sitting on stools around the campfire, as Chris stands nearby and grins at the camera. A wooden sign is seen, where neon letters light up, saying TOTAL DRAMA THE ISLAND REBORN)

(Scene is a dark alleyway in the middle of a city at night. Three people wearing ski masks walk out of different doors and start a conversation. What exactly they say can't be heard, but the words 'aftermath', 'eliminees', 'plan', 'ninja' and 'kidnap' all come up. The three then grin, laugh, and walk away)

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

(Camera shows the Underground Playa des Losers. Owen is at the buffet, of course, with Mr. Coconut by his side. Mike has turned into Bob again and is climbing the fake palm trees by the pool in his craziness, while Lightning is swimming laps beneath him. Zoey and Heather are nowhere to be seen)

Mike/Bob: I'M GONNA EAT THIS TREE'S BREAKFAST IF IT'S THE LAST THING CHICKENS DO!

(He tries to swing himself upside-down like a sloth, but fails and falls off, landing in the pool on top of Lightning)

Lightning: Sha-ouch! Get off the Lightning, Crazy Guy! He needs his swimmin' exercise!

Owen: Geez Lightning, lighten up a little. Bob will be Bob.

Mike/Bob: BOB WILL BE A TOENAIL!

(He curls up in a ball and starts sucking his thumb)

Mike/Bob: HOO HOO HA HA HOO HOO HA HA, EVERYBODY SING IT WITH ME!

(A plastic coconut falls out of the fake tree and smacks him in the head, turning him back into a dazed Mike)

Mike: Whoa, I got out of control again there, didn't I?

Owen: Yep. Me and Mr. Coconut saw it all. He can tell you.

Mr. Coconut: - - - - -

Mike: Yeah. Where's Zoey? I haven't seen her since yesterday.

Owen: Yeah, seems like she's becoming almost as reclusive as Heather.

Lightning: Sha-maybe. Pretty much all Mean Girl's done since comin' here is stay in her room.

Mike: Sure, but that's Heather. Zoey wouldn't do that. I'll go check on her. Be right back.

(He heads down the hallway, past the gym, mini-golf course, and several other cool features. Eventually he comes to a place with sixteen doors, eight on either side of the hallway, more than enough for the eliminated campers. He walks up to one of the doors and knocks)

Mike: Zoey? You okay?

(No one answers and the door swings right open, as it was never closed. Behind him, another door opens and Heather walks out)

Heather: What're you doing here?

Mike: Looking for Zoey. Have you seen her?

Heather: [smirking] Nope. Well, besides the time a couple hours ago where she started screaming for help.

Mike: What? What happened?

Heather: I dunno. Didn't bother to check.

Mike: She might've injured herself or something!

Heather: Well, who cares?

Mike: Geez man, you really are evil.

(He dashes back down the hallway)

Mike: Maybe Owen can help me look. He's always willing to do a good deed.

(As he runs, he doesn't bother to look behind him, so doesn't see a figure clad in black do a back flip across the hallway)

(Mike reaches the main room panting)

Mike: Hey guys. Zoey's not there. And Heather's hinting that something bad happened to her. Want to help me search for her?

Lightning: Sha-nah! Lightning's eatin' protein right now!

(He grabs a cylinder of protein powder out of his pocket and starts chugging it down)

Owen: I'll look. And Mr. Coconut can help too- - -MR. COCONUT! WHERE IS HE?!

(Owen had turned around to find the fruit gone, even though he'd just had him a few seconds ago)

Owen: OH FOR THE LOVE OF PIZZA PASTRAMI! WHAT HAPPENED TO HIM?! WE NEED TO FIND HIM!

Mike: Uh, why don't we do that while looking for Zoey.

Owen: [near tears] Okay. Let's go.

(The two walk back down the hallway)

Owen: [sniffling] You said Heather had a clue or something?

Mike: Well, she said she heard screaming. Not sure if I believe her, but we can always ask again.

(The two stop in front of Heather's door to find it flung open, with everything inside a mess and no sign of Heather)

Owen: Oh no! She's gone and turned herself invisible!

Mike: I don't think that's what's happened. But something weird is definitely going on. I mean, Zoey and Heather both missing?

Owen: And Mr. Coconut.

Mike: Right. This is strange.

(Behind them, another figure clad all in back crawls along the ceiling towards the main room, but neither notice)

Owen: Well, what do we do about it?

Mike: Let's go find Lightning. The three of us need to stick together now, now that people are disappearing.

Owen: Good idea!

(Just as he finishes his sentence, a loud 'sha' echoes down the hallway, followed by a long scream, leaving no doubt that something has happened to Lightning. Mike and Owen look at each other and run. Or rather, Mike runs and Owen jogs as fast as he can)

(When they get back there, Lightning is gone, as expected. They can find no sign of him other than his cylinder of protein powder, which is knocked on the floor with powder still spilling out of it)

Owen: What do we do? People are disappearing as fast as dessert in front of me!

Mike: Owen, buddy, if we're not careful, we'll disappear too.

Owen: How do you think everybody's pulling this vanishing act?

Mike: I don't think they're vanishing. I think they've been kidnapped.

Owen: Gulp. KIDNAPPED?! But I'm too old to be kidnapped! I'm twenty! It's been eight whole years since I was a kid! Please, kidnappers, go find someone much younger than me to kidnap! I'm too old to die!

(He leans on Mike's shoulder, sobbing)

Mike: No time for that big guy, we've got to do something!

(Owen stands back up and wipes his nose)

Owen: Well then, it's a good thing I thought up a plan.

Mike: Wait, what? _You_ came up with a plan? Uh, no offense.

Owen: None taken. I guess some of Noah rubbed off on me after all our years of hanging out together.

Mike: That's great! We need to act quickly, though. Who knows how close the kidnappers are. What's the plan?

(Owen leans over and whispers it to Mike, who nods grimly and gives a thumbs-up)

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

(Mike is standing in the middle of the main room, whistling. Owen is hiding behind a couch, holding the end of a rope. The rope runs along pulleys on the ceiling, eventually wrapping around four strings tied to the light bulbs in the ceiling. The strings are holding up a garbage bag containing a mountain of food. The two had emptied the entire buffet to get so much. They've been standing in their positions for several minutes, and nothing's happened so far)

Mike: [loudly] Oh boy, I'm just standing here, completely defenseless! Totally! And geez, I sure hope some awful kidnapper doesn't just come along and kidnap me! 'Cause I'm definitely a kid and not seventeen years old! Yep, ya got that right!

[to Owen] How much longer?

Owen: No idea. Hopefully those brutes show up soon.

(He leans back on the sofa, taking his eyes off Mike for a second. There's a huge thumping noise from behind him and he pulls the rope out of fear. The rope in turn pulls on the thin strings, snapping all but one of them and dropping all the food. Cakes, watermelons, T-Bone steaks and more delicious foods cover the whole area. Once all noise ceases, Owen dares to look over the sofa. There is no sign of Mike. Four heads covered by ninja masks poke out of various fruits, but the unknown ninjas are completely buried under the mass of edibles, and they're unable to move)

Owen: Ninjas? Cool!

(He walks over to the nearest one. Leaning over the fruit, he slowly pulls his/her mask off to reveal…

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Owen: Bridgette?

(The surfer girl glances up at him and tries to say something, but she's speechless. Suddenly, a bag is thrown over Owen's head)

Owen: Agh, you dirty dessert devils! One of you sneaked up behind me!

(Rope is quickly roped around his wrists and ankles, but Owen struggles on. Eventually, a blow to the head with a blunt object knocks him out cold)

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

(Heather slowly opens her eyes to find herself lying on a wooden floor. The last thing she remembered was an actual ninja stuffing her into a garbage bag, back in her cozy room at Underground Playa des Losers. Her vision focusing, she notices Owen and Lightning lying next to her, both unconscious. Mike, Zoey, and Mr. Coconut are nowhere to be seen. She sits up, a bit dizzy in the head, and notices Bridgette, Geoff, and Blaineley sitting across the room on a sofa)

Heather: Wha, where am I?

Geoff: Hey Heather! You enjoy the ride?

Heather: Huh?

Bridgette: The ninjas! It's how we got you here!

(Realization dawns, and fury overtakes Heather)

Heather: What the [bleeped out] is wrong with you people? Why didn't you just use the freaking normal way of getting us here, you idiots?!

Blaineley: Hey, you should've seen what the last aftermath guests had to go through. Sheesh, that aftermath tunnel didn't look very fun.

Heather: I demand to know what's going on here! Now!

Geoff: Relax, relax. That's what we're getting to. Blaineley, care to explain?

Blaineley: Well, Chef is being oddly creepy this year about the eliminees staying in Playa des Losers. Well, it's Underground Playa des Losers now, but, what the hey. Anyway, since the fans demand these aftermaths and would skin us alive if you guys didn't make it, we had to get you past Chef's security systems somehow. In other words, we needed to break you guys out.

Heather: And how come we weren't in on this plan?

Blaineley: Well, Mike and Zoey weren't exactly happy with the way they got to the aftermath last time, so we decided we couldn't let them in on this. Plus, Lightning's addicted to the gym and Owen's addicted to food, so we knew neither of them would want to leave. Also, you're a little unpredictable.

Heather: Thanks.

Geoff: Was that 'thanks' sarcastic?

Heather: Maybe. So what'd you guys do?

Bridgette: We hired three professional ninjas. Geoff and I also got to wear ninja outfits, and we went and, well, removed you guys.

Heather: You mean kidnapped.

Geoff: Teennapped, actually.

Bridgette: Owen and Mike almost got us in the end, but fortunately, our third ninja was able to capture the big guy and let us prevail.

Heather: Fortunately. Yeah.

Geoff: Okay, that was definitely sarcasm this time. Are you turning into Noah?

Heather: Shut up. Anyway, the place is supposed to be escape-proof. Izzy only found one exit, and Chef sealed that up.

Bridgette: Oh, that. We used an ancient ninja secret.

Heather: What?

Bridgette: I can't tell you. I can only tell other ninjas.

Heather: You're not even a ninja, retard! Alright, final question. Where're Mike and Zoey?

Blaineley: Oh, they were already interviewed last time, so they're old news. They've gone and joined the peanut gallery along with Mr. Coconut and a couple other former Total Drama contestants. Now, we're going live in half an hour, so we better wake up Owen and Lightning.

(Two interns come out of nowhere and shake them awake. The two are both confused and demand to know what's happening. They're told the same story as Heather)

Geoff: Now, you guys sit tight while we go out and introduce the episode. We'll call you on!

(He, Bridgette, and Blaineley walk out of the room)

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

(Camera shows the familiar Total Drama Aftermath Studio. Bridgette, Geoff, and Blaineley are seated on the couch in the middle of the stage. Over in the peanut gallery are Mike, Zoey, Mr. Coconut, Alejandro, Beth, and Lindsay)

Bridgette: Hey everybody! Welcome to another exciting episode of….

Geoff: ….Total Drama Aftermath!

(The audience cheers)

Blaineley: As alliances have formed and fallen apart, romances have bloomed and conflicts have spiked, there's never been more drama before on Total Drama!

Geoff: Let's give a hand to our peanut gallery.

Mr. Coconut: - - - - -

Alejandro: Hello, amigos. How much it pleases me to remake your acquaintance.

Lindsay: Oh my gosh! I never knew I was quaint, Tyler!

Beth: Lindsay, for the last time, that's not Tyler!

Alejandro: How gifted you are at remembering names, my dear Beth.

Beth: Alejandro, we all already know you're evil. You don't have to pretend to be charming anymore.

Alejandro: Beth, how could you? I am deeply offended.

Beth: Yeah right.

Lindsay: Yeah! Right?

Mike: Right.

Lindsay: Okay!

Zoey: Can we get this over with?

Geoff: Sure thing, bro!

(Zoey frowns)

Bridgette: Let's welcome our first eliminated camper…..Owen! After doing awesome at the first three seasons, his luck finally ran out this time around. In an unfair twist under the leadership of 'Queen' Heather, he got the boot long before the merge. But knowing him, he's probably too optimistic to care. Let's welcome our big buddy, Owen!

(Owen walks onto the stage waving as the crowd cheers)

Owen: Hi everybody! Anyone got something to eat?

(A round of tomatoes is thrown at him, and splatter on his face. He then licks all the tomato juice off and grins)

Owen: Delicious!

(More tomatoes smash into the stage)

Blaineley: Hey! Who threw those?

(In response, five tomatoes come whizzing at her and she ducks to avoid getting hit)

?: You suck!

Bridgette: Who said that?

?: I did!

(Out of the shadows steps Courtney)

Courtney: This show is lame!

(She disappears back into the audience)

Bridgette: Well, that was a seemingly random and pointless cameo.

Alejandro: Well said, m'lady.

(Bridgette frowns)

Geoff: Alright Owen, how'd this season go for you?

Owen: Awesome! I was part of an awesome alliance!

Blaineley: An awesome alliance that collapsed around your shoulders, eliminating you in the process.

Owen: Yep. It was cool!

Bridgette: Now, if you could eliminate someone from the competition right now, who would it be?

Owen: Tough question, but I'd say Izzy or Noah. It'd be awesome for us three to be hanging out in Underground Playa des Losers together!

Geoff: I don't think they'd like that very much.

Owen: Aw, who cares about losing? It's just a million dollars, right?

Alejandro: [rolling his eyes] Right.

Bridgette: Anyway, who do you think is gonna end up winning this season?

Owen: I dunno, but I'm rooting for Noah or Izzy.

Blaineley: You just wanted them to get eliminated!

Owen: Oh, yeah. [loudly] Guys! If you're listening to this, don't listen to me, okay? Actually, never mind, if you're already listening no need to be bored out of your mind not listening! So just- - -agh, forget it.

Geoff: Yeah, this interview isn't going so well. Next!

(Owen's seat springs up and flings him into the air, where he lands on the bench next to the Peanut Gallery)

Owen: Hey guys!

Alejandro: Owen, your obesity is as apparent as ever.

Owen: I didn't understand that, but, okay!

Blaineley: Now, without further ado, the evilest competitor of all Total Drama- - -

Alejandro: Actually, I believe I can claim that title.

Blaineley: Fine. The second evilest competitor of all Total Drama….

Alejandro: That's better.

Blaineley: ….Heather!

(Heather walks out from behind a curtain frowning)

Heather: Do I really have to be here?

Bridgette: Yes, because we have an extra special guest for you!

Heather: Who?

Geoff: The electric chair!

(Two interns bring out a large chair with a helmet attached to it. Sparks are flying around it)

Blaineley: It's time for Truth or Electrocution!

(One of the interns grabs Heather and tosses her in the chair. She quickly tries to get up, but cuffs clamp around her wrists)

Heather: Let me out of this!

Bridgette: Don't worry; we just need to ask you a few questions first.

Heather: You'll hear from my lawyer!

Geoff: No, your lawyer's mute, remember? Kinda hard to hear anything from him.

Blaineley: So, you somehow became host for a few episodes. Any thoughts on that?

Heather: I despise you all!

Geoff: Well, that's a different topic, but fortunately for you it's true!

(Ezekiel teleports in)

Ezekiel: That rhymed, eh!

(He disappears)

Heather: Zeke! You idiot!

(The chair shocks her)

Heather: Ow! What was that for?

Bridgette: Zeke's not an idiot, so that was a lie.

Alejandro: Excuse me, Ezekiel is not an idiot?

(Lindsay gasps)

Lindsay: Oh my gosh, he must be Tyler!

(She gets up and starts looking around for Ezekiel)

Lindsay: Tyler? Tyler! Where are you?

(Beth groans)

Geoff: You see, Ezekiel isn't an idiot. He's just stupid.

Blaineley: Exactly.

Heather: You people make no sense!

(She's electrocuted again)

Bridgette: I guess we do make sense after all!

Beth: Good to know.

Blaineley: Anyway Heather, who do you want to win this season?

Heather: No one!

(The chair electrocutes her again)

Heather: Ow! It's true!

Bridgette: No, I think you still want to return to the competition and win or something.

Heather: I do, but I didn't think that counted.

(The chair gives another shock)

Heather: What? That really wasn't a lie that time!

(She's zapped again)

Heather: Ow!

(Another zap)

Heather: What is going on?

(She's zapped three times in a row)

Bridgette: Geoff, I think the chair's going a little bit haywire.

Geoff: Nah.

Blaineley: Sit back and relax! This is good TV. Want some popcorn?

(The three hosts and the peanut gallery watch as the chair gives shock after shock until it explodes and flies through the roof. An extremely ticked off Heather falls back through)

Heather: I'll kill you all later.

(She walks over to sit with the the Peanut Gallery)

Bridgette: Now, before we move on to our final interview of the day, it's time to use the Total Drama Aftermath Computer!

Blaineley: Or, the TDAC for short.

Geoff: This time we'll be using it to predict the next four eliminations, up to the final three!

Bridgette: Results not guaranteed.

Blaineley: Let's go! Computer, who's most likely to get eliminated next?

TDAC: Ezekiel.

(The audience and peanut gallery burst out laughing)

Beth: [giggling] I know it's not nice to laugh at someone else's failures, but when it's Ezekiel I just can't help it.

Alejandro: [wiping a tear of laughter from his eye] Touché.

Lindsay: Hahahahahahahahahahaha. Wait, what are we laughing about again?

(Geoff claps his hands and everyone quiets down)

Geoff: Okay, TDAC, who's probably gonna go after Ezekiel?

TDAC: Staci.

Mike: To be honest, I'm pretty surprised Staci didn't get the boot, in, like, the first two or three episodes.

Beth: Yeah, but everybody believes her ancestor stories now! So people aren't as annoyed by them.

Bridgette: Regardless, she probably won't last much longer. Computer, who's next?

TDAC: Annette.

Alejandro: Yes amigos, for it is only fair for her to get eliminated soon. Her singing is so eardrum-destroying!

Bridgette: Alejandro makes a good point.

Alejandro: Gracias, m'lady.

(Bridgette frowns again)

Geoff: Now, who's after Annette?

TDAC: Noah.

Bridgette: Noah?!

Beth: Guys, he's like the antagonist! Antagonists always get the boot in like, fourth place.

Alejandro: Except for me.

Lindsay: Oh, I didn't know you were an antagonist, Tyler!

Alejandro: Of course not, my dear Lindsay.

Bridgette: Enough already! Let's see, that would leave Dawn. Blake, and Izzy as the final three.

**Author's Note: Remember, not only will this elimination order not happen, but the eliminations will be completely different! Those listed as the final three may get eliminated soon, and those who are said to be eliminated soon may make it to the final three. I just did this TDAC segment because I couldn't think of anything better for the computer to do.**

Blaineley: Yeah, I'm getting bored of this. Where's Lightning?

(Lightning jumps up out of a trapdoor hidden in the stage)

Lightning: Sha-bam! Lightning strikes! And Lightning hates ninjas!

Blaineley: That's a shame. All they did was kidnap you.

Geoff: Ahem. Teennap.

Blaineley: [rolling her eyes] Whatever.

Bridgette: Alright Lightning, you just got eliminated in one of the psychoest episodes ever, as it involved the Chef Challenges. Are you proud to have been eliminated in such an epic ep?

Lightning: Lightning's always sha-proud! And he didn't lose! It just mighta looked that way.

Geoff: Yeah. You also became one of the few contestants in Total Drama history to vote for yourself. How's that feel?

Lightning: Sha-bam!

Geoff: That wasn't really an answer.

Lindsay: Ooh, ooh! I also voted myself off. It was fun!

(Alejandro face palms)

Alejandro: Honestly, the stupidity it must require to purposely, or in some cases by a retarded misconception, eliminate ones self from a competition in which one was currently in good standing.

Lightning and Lindsay: Thanks!

Alejandro: [surprised] Uh, you're welcome?

Geoff: Well, seems like this episode has pretty much come to a close.

Bridgette: Oh my gosh! I just remembered, w need to get the eliminees back to Underground Playa des Losers before Chef notices they're gone!

Blaineley: I'll take care of that. [snapping her fingers] Ninjas!

(Two ninjas jump down from the ceiling and scoop up Mike, Zoey, Mr. Coconut, Owen, Heather, and Lightning in a big sack. They then cartwheel off the stage, but have trouble doing so because of Owen's great weight being too hard for even them to lift comfortably)

Bridgette: Alright, peanut gallery, say goodbye!

Lindsay: Goodbye Tyler! Where ever you are!

Beth: See ya later, and my apologies to anyone who has to wear braces like I did!

Alejandro: I know where you live.

Geoff: See you guys next time, on, TOTAL….

Blaineley: ….DRAMA….

Bridgette: ….THE ISLAND REBORN!

(A ninja accidentally falls down from the ceiling and lands on Alejandro)

(Credits play)

**Eliminated: Mike, Zoey, Mr. Coconut, Owen, Heather, Lightning**

**Psycho Psychos: Blake, Dawn, Ezekiel, Noah**

**Crazy Crazies: Annette, Izzy, Staci**

**I apologize for the shortness of this chapter, but aftermaths are hard to write a lot for and still keep interesting. Thanks for reading, and please review! All reviews will get a reply, and non-guest reviewers will get a prize. You can also check out the poll on my profile page and vote for who you want to win Total Drama The Island Reborn. Make sure to check out 'Total Drama Jurassic Park' and 'The Chaotic Adventures of Bony Bones'. The next update might take a while, since I'll be on vacation. See you later!**

**~TheImpossiblyAwesomeWriter**

**Next Time: As alliances crumble and conflicts mend, the nearly impossible challenge is definitely not helping. It all comes down to the most dramatic campfire ceremony yet, ending in an epic tiebreaker between two beloved campers.**


	13. Episode 13: Sinny Golf

**Episode 13: Sinny Golf**

**Hey, time for celebration! We've reached the half-way point of TDTIR! Please celebrate the occasion by reviewing, following, favoriting, all of the above, or any other stuff. Although I do have to apologize in advance for the lameness of the challenge part. I didn't really enjoy it, but at least hopefully you will.**

(Camera shows Chris standing on the Dock of Shame)

Chris: Last time, on Total Drama The Island Reborn, I was busy in the U.S. getting my recap problems taken care of. Yeah, long story. Anyway, Chef took over the position of host for a day and made our unloveable teenage contestants compete in the five extreme Chef Challenges. First, they had to climb the tallest tree on Wawanakwa, which Dawn won in her own mysterious way. The second challenge was another version of the eat-disgusting-stuff-and-don't-vomit challenges from seasons one, three, and four. As Chef helped Annette out in accordance to her annoying illegal alliance with me, she ate victory that round. Literally. The third Chef Challenge involved wrestling an alligator, er, crocodile, er, crap, who cares?! They're like the same freaking animal! Yeah, Izzy won that, no surprise. Then, in a rehash of the first challenge, Chef had another sword fighting duel take place, which Dawn won. Meaning she's two for two at the sword matches and she's never struck a blow. I mean, seriously, just how lucky is she? Anyway, the next and final Chef Challenge was a dogfight that did not involve any dogs. Yeah, an airplane battle, for those of you out there who are clueless when it comes to aeronautics. In a twist, ten points would be granted to the winner, giving them an automatic overall win. Just when it seemed like victory was in the palms of the Psychos' hands, the evil king squirrel made an appearance and screwed everything up. So Izzy won and got a buffet all to herself. The Psychos, coming in second, had to perform numerous chores for Chef. And the last-placing Crazies went to elimination, where Staci and Lightning planned to eliminate Annette and her unfair advantage with her. However, Lightning stupidly voted for himself, knocking that loser out of the competition. It's down to the final seven, and the drama just won't stop! Will Dawn's luck finally run out? Is Noah's alliance doomed to fall apart? And is Annette in line for the next boot after angering her teammates with her illegal alliance? Haha. Find out all this stuff here on TOTAL, DRAMA, THE ISLAND REBORN!

(Theme song plays. It shows the camera sweeping past the dock, where Chris waves at it. Chef smiles at it, then gulps as it comes nearer to him, and smacks him in the face. After he disappears the camera zooms up the cliff, where it shows a squirrel punching Zeke in the face. As the camera "falls" off the cliff so does Zeke. Hitting the water, bubbles cover the screen. When they clear, Izzy is swimming away from a shark, only to turn around and bite the shark back. Above the water, Noah is sitting in a boat, reading his trademark book, when Zeke lands on him. Right after the moment of impact, the camera zooms to the forest, where Mike is petting a raccoon. The raccoon bites his finger, causing him to wince in pain, inhale deeply, then scream at the raccoon. The camera zooms to the waterfall, where Annette is singing on top of a log that goes over the waterfall. At the bottom, Dawn is sitting cross-legged on a beam of wood going across a small lake, looking very peaceful. Suddenly, Annette flies past her and her mouth falls open. The camera moves to the outhouse confessional, where a bear is knocking on the door. Blake sticks his head out, screams, and then ducks back in. Chef's kitchen is then seen, with a small television in the background upon which Courtney and Cody can be seen. Lightning is dumping protein powder into his mouth, and then fist-pumps, while Heather is tied to a chair, being force-fed Chef Hatchet's special soup by Chef himself. The camera moves outside to the campfire pit, where Owen is holding and rocking back and forth giggling. Staci is seen on the dock, blabbing on while reading from a gigantic stack of papers. The camera shifts a little, showing Chris on the other side of the dock, covering his ears and yelling. He runs around and falls into the water. When he surfaces, in classic cartoon style, his head steams over in anger, causing a fire. The camera follows the fire embers up, and then back down, revealing the campfire. Zoey is sitting in front of it, looking nervous, before her eyebrows scrunch up and she gives an evil grin, only to look around when she sees Zeke and Mike sitting on either side of her. The camera pans out to show all 13 contestants sitting on stools around the campfire, as Chris stands nearby and grins at the camera. A wooden sign is seen, where neon letters light up, saying TOTAL DRAMA THE ISLAND REBORN)

(In the boys' side of the Psychos' cabin, Ezekiel is dead asleep, snoring. Blake and Noah have already awaken, however, and are stretching and yawning, respectively)

Blake: Good morning!

Noah: What's so good about it?

Blake: Uh, lots of things, I guess.

Noah: [rolling his eyes] Like what?

Blake: Well, the sun is shining….

Noah: Great. UV rays. Now I can get skin cancer.

Blake: ….the birds are singing….

Noah: Which is definitely _not _music to my ears.

Blake: ….the breeze is nice and cool….

Noah: Cool enough to give me frostbite.

Blake ….and, why are you always so, what's the word? Ah, pessimistic.

Noah: Who says I'm pessimistic? Maybe I was being sarcastic.

Blake: But sometimes you say optimistic things in a mocking voice, like you're being sarcastic, so it's really pessimistic, I think.

Noah: Blake, you need to learn how to read people. Like I read my book. Now, see the Ezekiel over there? Tell me, what is he thinking?

Blake: He's asleep.

Noah: Fine then. What is he dreaming?

Blake: Uh, getting chased by squirrels?

(Noah face palms)

Noah: No! He's grinning stupidly, which probably means he's dreaming about Dawn.

Blake: I thought he didn't like Dawn.

Noah: Really? That's so pathetic; I can't even find a word for how pathetic it is with my 300,000 word vocabulary.

Blake: What about 'asparagus'?

Noah: What does asparagus have to do with this?

Blake: I dunno, but it's a pretty big word.

(Scene switches to the girls' side of the Psychos' cabin, of which Dawn is the only inhabitant. She's sitting on the windowsill with her legs crossed, meditating)

Dawn: I sense betrayal in the near future. Very soon. But also, redemption and mending. Coming from the same person. I can't quite make out who it is, though. And someone will suffer because of all this. And that someone is….

(She is genuinely startled by the answer she finds)

Dawn: I don't believe it! The next one to get eliminated is going to be- - -

(She's interrupted as the sound of an air horn breaks the early morning silence)

Dawn: Chris again. If only he could be the sufferer, as he certainly deserves it the most. Sigh. Some wishes will just never come true.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

(The seven remaining campers have crowded around Chris, who is standing by the megaphone pole)

Chris: Well campers, I've certainly made a great discovery. Instead of losing my voice by shouting through the loudspeaker, I can just wake you all up with this nifty little air horn!

(He sticks a finger in his ear and covers the other with his arm, and then blows the air horn again, blasting out everyone's eardrums)

Chris: Now, careful analysis has shown that sports challenges always get good ratings. So today, we're going to be doing the most extreme sport of all time.

Noah: [shuddering] Dodgeball?

Chris: No.

Blake: Rugby?

Chris: No.

Staci: Skydiving?

Chris: No.

Dawn: Kayaking off a waterfall?

Chris: No.

Annette: Moonwalking?

Chris: The dance move?

Annette: No, literally walking on the moon.

Chris: No.

Izzy: Mixed Martial Arts Motorboating while Sleeping?

Chris: No.

Ezekiel: Pineapple, eh?

Chris: No! Mini golf!

(Everyone is pleasantly surprised)

Blake: Mini golf! I'm allowed to play mini golf!

Noah: Despite my better judgment, I might actually enjoy this challenge.

Staci: Yah, my great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-gr eat-great-great-great-grandmother invented mini golf. Before her, people could only play _miniature _golf.

Dawn: Sadly, I sense all is not as it seems.

Chris: Dawn's right, as this'll be the most painful game of miniature golf ever played! This is how it's gonna work. Chef has set up nine holes, the same number that a regular mini golf course has. The first three are just warm-ups. After that, the person with the most strokes on the hole is kicked out of the game. At the final hole, whoever wins snatches victory for their teams.

Izzy: What if two people tie for last at one hole?

Chris: Then, they participate in a special sudden death round where they both hit the ball as fast as they can, and whoever gets it in the hole first wins. All clear?

Noah: Clear as mud mixed with muck stuck in a pile of opaque objects.

Chris: Thank you, Noah, for your boring Churchill Wit! Now, let's get on over to Hole One.

_Static_

Ezekiel: I love mini golf, eh! Especially the part where you get to hit yourself in the head with the putter. Or is that basketball? Better check the rule books again.

_Static_

Annette: Yes, a challenge where I scarcely even need my illegal alliance! I'm like a golfing pro.

_Static_

_End of Confessionals_

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

(The campers are standing in front of a mini golf green. From the starting mat, one has to hit it through five loop de loops in a row, and then up on a platform balancing on the tops of the loop de loops. From there it's a matter of luck to drop it into the hole, which is located all the way back behind the starting mat. Going in alphabetical order, Annette starts. As part of her not-so-secret deal with Chris, she's given a special ball that acts like a homing beacon to the hole. Sadly, she doesn't hit it hard enough to make it through the loop de loops and takes three strokes to finish up. Blake hits it plenty hard, but it falls off the platform and off the course, giving him a penalty stroke and making him start over. He then hits it out again, but sinks it all the way from the starting matt on the third try, giving him a total of five strokes)

Blake: Ha! Third time's the charm!

Chris: Too bad you got two penalty strokes.

(Dawn follows Blake and gets a decent score of four strokes. After that comes Ezekiel, who randomly swings the putter around, sometimes hitting the ball, sometimes hitting other people. After thirty strokes, Chris fails him and grabs the putter, much to his protest. Then comes Izzy, who aces the hole with a perfect hole in one. Noah then gets a respectable three, with Staci doing terribly and getting a seven)

Chris: Moving on to Hole Two! This one's gonna be fun.

(The next hole is shaped extremely strangely. The green goes straight for a while, then slopes upward to be entirely vertical, then curves back over upside-down, with the hole being vertical the opposite way. Of course many of the campers marvel at how they'll get it in, but Annette's homing beacon of a ball does nicely and she gets it in in four strokes. Blake follows with six, Dawn with three, and Ezekiel pretends he's the golf ball and tries to fit into the hole. He then gets stuck, and it takes the combined efforts of all the other campers and Chris to pull him out. Izzy then finishes up with three, Noah with a hole in one, and Staci with five)

_Static_

Annette: Okay, so maybe I'm not a professional at mini golf, but I'm still pretty good. Ya hear?

_Static_

Noah: Geez, this is an easy challenge. And it's not that bad either.

_Static_

_End of Confessionals_

Chris: Alright campers, we're moving on to the final hole that's just for fun.

Noah: Fun?

Chris: Yes, fun!

Noah: Fine, I guess it's fun. But only just a little.

(The next hole, however, isn't so fun, as the straight and simple green is covered with mines. Annette's special ball thankfully goes straight through them and she gets a hole in one. Blake isn't so lucky, as his ball explodes and he fails the hole. Dawn carefully putts around the mines and scores a four. Ezekiel, instead of hitting the ball, throws himself bodily at the mines and sets them all off, failing in the process and getting fourth-degree burns. Chris has to pause the game and get a whole new set of mines to replace the ones Zeke exploded. Izzy and Staci both get threes without hitting any mines, but Noah's ball collides with one and goes up in smoke. The campers then move on the fourth hole, which has over a hundred pipes to hit the ball into, and hopefully a few of them will lead into the hole. Annette's ball automatically finds the right pipe and zooms into the hole for another hole in one. Blake hits it into a different pipe, and it shoots back out, smacking him in the forehead, and then bouncing back and landing in the hole, giving him an accidental hole in one. Dawn's pipe leads her golf ball a few inches away from the hole, and she easily knocks it in for a two. Ezekiel takes his putter and starts trying to destroy the pipes, and Chris has to grab the blunt object from him and club him over the head with it to get him to stop. Izzy's shot pops it into a water hazard, but she dives in and hits it out, eventually scoring a five. Noah goes with a different strategy and pops his ball over the pipes, landing near the hole and allowing him to get in a three. Staci's pipe drops her ball on the complete opposite end of the green, and she has to hit it hard just to get it in the hole in six more strokes, so a seven)

Chris: Now, Ezekiel has obviously lost, so I'm just gonna drag his unconscious body outta here.

(He grabs Zeke and tosses him away into the woods, where the Canadian bounces and rolls until he falls off a cliff.

Ezekiel: [from somewhere far away] YOWCHHHH!

Chris: Yeah, this is getting sort of boring, so we're just going to montage the next couple holes. Since it's probably one of those eight minute long montages, we can play 'Stairway to Heaven' while it's running though!

Blake: I'm not allowed to listen to classic rock.

Chris: I don't give a crap. Montage, begin!

('Stairway to Heaven' does actually start playing as the campers approach the fifth hole. It looks a lot like a green ski jump, as the starting matt is far overhead, and then the green dives down, curves back up a little and stops, with the hole being a good deal farther away on an entirely separate green. Annette gets a four, Blake an eight, and Dawn isn't able to hit it hard enough for a while, eventually getting an eleven after many fails and added penalty strokes. Izzy gets a two, Noah a hole in one, and Staci a nine. Dawn is eliminated from the mini golf challenge as the five remaining campers make their way to the sixth hole, which is entirely underwater. It slopes down, passing through a seaweed jungle, a school of fish, and a hungry shark that'd prefer to eat the ball. Instead of a hole, a giant clam shell sits near the end, opening and closing slowly. The campers hold their breath and dive in. Annette's special golf ball zones in on the clam shell, but can't manage to time it right for a while, eventually earning her a six. Blake gets a five, Izzy gets a four, and Noah gets a five too. It comes down to Staci, whose ball is eaten by the shark, failing her automatically. After that, the seventh hole is extremely hard. A bunch of corn, wheat, and other crops have been purposely grown all over the end of the green, making it impossible to see the hole. Getting it in relies solely on luck. Going this time in reverse alphabetical order, Noah gets a twenty-four, Izzy is apparently very lucky and gets a three, and Blake gets a seventeen. As Annette steps up to the starting matt, the montage ends)

Annette: Yeah, this one's mine!

_Static_

Annette: Alright, confession time. And what better place for that than the confessional? So, you've probably figured I'm no good at mini gold normally. And it's true. But with a golf ball that will automatically go into the hole that no one else can find, I'm sure to win!

_Static_

(Annette pretends to take aim and swings. The ball immediately starts zooming towards the hole, but then gets confused. Inexplicably, Chris and Chef have somehow grown doughnut plants, and the hole in the doughnuts confuses the golf homing beacon, especially the delicious chocolate glazed ones. No matter how many times Annette hits it; it never manages to find the hole. Once she swings more times than Noah's twenty-four, Chris automatically fails her)

Annette: No! I was so young! _I have lost this game! Things are no longer tame!_

Chris: Yeah yeah. Time for the semi-final hole.

(The eight and next-to-last hole has a green made out of super glue, which catches the putter and the shoes of the campers, not to mention barely lets the golf balls move at all. Blake struggles through the course and ends up with a twelve. Izzy smacks the ball as hard as she possibly can, and it zooms straight through the super glue and into the hole, earning her the first hole in one anyone's had for a while. Noah realizes the strategy is to pop the ball up so it doesn't get stuck. He does so, but luck is against him and he also gets a twelve)

Chris: Ooh, Blake and Noah tied for last! Both of you, get back to the starting mat and race to hit it in. Go!

(The two both rush back to the start and begin swinging. Blake quickly gets ahead and aims a shot at the hole. Noah realizes it's going to go in and smacks his golf ball right at Blake's, knocking it off course. He then runs up to his one and taps it in)

Noah: Yes!

Chris: Alright people, it's on to the final hole, with Noah competing for the Psycho Psychos, and Izzy for the Crazy Crazies. Check out this last hole, it's epic!

(The hole starts by going up a long hill, past a bunch of small divets in the ground that fire randomly shoots out of. The course then somehow defies gravity and turns upside-down, where a huge gap in front of and behind the hole make the last bit rather tricky)

Izzy: Yay Noah, we get to play mini golf together!

(She grabs him in a headlock and starts giving him a noogie. Eventually he breaks free from the hold)

Noah: Alright, let's just get this over with.

Chris: Ha, no chance of that! Time for a twist, as always. The final hole must be completed….blindfolded.

Noah: Blindfolded? That's like a complete rehash of the hole with crops growing on it!

Chris: Shush! Our less intelligent viewers won't pick up on that. Now, blindfolds on and mouths closed!

(Noah and Izzy allow an intern to come up and blindfold them, and Izzy grabs her putter and heads to the hole)

_Static_

Izzy: [blindfolded] I've got this challenge in the bag! I'm a mini golf crazy lady! Hey, who turned out the lights?

_Static_

_End of Confessionals _

(Izzy lines herself up as best as she can without being able to see, and swings hard at the golf ball, knocking it safely past the flames. Her next shot gets it so flip gravity and land on the upside-down green. She then smacks it into one of the gaps, earning a penalty stroke, but her next shot is perfect, and zooms right in the hole)

Chris: Alright, a five! Noah's got to beat that for the win. Ready?

Noah: As ready as I'll ever be. Which is not much, really.

(He steps up to the ball and smacks it. It rolls and stops right next to one of the flame divets, which goes off, charring one side of it. However, it's okay as Noah comes up, finds the golf ball, and takes aim. Using the speed of the wind, the feel of the grass, the sounds he hears, and his advanced knowledge of physics and trajectories, he lines the ball up for a perfect shot and realizes it's sure to go in. Allowing himself a sly grin, he brings the putter back, swings it forward, and makes contact with the ball. Just as he hits it, he sense something wrong)

Ezekiel: I'm Ezekiel, eh! I like chockate milk!

(Zeke, who has somehow reappeared, randomly jumps in front of him, and the ball smacks him in the head, bouncing off him and straight through one of the jets of flames, which disintegrates it. Zeke is knocked out cold and falls over, landing on Noah and rolling them both onto one of the fire divets)

Noah: Zeke! You complete- - -

(He doesn't get to finish his insult, as the flame turns on and catches them on fire, blasting them high into the sky. After a long while, they fall back down, covered in still-burning flames. Noah, who's somehow still conscious, rolls over and face palms before passing out)

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

(Noah is sitting on a lawn chair near the cabin, that same evening. He's wearing a cast on his leg and a neck brace, and the rest of him is covered in bandages and gauze. After the Ezekiel incident, in which his golf ball was destroyed, Chris automatically failed him, giving the Crazy Crazies a win. Blake walks up to him)

Blake: Hey Noah. Sorry about what happened back at the mini golf game. Get well soon and all that.

Noah: Get out.

Blake: Okay, but I just want to say before I go, thanks for being such a great friend! You can count on me not to vote for you. See ya later!

(As Blake walks off, Noah looks a little suspicious. He'd expect foul play from anyone else, but then realizes Blake is being genuine. Guilt starts to consume him)

Noah: NO! Don't listen to yourself, Noah. You have to vote for Blake! All you gotta do is vote for him and he's gone! All your troubles are over! Vote for Blake! Got to vote for Blake! MUST VOTE FOR BLAKE! Vote. Goes. To….ARGH! I can't do it. I just can't vote for Blake. Why can't I? Stupid Noah! Stupid stupid Noah!

(He starts smacking his head on a stump, and then kicks it with his broken leg, but then yelps and falls over)

Noah: Okay, that actually was stupid. But it's true. If I can't vote for Blake, and Zeke's my alliance member, besides myself, that leaves only….Dawn? Huh. I actually kinda liked Dawn, and she's not exactly bad at challenges either. I really should just vote for Blake and be done with it. No! I can't! Ugh, since when do I experience emotions like sympathy, or compassion, or, GUILT?! I'm starting to hate this game. But I still intend to win it, even if that means getting rid of Dawn. I just don't know how I'm going to break the news to Zeke.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

(Noah trudges towards Ezekiel for their daily alliance meeting in the woods, being careful with his cast. Ezekiel wears no casts, but is covered in bandages everywhere. The Canadian boy doesn't notice that the bookworm's mood is even worse than usual)

Noah: Hey Zeke.

Ezekiel: Hallo, Noah, eh! Who are we votin' for tooday?

Noah: As much as I'd like to vote for you after you nearly killed me from pure utter stupidity, we're not doing that.

Ezekiel: Okay! Blake then, eh!

(Noah sighs)

Noah: No, not Blake. Sorry Zeke, but I just can't do it. I can't vote for Blake. We're going to have to vote for Dawn.

(Zeke stares at him in shocked silence for a long painful moment)

Ezekiel: No, eh. No! NO!

Noah: Listen Zeke, I know you've gotten a bit attached to Dawn and don't want her to leave, but- - -

Ezekiel: I ain't votin' for Dawn, eh! You can't make me!

Noah: [hastily] Zeke, if you don't vote for her, you can consider this alliance officially over.

Ezekiel: Never ever berries! How aboot Dawn and I vote for _you_ then, eh? How aboot it?

Noah: [angrily] Go ahead. See how that works out for ya.

Ezekiel: Well, I will, eh! This alliance thingamabober is over! Zekeiel out!

(He crosses his arms and stomps off)

Noah: Well, that could've gone better.

(Scene switches to Dawn, who is chatting with a bluebird in her side of the Psychos' cabin when there is a knock at the door)

Dawn: Come in.

(Ezekiel walks in, looking glum)

Ezekiel: Dawn, I need to tell you soomethin', eh. I woos part of this alliance with Noah fer a while, eh, but joost today he wanted me to vote for you! And he's gonna go ahead and do it! We both gotta team up and vote him out!

(Dawn sighs)

Dawn: Ezekiel, I've seen glimpses of the future and it seems like nearly everything may turn out for the worst.

Ezekiel: Well, the least we can do is try, eh.

(She nods)

Dawn: Oh, and Zeke, thank you for telling me. Handshake?

(She extends her right hand. Zeke looks confused for a moment, and then starts shaking it)

Dawn: Er, you can let go now.

Ezekiel: A'yup!

(He tries to salute and smacks the bridge of his nose with his hand)

Ezekiel: YOWCHHHHH!

(Scene switch, again. Noah is back to sitting in the lawn chair unhappily. Blake walks by)

Noah: Blake?

Blake: I know, I know, 'get out'. I'm going, no need to worry.

(The suit-wearing kid starts to head off, but Noah calls him back)

Noah: Blake, I need to talk to you. I've made some bad choices in this game, and I regret them. But just when I tried to piece everything back together, things got screwed up more. And I don't want to lose because of it. I know I sound like I'm getting obsessed with the million, but can you do me a favor as a….[he shudders] a friend?

Blake: Sure, old pal! Anything!

Noah: 'Old pal'? Don't push it. Anyway, can you vote for Dawn in the campfire ceremony?

Blake: Sure thing, actually, I was already planning to do that. You and Zeke are a-okay, but Dawn seems a little weird to me.

Noah: Careful there, you don't want Dawn's fans to form a mob and kill you.

Blake: No sir, I don't!

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

(The scene is the campfire pit, late at night. Blake, Dawn, Ezekiel, and Noah huddle around the campfire, having cast their votes. Chris stands in front of them)

Chris: Now, from what I can tell, this is gonna be one of the most dramatic campfire ceremonies we've ever had in all of Total Drama history. Let me get it started by asking a few probing questions.

(He creeps up behind Zeke)

Chris: Now, Freakzekiel, is there anyone here you feel might want to, you know, VOTE YOU OFF?!

Ezekiel: I hate cats, eh.

Chris: Never mind. Anyway, Dawn, have _you_ noticed anything suspicious lately?

Dawn: [sincerely] Actually, I have. You're packing on the pounds at a quicker rate than usual. I'd really recommend a diet.

(Everyone else chuckles)

Chris: Forget I asked. Alright Blake, as the newbie, are you afraid our veteran contestants will try and pick you off, right here and now?

Blake: 'Veteran'? Wait, the people here are war heroes? Cool! Too bad I'm not allowed to fight in any wars.

Chris: Geez, seriously, couldn't we have found some actual _normal_ people for this show?

Noah: If you want normal people here, I'd start by firing yourself.

Chris: Ha ha ha hilarious. I think you'll noticed I haven't asked you any probing questions yet. But, BUM DUM DA DA, I will!

Noah: [sarcastically] Oh the horror.

Chris: Now Noah, you've never exactly done well at sport challenges here on Total Drama.

Noah: What can I say? Sports aren't my forte.

Ezekiel: That rhymed, eh.

(After this umpteenth repetition of a dumb joke, no one even pays the homeschooled boy any attention)

Chris: So, anyways Noah, after this particular sport challenge, which you failed, are you afraid the one getting the boot might be you?

Noah: No, I'm not. Plus, I actually did well at this challenge. If a certain idiot who shall not be mentioned by name hadn't messed everything up, I would've even won.

Ezekiel: [stupidly] An idiot who shall not be mentioned by name. Wonder who that could be, eh?

Chris: Alright, this didn't work out as well as I'd hoped it would. Let's just get right down to business.

(He whips out a platter with three marshmallows on it)

Chris: Without any more drama-creating questions [noticing Zeke opening his mouth] and any more stupid comments from Ezekiel….

(Zeke closes his mouth)

Chris: …. tonight's first marshmallow goes to Blake.

(He tosses it to Blake, who catches it and grins)

Chris: Then, this next 'mallow is for…

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…Ezekiel!

Ezekiel: I loike chockate milk.

Chris: Ooh, Noah and Dawn are the bottom two! Finally, our last marshmallow goes to…

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(Chris whips the marshmallow at Zeke, and it flies right into his open mouth. He grabs at his throat and starts choking, and Blake does the Heimlich maneuver on him until he coughs it up and it flies back out, smacking Chris in the face)

Chris: Ew, grossness!

Noah: Beg pardon, but how did Zekiel get two marshmallows?

Chris: Because you and Dawn tied with two votes each. That means it's time for a….tiebreaker!

Noah: [sarcastically] A tiebreaker to break a tie? That makes no sense whatsoever.

(Chris doesn't reply, he just presses a button on his wooden stand and out of the ground rises a circular podium. Robotic arms grab Noah and Dawn and drop them onto it)

Chris: Now, we'll settle this score the way we settle any on Total Drama….with a wrestling match! Go!

Noah: I don't wrestle. Plus, when have we ever done wrestling before?

(Sierra teleports in out of nowhere)

Sierra; Season 3, Total Drama World Tour, Episode 14, Greece's Pieces, Rated TV-PG, with a run time of twenty-two minutes General positive reviews. I was in that one!

(She teleports away. Noah ignores everybody else, sits down on the podium, and starts reading his book)

Chris: Looks like Noah refuses to do anything. Guess it'll be an easy victory for Dawn!

Dawn: Actually, as wrestling can sometimes lead to violent confrontations, I avoid it whenever possible.

Chris: Great. So they both refuse to do anything. Well, I might as well set it in Earthquake Mode just for fun

(He presses another button and the podium starts quaking. Noah and Dawn both bounce around and fall off, Noah still reading his book as he falls, and they both land hard on the dirt)

Chris: Quick, which one of them hit the ground first? Falling out of the ring is an automatic loss.

(He grabs one of the cameras and looks at it. Then he grins annoyingly and turns to face the four campers)

Chris: Okay, I've seen the video, and I can officially tell you that the person who hit the ground after the other one and is now safe is…

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…Noah. Bye-bye, Dawn.

**Author's Note: I know most of you are really sad to see Dawn go, and I've explained why it was her time to go in the author's note at the end. If you're really upset about the elimination, please read that!**

Chris: Oh, Noah, here's a marshmallow.

(He pulls a marshmallow out of his pocket and throws it at the egghead, who lets it fall in the dirt. Meanwhile, Zeke runs up to Dawn)

Ezekiel: I tried to help you, eh. I'm really sorry you have to go. I'll miss you!

Dawn: Zeke, there's nothing you could have done about it. I foresaw that this would come to be. And maybe it's not all bad. Noah seems to despise Blake a lot less. And the same goes for me with you.

(With that, she gives him a quick kiss, he faints, and she drops down the Chute of Shame, arriving at the Underground Playa des Losers)

Heather: Dawn? You got voted off? Hah. Figures. The nice ones always go early.

Zoey: Not as early as you apparently.

Heather: There's no need for a reminder.

Owen: What if you have a bad memory? Like Mr. Coconut.

Mr. Coconut: - - - - -

Dawn: Um, where am I?

Lightning: Sha-Underground Playa des Losers!

Mike: Believe me when I say, it is epic.

Dawn: Well, I guess there's nothing to do but enjoy my stay here.

(She walks over to the counter and grabs a purple smoothie)

Dawn: But to be honest, I will miss Ezekiel.

(Back above ground, Noah is reading his book in the cabin when Ezekiel stomps in)

Ezekiel: Ya know Noah, that was really mean, eh.

Noah: And I care because? No offense, but it is a competition.

Ezekiel: Yoo're soonding like Heather again!

Noah: [frowning] Look, your crush got voted off. Boo hoo. Okay?

Ezekiel: You joost don't understand 'cause there's not a single other human bean you care aboot, eh. A'yup.

(Noah is a bit annoyed by this accusation)

Noah: Look Zeke, that's not true. In fact, there's a girl here on this very island that I like. It's- - -

(The screen cuts off right as he tells Zeke, and goes to Chris at the Dock of Shame)

Chris: Haha, gotta keep it at least a little suspenseful, don't I? Is poor Freakzekiel gonna forget all about the game now? Who does Noah like? And is he really in it to win it? Find out next time, on TOTAL, DRAMA, THE ISLAND REBORN!

(Credits play)

**Voting Confessionals**

_Static_

Blake: Well, I'm voting for Dawn then.

_Static_

Dawn: I've seen what will happen, and I can't change the future. But I'll vote with Zeke anyway. My vote goes to Noah.

_Static_

Ezekiel: STOOPID NOAH IS GONNA GET VOTED OFF BY ME, EH!

_Static_

Noah: Dawn. Sorry, but I have to do it in order to win. And even if I voted for Blake now, it would do no good as then I would get eliminated.

**Dawn: 2**

**Noah: 2**

**Ezekiel: 0**

**Blake: 0**

**Eliminated: Mike, Zoey, Mr. Coconut, Owen, Heather, Lightning, Dawn**

**Psycho Psychos: Blake, Ezekiel, Noah**

**Crazy Crazies: Annette, Izzy, Staci**

**Right away, I apologize for eliminating Dawn. She's up among my favorite characters, and although I would have loved for her to win, things just didn't work out that way. Her plotlines had come to the end and she just didn't fit in with the post-merge story. For those who are huge fans of Dawn, I hope you won't stop reading because of this. Dawn will still appear in aftermaths, any scene with Underground Playa des Losers, and the finale. In other news, next update may take a while, thanks for reading, and please review!**

**~TheImpossiblyAwesomeWriter**

**Next Time: When five mini-challenges end up being the most dangerous yet, is Ezekiel out for Noah's blood after what he did to Dawn? And are Staci's lies actually, not lies?**


	14. Zeke the Unmeek Geeky Freak

**Episode 14: Zeke the Unmeek Geeky Freak**

**Hi guys, I'm super sorry about the longest time it's ever taken me to update. Over a month! After my vacation, I was caught up updating my other stories. Updates should come quicker now. Drum roll, please. We've reached 2,500 views! That's halfway to my next big goal of 5,000 views. It'd be much appreciated if you all helped me reach it. Thanks to all the reviewers so far, especially Knifez R Us and FoxfaceFan1. I really appreciate reviews, so non-guest reviewers will get a reply and a prize. In other news, my poll for who you want to win TDTIR is still up on my profile page, and it's a lonely poll indeed, so please take a minute and vote on it if you haven't already.**

**One final thing: Fanfiction user MeAndYouForeverBaby has started a forum called Total Drama Writer's Forum. The idea is to get all the main Total Drama writers on here to join it. It's pretty fun so far, so if you write TD fanfic, then check it out!**

(Chris is shown standing on the Dock of Shame)

Chris: Last time, on Total Drama The Island Reborn, we had our most extreme challenge yet. Mini golf! During the nine holes of extremeness, Ezekiel was totally psycho and we were forced to throw him off a cliff. Annette's illegal alliance earned her a homing beacon golf ball, but she still failed. In the end, it was down to Izzy and Noah on the most epic hole of all time. Noah seemed sure to win when Ezekiel showed up again and screwed everything up. I mean, _really_ screwed everything up. The Psychos ended up losing, with Noah's alliance all set to get rid of Blake once and for all. However, the aforementioned genius couldn't bring himself to do it after Blake's naïve kindness, and once he broke the news to Zeke that they'd have to vote for Dawn, the Canadian homeschooler quit his alliance, siding with the nature girl. In the end, it came down to a dramatic tiebreaker between nature and Noah which Noah won by a whisker. We're half-way through the season, and somehow only have six contestants left. What am I gonna do to fit in thirteen more episodes? And who will be the next to take a fall down the Chute of Shame? Find out right now, on TOTAL, DRAMA, THE ISLAND REBORN!

(Theme song plays. It shows the camera sweeping past the dock, where Chris waves at it. Chef smiles at it, then gulps as it comes nearer to him, and smacks him in the face. After he disappears the camera zooms up the cliff, where it shows a squirrel punching Zeke in the face. As the camera "falls" off the cliff so does Zeke. Hitting the water, bubbles cover the screen. When they clear, Izzy is swimming away from a shark, only to turn around and bite the shark back. Above the water, Noah is sitting in a boat, reading his trademark book, when Zeke lands on him. Right after the moment of impact, the camera zooms to the forest, where Mike is petting a raccoon. The raccoon bites his finger, causing him to wince in pain, inhale deeply, then scream at the raccoon. The camera zooms to the waterfall, where Annette is singing on top of a log that goes over the waterfall. At the bottom, Dawn is sitting cross-legged on a beam of wood going across a small lake, looking very peaceful. Suddenly, Annette flies past her and her mouth falls open. The camera moves to the outhouse confessional, where a bear is knocking on the door. Blake sticks his head out, screams, and then ducks back in. Chef's kitchen is then seen, with a small television in the background upon which Courtney and Cody can be seen. Lightning is dumping protein powder into his mouth, and then fist-pumps, while Heather is tied to a chair, being force-fed Chef Hatchet's special soup by Chef himself. The camera moves outside to the campfire pit, where Owen is holding Mr. Coconut and rocking back and forth giggling. Staci is seen on the dock, blabbing on while reading from a gigantic stack of papers. The camera shifts a little, showing Chris on the other side of the dock, covering his ears and yelling. He runs around and falls into the water. When he surfaces, in classic cartoon style, his head steams over in anger, causing a fire. The camera follows the fire embers up, and then back down, revealing the campfire. Zoey is sitting in front of it, looking nervous, before her eyebrows scrunch up and she gives an evil grin, only to look around when she sees Zeke and Mike sitting on either side of her. The camera pans out to show all 13 contestants sitting on stools around the campfire, as Chris stands nearby and grins at the camera. A wooden sign is seen, where neon letters light up, saying TOTAL DRAMA THE ISLAND REBORN)

(Noah opens his eyes and stretches, then jumps up, shocked. He is in a small metal room with no visible doors or window. The walls are silvery and seem to be made out of titanium. On the metal floor around him are the other five campers, still sleeping)

Noah: What the heck? Probably one of Chris' sick pranks. [shaking a couple people] Hey! Izzy, get up! Blake! Hello?

(Within a few seconds he has the other five awake, as they gasp at their surroundings)

Ezekiel: Where are we, eh?

(A panel in the wall opens, and a megaphone pops out)

Chris: [megaphone] Hey all! How do you like my mancave?

Noah: Hilarious, Chris. Now get me out of here before the ceiling implodes. I take it we're underground.

Chris: Correctomono! You're in a small bunker, ten feet below sea level, er, dirt level. And the first part of today's challenge is to escape! There are five ways to get out, and each one can only be used once.

Staci: But there are six of us!

Chris: Exactly! The one of you who doesn't make it out will be eliminated from the challenge. And in the next one plus one plus one plus one challenges, we'll get rid of you guys one by one until only one is left standing, who is the one winner for his one team!

Noah: [sarcastically] Overuse of the word 'one' is illegal in most Canadian territories.

Chris: Fine then. Three! You may begin escaping.

(All six of them quickly cluster around a vent in the far corner. Unlike the one Izzy escaped through in the Underground Playa des Losers, this one is much smaller)

Ezekiel: None of us'll ever fit through that, eh.

Noah: Prepare to be proved wrong.

(Noah, both the skinniest and the shortest of the group, sticks his head in the vent and wedges his shoulders in. He climbs the rest of the way in, and quickly gets stuck)

Noah: Uh, I'm getting a little claustrophobic in here.

Blake: I'll help you!

Noah: I would appreciate it if you didn't- - -AAAAAAH!

(Before the bookworm can finish his sentence, Blake shoves him from behind and he shoots forward into the vent, out of sight. The entrance to the vent is closed by a metal panel, as Chris said would happen, but it wouldn't have mattered anyway as no one else could fit through. The five left in the bunker-like room immediately start searching for other ways out)

Izzy: Haha, this is the perfect challenge for Izzy! No one could escape better.

(She gets down on all fours and starts sniffing the floor, looking for a way out. With a cry of 'Aha!' she rips up another panel and reveals the dirt underneath. Shrugging her shoulders, she begins to tunnel and is quickly out of sight)

Blake: That was a little weird.

Annette: You don't say….

(She walks over to a wall and leans against against, flipping a switch and opening a door. She steps through it and it closes behind her. The entrance to Izzy's tunnel also closes)

(Scene switches to Noah. He worms his way out of the vent into a larger one, which slopes upwards. After following that for several twists and turns, he emerges out of the ground in a clearing. Izzy and Annette are already there. Noah grins)

_Static_

Noah: Okay, this is becoming almost too easy. Seriously, I'm in the final six with the only other serious competitor being Izzy. Although we're on opposite teams, I'm sure I can woo her into an alliance someday. The merge can't be too far away. My main problem right now is that Zeke's out for my blood. He's an idiot, but he's determined. I don't like that combination.

_Static_

Ezekiel: Oi'm never gonna stop tryin' until I get Noah eliminated, eh. The problem is how to do it. I've made up a list of several possible strategies.

(He holds up a piece of paper and clears his throat)

Ezekiel: Ahem. Strategy number one. Zeke wins. Number two. Noah doosn't win. Number three. Chockate milk. Number four. I hate squirrels. Number five. Zeke wins. Number six. Noah doosn't- - -

(The confessional cam cuts him off)

_Static_

_End of Confessionals_

Staci: Now what?

Ezekiel: There's gotta be some more ways outta here.

Blake: Two more, to be precise.

(Ezekiel walks over to the wall where Chris' megaphone popped out of. He finds hinges and opens up yet another panel to find the megaphone, connected to a robotic arm. But something doesn't look right. Meanwhile, Staci and Blake continue to poke around)

Blake: There must be something obvious we're missing.

Staci: Yah, but what?

(Ezekiel reaches his arm in behind the megaphone and shoves away a piece of cardboard painted to look like metal. Behind it is a small crawlspace with a ladder leading upwards, which he quickly climbs up. A true metal sheet slides behind him, closing the exit)

Blake: What's this?

(He suddenly notices a big red button on one of the walls with a sign saying 'Teleporter' pointing to it. He presses it and suddenly appears in the clearing. The other escaped campers and Chris are standing around)

Chris: Congratulations, groovy cats! You'll be moving onto the next part of the challenge.

Annette: What about Staci?

Chris: We'll leave her there for now. That way she can't annoy me. Now, who's ready for the most epic obstacle course of all time?

Noah: You.

Chris: Nice one, Noah, but I'm not competing. I'll leave that to you guys. The obstacle course is two hundred yards away down this path. Running there's part of it, in fact. You all race at once. Last one across the finish line will be joining Staci in Loserville. Go!

(The five contestants take off, Izzy in the lead with Blake brining up the rear)

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

(Izzy reaches the obstacle course first, with Zeke right behind her. The first obstacle is a field of slippery ice with razor sharp saw blades spinning around randomly, moving through the ice. Izzy immediately does a bunch of cartwheels, flips, and somersaults to get through the field, getting scraped up a lot in the process but just laughing it off. Zeke grimaces)

_Static_

Ezekiel: That dooes not look loike fun, eh. But I'm gonna beat Noah if it's the last thing I do! As a matter of fact, it prob'ly will be the last thing I do.

_Static_

_End of Confessionals_

(As Zeke gingerly steps onto the ice, Izzy climbs up a bunch of spinning platforms to hop into a rotating tube. Blake and Noah show up at the obstacle course at almost exactly the same time. Noah spots Zeke in the lead and immediately throws himself on the cold field, crawling on his elbows and knees. Blake takes a little longer psyching himself up for the obstacle course. Meanwhile, Zeke has reached the first spinning platform and is clinging on for dear life, while Izzy pops out the other end of the tube, falling into a mud pit and looking up at a huge climbing wall in front of her. By the time she reaches the top, Noah has passed Zeke and is nearly to the tube with the toque-wearing teen close behind him. Blake is half-way across the ice and screams at the top of the lungs every time he gets within ten feet of a saw blade. Annette runs out of the forest and slips onto the ice. She quickly pulls herself back onto less slippery ground and glares at Chris, who is standing over to the side)

Annette: _Illegal alliance? Ring a bell? This probably won't turn out well!_

Chris: Yeah yeah, I'm getting to it already. You can take a shortcut to the tube.

(Annette opens her mouth to say something, but a giant spring pops up and sends her flying. She lands on top of Noah as he tries to enter the rolling cylinder, and they both fall down, allowing Zeke to pass them)

_Static_

Annette: That was a relief. I was beginning to think Chris had forgotten about our illegal alliance!

_Static_

Chris: Yeah, I'm starting to regret this alliance with the annoying girl. She's so persistent! I wish this alliance was like my one with Owen back in TDA. I had to keep reminding him we were in one!

_Static_

Noah: And, the unprofessional singer just cost me my lead. But don't worry. I'll get it back. Geez, funny thing about having a rival in the competition, it makes me actually wanna try for the million bucks.

_Static_

_End of Confessionals _

(Izzy is in view of the finish line. Upon reaching the top of the climbing wall, all one has to do is jump across platforms illogically levitating in the air to the end. The difficult thing is that the platforms get progressively smaller and bounce around more. The crazy girl shrugs and starts running across, not really paying attention to where her feet are going. On the next to last one, she slips and falls, managing to grab on with her right hand and hanging over a long drop back down to the field of ice. She slowly starts trying to pull herself back up. Over at the rock wall, Annette and Noah have started climbing, with the bookworm going at a slightly faster pace. But he didn't count on Zeke catching up and knocking him down. The prairie boy and the egghead tumble to the ground, where Zeke tries to pin Noah down, but the sarcastic genius gets up and runs over to the rock wall. Some of Ezekiel's feral side seems to have come out, however, as he bounds up the wall and clears the remaining distance to the finish line in a single bound, completing the challenge and knocking Izzy off)

_Static_

Noah: Alright, I was not expecting that. Beating Zeke at the remaining parts of the challenge might be a little harder than I thought.

_Static_

_End of Confessionals_

(The fall knocked Izzy out, but she quickly wakes up. She is lying in the middle of the ice field. Noah and Annette have just finished, and Blake is crawling out of the mud pit towards the climbing wall. Knowing she has to beat the part-time Scottish teen to stay in the challenge, she dashes helter-skelter through the ice fields as fast as she can, cackling maniacally. She falls out of the cylinder just as Blake reaches the top of the rock wall, quickly gaining on him. By the last platform, they're practically tied as Izzy dives and Blake leaps. Blake hits the finish line first and falls down onto the ice with Izzy)

Chris: And Izzy is our number one first-class loser! Actually, she was the second to lose, but whatever. Crazy dudette, enjoy some quality time with Staci!

(Chris flips a switch and Izzy falls down a trapdoor, landing in the bunker next to Total Drama's chattiest contestant)

Staci: Oh good! Somebody to tell lies, uh, I mean stories to! That reminds me, my great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-gr eat-great-great-aunt Fancypants invented stories. Before her, people could only tell things to each other in a scientific manner. That got boring quickly, as you can imagine….

Izzy: Izzy's beginning to feel a burning desire to strangle each and every one of your ancestors personally, followed by you!

Staci: Geez. Touchy!

(Scene switches to the campgrounds, where Chef has set up a wooden platform with four ceramic plates hung on strings. Each plate has a picture of one of the contestants competing in the challenge, so Annette, Zeke, Blake, and Noah. The four are given slingshots and several stones)

Chris: This is a fun little game I like to call 'Shatter'. The goal here is to completely break your plate using the slingshots provided. Last one to do so is out. But be careful where you aim! Ya don't want to accidentally help your opponent's out by hitting theirs.

Blake: How often can we fire?

Chris: As often as you can reload. You may now begin failing!

(Zeke and Noah immediately take aim and shoot. Noah's stone hits his plate and breaks it, and the prairie boy's stone smacks Noah, knocking him out)

Ezekiel: [unconvincingly] Sorry, eh.

Annette: Ahem.

Chris: I'm getting to it, I'm getting to it!

(He pulls a remote control out of his pocket and presses a big green button. Annette's plate shatters)

Chris: Looks like it's down to the Zekey and the freaky!

_Static_

Blake: Okay, that was completely unfair.

_Static_

Chris: Annette is totally ticking me off! If I hadn't signed that stupid contract, I could just automatically eliminate her or something. But, if there's one thing I've learned in my years of scamming people, it's that there's always a loophole. You just have to find it.

_Static_

Ezekiel: Man, I'm sure doin' a good job avengin' Dawn's elimination, eh. She must be so proud!

_Static_

_End of Confessionals_

(In a nice relaxing spot at the Underground Playa des Losers….)

Dawn: I sense something bad on the island. What is with Zeke's aura lately?

(Back to the challenge. Blake and Zeke are firing stone after stone without hitting anything, The latter eventually hits the former's plate, but it only cracks a little. The plate sways back and forth a bit and knocks into Zeke's, breaking the strings holding it up. Zeke's plate falls to the ground andbreaks)

Chris: And the next member of Bunker Loserdom is Blake! Bye-bye.

(He again presses a button on a remote control and Blake falls down a chute, landing next to Staci in the bunker. Izzy is hanging from the ceiling. Quick as lightning (both the actual lightning and the jock) she grabs Staci's neck and starts shaking her around)

Blake: Izzy! Put her down!

(The crazy girl reluctantly drops Staci)

Staci: Thanks.

Izzy: Why'd I have to stop? That was so much fun!

Blake: You are one sick person.

Izzy: Don't be silly, Scottish guy, I haven't gotten the flu in years!

(Scene switch. Back with Chris and the three teens)

Chris: Alright campers, it's time for today's twist. Instead of having two more parts of this challenge, I'm combining them both together! Zeke and Noah's rivalry was just to funny to pass up, and I didn't want the final challenge to be just one of them versus Singy Girl over here. So all three of you are gonna be going for the win! Now, the first challenge was a robot rodeo. Basically, you simply had to ride robot bulls without getting tossed off and trampled.

Noah: 'Simply'. Yeah.

Chris: And the final challenge would have been facing down this fearsome Komodo Dragon!

(He points to a dark cave. A scaly webbed foot comes out of it, followed by another. Out of the cave, with dramatic music playing, comes Chef in a really cheesy lizard costume)

Annette: What the heck?

Noah: Okay, if you could afford afford actual crocodiles for the croc wrestling challenge, what's the deal with the reptilian Chef?

Chris: Yeah, I was in a lazy mood today.

Chef: Moo.

Chris: Chef, wrong animal! So, here's how it's gonna work. You guys ride your robotic bulls while Cheffy over there tries and attacks you. If your bull bucks you off, you lose. If Chef knocks you off, you lose. All clear?

Noah: Crystal.

(The three mount their metal steers, which try and buck them off with little success. Ezekiel is beginning to become feral again as his skin starts to glow olive green and his teeth somehow turn into points. Annette is nearly knocked off by her bull as it jumps about, but manages to hang on with one hand. Unfortunately for her, Chef spots this and lunges, knocking her off )

Annette: Dang it! I lost.

Chris: It's not over yet. Check this out! It's hysterical!

(Noah and Ezekiel are charging towards each other in a dangerous game of 'Chicken', both with fire in their eyes. Ezekiel is growing more feral by the second as Noah turns away at the last possible moment. Zeke shoots by him. Chef tries to knock over the homeschooler but is thrown to the ground. A now totally feral zombie Zeke smells weakness. He rips his toque off and kicks his shoes away, growling, and turns to face Noah. Then he charges)

_Static_

Annette: Wow. So the two crazy guys are charging each other on robotic animals, and I'm just sitting there when it occurs to me. Why the heck are they doing this?

_Static_

Chef: Dang, those dumb kids aren't gonna come out o' this alive. Take a lesson, y'all stupid teens watchin' this, and don't try this at home, suckers, don't try this at home.

_Static_

(Ezekiel is growling and jumping up and down in the confessional, tearing at the walls. He spots the camera and smacks it, twisting it upside-down)

_Static_

Noah: [seen upside-down] What is wrong with the camera?

(He turns it so he's seen right side up again)

Noah: That's better. Anyway, it looks like Gollum Zeke and I are stuck in a fatal game of chicken. And I'll tell you one thing. I am _not_ going to be the chicken this time.

_Static_

(Chris is laughing his head off)

_Static_

_End of Confessionals_

(As Zeke continues to head directly for Noah, the bookworm also starts to charge. Their bulls pant heavily, which seems impossible considering they're robots. At the last second, the feral prairie boy realizes Noah has no intention of turning away, and he tries to dash to the side. But it's too late. The two bulls collide and a huge explosion happens. A mushroom cloud billows up around the island, and the noise is heard as far away as Japan, where it causes a car crash followed by a rather annoying traffic jam)

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

(The scene is the campfire at night, with the three, soon to be two, members of the Crazy Crazies sitting on various logs)

Chris: Crazies, Crazies, Crazies. Is it possible for me to say how disappointed I am with you guys? Yet another loss. You'll end up like Team Victory at this rate.

Staci: What's Team Victory?

Chris: Not important. Anyway, today's marshmallow ceremony is gonna be really short, so I'm tryin' to drag it out as much as possible. As you may have noticed, there are three of you. And two marshmallows. I'm no math genius, but even I know that those numbers are not the same. I think. Forget it. Tonight's first marshmallow goes to…

…

…

…

…

…

…Izzy!

Izzy: Haha!

(The psycho catches her marshmallow and swallows it whole. Annette and Staci look fearfully at each other)

Chris: Geez, I told you this was going to be short. Tonight's final marshmallow belongs to none other than…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…Annette!

Annette: _I'm safe for now! With Izzy my pal!_

Staci: Why did I have to go? I was awesome!

Chris: Not exactly.

Staci: I was the fan favorite!

Chris: Alright, now you're just flat out lying. Get outta here!

(He presses yet another button and Staci drops down the Chute of Shame. Staci pops out of the hole in the wall at Underground Playa des Losers)

Staci: Where am I?

Lightning: Sha-bam!

Staci: That didn't answer my question.

Owen: You're in a place worth a good deal more than a million bucks, my friend.

Mr. Coconut: - - - - -

Zoey: Nice to see you again, Staci.

Staci: It's not nice for me. I lost!

Heather: Who cares? You've always been a sucky character anyway.

Dawn: You shouldn't be so quick to let your temper simply dismiss people, Heather.

Heather: What do you know?

Dawn: A lot, actually.

Heather: Never mind. [to Staci] So what happened today?

Staci: Yah, a lot actually.

(She gives them a brief recap of what happened throughout the entire episode)

Lightning: Hah! That's sha-hilarious!

Dawn: Oh no! Ezekiel is letting his sadness blind him. The poor boy must think he can avenge me by getting _re_venge. And that's not at all the right thing to do. If only there was a way to tell him….

Mike: Actually, I might be able to help with that. See, there's something I haven't really gotten around to telling you guys yet.

Zoey: Wait, what?

Mike: See- - -

(The camera cuts to Chris on the Dock of Shame right as Mike begins to talk)

Chris: Yeah, CLIFFHANGERS! Gotta freaking love 'em. What was Mike talking about? How will Ezekiel try to get revenge on Noah next? Or has he given it up? And will the merge ever come? Find out next time, on TOTAL, DRAMA, THE ISLAND REBORN!

(Credits play)

**Voting Confessionals**

_Static_

Annette: Yes, I'm so happy right now! I was sure I was doomed, but Izzy just told me she wants to get rid of Staci! Oh, zip a dee doo dah, zip a dee ay…

_Static_

Izzy: Good-bye Staci! Never shall I see you again!***[1]**

_Static_

Staci: Yah, I vote for Annette. Her illegal alliance is terrible! I'm certain Izzy is voting for her too.

_Static_

**Staci: 2**

**Annette: 1**

**Izzy: 0**

**Eliminated: Mike, Zoey, Mr. Coconut, Owen, Heather, Lightning, Dawn, Staci**

**Psycho Psychos: Blake, Ezekiel, Noah**

**Crazy Crazies: Annette, Izzy**

***[1] This is a reference to the ending line of Swiss Family Robinson (or at least the version I read). Although it's a great book, the ending line must be the dumbest concluding sentence of all time.**

**Bet you're all glad to see Staci go. I am too! Honestly, I'm super relieved that she's finally gone, even though I already knew when she was gonna get booted! Anyway, check out my poll and please review. It'll make my day, believe me. Like I said, updates should be quicker getting out. And feel free to check out my other stories, 'Total Drama Jurassic Park', 'The Chaotic Adventures of Bony Bones', and 'Mickey's Comeback'. Thanks!**

**~TheImpossiblyAwesomeWriter**

**Next Time: It's the merge! To celebrate this special occasion, an eliminated contestant is returning, a former camper is debuting, and Chef will be competing in the challenge! (Gulp.) In three challenges based on luck, what will happen when Scottish Blake, Chef's rivalry with Izzy, and the do-anything-tow-win former camper all come together? Find out next episode, due in a week or two.**


	15. Luck o' the Canadian

**Chapter 15: Luck o' the Canadian**

**Hey guys, good news: I've thought up a sequel season to TDTIR, Total Drama Time Travelers! It'll come out when I finish this. I think it'll end up pretty good since it'll improve on all my mistakes from this fanfic: More contestants, more couples, less typos, and more fun!**

(Camera shows Chris standing on the Dock of Shame)

Chris: Last time, on Total Drama The Island Reborn, the campers had a bit of a rude awakening. They found themselves in an underground bunker, with only five means of escape. Zeke, Noah, Annette, Izzy, and Blake all got out, leaving Staci behind. From there we moved onto an extreme obstacle course. Annette lucked out and Zeke and Noah battled for the win. And Izzy lost. Yeah, I know! Who would've thought?! Anyway, in a quick and fun game, we knocked Blake out of the challenge and moved on to the final part; a robot rodeo while avoiding Komodo Chef! Don't ask. Annette immediately failed and cost the Crazies the win, but Noah and Zeke proceeded to play a completely psychotic game of Chicken, with Zeke turning more Gollumy by the second. I think that's a word. Can you guess what happened? An explosion. Real shocker. And, Staci got the boot. FINALLY. What the heck was she doing sticking around so long? Seriously. What annoying camper will get eliminated next? When will the merge come? And will Ezekiel end up killing Noah before the episode even begins?

(Something in the background explodes)

Chris: Probably! But still, check out today's episode of TOTAL, DRAMA, THE ISLAND REBORN!

(Theme song plays. It shows the camera sweeping past the dock, where Chris waves at it. Chef smiles at it, then gulps as it comes nearer to him, and smacks him in the face. After he disappears the camera zooms up the cliff, where it shows a squirrel punching Zeke in the face. As the camera "falls" off the cliff so does Zeke. Hitting the water, bubbles cover the screen. When they clear, Izzy is swimming away from a shark, only to turn around and bite the shark back. Above the water, Noah is sitting in a boat, reading his trademark book, when Zeke lands on him. Right after the moment of impact, the camera zooms to the forest, where Mike is petting a raccoon. The raccoon bites his finger, causing him to wince in pain, inhale deeply, then scream at the raccoon. The camera zooms to the waterfall, where Annette is singing on top of a log that goes over the waterfall. At the bottom, Dawn is sitting cross-legged on a beam of wood going across a small lake, looking very peaceful. Suddenly, Annette flies past her and her mouth falls open. The camera moves to the outhouse confessional, where a bear is knocking on the door. Blake sticks his head out, screams, and then ducks back in. Chef's kitchen is then seen, with a small television in the background upon which Courtney and Cody can be seen. Lightning is dumping protein powder into his mouth, and then fist-pumps, while Heather is tied to a chair, being force-fed Chef Hatchet's special soup by Chef himself. The camera moves outside to the campfire pit, where Owen is holding Mr. Coconut and rocking back and forth giggling. Staci is seen on the dock, blabbing on while reading from a gigantic stack of papers. The camera shifts a little, showing Chris on the other side of the dock, covering his ears and yelling. He runs around and falls into the water. When he surfaces, in classic cartoon style, his head steams over in anger, causing a fire. The camera follows the fire embers up, and then back down, revealing the campfire. Zoey is sitting in front of it, looking nervous, before her eyebrows scrunch up and she gives an evil grin, only to look around when she sees Zeke and Mike sitting on either side of her. The camera pans out to show all 13 contestants sitting on stools around the campfire, as Chris stands nearby and grins at the camera. A wooden sign is seen, where neon letters light up, saying TOTAL DRAMA THE ISLAND REBORN)

(The campers are standing on the Dock of Shame next to Chris. Ezekiel is back to normal)

Chris: Smile for the camera! C'mon, show your nice and yellow teeth.

Blake: Uh, why are we here?

Chris: Because I have big news. You have all reached the merge!

(There's shocked silence for a second. Then Izzy hugs Noah, who smiles slightly, Annette and Blake cheer, and Ezekiel tries to do a cartwheel and falls in the lake)

Chris: To celebrate this special occasion, we're bringing back two campers! First, after getting unfairly voted off in Total Drama Island, she came back to kick butt in the follow-up season. But she still failed. Then came the third season. Don't even get me started on the totally messed-up drama that happened there. Oh yeah, and she did, like, nothing in Total Drama Revenge of the Island. Presenting….

_Static_

Annette: I wonder who it could be?

_Static_

Izzy: Izzy has a suspicion. And Izzy doesn't like what she suspects.

_Static_

Noah: Why is Chris announcing everything like he's a circus ringmaster? This is Reality TV, people.

_Static_

_End of Confessionals_

(A boat drives up to the Dock of Shame and a brown-haired teen gets off)

Chris: ….Courtney!

Courtney: Save it Chris. I'm here to win, not to get introduced. Who am I competing against?

(She looks down the line of contestants)

Courtney: Let's see, Bookworm, Psycho Hose Beast, and Nose Picker are back.

Ezekiel: Nose Picker? Isn't that Harold, eh?

(He picks his nose)

Courtney: Ew! Hmm. Who are you two?

(She stops in front of Annette and Blake)

Annette: _I'm Annette! I don't wear a bonnet!_

Courtney: [covering her ears] Ow! Shut it! You must be newbies. All the better for me. The newer they are, the harder they fall.

_Static_

Blake: I'm not sure who Courtney is, but she doesn't seem very friendly. Nah. That was probably just a misleading first impression.

_Static_

Courtney: Hey you, camera people! Listen up. I came here to win. Just like I did before. And before that. And even before that. But this time there's one little difference! This time, I'm going to win. You hear me? Hello? I know you can hear me! I demand a response this instant! Hello?!

_Static_

_End of Confessionals_

Chris: Now for another returning contestant! This guy debuted in TDROTI, and did pretty well. And then, this season, he epic-failed pretty early on and got kicked off. Everybody welcome….

(A platform rises from the Chute of Shame, with a very skinny teen standing on it)

Chris: ….Mike!

Mike: Uh, hey. [noticing everyone glaring] What?

Noah: You coming back means more competition.

Annette: I don't like Bob.

Ezekiel: Me neither, eh,

Courtney: I don't know who you are, but I don't like anyone here!

Mike: Geez.

_Static_

Mike: Yeah, that didn't go so well. At least I've got another shot at the million. But this time I need to keep Bob under control. And I also have to deliver a message to Zeke. I promised Dawn I'd let him know that fighting Noah isn't avenging her.

_Static_

Noah: Mr. Multi Man is back. Am I concerned? No. What I need to do now is get Izzy into some sort of an alliance, since it's the merge already. I really wish I could spend more time with her. Uh, strictly because of strategic reasons. Naturally.

_Static_

Izzy: You know, I would love to be in an alliance with Noah now that the merge's rolled around, but I think he thinks Izzy is just a little too cuckoo. Ah well.

_Static_

_End of Confessionals_

Chris: Alright, I'll give Mike and Courtney some time to settle in and unpack their bags before the challenge begins. From now on, the guys get what was formally the Psychos' cabin, and the girls get- - -

Noah: [sarcastically] Perhaps the other one?

Chris: That's what I was about to say. Now shoo!

(Scene switches to the guys' cabin, where Mike has picked a bunk and dropped his duffel bag onto it)

Mike: So, how've you guys been holding up since I've been gone?

(Zeke and Noah glare at each other while Blake scratches his head cluelessly)

Mike: Never mind.

(He slowly backs away and walks out of the room)

(Camera switches over to the girls' cabin, where Courtney is tossing Izzy's stuff out of the way to make room for her own)

Annette: What are you doing?

Courtney: Unpacking. What Chris said. Now unless you have something important to say, get out!

(Annette shrugs and walks over to Izzy is standing, before Courtney calls the two of them back over)

Courtney: Listen up, girls. It's about this time in the game that the boys always team up in a stupid Guy's Alliance.

Annette: I don't think that's gonna happen, with all the conflicts and stuff between them. Zeke and Noah can't even stand each other!

Courtney: Yeah yeah, that's what they want you to believe. But think about it. There are four of them and three of us. If they wanted to, they could pick us off one by one. Do you want that to happen?

Annette: No sirree!

Courtney: So you're in?

Annette: Uh….

_Static_

Annette: I'd like to say yes, but I'm already in an illegal alliance with Chris. Key term? Illegal. I've already spun a sticky web around myself, and I don't want to tighten it. Courtney seems like she might go back on her word and get rid of me. But I can always count on Chris!

_Static_

(Chris is scribbling furiously on a pad of paper. He looks up and notices the camera)

Chris: Oh, this? I'm just writing 'I hate Annette' over and over again. Been doin' it for the last couple days.

_Static_

Courtney: Hah, Izzy and Annette are sure to join. The two simpletons aren't even capable of saying the word no.

_Static_

_End of Confessionals_

Annette: No.

Courtney: I stand corrected. Well, it's your loss. Izzy, what about you?

Izzy: Depends.

Courtney: On what?

Izzy: Who would we vote off first?

Courtney: Let me ask you a question. Of the four guys, who do you think is most likely to be clever and form an alliance?

Izzy: Er, Ezekiel?

Courtney: No! Not at all! It's Noah. He's going down/

(Izzy grabs a hand mirror and smacks Courtney over the head with it, cracking the glass)

Courtney: Ow! You little….urgh! What was that for?

Izzy: Izzy may be crazy, but she's not that crazy. I'll never vote for Noah!

_Static_

Izzy: Izzy meant what she said, and she said what she meant. I won't vote for Noah, one hundred percent! ***[1]**

_Static_

Courtney: Okay, that didn't go as planned. But I still want to take out Noah. He's the biggest threat! With him gone, the game is mine. From what I hear, Zeke isn't all too happy with Mr. Smug Bookworm. He might just be interested in a little thing I like to call….an alliance.

_Static_

_End of Confessionals_

(Exiting the confessional, Courtney quickly heads towards the guy's cabin, running into Ezekiel on the way there)

Ezekiel: Good day, eh! That rhymed, eh.

Courtney: Whatever. Zeke, can I talk to you?

Ezekiel: Sure thing.

Courtney: I was wondering- - -

(An air horn goes off and Chris yells over the megaphone)

Chris: It's challenge time! Meet me back at the Dock of Shame immediately!

Ezekiel: What were you goin' to say, eh?

Courtney: Tell you later. Let's go.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

(The seven campers are standing on the Dock of Shame with Chris and Chef facing them)

Chris: Hello, final seven! That's a lucky number! Today, there will be three parts to the challenge. A preliminary round, the semi-finals, and the big last one. And because the seven of you are so lucky to have made it this far, all the challenges will be based on luck, with almost no skill required!

Noah: Uh, Chris? You don't exactly have to be lucky to get this far. There have been fourteen of us. We're only half-way done. Anyone who's not stupid could make it this far. [glancing at Zeke and Blake] Actually, I take that back. Stupid people can make it this far too.

Chris: Yeah. Good for you. But just think how awesome I am! I never have to worry about getting eliminated!

Courtney: All you worry about is whether your hair looks right and whether you're going to get sued. And if I have my way, you will!

Chris: Whoa, calm down a little. So, in each round, there will be one-on-one competitions, with the loser getting dropped from the challenge.

Noah and Courtney: Check your math!

(They glare at each other)

Courtney: We need eight people to do that.

Noah: We only have seven.

Chris: Don't worry, don't worry, I've thought of that. Someone else will be joining you guys for just this challenge.

Annette: Is it another eliminated contestant?

Izzy: Is it the Sasquatchwanakwa?

Ezekiel: Is it chockate milk?

Chris: No to all three! It's Chef!

_Static_

Courtney: Are you kidding me?

_Static_

Noah: Why? WHY?!

_Static_

Ezekiel: I have Chefophobia, eh. Get me outta this madhouse!

_Static_

Mike: [shuddering] I still have nightmares about that man.

_Static_

Annette: I don't think I'm gonna like this….

_Static_

(Blake is curled up on the bench, shivering in fear)

_Static_

Izzy: Bring it on, Cheffy! Izzy's got game, and she's gonna bring ya down!

_Static_

Chef: I'm gonna teach these suckers that nobody messes with Chef Hatchet and gets away with it! Except, uh, Leshawna, Beth, Izzy, Duncan, and a coupla others, but that's all in the past now.

_Static_

Chris: Best. Idea. Ever!

_Static_

_End of Confessionals _

(Chef is punching his fist into his other hand menacingly)

Chris: That's everything, I think. Oh yeah, the winner gets invincibility.

Courtney: [rolling her eyes] What if Chef wins?

Noah: Hey! I was gonna say that! Stop stealing my lines!

Chris: If Chef wins, he gets to choose himself who's eliminated. And just to make things interesting, second place gets invincibility from his pick. Now, your first challenge is walking through a field to the finish line. A mine field! And there's no way to tell where the mines are. Let's have our formerly vampirian friend Frederic demonstrate!

(Frederic is standing on the end of the field, looking down fearfully)

Frederic: Yo homie, is this, like, safe?

Chris: Definitely.

(Fred shrugs and steps onto the field. He immediately sets off a mine and is blasted away)

Chris: Now, just like how the challenges are based on luck, so are the challengers! I have a nifty little machine here that'll randomly pick who competes. Here goes nothing!

(He pulls out a little box from behind his back and spins a lever. A picture of Courtney and one of Izzy pop up out of little slots)

Chris: Looks like we have our first two. Ready to get blown up? On your mark. Get set. Go!

(Courtney steps onto the field and starts jogging slowly, zigzagging back and forth and thankfully avoiding any mines. When she's nearly to the finish, Izzy does a somersault onto the dirt and hits a mine, exploding herself across the finish line first)

Izzy: Ta-da!

Chris: Courtney's out!

Courtney: What? That's totally cheating! Izzy hit a mine!

Chris: I never said you couldn't.

Courtney: Urgh! You are so annoying!

Chris: Thank you, I know. Our next two are….

(He spins the lever again and smiles in glee at the result)

Chris: Well, this is a nice coincidence! I guess it's _my_ lucky day. Zeke and Noah! You're up.

(The two glance at each other and take off. Although neither of them are very good runners, Zeke easily runs a good deal faster than Noah, and is nearly finished when a mine blows up in his face, knocking him backwards and into Noah. Zeke gets up first and Noah grabs his ankle, knocking him back over into the mud. The two wrestle with each other, trying to get up, when out of nowhere the evil squirrel jumps into the fray and starts attacking them both, but especially Zeke. After a little while of rolling around, somebody hits a mine and all three go flying through the air)

Chris: Yeah. After that pathetic performance, I've decided that both Efreakiel and Egghead fail. Courtney, you're back in.

Courtney: Yes! Yes yes yes!

_Static_

Courtney: It was only a matter of time.

_Static_

Mike: Ezekiel's already out, so if I fail my challenge, it'll be perfect timing for me to deliver Dawn's message. But I'm not planning on failing it.

_Static_

Noah: You know what the only thing I've felt has been, ever since I've gotten to know Zeke? Pain. And lots of it too.

_Static_

_End of Confessionals _

Chris: Now, we've got….[waiting for the machine to finish up picking] Chef and Annette!

(Both of them grin, and Chef dashes across the field, setting off several mines which don't seem to bother him. Annette tentatively steps on, and then turns around)

Annette: [to Chris] Ahem. A little help?

Chris: What'cha say? Can't hear you!

(He grabs a remote control out of his pocket and slams a big red button. A mine goes off directly underneath Annette, blasting her through the air just as Chef wins)

_Static_

Chris: Okay, that wasn't exactly in the terms of my illegal alliance contract, but, what the hey? IT WAS AWESOME!

_Static_

Annette: Chris couldn't hear me from right over there? Gee, I feel sorry for him. Going deaf at such a young age….it's terrible!

_Static_

_End of Confessionals _

Chris: Okay….

Ezekiel: Alright! ***[2]**

Chris: Shut up. We've got Mike and Blake as our final competitors for the preliminaries. You guys ready?

(Mike and Blake nod)

Chris: On your mark- - -

Noah: Wait!

(He tosses something to Blake)

Noah: It's a Coca Cola. Scottish Blake could come in handy here.

Blake: Uh, okay.

(He drains the bottle)

Scottish Blake: HELLO LADDIES AND LASSIES AND NOAHS! IS THAT A MINE FIELD I SEE? MINES ARE FULL O' THE OL' ADVENTURE!

(He dives into the mud and roots around until he hears something click. Blake grins)

Blake: HOORAY!

(The mine explodes and he's sent flying)

Noah: That could've gone a little better.

(Meanwhile, Mike has carefully worked his way across the field and crossed the finish line)

Chris: And it looks like we have our four semi-final competitors. Mike, Chef, Courtney, and Izzy. Congrats and all! For the second challenge, you will be tossed into a quicksand pit, in which you will inevitably sink. Frederic the Intern will show us how.

(Frederic steps onto the quicksand and nothing happens. He relaxes)

Frederic: Like, man, this isn't so bad!

(He sinks up to his neck)

Frederic: Homie, help!

Chris: [as Frederic sinks completely] Maybe later. First up are….Chef and Courtney! Step right into the quicksand, kids.

Chef: You call me kid again, sonny boy, and I'll throw ya off the cliff!

Chris: Good to know. Hurry it up, will ya?

(Chef and Courtney cautiously step into the sand and start sinking almost at once, with the bigger man obviously sinking faster)

Courtney: Hah! You haven't got a chance.

Chef: That's what you think.

(Before the Type A can figure out what he meant, he grabs her arm and pushes her under the sand. He then sinks under himself, and robotic arms zoom and pull them out)

Courtney: That was completely unfair!

Chef: Ya get what ya get and ya don't get upset, maggot.

Chris: Courtney's out. For good this time. Looks like Mike and Izzy are gonna battle it out to see who the other finalist will be.

Ezekiel: That rhymed, eh.

(The squirrel pops out of nowhere and drags him off, kicking and screaming)

Chris: Hop in!

(Izzy dives into the quicksand headfirst and quickly starts sinking, again, headfirst. Mike slowly walks in and sinks slowly, about the same pace as Izzy. But he's still ahead when the squirrel tosses Zeke back out of the woods. The prairie boy crashes into Mike and bounces into the quicksand, where he quickly sinks under)

Mike: Uh oh.

(He inhales sharply)

Mike/Bob: I LOVE IGUANADONS! AND QUICKSAND!

(He leans over and disappears completely into the sand, well ahead of Izzy. The robotic arms pick him, her, and Zeke up and out)

Chris: Looks like Izzy and Chef are gonna be battling it out! Izzy automatically gets invincibility, but the question is, is she gonna win, in which case we go to a normal campfire ceremony? Or is Chef gonna take the prize and pick which one of you suckers goes bye-bye? We'll take a fifteen minute break first.

(Immediately, Courtney walks up to Ezekiel)

Courtney: Hey Zeke! How's it going?

Ezekiel: Like cupcakes.

Courtney: Um, okay. Yeah. [awkwardly] Heard that you and Noah aren't so happy with each other, um, eh?

Ezekiel: A'yup.

Courtney: [still awkwardly] Yeah. Bummer. Definitely. You feel like voting for him?

Ezekiel: A'yup again a'yup.

Courtney: Alright then. It's a deal!

(She pats him on the back and walks off)

_Static_

Courtney: I can't wait to see the look on Noah's face when he gets kicked off tonight. It's gonna be amazing! Assuming Chef doesn't win, of course, but I'm confident Izzy can beat him. And if not? Well, then Chef and I need to have a little talk….

_Static_

Ezekiel: Everything's going perfect, eh. Now I can finally show Noah that nobody messes with Dawn and gets away with it. I hope.

_Static_

_End of Confessionals_

(Mike walks up to Ezekiel just as Courtney walks away)

_Static_

Mike: Hmm, I wonder what Courtney had to say to him. Knowing her, probably nothing good. But it doesn't matter. Now's as good a time as any to deliver Dawn's message.

_Static_

_End of Confessionals_

Mike: Hi Zeke. Having fun?

Ezekiel: Eh. The game's okay eh, but I miss Dawn.

Mike: Yeah, well that's pretty much exactly what I came to you to talk about. After I told everyone I was returning to the game, Dawn wanted me to send a message to you. She heard from Staci that you and Noah are at each other's throats all the time now 'cause you're tryin' to avenge her or something.

Ezekiel: A'yup. She wants to say she's happy aboot it, eh, right?

Mike: Not exactly. She actually thinks that you should stop it. Ya know, call a truce, be buddies with Bookworm again. Peace an' all.

Ezekiel: My brain just exploded, eh.

_Static_

Ezekiel: What am Oi supposed to do now, eh? My world just turned upside-down, and then did a back flip.

_Static_

Mike: If Dawn could see me right now, she'd be proud. Actually, considering the fact that she's Dawn, she probably _can_ see me right now. But, whatever.

_Static_

_End of Confessionals_

(On the other end of camp, Noah is sitting cross-legged on a big rock reading his trademark book, while Izzy is stalking about the high grass trying to catch ants)

Izzy: Haha! Got one! You'll never offend Mistress Izzy again, you little blighter!

(She drops the ant and then drops a stone on top, leaving nothing but a little smear on the ground)

Noah: Gross.

Izzy: I know! It's awesome!

Noah: [sarcastically] Definitely. 'Cause when I grow up, I want to squish bugs for a living.

Izzy: I thought you wanted to win the million and retire at age twenty-one, then move into a house somewhere up in Alaska and live by yourself with ten thousand books and even more cats.

Noah: No! I am not an old cat lady!

Izzy: Well, you're not old yet, but we're workin' on it.

Noah: I happen to picture my future as the exact opposite of what you just said. Minus the winning the million part. And the books. Those are cool.

Izzy: Why do you want to win so badly?

Noah: Why would I not?

Izzy: Where's the fun in always winning?

Noah: Always? I've missed out on the million four seasons in a row. I haven't even ever come close.

Izzy: You probably just need a little help.

Noah: What do you mean?

Izzy: Alliance?

Noah: Sure. Definitely.

Izzy: Yay!

(She pulls Noah into a hug)

Noah: Izzy! Watch it! You're making me dog-ear my book!

_Static_

Noah: [fixing the pages in his book] Stupid paper. Ow! Papercut! Geez. Well, at least that turned out well. I wasn't even expecting Izzy to say yes to an alliance, yet alone ask me to be in one. Although it was annoying when she ruined my book! I didn't mind the hug, though.

_Static_

Izzy: Yes! Noah doesn't think Izzy is so completely psycho that he doesn't want to hang out with her! Yes! Izzy is happy!

_Static_

_End of Confessionals_

Chris: Alright campers, it's time for the final part of the challenge!

Noah: [sarcastically] OMG Chris, I'm so freaking excited.

Courtney: Can you get on with it?

Chris: Whatever, whatever. You see this?

(He points behind him, where thousands of thin metal square stakes all stand next to each other to form a platform)

Chris: Izzy and Chef will each stand up there. Using wooden staves, their job is to knock the other person off. But, here's the part where the luck comes into play! Randomly, some of those square metal things will fall into the earth, creating a hole or a drop-off. Occasionally some will pop back up, but normally when one pops up, you don't want to step on it. 'Cause it'll be sharp. Way sharp. So, over time, the platform will get smaller and smaller, and pointier and pointier, until somebody falls off. Oh, Fred the Dumbhead can demonstrate again.

(Robotic arms pull Frederic out of the quicksand)

Frederic: Cough Cough. About time ya, like, got me out, homie. That was not, like, cool, man.

Chris: Enough whining! Get your lazy butt to work!

(The robotic arms toss Frederic into the middle of the platform. The stakes he's standing on immediately fall down, and he lands hard on the ground eight or nine feet below. Then a bunch of spiked stakes spring up underneath him)

Frederic: Yowch! Chris, homie, you are one sick dude. Like, in a bad way, homie.

Chris: I appreciate that. Izzy and Chef. It's time to get your game on and get ready to rumble!

Noah: This isn't wrestling, Chris.

Chris: Eh, close enough. Begin!

(Chef and Izzy hop up onto the stakes, each wielding a wooden stick to be used as a weapon. Izzy twirls hers and smacks Chef on the head. The cook gets angry and chases her around the platform, only to step on a pointy stake and jump back. Izzy laughs and then dodges sideways as the stakes beneath her fall away. Chef gets back up and lunges at her, but she sidesteps and he goes flying onto the edge of the platform. Suddenly, the stakes beneath him collapse and he's left hanging from the edge by one hand. His wooden stave has fallen to the ground. Izzy walks over slowly)

Izzy: It's time to end this, Cheffy Boy!

Noah: Izzy! You already have invincibility!

Izzy: Invincibility, my foot. This is between Chef, and me.

(Just as she's about to strike, the stakes beneath her give way and she falls, landing on the ground)

Chef: Hah! Nobody beats Chef on his own show!

Chris: Hey, this isn't your show, it's mine. And now, with no campfire ceremony or anything, Chef gets to pick who's going home!

Chef: [grinning evilly] The person who I choose is…

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…all of ya!

Chris: What? Chef! You can't send all of them home!

Chef: Why not?

Chris: WHY NOT?! That makes no sense! Pick one. And just one.

Chef: Fine. I pick…

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…Izzy! That little prick is goin' down!

Chris: Uh, Chef? She has freaking invincibility! C'mon man. Stop dragging it out. Pick someone already!

Chef: Geez, alright. The person who is leaving this camp now and forever is…

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…Justin.

Chris: What the crap, Chef? Justin isn't even here!

Chef: He's standin' right behind you, fool.

(True to Chef's word, the male model is right behind Chris, and Annette, Izzy, and Courtney are already swooning over him)

Justin: Hi Chris.

Chris: Bye Justin.

(He picks up the model and throws him into the lake)

Courtney, Izzy, and Annette: Aw.

Justin: No! My modeling contracts are in ruins!

(He sinks beneath the water with a gargling noise)

Chris: Alright Chef. Four strikes and you're out.

Chef: I believe that's one too many.

Chris: This isn't hockey! It's Total Drama!

Chef: Baseball. Not hockey.

Chris: Last chance Chef. Pick someone.

Chef: I'm doin' it, I'm doin' it, no need to rush me. I choose…

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…Chris McLean.

Chris: You can't send me home! I'm the host of the show!

Chef: Take turns, you bully. Let me be host for a while!

Chris: You already were a couple episodes ago! And you sucked.

Chef: Now that there is just a biased opinion.

Chris: Okay Chef? You see those six over there? Courtney, Izzy, Noah, Annette, Blake, and Ezekiel. You can only get rid of them. Clear?

Chef: Sure, but that takes all the fun out of it!

(Chris draws a finger across his neck threateningly)

Chef: Alright.

(Courtney runs up to him and whispers something in his ear)

Chef: What? Get rid o' the bookworm? Not a bad idea, if I do say so myself. I just might do it. But I'll tell you who I'm not getting' rid of. I'm not getting' rid of Courtney, 'cause she'd sue my pants off if I did.

Courtney: Darn right I would.

Chef: And then I'm gonna keep Multitool and Scotland safe. More psychos to rival the evil Izzy.

Chris: I assume he means Mike and Blake. What about the others?

Chef: Hmm. What about…

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…Gollumy teen.

Chris: Noah and Annette. Looks like one of you is going home. Please pick Annette, please pick Annette, please pick….

Chef: The person goin' home today is…

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…nobody!

Chris: What?

Chef: If I can't get rid o' Izzy, I ain't getting' rid o' anyone.

Chris: Hmm. Fine. We have way too many episodes and way too little campers anyway. You hear that guys? Everybody's safe. For today!

(The seven campers cheer)

Blake: Seven really is a lucky number!

(Camera cuts to the Dock of Shame. It's still bright daylight out)

Chris: Another day gone, and nobody eliminated. Again. But it's all good here on Camp Wawanakwa. I leave you with these questions. Will Zeke listen to Courtney or to Mike? Is Noah starting to like Izzy? And who will get eliminated next time? That's right, no sissy non-eliminations in Episode Sixteen. See ya real soon, ***[3] **on TOTAL, DRAMA , THE ISLAND REBORN!

(Credits play)

**Eliminated: Zoey, Mr. Coconut, Owen, Heather, Lightning, Dawn, Staci**

**Campers: Annette, Blake, Courtney, Ezekiel, Izzy, Mike, Noah**

***[1] If you get this reference, I applaud you. If not, it's Dr. Seuss.**

***[2] Inside Joke. Haha. Some people will get it.**

***[3] Just a quote from the king of cartoons.**

**Thanks for reading! Please take some time to review. Who do you guys think Zeke will listen to? Expect an update soon.**

**~TheImpossiblyAwesomeWriter**

**Next Time: The Sasquatchwanakwa is on the loose, and the contestants are desperate to either avoid him or escape him. But does Chris have anything to do with it?**


	16. Sasquatchwasucka

**Episode 16: Sasquatchwasucka**

**Welcome back to Total Drama The Island Reborn! This story has reached 3,000 views since I've last updated, three-fifths of the way to my 5K views goal. Thank to everyone who's reading this for helping me get this far! I'm also unbelievably close to reaching 100,000 words!**

(Camera shows Chris standing on the Dock of Shame)

Chris: Last time, on Total Drama The Island Reborn, we had a couple surprises in store for our campers. First off, it was time for the long overdue merge! Then, we had Mike and Courtney return to the game to make things just that much more interesting. Courtney tried to form an alliance with the other girls and failed. She then preyed on Zeke's Noah-hater attitude to enlist him as a helper in voting the bookworm off. Mike then told Zeke how Dawn didn't want 'avengeance', and the prairie boy was totally confused. Meanwhile, Noah and Izzy formed an alliance, and Chef participated in the challenge, eventually taking down Izzy for the win. The psycho girl still got invincibility from second place, and Chef had to choose one of the other campers to vote off. After trying and failing one million times to pick someone, he decided on nobody. Yeah. Weak. So, who will Zeke vote for in the upcoming marshmallow ceremony? Is Noah starting to fall in love with Izzy? And who will be eliminated next? Find out the answers to all these questions, I hope, on TOTAL, DRAMA, THE ISLAND REBORN!

(Theme song plays. It shows the camera sweeping past the dock, where Chris waves at it. Chef smiles at it, then gulps as it comes nearer to him, and smacks him in the face. After he disappears the camera zooms up the cliff, where it shows a squirrel punching Zeke in the face. As the camera "falls" off the cliff so does Zeke. Hitting the water, bubbles cover the screen. When they clear, Izzy is swimming away from a shark, only to turn around and bite the shark back. Above the water, Noah is sitting in a boat, reading his trademark book, when Zeke lands on him. Right after the moment of impact, the camera zooms to the forest, where Mike is petting a raccoon. The raccoon bites his finger, causing him to wince in pain, inhale deeply, then scream at the raccoon. The camera zooms to the waterfall, where Annette is singing on top of a log that goes over the waterfall. At the bottom, Dawn is sitting cross-legged on a beam of wood going across a small lake, looking very peaceful. Suddenly, Annette flies past her and her mouth falls open. The camera moves to the outhouse confessional, where a bear is knocking on the door. Blake sticks his head out, screams, and then ducks back in. Chef's kitchen is then seen, with a small television in the background upon which Courtney and Cody can be seen. Lightning is dumping protein powder into his mouth, and then fist-pumps, while Heather is tied to a chair, being force-fed Chef Hatchet's special soup by Chef himself. The camera moves outside to the campfire pit, where Owen is holding Mr. Coconut and rocking back and forth giggling. Staci is seen on the dock, blabbing on while reading from a gigantic stack of papers. The camera shifts a little, showing Chris on the other side of the dock, covering his ears and yelling. He runs around and falls into the water. When he surfaces, in classic cartoon style, his head steams over in anger, causing a fire. The camera follows the fire embers up, and then back down, revealing the campfire. Zoey is sitting in front of it, looking nervous, before her eyebrows scrunch up and she gives an evil grin, only to look around when she sees Zeke and Mike sitting on either side of her. The camera pans out to show all 13 contestants sitting on stools around the campfire, as Chris stands nearby and grins at the camera. A wooden sign is seen, where neon letters light up, saying TOTAL DRAMA THE ISLAND REBORN)

(Ezekiel is running through a land made of clouds and chocolate milk. He sees a ghostly silhouette of Dawn in front of him, but can't catch up to her. Suddenly he crashes into Noah)

Noah: Hello Zeke. Revenge much lately?

(Ezekiel leaps at Noah, only for him to disappear and be replaced by a disapproving Mike)

Mike: Remember what I said, Zeke.

(Courtney shoves Mike aside and the MPD teen disappears into the mist)

Courtney: Remember what I said more!

(The C.I.T. falls through a gap in the clouds and Dawn appears in her place)

Dawn: Remember what I said most.

(Zeke wakes up to find it was all a dream. Suddenly, he hears voices again)

Mike: [talking in his sleep] Kids these days and their gosh darn reality shows. Back in my day, nobody watched TV! Heck, back in my day, TV wasn't even invented yet.

_Static_

Ezekiel: That sounds like it could be another one of Mike's personalities, eh. But I thought all o' them except Bob disappeared! Yo, I gotta check this out. I'll wake Mike up and ask him aboot it.

_Static_

_End of Confessionals_

(Ezekiel gets out of bed and walks over to Mike, who's sleeping on a top bunk. The homeschooler shakes Mike's shoulder, and the skinny teen falls out onto the floor, hitting the wood face first)

Mike: Ow….

(He inhales sharply)

Mike/Bob: SNAILS RUN FASTER THAN ME!

(He starts crawling menacingly towards Zeke)

Ezekiel: Uh, nice doggy?

Mike/Bob: NEW HAMPSHIRE!

(He lunges at Zeke and tackles the prairie boy. They both roll into the wall. Bob gets up first and tosses Zeke out the window as easily as if he was lifting a feather)

Mike/Bob: LAND AHOY!

(Outside, Zeke stands up and rubs his aching head, which hit the ground. Suddenly, a big, purple, and hairy hand clamps over his mouth. The other hand grabs his legs, and he is carried off into the woods)

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

(A few minutes later, Chris walks up to the megaphone pole He opens a panel, and flicks a switch. Suddenly, both cabins tilt upwards at a forty-five degree angle and all the campers spill out. Mike, who is now back to normal, Noah, Blake, Annette, Courtney, and Izzy fall out)

Chris: Good morning campers! Are you ready to start the day?

Noah: Not really.

Chris: That's the spirit! Now, today's challenge is gonna be very mysterious in that I'm not gonna tell you what it is!

Courtney: What? That's ridiculous!

Chris: So is tea, but people drink it anyway. So, the only rule is that you have to stay in the forest until I tell you it's over.

Mike: Hey, where's Ezekiel?

Chris: Oh, you'll see soon enough.

(He snickers evilly)

Chris: Alright, let's go! No time to waste here.

(Courtney dashes off in to the woods, determined to get ahead, even though she has no idea what to do. Noah shrugs and starts walking, followed by all the others)

_Static_

Noah: Maybe Ezekiel will be part of the challenge, like back in World Tour. But somehow I doubt it.

_Static_

Blake: Why do we always have to do everything in the woods? I mean, there are bears, moose, psycho squirrels, the occasional vampire, and probably other things a lot worse.

_Static_

Mike: It's a surreal feeling being on the show without Zoey. I feel more like an observer than a competitor now. Especially with my extra personality giving me trouble. No, not Bob. Somebody else.

_Static_

Courtney: Okay, I may not know what's going on here, but I do know one thing. The invincibility is mine. No matter what dumb twist Chris might throw at us, I am winning this.

_Static_

_End of Confessionals_

(Noah and Izzy are walking side by side through the forest)

Noah: So, any idea what we're supposed to be doing?

Izzy: Maybe we have to wrestle crocodiles again!

Noah: I'd rather not.

Izzy: Maybe we have to wrestle Ezekiel!

Noah: Again, no. I get the feeling something bad's happened to Zeke. And we better make sure it doesn't happen to us either.

Izzy: Whatever you say. Do you think I'll win if I walk on my hands the whole time?

Noah: What the heck? Go for it.

(Scene switches to Annette and Mike, who are chatting as they stroll through the woods)

Mike: So what are you gonna do with the million if you win?

Annette: Buy some recording stuff and get a record deal. I don't mean to brag, but I have a pitch perfect singing voice. Listen.

(Mike sticks his fingers in his ears)

Annette: _We're doing a challenge! That isn't very challenging!_

(Mike takes his fingers out of his ears)

Mike: That was a close one. Anyway, I'll probably buy a new car, and maybe a vacation house. I've always wanted to live in Florida, or somewhere were it's not so Canadian cold.

Annette: Wouldn't you miss the big ol' Maple Leaf if you lived down there?

Mike: I guess. It's probably just that I want to get as far away from Chris and this show as possible.

Annette: I'd suggest Antarctica, but it'd be kinda hard to build a summer home down there.

Mike: Yeah. Chris really ticks me off. He's made the last year of my life pretty hectic, especially between me and Zoey. That guy just won't get off my back!

Annette: I know. He's annoying!

Mike: Chris isn't just annoying, he's _overly_ annoying. In fact- - -

(He inhales sharply)

Mike/Chester: Darn reality TV hosts these days, all they care about is drama! Back two hundred years ago when I was a little boy, they knew how to do it right! Slapstick violence! That's the perfect recipe for a reality show. And, by golly, if I run into that host again, I'll show him slapstick violence!

Annette: Mike! Are you okay?

Mike/Chester: Mike? You mean that wimpy little boy. Why, he's nothin' but- - -

(Chester crashes into something big and purple)

Mike/Chester: Oh.

(The purple creature picks him up and slings him over his shoulder, walking off slowly. Annette hides in the bushes and then runs away)

_Static_

Annette: I have no idea what I just saw, but that was terrifying! Poor Mike. First he turns into an old person, and then he gets abducted by a monster! Thankfully I've got my alliance with Chris. He has to protect me, _and _help me win.

_Static_

Chris: Yeah right. I'm through with this illegal alliance. Screw the contracts! From now on, I'm making it _harder _for Annette. Starting with sending the 'purple monster' right on her trail.

_Static_

_End of Confessionals _

(Annette is trying to be stealthy as she creeps through the woods, breathing hard. She doesn't notice that something is breathing even harder behind her until it grabs her and carries her off, screaming)

_Static_

Chris: That was priceless! I am so freakin' glad I have that on camera. Now I can watch it on loop over and over again!

_Static_

_End of Confessionals_

(Izzy is still walking on her hands next to Noah. The sarcastic genius is smirking slightly)

Izzy: Look, watch me do a flip.

(She contorts backwards and knocks Noah over)

Noah: [sarcastically] Thanks. I needed that.

Izzy: No problem. Hey!

(She spots the purple creature coming at them)

Izzy: Sasquatchwanakwa. So we meet again.

(With a yell, she does a flying front kick and knocks over the purple Yeti, who quickly sits up and rolls to his feet. Izzy beckons at him to come closer. He's only too happy to oblige and charges forward. Izzy jumps out of the way, but he shoots out his hand and catches her, pinning her arms to her side. He tries to cover her mouth with his other hand, but she bites it and he cries out in pain, letting her go. The crazy redhead dashes away, but Sasquatchwanakwa is too quick for her as he scoops her up and dashes off. Noah stands there the entire time, looking a little shocked)

_Static_

Noah: I think I just figured out what the challenge is.

_Static_

_End of Confessionals_

(The Sasquatchwanakwa brings Izzy to the main cave on the island. Inside, he quickly ties her up with an old piece of rope, and throws her next to Ezekiel, Chester, and Annette, who are also tied up)

Izzy: So guys, how's it goin'?

Mike/Chester: How's it goin'? HOW'S IT GOIN'?! It's goin just fine, thank you very much. Kids these days and their stupid expressions.

Annette: Geez Mike, take a chill pill.

Mike/Chester: I'd rather have you all take a kill pill and stop annoying me!

Ezekiel: Maybe he needs two chill pills, eh.

Mike/Chester: I need pie. I really love pie. All these stupid teenagers never eat pie anymore!

Izzy: I love pi! 3.14159265358979323846264338…

Mike/Chester: Aw, can it already! I've had enough of all of ya.

Annette: The feeling is mutual.

Izzy: Agreed!

(Courtney is sneaking through the woods, trying to think of something to do. Eventually, she sits down on a tree stump)

Courtney: This makes no sense! What's the point of competing in a challenge when you _don't even know what the challenge is_?! Chris is insane. At least nobody else has any idea what they're doing either. You know, I'm actually looking forward to the campfire ceremony tonight. I can't wait to see Noah's smug smirk disappear from his face when he finds out he's been eliminated!

(She chuckles silently)

Courtney: Wait, why am I talking to myself?

_Static_

Courtney: Don't judge me.

_Static_

Blake: I'd been walking through the woods for hours before I ran into the confessional. What a relief! Everything was so boring. I hadn't seen anybody since I left camp. Well, on the bright side, I haven't met anything dangerous either.

_Static_

_End of Confessionals_

(Blake exits the confessionals only to come face to face with Sasquatchwanakwa)

Blake: Okay, so there is no bright side anymore.

(The Bigfoot knock-off grabs him and brings him to the cave, where he is tied up and left with the others)

Blake: So, I take it we all lost.

Mike/Chester: Yes, but especially you youngsters, because you suck! A lot!

Blake: What's up with Mike?

Izzy: He's in a mood.

Mike/Chester: Says you! This is what I'm normally like, you little [bleeped out]!

Annette: Geez, I didn't know old men had those kind of words in their vocabulary.

Mike: Old? You callin' me old? I oughta shove y'all outta here just for that! You young people shouldn't get the privilege of a nice cave to live in. Save it for people like me, who need a place to rest their achin' old back.

Ezekiel: Thought you said you weren't old, eh.

Mike: I'm not old, my back is, you idiot!

Ezekiel: Sheesh.

(Scene switches to Courtney, who is running through the forest with the Sasquatchwanakwa pursuing her. Suddenly, she crashes into Noah, who is just standing there)

Courtney: Watch where you're going!

Noah: I wasn't going anywhere.

Courtney: Then watch where you're standing! I don't care! All I know is that a big hairy Yeti is chasing after me and if I wait much longer, he's gonna catch- - -

(Suddenly, both Courtney and Noah are lifted up by the purple beast, who roars. Before anyone can move, Chris and Chef appear out of nowhere)

Chris: Well done, Sasquatchwanakwa! You can go now.

(The Bigfoot shrugs, drops the two teenagers and leaves)

Chris: I bet you figured out the challenge now.

Noah: What? Avoiding Sir Sasquatch?

Chef: Ace in the hole, my friend.

Courtney: Well, who won then? We both got captured at exactly the same time!

Chris: You both won! But neither of you gets immunity.

Noah: Excuse me?

Chris: Did I ever say the winner would be the one to win immunity?

Courtney: I hope you did.

Chris: Nope! That's today's twist. The first one kidnapped gets the immunity from tonight's vote. So, in this case, Zeke is safe! Now, Chef'll go fetch back our kidnapped campers and we can start the marshmallow ceremony as soon as the sun goes down.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

(The scene is the campfire, where the seven contestants are seated in front of Chris)

Chris: Now, before we start this most dramatic elimination ceremony ever, I just want to say. Wasn't today's challenge so freaking awesome?!

Mike/Chester: Dagnabit, how'd you stupidheads even get the Yeti to help out?

Chris: Simple. We promised him ten bucks.

Noah: Hah. You? Paying money to make the show better? Like that'd ever happen.

Chris: You're right, we stiffed him! Ha, what a sucker.

(An angry bellow comes from somewhere far away)

Chris: Uh, maybe Chef should hand the money over after all.

(Suddenly, Chester inhales sharply)

Mike: Ow! Oh, I'm back again. Man, it's been forever since Chester showed his face around here. Oh geez guys, I'm super sorry if he annoyed you. He does that sometimes.

Chris: It may be a little late for apologies.

Mike: What does that mean?

Chris: You'll see. But first, I need to give a marshmallow to our immunity winner of the day, Ezekiel!

Ezekiel: Heck yeah, eh!

Chris: Next, we have two people who got no votes. Izzy and Annette!

(Chris tosses them their marshmallows. Annette looks like she wants to sing, but the host shushes her)

Chris: Up next is Blake!

(Courtney smirks and sticks her tongue out at Noah. The bookworm shrugs and makes the 'shame' gesture at her)

Chris: Today's next-to-last marshmallow belongs to none other than…

…

…

…

…

…

…Noah!

(Courtney gasps)

Courtney: That's not possible!

Chris: Or is it? Now sit back down, it's you and Mike in the bottom two. Both of you guys got more votes than anyone else.

(Both of those in danger of being eliminated open their eyes wide in fear)

Chris: The final marshmallow goes to…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…Courtney!

Courtney: Yes!

(She immediately gives Zeke a dirty look)

Ezekiel: What, eh?

Mike: Darn. Well, I got a second chance and I still wasn't good enough to make it. I guess it's me that deserves to go.

Izzy: Aw Mike, don't say that! It was Chester that lost, not you. You're still awesome!

(Mike smiles)

Mike: Thanks.

(He falls down the Chute of Shame)

Noah: [sarcastically] A happy ending. How touching.

_Static_

Courtney: So, if Mike got more votes than me and I got more votes than Noah, then the stupid egghead could've only gotten one vote. And since that vote was mine, that means….Ezekiel's a traitor.

_Static_

_End of Confessionals_

(Ezekiel is walking back to the cabin when Courtney taps him on the shoulder. He turns around nervously)

Ezekiel: Oh, it's you! Great job with our alliance today, eh? Too bad we didn't get Noah eliminated. Heh heh,

Courtney: I know what you did, Ezekiel. And believe me when I say, there'll be hell to pay.

Ezekiel: That rhymed, eh.

(The C.I.T. fades back into the shadows and he gulps. The scene switches to Chris at the Dock of Shame)

Chris: Talk about a dramatic conclusion! What will Courtney do to Zeke? What will Zeke do to save his butt? And who will follow Mike down the Chute of Shame? Find out next time, on TOTAL, DRAMA, THE ISALND REBORN!

(Credits play)

**Voting Confessionals**

_Static_

Annette: Okay, I'm sorry to do this to Mike, 'cause he's pretty nice, but lately he's been a total jerk. I don't know who this Chester is, but I'm voting him off.

_Static_

Blake: Mike creeps me out. Sometimes he's normal, but then he'll be a psycho one moment and an old man the next.

_Static_

Courtney: With Zeke on my side, Noah is going down!

_Static_

Ezekiel: Okay, I just can't vote for Noah, eh. I know what he did to Dawn, but she forgave him and I should too. I just hope Courtney doesn't find out that I'm voting for Mike, eh. That old man thing he did today was just not cool.

_Static_

Izzy: Izzy would like to vote for Mike, or Chester, or Bob, or whoever after what happened today, but Noah said we have to vote for Courtney and Noah's the boss.

_Static_

Mike/Chester: That little Blake person nerves me! He has no respect for his elders. I'm voting him off if it's the last thing I do.

_Static_

Noah: Courtney. Do I need to say more?

_Static_

_End of Confessionals_

**Mike: 3**

**Courtney: 2**

**Noah: 1**

**Blake: 1**

**Annette: 0**

**Izzy: 0**

**Ezekiel: Immunity Winner**

**Eliminated: Zoey, Mr. Coconut, Owen, Heather, Lightning, Dawn, Staci, Mike**

**Contestants: Annette, Blake, Courtney, Ezekiel, Izzy, Noah**

**Thanks for reading! Sorry to all Mike fans, but his plotline's finished. The others still have plenty more drama before they're finished though! Any reviews would be appreciated. It's getting semi-close to the end. Who do you think will win? Expect an update as quick as I can get it out. **

**~TheImpossiblyAwesineWriter**

**Next Time: The final six are forced to perform a concert on the island….live. Needless to say, things get dramatic when Izzy plans sabotage, Annette destroys everybody's eardrums, and Courtney is out to demolish Ezekiel.**


	17. Creature-Catcher

**Episode 17: Creature-Catcher**

**Hey viewers, sorry I haven't updated in forever. With any luck that won't happen again. Life has that annoying way of getting in the way, don't ya know? :) Anyway, I changed the challenge for this episode from what it said was up next last chapter to something better, and confessionals will no longer be in annoying italics. Just two small things to make the story better. **

(Camera shows Chris standing on the Dock of Shame)

Chris: Last time, on Total Drama The Island Reborn, our old pal Sasquatchwanakwa kindly volunteered to help out with the challenge. The purple Yeti kidnapped our players one by one and brought them to his cave, where Mike turned into Chester and annoyed the crap out of everybody. Eventually Courtney and Noah tied for the win, but somehow immunity was instead given to Ezekiel, the loser of the bunch. In a dramatic elimination ceremony, Noah and Izzy teamed up against Courtney, Zeke betrayed the aforementioned Type A, and Mike was voted off. Also, Chef stiffed the Sasquatch and it's kinda ticked. What will the Bigfoot lookalike do for revenge? What will the next insane challenge be? And can Courtney and Noah possibly make any more enemies? Find out on the craziest episode yet of TOTAL, DRAMA, THE ISLAND REBORN!

(Theme song plays. It shows the camera sweeping past the dock, where Chris waves at it. Chef smiles at it, then gulps as it comes nearer to him, and smacks him in the face. After he disappears the camera zooms up the cliff, where it shows a squirrel ounching Zeke in the face. As the camera "falls" off the cliff so does Zeke. Hitting the water, bubbles cover the screen. When they clear, Izzy is swimming away from a shark, only to turn around and bite the shark back. Above the water, Noah is sitting in a boat, reading his trademark book, when Zeke lands on him. Right after the moment of impact, the camera zooms to the forest, where Mike is petting a raccoon. The raccoon bites his finger, causing him to wince in pain, inhale deeply, and then scream at the raccoon. The camera zooms to the waterfall, where Annette is singing on top of a log that goes over the waterfall. At the bottom, Dawn is sitting cross-legged on a beam of wood going across a small lake, looking very peaceful. Suddenly, Annette flies past her and her mouth falls open. The camera moves to the outhouse confessional, where a bear is knocking on the door. Blake sticks his head out, screams, and then ducks back in. Chef's kitchen is then seen, with a small television in the background upon which Courtney and Cody can be seen. Lightning is dumping protein powder into his mouth, and then fist-pumps, while Heather is tied to a. chair, being force-fed Chef Hatchet's special soup by Chef himself. The camera moves outside to the campfire pit, where Owen is holding Mr. Coconut and rocking back and forth giggling. Staci is seen on the dock, blabbing on while reading from a gigantic stack of papers. The camera shifts a little, showing Chris on the other side of the dock,covering his ears and yelling. He runs around and falls into the water. When he surfaces, in classic cartoon style, his head steams over in anger, causing a fire. The camera follows the fire embers up, and then back down, revealing the campfire. Zoey is sitting in front of it, looking nervous, before her eyebrows scrunch up and she gives an evil grin, only to look around when she sees Zeke and Mike sitting on either side of her. The camera pans out to show all 13 contestants sitting on stools around the campfire, as Chris stands nearby and grins at the camera. A wooden sign is seen, where neon letters light up, saying TOTAL DRAMA THE ISLAND REBORN)

(Scene is the brand new dining hall. Ever since Commando Zoey blew up the original several weeks earlier, the remaining campers had eaten in the boathouse. Now, finally, a new dining hall had been built. It wasn't much different than the old one, it just looked a tad newer. All six campers were seated at one table with their untouched breakfasts in front of them)

Izzy: Okay, I have a riddle for you guys. How much ground could a ground hog hog if a ground hog could hog ground?

Ezekiel: A lot?

Izzy: I don't know! Want to find out?

(She pulls a ground hog out of her pocket. It takes one whiff of their breakfast, coughs, and falls over dead)

Noah: Overreact much?

Courtney: Like that's overreacting. Only people with as much willpower as me could stay alive after being near Chef's toxic meals. In fact, I'm surprised any of you are still around!

(A kitchen knife impales itself in the wooden wall next to them)

Chef: I hear you callin' my food toxic one more time, and I'll start usin' the radioactive ingredients left over from last season. Then we'll see what's toxic!

(The supposedly dead woodchuck opens one eye cautiously, watches Chef turn his back, wiggles its tongue at him, and walks away. Suddenly, bamboo poles seem to grow out of the floor and bend over, encaging the campers)

Noah: I swear, Chris takes pleasure out of this. The sicko.

Courtney: Let me out! I'm nedroclaustrophobic!

Noah: And what would that be?

Courtney: Fear of being stuck in small spaces with nerds!

Blake: I hope I'm not included in that phobia.

(Somebody walks into the dining hall, dropping a smoke bomb. The mysterious someone creeps toward the campers)

?: Guess who?

Ezekiel: Who!

?: Excuse me?

Ezekiel: You said guess who, eh. That's what I did.

Noah: Chris, we know its you. You can show yourself.

(The smoke clears, revealing the grinning host)

Chris: That was just a little warm-up for today's challenge!

Courtney: How exactly did you get bamboo to grow up out of the floor?

Chris: Hah, that was easy. Some old guy wanted our cow, so we sold it for some 'magic' beans. Knowing how screwed up this show normally is anyway, I'd figured I'd give it a try.

Annette: _Beans, beans, they're good for you heart! The more you eat- - -_

Noah: The more you copy Owen's lines.

Annette: [sarcastically] Well I'm sorry for making a cover of Owen's great hit single. Sheesh.

Chris: Hello? I'm running a show here! Today's challenge involves you people being, shall we say, hunters.

Courtney: Ahem. Get on with it.

Chris: Fine. Scattered throughout the island are five interns and ten former contestants. You must find and trap them. Use real traps, tranquilizer darts, tackle them, whatever. I don't care. Just capture them. Interns are one point, campers are five. There are also five creatures on the island for you to catch. The bear, Fang the mutant shark, Zeke's arch enemy the psycho squirrel, and the Sasquatchwanakwa, who's still T'ed at us for ripping him off last episode. Plus one mysterious animal who was previously thought dead. Any of these five are worth ten points. And then there's our old pal Chef.

Izzy: Izzy is liking the sound of this.

Chris: Catching Mr. Hatchet gives you 25 points. Here's the fun part; unlike everyone else, Chef doesn't know this challenge is going on. I can't wait for the look on his face when you all attack him!

Courtney: This is Planet Earth to Chris. Insane asylums were designed for you.

Chris: Actually, they were. Why else would they have been invented?

Noah: Um, asylums were invented several hundred years ago.

Chris: Darn, I need to stop giving away hints about my age. This is almost as mortifying as the time I slipped up and mentioned that I was Yoda's baby-sitter!

(The six campers stare at him)

Chris: What?! It's not like you don't have your secrets. You're the most dramatic people on television, for cryin' out loud! Just get out of here and capture some weirdos, will ya?

Static

Noah: Is this considered a sport? 'Cause if so, don't except me to do well.

Static

Chris: For those of you who think I'm old, you should take a look at your mom! That's right, I said it.

Static

End of Confessionals

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

(Chef is chopping mystery meat with a steely knife in the kitchen. Unbeknownst to him, Izzy has run up to the building and pulled herself onto the roof. She crawls slowly and surely along the gutter, eventually dropping onto a windowsill. She peers in at Chef and starts silently sliding the window open)

Annette: Hi Izzy!

(Izzy turns around to shush her, letting go of the window, which slams shut. Chef looks over his shoulder and sees them. As they run away, he charges. Somehow forgetting the window is there, the cook crashes into it)

Annette: Going after Chef, weren't you?

Izzy: Yes! And you ruined it!

Annette: Hey, I can't just stand and watch you get twenty-five points.

Izzy: Izzy's going to beat you, just watch.

(Suddenly, they spy three interns up ahead. One guy and a girl, and then Frederic. The two campers glance at each other and run at them. Before the three can react, Izzy has the two guys in a headlock and Annette has tackled the third)

Frederic: Yo, not, like, cool, homies.

(Scene switches to Courtney. She is creeping through the forest when she hears voices up ahead. Mike, Brick, and Trent are sitting on a log, chatting. Or more accurately, Mike and Brick are talking while Trent randomly comments about the number nine every now and then. Courtney hides in the high grass and takes note of a strange-looking pattern of leaves and sticks not too far away. It's obviously a trap. Courtney smiles, stands up, and walks over to the guys)

Courtney: Nice weather today, isn't it?

Brick: Way to be polite, ma'am. I commend you. However, I must warn you I am prepared to resist capture.

Trent: Yeah, what he said. But nine times.

Mike: Give it a rest, Courtney. It's three against one.

Courtney: I like my odds.

(She runs off in the direction of the pit trap, stepping near to the edge)

Mike: What's she up to?

Brick: If I had to guess, I'd say nothing good. I'm going after her.

(He stands up and walks quickly in the direction she took, followed by Mike and then Trent. After a minute the cadet stops to look around, but feels the ground give away underneath him. He and Mike fall into a hole filled with oil. Trent narrowly avoids the same fate, backpedalling as fast as he can to get away from the edge. The guitarist face palms himself nine times, and runs away)

Static

Courtney: I'm surprised that worked.

Static

Mike: Yeah, we were a bit dumb to fall for that.

Static

Brick: A soldier never admits defeat! It just looked like I fell in that pit.

Static

Trent: I was lucky to escape. I was lucky to escape. I was lucky to escape. I was lucky to escape. I was lucky to escape. I was lucky to escape. I was lucky to escape. I was lucky to escape. I was lucky to escape. There! Said it nine times. Phew.

Static

End of Confessionals

(Camera moves to Noah. He's already caught an intern and is checking by the campfire pit for any more potential victims. Lightning and Jo run by, the former knocking over the bookworm)

Noah: Do you mind?

Lightning: Yeah! I mean, not really. No, err, sha-bam!

Jo: Hey! Struck-by-Lightning, shut up and keep up! We're in a race here.

Noah: So I see. Who's winning?

Lightning: Sha-Lightning is!

Jo: Don't kid yourself, Sir Mushy Brain, it's pretty clear I'm in the lead.

Lightning: Oh yeah?

(He steps in front of her. The jockette growls and tackles him, and they wrestle around on the ground for a while until they're both exhausted. Noah walks over and drapes it over them)

Noah: And the score is Noah: One. Athletic Idiots: Zero.

(Someone is again observing Chef Hatchet through the window. And someone else is observing that sometime. But this time the two aren't Izzy and Annette. The first one is the Sasquatchwanakwa, who is readying himself to march in and eat Chef. The cook probably tastes disgusting, but the yeti has a score to settle. The second someone would rather not have that happen, however. Ezekiel hides in the bushes, hoping to capture the beast. Neither of them move for a while, until Trent runs by with Courtney chasing after him)

Sasquatchwanakwa: Uh?

(The creature stands up and grabs Trent in one hand and Courtney in the other, shaking them around)

Courtney: Zeke! A little help here!

Ezekiel: I'll save you!

(He dashes at the Bigfoot and jumps on its neck. The Sasquatch, unable to support the three's combined weight, flings them off and falls over, knocking itself out on a rock)

Ezekiel: Woohoo!

Courtney: What just happened?

Trent: Whatever it was, it needs to happen eight more times. To make nine! NINE!

Courtney: How about this? I'll capture you. Once.

(She quickly binds his hands with a rubber band)

Trent: Eight more rubber bands, please.

Courtney: Geez. You get annoying real fast.

Trent: That's what they all say! Or at least nine of them.

Static

Ezekiel: That was epic, eh.

Static

Trent: They really do say it. They really do say it. They really do say it. They really do say it. They really do say it. They really do say it. They really do say it. They really do say it. They really do say it.

Static

End of Confessionals

(The scene switches to Blake, who so far has had no luck finding anyone. Suddenly, he spots Dawn petting a deer and sneaks towards her. Almost immediately, she turns towards him)

Dawn: Oh, there's no need to catch me. I'll come quietly.

(She walks over to him)

Dawn: Your aura's looking much better since the last time we saw each other. Your confidence must have improved.

Blake: I guess.

Dawn: If you need any help, I might be able to find where some of the others are hiding. Also, I'd like to say hello to Ezekiel while I'm here.

Blake: Sure.

(Speaking of Ezekiel, the prairie boy wandered deep into the forest after his encounter with the Sasquatchwanakwa. After a while he hid in the bushes, lying in wait to ambush anyone. It takes him a while to realize someone is hiding right next to him. It's Heather)

Heather: [glaring] Great. Looks like I have a homeschooler on my trail.

Ezekiel: Any chance you'll peacefully let me catch you, eh?

Heather: Don't be ridiculous.

(She shoves the prairie over and sprints away. Ezekiel gets up and pulls a coil of rope from a nearby tree. It was apparently part of a trap, as a tarp collapses somewhere close by. But that doesn't matter, as all Zeke wants is the rope. He gives chase, but Heather's longer legs are much faster than his. He stops to catch his breath, panting. Then he knots the rope into a bowline, forming a lasso. Then he runs after Heather again. The Canadian throws the rope perfectly. It loops over Heather's head and he pulls it tight)

Ezekiel: I may be Canadian, but believe me when I say there was never no finer cowpoke than Zeke the Brave.

Heather: Zeke the Brave? You have a phobia of squirrels!

Ezekiel: I'm just gonna tune you out, eh.

(The homeschooler sets about tying her up with the rope. When he's finished, his wrists are tied together, with her ankles the same)

Heather: Ahem! All you had to do was capture me, you idiot.

Ezekiel: Oh. Well, that still doesn't give ya a right to be mean, eh.

Heather: I'll be mean to whoever I want.

Ezekiel: Who's that?

Heather: You! Now untie me!

Ezekiel: Two can play at this game, eh. Maybe later.

(He gets up to walk away)

Heather: Zeke! Get back here!

(Dawn and Blake walk out of the woods)

Dawn: I'm certain there's a very red aura around here- - -Oh. Looks like someone got to Heather first.

Ezekiel: That'd be me, eh.

Dawn: Ezekiel! It's good to see you again!

Ezekiel: Same.

Dawn: I trust you haven't been as anti-Noah lately.

Ezekiel: A'yup. Mike was right. Er, you were right. Um, are we together now, eh?

Dawn: I believe so. I mean, I honestly didn't like you at first, but you've grown on me a lot- - -Watch out! I sense another evil aura coming right this way!

(The psychotic squirrel bolts out of the woods, headed straight for Zeke's face. The prairie boy ducks and it flies past him, thudding against the ground, only to turn around around and bare its tiny teeth)

Ezekiel: Uh, you can have Heather, eh.

Heather: Wait a second, since when am I always the one sacrificed?!

Blake: Less complaining, more getting attacked by squirrel.

(The three of them shove her towards the tiny monster, who starts biting her all over)

Blake: Hang on, that squirrel's worth ten points!

(He dashes forward and grabs it, cradling it in his arms. The thing sinks its teeth in his arm)

Blake: Ow! I'm not allowed to get rabies!

(He runs away screaming, but still managing to hold onto the squirrel)

Static

Heather: Okay, now I have squirrelophobia too.

Static

Blake: I can't feel my face. That's probably not a good sign.

End of Confessionals

Dawn: Zeke, someone's over there!

(She points at a rustling clump of bushes, from which a goth teenager emerges)

Ezekiel: Gwen!

Gwen: It's alright, I surrender. Believe me, the last thing I need today is to be tackled and shoved into a garbage bag, or whatever crazy stunts people pull in Season 5. Just consider me five points towards your victory.

(Scene switches to Noah, who is currently watching two large and round creatures pig out on wild blueberries. One is the bear. The other is Owen. The bookworm walks up to the fat boy and taps him on the shoulder)

Noah: Hey, Owen. Care to team up and take down the bear?

(The blonde teen shoves two fistfuls of blueberries into his mouth and swallows)

Owen: Anytime.

(He runs at the bear. The animal spots the several thousand pound teenager coming at him and whimpers. Then they collide and the bear is knocked flat on its back)

Noah: That was easy.

Owen: Hey! Don't remind me of staples when I'm hungry!

Noah: Owen, how much of what goes into your gigantic gullet is actually edible?

Owen: I dunno, maybe fifty fifty?

(Camera moves to Courtney, who is chasing an intern through the woods when the unlucky intern is promptly swallowed by Fang the Shark)

Courtney: Well, that was unexpected.

(She jumps in Fang's mouth after the intern, eventually pulling the terrified man out. She then kicks Fang in the nose and ties him up with rubber bands)

Intern: [in awe] Are you Wonderwoman?

Courtney: They offered me the role, but I didn't want the world to see me in that skimpy of an outfit.

Intern: Darn shame.

Courtney: Excuse me?

Intern: Nothing.

Static

Courtney: If there's one thing worse than an intern, it's a perverted intern.

Static

Intern: What a babe!

Static

(Fang licks his lips)

Static

End of Confessionals

(Chef is still in his kitchen. He's tossed several live frogs into a blender and is currently in the process of making a delicious green smoothie out of them. Annette and Izzy are outside, each on one side of the window. Sticking her tongue out at Izzy, Annette opens the window and crawls in. The crazy girl climbs back onto the roof and jumps into the chimney, determined to get to Chef first. Annette crawls under the table, only to bump into a terrified Dakota, who has been hiding from Chef since the challenge begun)

Dakota: [whispering] Are you here to capture me?

(Annette nods)

Dakota: Good. Let's go. Quickly!

(Before the terrible singer can protest, she is dragged back out through the window. Izzy, meanwhile exits the fireplace and sneaks up behind Chef, who turns around at the last second)

Chef: What the- - -Oh, it's you, you little piece of [bleeped out]. Come to meet your maker so soon?

Izzy: Quick comebacks won't win you any fights, Chef. Now, prepare to die.

Chef: It's on, girly, it's on!

(He dashes at her, only for the lunatic to do a backflip over the table, grabbing three knives while in midair. Landing on her feet, she quickly throws them at the loose ends of Chef's shirt and apron, pinning him to the wall)

Izzy: Caught you.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

(The six contestants are gathered at the beach, near the campfire pit, waiting for Chris to tell them the results)

Chris: Let's just cut to the chase here, shall we? In first place with twenty-seven points, we have...

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...Izzy!

Izzy: Three cheers for me!

Chris: Tied for second with twenty-six points each, we have...

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...Noah and Courtney!

Noah: Pleasure doing business with you.

Courtney: It's been anything but a pleasure.

Chris: Then, in fourth with a still pretty solid twenty points...

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...Ezekiel!

Ezekiel: Eh.

Chris: Looks like Annette and Blake are left. Very well. The person in fifth got fifteen points, while the last-placer earned only six. That last-placer is...

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...Annette.

Annette: Does this mean I'm eliminated?

Chris: Not quite. You see, you, Blake and Ezekiel are all still in danger of being eliminated. It's today's twist. Remember the fifth unknown creature? That none of you caught? Well, here he is. Stupid von Merkel is back!

(Out of the forest trudges the reanimated Tyrannosaurus Rex skeleton. It roars)

Chris: Here's the deal. The three of you must try to escape Staci's great-great-great-grandfather's hungry jaws. The first one eaten is eliminated. Just like that. You may now begin avoiding being eaten.

(Right away, Stupid von Merkel lunges forward and swallows the three of them at exactly the same time. Since he's a skeleton, they all fall out through his rib cage)

Blake: Ugh. What happens now?

Chris: We say good-bye to Annette.

Annette: What?! But we all tied.

Chris: Yeah, about that. I don't like you. And it's my show. So, see ya later.

Annette: What about our illegal alliance?!

Chris: What'cha say? Can't hear you!

Annette: I'll be back!

Chris: No you won't. Stupid von Merkel, if you please.

(The dinosaur picks Annette up in his jaws, stomps over to the campfire pit, and drops her down the Chute of Shame before she even has time to sing)

Noah: Wow. My ears feel better already.

(Scene switches to Chris on the Dock of Shame at night)

Chris: Another thrilling episode gone by! And nine more left to go. Is Courtney still determined to crush Noah and Zeke? Does the Sasquatchwanakwa still long to eat Chef? And who will be the next to fall down the Chute of Shame? Find out next time, on TOTAL, DRAMA, THE ISLAND REBORN!

(Credits play)

**Eliminated: Zoey, Mr. Coconut, Owen, Heather, Lightning, Dawn, Staci, Mike, Annette**

**Contestants: Blake, Courtney, Ezekiel, Izzy, Noah**

**I feel like this was the first good chapter in a while, so I hope you enjoyed it! Please leave a review and check out my poll. I'll have Episode 18 out in maybe two weeks. **

**~TheImpossiblyAwesomeWriter**

**Next Time: The whole crazy relationship between Dawn and Ezekiel is the subject of drama at the latest Aftermath!**


End file.
